What We Do in the Shadows (2015) - Quotes

Deacon: [to '''Viago'''; [wikipedia:Blade_(comics)|Blade] You can't go to the Ball as ]. He's a Vampire Hunter.

Viago: [[wikipedia:Wesley_Snipes|Wesley Snipes] Yeah, but Vampires love ].

Deacon: Let us do the Procession of Shame now.

Viago, Deacon, Vladislav: Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Bad Vampire.

Nick: Twilight!

Deacon: Shut up, Nick! You're not Twilight.

Anton, Werewolf Leader: Hey hey hey. Don't swear. We're werewolves, not Swear-Wolves. What are we?

Werewolves: Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves.

Deacon: The neighbours can see you flying around the house. Do you want to draw attention to this house, hmm?

Nick: You've got a whole documentary group following you around.

Deacon: I'm doing an erotic dance for my friends. You ruined it. I was in the zone. My friends were loving it.

Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.

Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you're going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.

Vladislav: [to '''Nick'''] Are you a virgin?

Jackie: [interrupts''] Yes.

Nick: Umm, no.

Jackie: [to '''Nick'''] You were a virgin when we were seeing each other.

Nick: Yeah, I was 12.

Vladislav: The point is, Deacon, you have not done the dishes for 5 years!

Viago: Vladislav is right, it's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes all over this bench like there.

Vladislav: I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.

Deacon: Why does it matter? You bring them over, you kill them! Vampires don't do dishes!

Nick: [eats a french fry and begins to puke in the alleyway] I can't eat solids now. Great. What, I can't sunbathe? I can't watch daytime TV? I can…well I guess I could. M-More than anything, it’s just the chips. That’s my favourite food and I can't eat chips. It's– I don't– It's just– I hate– I’ll say it. I'm over being a vampire now. It's shit, so don't…don't believe the hype.

Nick: [telling a group of strangers; [Twilight (2008 film)|Twilig; [Twilight (2008 film)|ht] The movie '. Have you seen it? Okay, I'm the main in Twilight'. You know the main guy? Twilight? That's me.

Nick: At the start I was like Oh no, like I'm– I'm dead'. It's kinda affected my friendship with normal people and my family and stuff. But the way I see it I have a whole new family who accept me for who I am, and I accept them for who they are…even though one of them killed me.

Vladislav: Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the Internet! I'm bidding on a table.

Vladislav: ['''Nick''' and '''Deacon''' quarrel, '''Nick''' runs away by turning into a bat, '''Deacon''' chases after him by also turning into a bat] Ooh! Bat Fight!

Vladislav: [about '''Stu'''] At first I wanted to kill him, but now I'm glad I spent time to get to know him.

Vladislav: We're vampires. We don't put down towels.

Deacon: [to '''Nick'''] This is what happens when you're a vampire. You have to watch everyone die. Your mother and father. All your friends. Sometimes brutal, like slipping and falling onto a giant spike. Or falling asleep in an autumn pile of leaves and having some of them block your windpipe. Or making the simple mistake of fashioning a mask out of crackers and being attacked by ducks, geese, swans. Or even dying of old age, but even old age is brutal. Watching your friends grow old. They can't piss, and they say stupid things, and their brains go, and they can't remember anything. And then one day they can't even remember who you are, and you wish they were dead, and then they do die.

Deacon: [reading text message from '''Viago'''; turns around startled to find nothing] One message received. "Ther iz a crucifx behind you".

Deacon: I don't think Nick should have become a vampire. He's such a dick.

Deacon: [gestures to himself] When you become a vampire, you become very…sexy.

Viago: [talking about re-uniting with his now-elderly love, '''Katherine'''] Some people freak out a bit about the age difference. Uhh… they think What's this 96-year-old lady doing with a guy 4 times her age?'.

Viago: [[wikipedia:Whoopi_Goldberg|Whoopi Goldberg; [wikipedia:Sister_Act|Sister Act 1; [wikipedia:Sister_Act_2:_Back_in_the_Habit|Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit] One year I went to the Unholy Masquerade dressed as ] from ] and ]'. Didn't go down so well because she was a nun. Weird. Vampires don't like nuns.

Viago: Yeah, some of our clothes are from victims. You might bite someone, and then you think Ooh, those are some nice pants!'.

Viago: [slowly peeks out of curtains] So it's 6pm in the nighttime, which is when I wake up. This is always really scary part for me Yes! Nighttime.