A Comical Exchange on Following Quickly
Fritz Fassbender:
I, uh, decided to follow you here.
Michael James:
If you followed me here, how did you contrive to be here before me?
Fritz Fassbender:
I followed you... very fast.
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Defining Typical Clientele in Conversation
Michael James:
Could you tell me about your typical clientele?
Etienne:
My typical clientele?
Michael James:
Typical.
Etienne:
All the people who are here now are typical clientele.
Michael James:
Really?
Etienne:
There is a man cheating on his wife in room Lola Montez. There is a woman cheating on her two husbands in Carlotta. Two lovers of indeterminate sex in Reine Margot. And two men cheating in Don Juan.
Michael James:
Yes. Well, one might say the joint is jumping.
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A Father's Unconventional Legacy
Fritz Fassbender:
My father, the most beloved gynecologist in Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent exposure at the State Opera House, said, and I quote: "Please do not take me away, I will not do it again.
Victor Skakapopulis:
Brilliant quote.
Fritz Fassbender:
He was a brilliant pervert.
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The Concept of Semi-Virginity Explained
Liz Bien:
You're right. I must face my problems. I can't go through life being a semi-virgin.
Michael James:
What, in the name of all that is gracious, is a semi-virgin?
Liz Bien:
Here, I'm a virgin. In America, I'm not.
Michael James:
What do they do? Stamp it on your passport?
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Victor's Unique Job Opportunity
Michael:
Did you get a job?
Victor:
Yes, I got something at the strip-tease. I help the girls dress and undress.
Michael:
Nice job.
Victor:
Twenty francs a week.
Michael:
Not very much.
Victor:
It's all I could afford.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question of Beauty and Confidence
Anna Fassbender:
Is she prettier than me?
Fritz Fassbender:
Is she prettier than you? I'm prettier than you!
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Misunderstandings in a Heated Argument
Fritz Fassbender:
You're grotesque!
Anna Fassbender:
Lascivious adulterer!
Fritz Fassbender: [looks in dictionary]
Don't you dare call me that again until I have looked it up! "Lascivious adulterer... a man who is a lascivious adulterer"? What kind of book is this?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bathroom Break After a Minor Injury
Victor Skapopulis:
I just burnt my finger! I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream. I'll be out in a minute.
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Strip Chess and Unexpected Tension
Victor Skapopulis:
We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.
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A Humorous Take on Absence and Urgency
Michael James:
I'll be back tomorrow. If I'm not back tomorrow, send for the police. If they're not back tomorrow, send my clothes.
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Self-Perception and Handsomeness
Michael James:
Look, I know you'll think this is crazy, but, er, when the light hits me from a certain direction, I'm... handsome.
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Marriage Compared to Cement
Michael James:
Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!
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A Unique Description of His Wife
Fritz Fassbender:
My wife, the creature that ate Europe, is here.
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Group Analysis and Entertainment in Chaos
Fritz Fassbender:
You'll like this group analysis, it's a real freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs.
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The Paradox of Silent Shouting
Fritz Fassbender:
Silence when you're shouting at me!
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Dual Nature of a Monster
Fritz Fassbender:
You are a monster and a monster, in that order.
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A Marriage Built on Hatred
Fritz Fassbender:
I've hated you from the first moment I married you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
