Confronting Silly Answers in Investigation
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
I'm getting a lot of silly answers from this guy.
Chick Larkin:
Well, grill him.
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
What?
Chick Larkin:
Grill him.
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
I'm not hungry!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity and Perception in a Lighthearted Exchange
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
Don't call me Blimp!
Detective Brannigan:
Why not?
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
What makes a blimp go up?
Detective Brannigan:
Hot air.
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
What's holding you down?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Consequences of Solving the Case
Chick Larkin:
If we solve this case, the public will be begging for "MUCK AND MIRE'.
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
And if the murderer gets us, we'll do plenty of begging, too!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Impersonation and the Law in Detective Work
Wiseguy Kid Usher:
Hey, do you know there's a couple of soda jerks around here playing detective?
Detective Brannigan:
G'wan! Don't you know it's against the law to impersonate an officer?
Wiseguy Kid Usher:
Well, then how do you get away with it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contractual Obligations and Evasive Maneuvers
Col. J.R. Andrews:
Mr. Turner, may I remind you that I have a contract for your services, and I intend to exercise it.
Jimmy Turner:
You'll get plenty of exercise trying to find me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mervin's Unexpected Reason for Going Upstairs
Mervin Q. Milgrim: [nauseous]
I gotta go back upstairs and get something...
Chick Larkin:
What have you gotta get?
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
My stomach...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Delayed Sundae Order Conversation
Customer:
What happened to my strawberry sundae?
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
What's today?
Customer:
Friday.
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
You've got two more days to wait.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Indifference to Dental Investment
Chick Larkin: [about Juliet Collins]
She's only got a couple of buck teeth.
Mervin Q. Milgrim:
Why do I care what she paid for them?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Title of This Story Is Revealed
Mervin Q. Milgrim: [reading from radio script]
The title of this story is---"The Midget Gets The Chair", or "Small Fry"!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
