Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) - Quotes

Taglines: Enter a world of pure imagination.

Taglines: Charlie is let loose in the chocolate factory and every kid's dream comes true.

Taglines: Your golden ticket to imagination and adventure!

Taglines: It's Scrumdiddlyumptious!

Taglines: It's everybody's non-pollutionary, anti-institutionary, pro-confectionery factory of fun!

Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?

Charlie: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world.

Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.

Charlie: [gasps softly in surprise] What?

Wonka: That's all right, isn't it?

Grandpa Joe: You're giving Charlie the...?

Wonka: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would wanna do everything his own way, not mine. That's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child, a very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy-making secrets.

Charlie: And that's why you sent out the golden tickets.

Wonka: That's right. So the factory's yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.

Grandpa Joe: And me?

Wonka: Absolutely.

Charlie: What happens to the rest...?

Wonka: [[family] The whole ]. I want you to bring them all.

Wonka: But, Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.

Charlie: What happened?

Wonka: [smiles, and hugs Charlie again] He lived happily ever after.

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?

Wonka: I am extraordinarily busy, sir.

Grandpa Joe: I just wanted to ask about the chocolate... the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does he get it?

Wonka: He doesn't.

Grandpa Joe: Why not?

Wonka: Because he broke the rules.

Grandpa Joe: [confused] What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?

Wonka: [angrily, yelling; holds up half of a document, and half a magnifying glass; slams the document and magnifying glass down; returns to work in a huff] WRONG, sir! WRONG!! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy! - "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... "Memo bis punitor delicatum!" It's ALL there; BLACK and white, clear as CRYSTAL!! You STOLE Fizzy-Lifting Drinks! You BUMPED into the ceiling, which now has to be WASHED and STERILIZED, so you get... NOTHING!!! You LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!

Grandpa Joe: [shocked; furiously; lividly] You're a crook... You're a CHEAT and a SWINDLER...! THAT'S what you are!! How can you DO a thing like this; BUILD up a little boy's hopes, and then SMASH all his dreams to pieces?! YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER!!!

Wonka: [cutting him off; goes on about his work in a huff] I SAID "GOOD DAY"!!!

Grandpa Joe: [sets to leave] Come on, Charlie. Let's get out of here. I'll get even with him if it's the last thing I ever do! If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one!

Charlie: Mr. Wonka...

Wonka: [puts his hand on the Gobstopper; looks up; smiles; The man hitherto known as Slugworth walks in.] So shines a good deed in a weary world." Charlie? My boy. You've won! You did it! You did it! I knew you would! I just knew you would! Oh, Charlie, forgive me for putting you through this. Please, forgive me. Come in, Mr. Wilkinson! Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson!

Wilkinson: Pleasure!

Charlie: Slugworth!

Wonka: No, no! That's not Slugworth! He works for me!

Charlie: For you?

Wonka: [Charlie beams brightly] I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test! You won!

Grandpa Joe: Won what?

Wonka: The jackpot, my dear sir! The GRAND and GLORIOUS JACKPOT!

Charlie: The chocolate?

Wonka: The chocolate, yes! The chocolate, but that's just the beginning! We have to get on! We have to get on! We have so much time, and so little to do! Strike that. Reverse it. This way, please!

Charlie: Mr. Wonka, what'll happen to the other kids? Augustus, Veruca?

Wonka: My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.

Henry Salt: [noticing signs on vats] Wonka. Butterscotch? Buttergin? Got a little something going on the side?

Wonka: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

Wonka: Must show you this. Lickable wallpaper for nursery walls. Lick an orange. It tastes like an orange. Lick a pineapple. It tastes like a pineapple. Go ahead. Try it.

Mike: Mmm! I got a plum.

Charlie: Grandpa, this banana's fantastic! It tastes so real!

Wonka: Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

Veruca: Snozzberries?! Who ever heard of a snozzberry?

Wonka: [grabs Veruca’s jaw] We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.

Charlie: Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka?

Grandpa Joe: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit!

Charlie: Grandpa, look over there across the river! They're little men!

Grandpa Joe: Jumping crocodiles, Charlie! Now we know who makes the chocolate.

Henry Salt: I never saw anybody with an orange face before. Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka?

Mrs. Teevee: What are they doing there?

Wonka: Must be creaming and sugaring time.

Violet: Well, they can't be real people.

Wonka: Well, of course they're real people.

Henry Salt: Stuff and nonsense!

Wonka: No. Oompa Loompas.

Group: [turn around] Oompa Loompas?!

Wonka: From Loompaland.

Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland?! There's no such place.

Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady...

Mrs. Teevee: [[geography] Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of ].

Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it. And what a terrible country it is! Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Whangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Whangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten Vermicious Knids.

Henry Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?

Wonka: [continues] I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.

Veruca: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!

Henry Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.

Veruca: I want an Oompa Loompa now!

Violet: [Veruca glares at Violet] Can it, you nit!!

Augustus Gloop: [drinking from the chocolate river] Mmm! This stuff is terrific!

Charlie: Grandpa, look at Augustus!

Grandpa Joe: Don't worry, he can't drink it all!

Henry Salt: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of funhouse?

Wonka: [[fun] Why? Having ]?

Tinker: [quoting [[William Allingham] ]'s poem "The Fairies"] Up the airy mountain, and down the rushy glen/We dare not go hunting, for fear of little men. Nobody ever goes in. (pointing at Wonka's factory) And nobody ever comes out!

Computer Operator: [[computer] Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days, but now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the Greatest Miracle of the Machine Age. Based on the Revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise location of the 3 remaining Golden Tickets. (pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints a response) It says: "I won't tell! That would be cheating." (pushes the buttons on the machine again) I am now telling the ] that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize. (the machine prints out another response) He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?" (sighs, then pushes the buttons once again, angrily) I am now telling the computer EXACTLY what he can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate!!

Mr. Turkentine: I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!

Stanley Kael, Second News Anchorman: That's it!! THAT'S IT!! It's ALL over! The Wonka contest is all over! The fifth and final ticket has been found, and we've got a live report coming in directly, now, from Paraguay, South America!

Stanley Kael, Second News Anchorman: Four down and one to go, and someplace out there, another lucky person is moving closer and closer to finding the last of the most sought-after prizes in history. Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is, and we might be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we must remember there are many more important things...many more important things. Offhand, I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something. And now for tomorrow's weather, and...

Stanley Kael, Second News Anchorman: We begin with five Golden Tickets. Like five lucky bolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at any point on the map. No one knew where, no one knew when the first one would hit, but as you all know, last night we got our answer. While we in America slept, the first Golden Ticket was found in the small town of Duselheim, Germany. We've been waiting several hours for the follow-up story, and we're finally ready with a live report.

First News Anchorman: And now, details on the sudden announcement that has captured the attention of entire world. Hidden among the countless billions of Wonka Bars are five gold tickets. And to the five people who find them will come the most fabulous prize one could wish for: a lifetime supply of chocolate. And as if this were not enough, each winner before he receives his prize will be personally escorted through the top secret chocolate factory by the mythical Willy Wonka himself. The amount of chocolate involved in this competition has relighted the imagination to incite candy eaters and all citizens around the world. Already, we have reports coming in that the response is phenomenal. Wonka Bars are beginning to disappear from candy store shelves at a rate to boggle the mind. Truly, it is incredible the way that Wonkamania has descended upon the globe. While the world searches, we watch and wait, wondering where the pursuit will lead, and how long the spirit of man will hold up under the strain.

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa doompadee dah.If you like reading, you will go far.You will live in happiness too,Like theOompaOompa loompa doompadee do!

Oompa Loompas: [singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo.I've got another puzzle for you.Oompa loompa doompadah dee.If you are wise, you'll listen to me.What do you get from a glut of TV?A pain in the neck and an IQ of three!Why doun't you try simply reading a book?Or can you just not bear to look?You'll get no...You'll get no...You'll get no...You'll get no...YOU'LL GET NO COMMERCIALS!

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa doompadee dah.If you're not spoilt, then you will go far.You will live in happiness too,Like the oompa loompa doompadee do!

Oompa Loompas: [singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo.I've got another puzzle for you.Oompa loompa doompadee dee.If you are wise, you'll listen to me.Who do you blame when your kid is a brat,Pampered and spoilt like a Siamese cat?Blaming the kids is a lie and shame.You know exactly who's to blame!The mother and the father!

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa doompadee dah.Given good manners, you will go far.You will live in happiness too,Like the oompa loompa doompadee do!

Oompa Loompas: [singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo.I've got another puzzle for you.Oompa loompa doompadah dee.If you are wise, you'll listen to me.Gum chewing's fine when it's once in a while.It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile.But it's repulsive, revolting wrongChewing and chewing all day long...The way that a cow does!

Oompa Loompas: Oompa loompa doompadee dah.If you're not greedy, you will go far.You will live in happiness too,Like the oompa loompa doompadee do!Doompadee doo!

Oompa Loompas: [singing] Oompa loompa doompadee doo.I've got a perfect puzzle for you.Oompa loompa doompadee dee.If you are wise, you'll listen to me.What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?Eating as much as an elephant eats.What are you at getting terribly fat?What do you think will come of that?I don't like the look of it!

Willy Wonka: [in the tunnel] There's no earthly way of knowingwhich direction we are going.There's no knowing where we're rowing,or which way the river's flowing.Is it raining? Is it snowing?Is a hurricane a-blowing? BLAH!Not a speck of light is showing,so the danger must be growing.Are the fires of hell a-glowing?Is the grisly reaper mowing?!YES! The danger must be growing,for the rowers keep on rowing...And they're certainly not showing...ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!!

Willy Wonka: If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates.

Willy Wonka: * Not original to this work, the proverb dates from at least the 18th century.

Willy Wonka: [sings] A little nonsense now and thenIs relished by the wisest men.

Willy Wonka: [sings; [imagination] There is no life I know to compare with pure ].Living there, you'll be free, if you truly wish to be.

Willy Wonka: [sings; [paradise] If you want to view ], simply look around and view it.Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it.