Wristcutters: A Love Story Quotes

Taglines Life is a trip, but the afterlife is one hell of a ride.

Yan They feed him t-bone steak and he refuses to come back.

Kneller Freddy has been brainwashed.

Taglines An Offbeat Comedy, A Love Story, A Road Movie - But Everybody's Dead

Zia What, you don't like it here?

Mikal Are you joking? Do you guys like it here? Who the hell likes being stuck in a place where you can't even smile? It's hot as balls, everybody's an asshole. I just wanna go home.

Eugene Cute? That's what they say about the puppy. The only thing worse is good friend, or nice person. In plain English it means I'll leech off you as long as I can, but don't even think about getting into my pants.

Taglines Nobody's Perfect

Eugene I'm not sitting in the back.

Zia Why not?

Eugene Cause everybody knows guy in the back seat doesn't have a cock.

Zia What?

Eugene That's a fact. If the guy in the back seat had a cock he wouldn't be there in the first place.

Zia Well... I mean, I got a cock, man, so.. I'm not.. Mik do you have a cock?

Mikal Yeah I have a cock. Big fat one.

Zia Remember the other day, when you were talkin about missing things from life, and, uh, that you wanted to go back and I didn't miss anything?

Mikal Yeah?

Zia Being here.... with you I kinda miss myself.. the way I used to be..

Mikal What were you like?

Zia I was happy, at the time. Obviously before I came here.

Kneller T-bone steak?

Yan 16 ounces, thick cut.

Kneller Dammit.

Kneller Come on, Freddy! Come on!

Messiah Don't do that.. you're confusing him.

Messiah The dog has spoken.

Eugene Let me put this way. Since you got here, how many times did you get laid, man?

Zia Why?

Eugene Just a question.

Zia Actually laid?

Eugene Yes.

Zia None, I think.

Eugene You think?

Zia None! But what's that got to do with any of this?

Eugene Plenty. Cause your sperm count is so high, you think you're having an out of body experience like nobody in the fucking universe, man.

Kneller Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. And they grew next to each other. And every day the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say, "You're crooked. You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked. But look at me! Look at me!" said the straight tree. He said, "I'm tall and I'm straight." And then one day the lumberjacks came into the forest and looked around, and the manager in charge said, "Cut all the straight trees." And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.

Eugene Fuck it all.

Taglines Love will always exist, even after you've "offed" yourself.

Taglines You don't know what you have until you lose it.

Zia I'm not going out tonight. It just makes me depressed.

Eugene So, what you gonna do? Kill yourself?

Zia I dunno.. maybe.

Eugene As if anything could make you happy.

Zia He was floating in the air..

Kneller I wouldn't pay attention to what happens all the time around here.

Zia What happens? Miracles?

Kneller Yeah. People floating in the air, like, uh, people turning stones into plants, or, changing the color of different objects.

Zia Fixing the headlights, maybe?

Kneller What do you mean, fixing the headlights?

Zia His headlights have been broken for ages, and she fixed them not far from here just by touching a button.

Kneller Oh. Yeah, something small and insignificant like that.

Mikal Where are you going?

Eugene East-ish.

Mikal East-ish? You guys have no clue where you're going, do you?

Eugene Well, you haven't been here very long, right?

Mikal Why's that?

Eugene Because if anybody here had a clue they wouldn't be here in the first place.

Zia Listen, you know what? Forget Desiree. I got another reason for you to go.

Eugene Give it shot.

Zia You got anything better to do?