Celebrating an Iconic Comedy Ensemble
Taglines:
The greatest comedy cast ever assembled for a movie! Everyone who's ever been funny!!!
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A Fun Adventure for the Young at Heart
Taglines:
...a rollicking yarn for the young in the head!
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A Comedy Adventure on the High Seas
Taglines:
A Shipload of Laughs.
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A Colorful Array of Pirate Life
Taglines:
Swashbucklers, pirates, public floggings, saucy tarts, beggars, queens, & jolly rogers.
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Treasure Secrets and Trick Questions
Gilbert:
Where did you hide the treasure, exactly?
Yellowbeard:
You won't catch me with those trick questions.
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Complexity of Consent and Affection
Betty:
Well, it's been awhile since we had a little cuddle.
Yellowbeard:
I raped ya, if that's what you mean.
Betty:
Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.
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The Essence of Piracy and Betrayal
Yellowbeard:
Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!
Dan:
What?
Yellowbeard:
You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!
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The Perils of Pirating and Family Ties
Dan:
Father! We thought you were dead.
Yellowbeard:
Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead. How are you gettin on pirating?
Dan:
Um, well...
Yellowbeard:
How many men have you killed so far?
Dan:
One. Two, I think.
Yellowbeard:
You think? You'll never kill anyone if you go around thinkin'.
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A Question of Worth and Value
Flower Girl:
Will you give me two farthings for a lump of shit?
Dan: [kneels down so he's at her level]
What?
Flower Girl:
Will you give me two farthings for a lump of shit?
Dan:
No.
Dr. Gilpin:
Society is to blame.
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Unexpected Plague Strikes Without Warning
Commander Clement: [about pile of dead bodies]
What happened?
Betty:
Plague!
Commander Clement:
Plague?
Betty:
All sudden like! Lucky I was out.
Commander Clement:
That man's got a sword in him!
Betty:
He fell on it.
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Threatening Demands for a Missing Map
Yellowbeard:
Where's the map?
Betty:
What map?
Yellowbeard:
If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table!
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Divine Authority versus Royal Obligation
El Nebuloso: [Examining Yellowbeard's treasure]
Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?
El Segundo:
Why, God, of course.
El Nebuloso:
And who is God's personal representative in these parts?
El Segundo:
Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.
El Nebuloso:
Well, God wants to keep all of it.
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Confusion Over Fruit in Loins
Betty:
I'm talking about the fruit of your loins.
Yellowbeard:
Fruit of me loins? I haven't got fruit in me loins! Lice, yes, and proud of em, but no fruit!
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Head Decapitation and Its Consequences
Dan:
Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify!
Yellowbeard:
Do what?
Dan:
Putrify, go rotten!
Yellowbeard:
Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.
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Blindness and Perception in Conversation
Harvey "Blind" Pew:
I may be blind, but I've got acute earing.
Commander Clement:
I'm not interested in your jewelry, cloth-eyes.
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Unexpected Consequences of a Long Sentence
Commander Clement:
Twenty years ago today you were sentenced to jail.
Yellowbeard:
Yes, and now I'm due to released.
Commander Clement:
Yes. Or rather, no. You see, twenty years ago, no one was expected to live in jail for twenty years.
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A Pirate's Infamous Legacy of Violence and Crime
Narrator:
The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was caught and imprisoned... for tax evasion.
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Instructions for Moving Forward
Betty: [recreating the path to where the treasure is buried]
Stagger, stagger, crawl, crawl, jump...
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Critique of Learning and Books
Betty:
If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me nuthin'. And books is the worst.
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Frustration Over a Past Mistake
Yellowbeard:
Oh, bugger me, you've sodded the whole thing up like the stupid little twerp that you are. I was recreating what happened to me twenty years ago, man and boy.
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A Threat to Anyone Who Interferes
Yellowbeard:
I'll kill anyone who get's in the way of me killing anyone.
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A Dark Reflection on Relationships and Survival
Yellowbeard:
She couldn't be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived.
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Defiance Against Death's Final Call
Yellowbeard:
Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die!
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