nick offerman, pizza farmThe argument that pizza is a vegetable seems ridiculous, but it was part of the very real debate behind some past congressional changes to the national school lunch program. Now, comedian Nick Offerman has teamed with Funny or Die and the American Heart Association to tackle that absurd logic, in a hilarious PSA spoof set at a pizza farm.

Offerman deadpans that no one really knows the definition of "healthy," and to him, it means "ripe, juicy pizza" that's been "kissed by the sun" on his farm. He offers a little girl a choice between a taquito -- which grow on trees, in case you didn't know -- and an apple, and she quickly scoffs at the latter option. "You see?" Offerman says. "Kids know what their bodies need."

The rest of the farm tour features sloppy joes grown in the ground -- watered by a hose filled with cola, naturally -- and bushes bursting with fishsticks, because, as Offerman explains, "If it's on a plant, it's good for you."

"French fries are practically salads," he declares, "which is why I like mine with ranch."

Of course, it's all ridiculous (the reveal of how all that stuff actually got there is pretty funny), and that's the point. "Our kid's [sic] health shouldn't be a laughing matter," reads a placard at the clip's end, directing viewers to the American Heart Association's website.

We know this is supposed to be skewering our country's ridiculous health standards and all, but we have to say: how awesome would a real-life pizza farm be? Then again, our excitement over that possibility perhaps explains why such a PSA is necessary in the first place. Check it out below.

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Photo credit: Funny or Die