Without a Paddle - Canoeing Misadventures and Dark Humor
River Guide: [While talking to Jerry, Dan and Tom about renting the canoe]
There's a transmitter in the canoe. So just in case you three go missing, at least we'll get our boat back.
Elwood: [After cutting off a fish's head with a hatchet]
How you like me now? Huh? How you like me now, fishy? Oh, yeah, that's right you can't talk, cause you don't have a head and I cut it off!
Dennis: [hearing "[[w:Do you Really Want to Hurt Me|Do You Really Want To Hurt Me]
]" being sung] The hills have gone gay.
Dennis and Elwood: [singing]
Yes we really want to hurt you. Yes we really want to make you cry. Yes we really want to shoot you. Yes we really want to make you die.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George of the Jungle - Return to the Treehouse
Thor:
Max, look. We're back at the treehouse.
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George of the Jungle - Managing Anger in Unlikely Situations
Ape:
I'm hungry.
Thor:
Oh, shut up! You've been yakkin for two days straight, and I'm getting mad enough to...
Ape:
You know, you really should work on your anger. Have you tried Brankowski's "Cage the Rage" technique?
Max:
Don't let him get to you, Thor. He's just an ape.
Ape:
That's a fine way to talk to your meal ticket. You keep that up, it's liable to affect my stage performance.
Max:
Give him a banana, Thor. Won't be long now.
Thor:
That's what you said yesterday. This trail's taking us to the middle of nowhere!
Max: [realizes something]
The sign at the trail head said, "Shortcut to Ape River". Now, why would it say "shortcut" if it wasn't a-- Wait a minute. Maybe it's a fake. A decoy trail.
Ape:
Very good, Max. Actually, the trail is a fake. It circles Ape Mountain six times before heading right back to the treehouse.
Thor:
Ohhh! Oh, I knew we was lost!
Max:
Don't listen to him, Thor. He's just trying to trick us, lead us off the shortcut so we take twice as long on the regular trail.
Thor:
We're already taking twice as long!
Max:
Are you gonna let a monkey make a monkey out of you?
Thor:
What?
Ape:
Du-u-u-uh!
Max:
Let's go. If he tells us the shortcut leads to the treehouse, then that's exactly where it doesn't lead.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George of the Jungle - Choosing the Right Ape in the Game
Thor: [[w:Las Vegas|(Las) Vegas]
There's five stinking apes out there. Which one are we taking to ]?
Ape:
Checkmate!
Max: [[chess]
The one who's playing ]!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George of the Jungle - The Plan to Steal a Talking Ape
Thor:
No, Max. Forget about it. I do not want to listen to anymore of your ideas.
Max:
You'll like this one. We're gonna steal Georgie-Boy's talking ape.
Thor:
You mean, back up the mountain?
Max:
Thor, that ape is our ticket out of poaching and into show business. Think about it. We got a talking ape. What do Sigfried and Roy have?
Thor:
Sequins?
Max:
Exactly. Get ready for room service, mate, and girls. We're getting our ape and going to Vegas. By next weekend, we'll be headlining at the Tropicana. Nobody is gonna stop us.
Thor:
Right. George of the Jungle must be halfway to Frisco by now.
Narrator:
Ah, but the plotting poachers were only half-correct, for at that very moment, our handsome hero was all the way to San Francisco.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George of the Jungle - Talking Monkey Surprises Characters in Jungle
Ape:
Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Max:
Did that monkey just speak?
Thor:
That monkey just spoke.
Ursula Stanhope:
I knew it.
Lyle:
He talked.
Max: [to Thor]
Shoot it now.
Ape: [turns and notices Max and Thor]
Hmm?
Max: [lowers Thor's rifle]
With the tranquilizer gun, idiot. The ape's worth a fortune.
George: [runs towards Ape]
NOOOOOOOO!
Lyle Van de Groot: [Aims his handgun at George; in slow motion, Lyle inaudibly yells, "I mean it!" before he shoots George]
Stop, or I'll shoot!
Ape:
NOOOOOOOO!
Lyle Van de Groot:
NOOOOOOOO!
Ursula: [fade to white]
GEOOOOOOOORGE!
Narrator: [[hero]
Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the ].
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
George of the Jungle - Advice on Jungle Attire and Comfort
Thor:
I'm chafing, Max. I'm chafing big-time.
Max:
Didn't I tell you not to wear twenty pounds of black leather in the jungle? Didn't I tell you? Cotton, I said. Cotton breathes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.