Memorable Quotes from Abraham Benrubi
7 quotesChoosing the Right Ape in the Game
Thor
There's five stinking apes out there. Which one are we taking to ]?
[[w:Las Vegas|(Las) Vegas]
Ape
Checkmate!
Max
The one who's playing ]!
[[chess]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Plan to Steal a Talking Ape
Thor
No, Max. Forget about it. I do not want to listen to anymore of your ideas.
Max
You'll like this one. We're gonna steal Georgie-Boy's talking ape.
Thor
You mean, back up the mountain?
Max
Thor, that ape is our ticket out of poaching and into show business. Think about it. We got a talking ape. What do Sigfried and Roy have?
Thor
Sequins?
Max
Exactly. Get ready for room service, mate, and girls. We're getting our ape and going to Vegas. By next weekend, we'll be headlining at the Tropicana. Nobody is gonna stop us.
Thor
Right. George of the Jungle must be halfway to Frisco by now.
Narrator
Ah, but the plotting poachers were only half-correct, for at that very moment, our handsome hero was all the way to San Francisco.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Managing Anger in Unlikely Situations
Ape
I'm hungry.
Thor
Oh, shut up! You've been yakkin for two days straight, and I'm getting mad enough to...
Ape
You know, you really should work on your anger. Have you tried Brankowski's "Cage the Rage" technique?
Max
Don't let him get to you, Thor. He's just an ape.
Ape
That's a fine way to talk to your meal ticket. You keep that up, it's liable to affect my stage performance.
Max
Give him a banana, Thor. Won't be long now.
Thor
That's what you said yesterday. This trail's taking us to the middle of nowhere!
Max
The sign at the trail head said, "Shortcut to Ape River". Now, why would it say "shortcut" if it wasn't a-- Wait a minute. Maybe it's a fake. A decoy trail.
[realizes something]
Ape
Very good, Max. Actually, the trail is a fake. It circles Ape Mountain six times before heading right back to the treehouse.
Thor
Ohhh! Oh, I knew we was lost!
Max
Don't listen to him, Thor. He's just trying to trick us, lead us off the shortcut so we take twice as long on the regular trail.
Thor
We're already taking twice as long!
Max
Are you gonna let a monkey make a monkey out of you?
Thor
What?
Ape
Du-u-u-uh!
Max
Let's go. If he tells us the shortcut leads to the treehouse, then that's exactly where it doesn't lead.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Return to the Treehouse
Thor
Max, look. We're back at the treehouse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Jungle Attire and Comfort
Thor
I'm chafing, Max. I'm chafing big-time.
Max
Didn't I tell you not to wear twenty pounds of black leather in the jungle? Didn't I tell you? Cotton, I said. Cotton breathes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Canoeing Misadventures and Dark Humor
River Guide
There's a transmitter in the canoe. So just in case you three go missing, at least we'll get our boat back.
[While talking to Jerry, Dan and Tom about renting the canoe]
Elwood
How you like me now? Huh? How you like me now, fishy? Oh, yeah, that's right you can't talk, cause you don't have a head and I cut it off!
[After cutting off a fish's head with a hatchet]
Dennis
]" being sung] The hills have gone gay.
[hearing "[[w:Do you Really Want to Hurt Me|Do You Really Want To Hurt Me]
Dennis and Elwood
Yes we really want to hurt you. Yes we really want to make you cry. Yes we really want to shoot you. Yes we really want to make you die.
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Talking Monkey Surprises Characters in Jungle
Ape
Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Max
Did that monkey just speak?
Thor
That monkey just spoke.
Ursula Stanhope
I knew it.
Lyle
He talked.
Max
Shoot it now.
[to Thor]
Ape
Hmm?
[turns and notices Max and Thor]
Max
With the tranquilizer gun, idiot. The ape's worth a fortune.
[lowers Thor's rifle]
George
NOOOOOOOO!
[runs towards Ape]
Lyle Van de Groot
Stop, or I'll shoot!
[Aims his handgun at George; in slow motion, Lyle inaudibly yells, "I mean it!" before he shoots George]
Ape
NOOOOOOOO!
Lyle Van de Groot
NOOOOOOOO!
Ursula
GEOOOOOOOORGE!
[fade to white]
Narrator
Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the ].
[[hero]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.