Allen GarfieldQuotes

Klein: You're going to be sitting camera right. All the time while Jarmon's talking, just keep looking at Jarmon. Jarmon talks, you look at Jarmon.

Bill McKay: Right.

Klein: Try to keep your eyes steady. Don't blink. Whatever you do, don't look up at all. Don't look up. Don't look up, because your eyes are glazed and you look cock-eyed. You look like a moron.

Klein: I dig it! It's raw, but I eat it up. A lot of work to be done, my friend, but I get the feeling you know where you're going.

Bill McKay: I don't.

Jonah: Hey... Cal van Damp. What's the good word with you?

Cal van Damp: Well, you're the bright boy, I figured you'd know.

Jonah: Steatopygous.

Cal van Damp: What?

Jonah: Steatopygous. It means a large rump, a fat ass.

Cal van Damp: Why's that the good word?

Jonah: Well, it's like, see, what if I was to—if I was to say to you, "Cal, you have a very fat ass.", you could be offended. But if I say, "Hey! Good evening, Cal. You sure look steatopygous.", then you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, do you?

Cal van Damp: Hope you don't have any plans for getting your records played on any radio stations.

Jonah: Not really, no.

Cal van Damp: Well you shouldn't, cause you won't get any.

Chief Lutz: [Arriving with his assitant Biddle and Mayor Ted Egan] What the hell have you done here? Looks like a goddamn war zone. What in the hell have you done, Taggart? Tell me.

Rosewood: We solved the Alphabet crimes.

Chief Lutz: [to Axel] You shut up! Who the hell is talking to you? I personally solved the Alphabet case up in a body bag over an hour ago. And you, I don't give a goddamn what agency you say you're working for, you're in jail, buddy.

Rosewood: Chief, wait a...

Chief Lutz: SHUT UP! What the hell do you think you're doing, bringing a fire fight in the middle of my city? You're out of the cop business for good, forever!

Rosewood: Will you just listen a minute?

Chief Lutz: Shut up! You shut your mouth once and for all!

Rosewood: NO GODDAMN IT, YOU SHUT UP! This is what the Alphabet crimes are all about... guns!

Chief Lutz: Guns?

Rosewood: [points to Nikos Thomopolis, who is being arrested; Simultaneously, another sgt. hands Mayor Egan Thomopolis' notebook and the mayor looks at it] That guy sold them, and Dent bought em with stolen money from Adriano's and his own racetrack. He was on his way to Central America. And if you'd bothered to take your head out of your ass, YOU'D SEE WE SOLVED THE WHOLE GODDAMN THING!

Chief Lutz: You watch yourself.

Mayor Egan: [Looks at the notes again] Just a minute. Lutz. Why didn't I know about this?

Taggart: Because Chief Lutz doesn't have the guts to hear the truth from real cops. That's why we had to go undercover with Detective Foley to solve this case.

Chief Lutz: That cuts it, Taggart! You're fired!

Taggart: Yeah? Kiss my ass!

Chief Lutz: [Turns to Rosewood] KISS MINE! You're fired too!

Mayor Egan: Lutz

Chief Lutz: Isn't that right?

Mayor Egan: I think I've just about had it with your abusive attitude.

Chief Lutz: I'm sorry, I get carried away, I'm sorry.

Mayor Egan: You're fired. Do you understand that?

Chief Lutz: Don't overreact, Ted. Please.

Mayor Egan: You're fired. I want you out of here now. Get out of here! FIRED!

Chief Lutz: You'll regret this, Ted.

Mayor Egan: [Turns to Biddle] I regret it. Now I've regretted it for the last two months.

Harold Lutz: [Simultaneously] You'll regret this!

Mayor Egan: [Simultaneously] You're fired too, You're out of here, get out of here.

Biddle: [Simultaneously] Aw I didn't do anything. I didn't... I didn't do anything.

Mayor Egan: [Simultaneously] Will you get out? Get out!

Foley: Are they civilians now?

Mayor Egan: You bet.

Foley: I'm gonna kick your ass later!

Mayor Egan: Axel, thank you so much, really. I've gotta go to a charity meeting, food for the homeless for Beverly Hills. But Tomorrow...

Foley: Oh. Food for the Homeless Wait a second, I'd like to make a donation sir. Here's $200 in the name of Sidney Bernstein. That's my alias. I don't like a lot of publicity.

Mayor Egan: Thank you, Axel... I mean, Sidney Bernstein. Thank you, gentlemen very much.

Rosewood: Thank you, sir.

Mayor Egan: Thank you.

Foley: If you get your head out of your ass long enough"? "Kiss my ass"? You're getting more and more like me every day. Next thing you know, you're gonna have afros... Big dicks and all.