Memorable Quotes from Bernie Mac
9 quotesDifferent Terms for the Same Thing
Pastor Clever
Scuse me brother. What we call drugs at 74th street Baptist church, we call a sinny-sin-sin.
[upon seeing Smokey rolling a joint]
Smokey
Well round here, between Normandine and the Western, we call this here a little twenty-twen-twen!
Craig
Well..
Smokey
Niggaaaa!
Pastor Clever
Why don't you give me a bit for my cataracts?
Smokey
You didn't put in on this, man.
Pastor Clever
It's better to give than receive, my brother.
Craig Jones
Look, look, she's bendin over!
[points across the street to Mrs. Parker]
Pastor Clever
Lord have mercy! The Lord is my shepherd, He know what I want! Excuse me, brothers. (running across the street) Mrs. Parker! Mrs. Parker!
Smokey
Told you. The weed be lettin you know, where evil lurks.
[he holds up a pack of marajuana]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Internalized Hatred and Racial Tensions Explored
Ashtray
We didn't even do nothing.
Officer Self Hatred
What? You think you tough?
Officer Self Hatred
You ain't so tough now, little nigga. I hate your black bastards, you *stink*! I hate your black skin. I hate your black pants. I hate black pepper. I hate black keys on a piano. I hate my gums, because they're black. I hate Whoopi Goldberg's *lips*. I hate the back of Forrest Whittaker's neck. Huh? Most of all, I hate that black-ass Wesley Snipes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Challenges in Problem Solving
Gin
Look here, get him outta here and I'll go smooth things over with Chipeska. Tell him it was food poisoning or something.
Marcus
What do you mean, get him outta here?
Gin
Take him to the car.
Marcus
In case you didn't notice, I'm a motherfucking dwarf. So unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand, hmm?
Gin
That figures. You want all kind of set-asides. Special treatment cause you're handicapped. You're all the same.
Marcus
Special treatment?! I'm three-foot fucking tall, you asshole! It's a matter of physics. Draw me a sketch of how I get him to the car, huh?
Gin
Bitch, bitch, bitch!
[picks up Willie]
Marcus
Sketch it up, you fucking moron. Fucking ].
[[Leonardo da Vinci]
Gin
What'd you call me, thigh-high?
[drops Willie]
Marcus
I called you a fucking guinea homo from the 15th-fucking-century, you dickhead!
Gin
I could stick you up my ass, small fry!
Marcus
Yeah? You sure it ain't too sore from last night?
Gin
You got some lip on you, midget.
Marcus
Yeah? Well, these lips were on your wife's pussy last night. Why don't you dust that thing off once in a while? Asshole!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Crime is Crime, Regardless of Context
Maureen Levert
How would you deal with white-collar crime?
Mitch Gilliam
There's no such thing as white-collar crime. and there's no such thing as black-on-black crime. Crime is crime. Let me explain something to you: I don't care if you have a white collar or a tank top. If you rob me, I'll whoop your ass.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating Terms Among Thieves
Gin
We split the dough right down the middle. Any merchendise you take, I get to look at and cherry pick.
Marcus
No. Money is one thing but you ain't getting the sh...
Gin
This ain't no Chinese menu, jagoff! I tell YOU how it's gonna be. This is ]!
[[w:prix fixe|pricks fix]
Willie
Pricks fix?
Marcus
Ah, he's a fucking moron.
Willie
Oh really? Is that how you got the upper hand?
Marcus
Fuck you.
Willie
Negotiating?
Marcus
You don't like it? Next year, fuck off. I can always get another box jockey.
Willie
Yeah and I can get another midget too.
Marcus
Yeah? Where? You see us hanging off of fucking trees like fucking crab apples?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Addressing Community Needs and Injustice
Mays Gilliam
They had a speech written for me about what the people need, but you guys are the people. You know what you need. Better schools, better jobs, less crime. How many of you, right now work two jobs just to have enough money to be broke? That ain't right. If you work two jobs, and at the end of the week, you got just enough money to get your broke ass home, Let me hear you say, "That ain't right!
[takes off coat]
Crowd
That ain't right!
Gilliam
How many of you have children that they call stupid? Don't be ashamed! It ain't your fault. I asked my niece the other day, "What's four plus four?" She said, "44." But that ain't her fault! That's the school's fault. If your child's school has old-ass books and brand-new metal detectors, let me hear you say, "That ain't right!
Crowd
That ain't right!
Gilliam
It ain't right. And now we got these corporations stealing all the money. They ain't stealing their money, they stealing our money! The pension. You work for 35 years. You thought you'd leave your kids a ], now you're gonna leave them with a won't! You show up to get your pension, they give you a pen! Give you a damn pen! What in the hell am I supposed to do with a pen? I should stab you in the neck with this pen, Mr. Pension Taker.
[[w:Last will and testament|will]
Old man
Get your hand out of my pocket!
[stands up and points at Mays]
Gilliam
Taking everybody's pension, and nobody going to jail.
Mitch Gilliam
That's some bullshit. Ain't it?
[to attendee]
Mays
Meanwhile, you and I steal a Big Mac with cheese next thing you know, we on Death Row!
Crowd
That ain't right!
Gilliam
How many of you work in a city you can't afford to live in? That ain't right! How many of you work in a mall you can't afford to shop in? That ain't right! How many of you clean up a hotel... you ain't never gonna be able to stay in? That ain't right! And we got nurses that work in hospitals they can't even afford to get sick in. It ain't right! It ain't right. It ain't right. It isn't right! That shit is wrong! It's dead wrong!
[as crowds get more agitated; crowd responds with That ain't right! with every question; to campaign staffers; to crowd]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Funeral Performance and Financial Disagreement
Louis Hinds
Get the fuck out.
[opens the door for Floyd to leave]
Floyd Henderson
Well, I guess you don't give a fuck about the money then, huh?
Louis Hinds
What money? It's a funeral! Don't nobody get paid to sing at no damn funeral! How much?
[suddenly looks at Louis and raises his eyebrows]
Floyd Henderson
40 grand.
Louis Hinds
Apiece?
[closes the door]
Floyd Henderson
No, down the middle.
Louis Hinds
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO. That ain't even enough.
Floyd Henderson
The fuck you mean "that's not enough", man?
Louis Hinds
I got a lifestyle to maintain here!
Floyd Henderson
What kinda lifestyle, man? You filthy motherfucker! You got a pantry full of dogfood, but I don't see no dog!
Louis Hinds
Dog under the bed, Nigga! You lucky he ain't attacked your ass when you came in!
Floyd Henderson
YOU THE DOG, MOTHERFUCKER!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Grim Reflection on America's Future
Gin
When I look at you, you know what I think? I think America has a sad future ahead of it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Adult and Child Worlds Acknowledged
Gin
Fuck stick"?
[smoking a cigarette in his office]
Bob Chipeska
Yeah, I know it's odd, but as our security manager, I want you to be well aware of this. His little friend promised he won't say it in front of the children, which is fine. There is an adult's world and a child's world, and that's OK. I'm no censor.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.