Beth GrantQuotes

Sheriff Eloise Lund: [watching as The Janitor puts the bagged animatronics in the dumpster; The Janitor waves at her; to The Janitor, holding him at gunpoint; marching The Janitor into Willy's Wonderland; to Willy Weasel; to The Janitor; to Willy Weasel; Suddenly, the lights go out. Willy Weasel appears behind her and slices her in half. Both of her halves fall to the floor] That G.D. S.O.B. Well, I’ll be a son of a bitch. Hold it right there, boy. Inside, now! Move! We had a good thing, but you just went and fucked it all up. Look at me. Look at me when I’m talking to you. All you had to do was die. Was that so hard? No, you just had to go ahead and stay alive, and now we got five dead kids because of you! You might have taken apart a few electronics, but I got a feeling that you can’t stop a round. Willy! Willy needs to eat, and I’m gonna feed him. Willy, come and get it!

Sheriff Eloise Lund: [to The Janitor, as Deputy Evan Olson cuffs The Janitor's hands together; to Liv Hawthorne] I’ll give you two reasons why you are: your wife and your kid. If we don’t do what needs to be done, nobody in this county is safe. Why couldn’t you just die? Where are the others?

Sheriff Eloise Lund: [to Willy Weasel, apologetically; to Deputy Evan Olson, holding The Janitor at gunpoint] Oh. Stupid idiots. It’ll just incite him more. Willy, this guy does not act for us. His actions should in no way reflect on the town of Hayesville. You know that, right, Willy? Well, cuff him. For God’s sakes, cuff him.

Jack: [over phone] Where do we start?

Harry: All right, check the speedometer. Has it been fucked with, or loosened, or any wires? See any wires, anything?

Jack: [to Annie; looking under the speedometer] Excuse me, ma'am. No, it's clean.

Annie: Huh?

Harry: All right, then it's gonna be under the bus. Probably it was rigged to one of the axles.

Jack: I can't get under the bus right now, Harry. It's kind of in motion.

Helen: Excuse me? Excuse me!

Jack: Hold on.

Sam: [gasping] There's an access panel... in the floor... underneath you, man.

Jack: [opens the floor access panel; hands the phone to Stephens; looking through the hatch at the bomb] All right, Harry, we're in. Passenger relay. Sir. take this. I want you to tell him what I see. Okay, we got a wad! Pretty big!

Stephens: There's a pretty big wad.

Jack: Brass fittings...

Stephens: Brass fittings.

Jack: ...I think I can reach the circuit wire.

Stephens: He can reach the circuit wire.

Harry: No! No, no! Don't! Don't do that! That's a decoy, classic.

Stephens: That's a classic decoy.

Harry: What else?

Stephens: What else?

Jack: Hold on.

Stephens: Hold on.

Jack: Fuck me!

Stephens: Oh, darn.

Jack: [takes the phone back] Harry, there's enough C-4 on this thing to put a hole in the world.

Harry: Okay, all right. Just stay calm. What else?

Jack: Three triggers. One on the axle I can't really see, a cellular remote, and a timer running off a wristwatch.

Harry: A watch? What kind of watch?

Jack: Gold. Gold band, fairly cheesy.

Roland Taverner: We're taking the ATM machine with us to Mexico.

Roland Taverner: Sounds neat... How does he stop the global deceleration?

Starla Von Luft: [to Boxer] The information that I have uncovered could get me killed. But it was a risk I was willing to take. The fate of the earth depends on you, Jericho.

Starla Von Luft: [to Boxer] If you don't let me suck your dick I'll shoot myself in the head!

Zora Carmichaels: You know... there would be a lot less violence in the world if everyone just got a little more cardio.

Zora Carmichaels: Let's dry our tears and face our fears.

Fortunio Balducci: Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval.

Veronica Mung: Just cause it's loud doesn't mean it's funny!

Serpentine: Don't look so scared, Mr. Santaros. The future is just like you imagined.

Senator Bobby Frost: Did I just see two cars porking each other?

Senator Bobby Frost: Teen horniness is not a crime"? I never said it was...

Dr. Inga Von Westphalen: Here we go round the prickly pear, prickly pear, prickly pear.

Announcer on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, the party is over. Have a nice apocalypse.

Kitty Farmer: [[Pedophilia|the horrible allegations] Rose, I'm sure that you're aware of ] against Jim Cunningham.

Rose Darko: [[W:child pornography|kiddie porn] I know. I saw it on TV. Something about a "] dungeon.

Kitty Farmer: Please, please! Don't use those words! It's obviously some kind of conspiracy to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defense campaign. Rose, I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls are scheduled to leave for Los Angeles in the morning. Now, as their coach, I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on their trip, but...

Rose Darko: But now, you can't go.

Kitty Farmer: Yes.

Rose Darko: Hmm.

Kitty Farmer: Now, believe me, of all the other mothers, I would never dream of asking you. But none of the other mothers are available to go.

Rose Darko: I don't know, Kitty. It's a bad weekend. Eddie's in New York.

Kitty Farmer: [tearfully] Rose! I don't know if you realize what an opportunity this is for our daughters! This has been a dream of Samantha's and all of ours for a long time! I made her lead dancer! Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

Donnie: [reading lifeline card; Scoffs] Ling Ling finds a wallet on the ground filled with money. She takes the wallet to the address on the driver's license but keeps the money inside the wallet." I'm... I'm sorry, Mrs. Farmer. I don't get this.

Kitty Farmer: What don't you get?

Donnie: Well, life isn't that simple. I mean, who cares if Ling Ling returns the wallet and keeps the money? It has nothing to do with either fear or love.

Kitty Farmer: Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions.

Donnie: Okay. But you're not listening to me. There are other things that need to be taken into account here, like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can't just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else.

Kitty Farmer: [[Failure] Okay, now girls... I want you to concentrate. ] is not an option. And Bethany, if you feel the need to vomit up there... just swallow it.