Bill Hader Quotes - Best Lines & Interviews

Memorable Quotes from Bill Hader

11 quotes

Tropic Thunder

Listening to the Universe's Messages

Les Grossman The universe is talking to us right now. You just gotta listen.

Grossman See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun.

Rob Slolom Mmm, yeah.

Grossman Ask, and you shall receive.

Slolom All right!

Grossman You play ball, we play ball. I know you want the goodies. Mmm!

[Slolom nods. Grossman begins dancing like he's slapping ass.]

Slolom Welcome to the goodie room.

Grossman You payin attention? Cuz I'm talkin ], Pecker. That's how you're gonna roll. No more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boi. Oh yeah. Playa. Playa. Big dick playa.

[[w:Gulfstream V|G5]

Slolom Swingin past your knees.

Grossman Big dick, baby.

Slolom Yup.

Grossman Or, you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes and see where that takes you.

Rick "Pecker" Peck Let me get this straight. You want me to let my client of fifteen years, one of my best friends, die in the jungle alone for some money and a G5.

Grossman Yes.

Pecker A G5 airplane.

Grossman Yes. And lots of money. Playa....

[Grossman starts the music again, and he and Slolom start dancing again.]

Slolom Yeah! Smack it up, flip up, rub it down, hoo!!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

It Chapter Two

Fortune Cookie Observations in It Chapter Two

Richie Tozier Hey! Hey! That fortune cookie's looking at me!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

It Chapter Two

Self-Reflection on Transformation and Change

Richie Tozier Wow, you two look amazing. What the fuck happened to me?

[To Ben and Beverly]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

It Chapter Two

The Losers Club Meeting Commences

Richie Tozier This meeting of the Losers Club has officially begun.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

It Chapter Two

Invitation to Embrace Adventure

Richie Tozier Hey, Losers! Time to float!

[Pretending to be IT/Pennywise in the clubhouse]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Tropic Thunder

Confrontation on Set

Les Grossman I see you. I see you. I see you. Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn?

Damien Cockburn Uh, that's me, sir. It's an honor to finally meet you. Get some face time.

Les Grossman And who here is the key grip? You? You! Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard!

[the key grip raises his hand]

Key Grip Sorry, man.

[reluctantly walks over to Damien; punches him in the face]

Les Grossman This is all your fault, you Limey fuck! You shit the money-bed, my friend.

Damien Cockburn What?

Rob Slolom God damn it, Damien! with all due respect, Les Grossman did not blow up the jungle.

Damien Cockburn What?

Les Grossman Fuck the jungle.

Rob Slolom Exactly! come on, man.

Damien Cockburn Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry, but I am dealing with a bunch of prima donnas! clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry! he can't cry!

Les Grossman You know how you handle an actor? they whine about anything, you pull down their pants and you spank their ass.

Rob Slolom You spank that ass, Les.

Damien Cockburn What?

Four-Leaf Tayback Spanking a child turns him into a snot. Fear, that's what makes him a man. I know a place where a man's worth is measured by the ears hanging off his dog tags. The real hardcore shit! You wanna make this movie right? That's where you take your pansy ass actors.

Les Grossman Who is this guy?

[beat]

Rob Slolom Les, that's Four Leaf.

Four Leaf Tayback Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book.

Les Grossman Wow. You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt. Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job! Look, Cockburn.

Damien Cockburn Yes.

Les Grossman From now on, my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring. Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down. Diet Coke!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

It Chapter Two

Facing Fears: A Moment of Realization

Richie Tozier Stanley, we're not afraid of fucking spiders. I stand corrected.

[Sees other Losers putting on shower caps]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Superbad

Reality of Police Work vs. TV Portrayals

Officer Michaels You know, this job, though, isn't how shows like CSI make it out to be. When I first joined the force, I was under the impression that everything was covered in a fine layer of semen. And that the police had at their disposal a semen database with every bad guy's semen on it. Not true!

Officer Slater Yup.

Officer Michaels If only there was semen on everything, it would make our jobs easier.

Officer Slater Hell yeah!

Officer Michaels I often go to sleep and dream of waking up in a world where everything is covered in semen.

Officer Slater I mean, who doesn't? It's like your wish that you could walk out of a room and just know where the semen was. You just know like Sherlock Holmes, if he was in his day, Sherlock Holomes, in his day... And this is a proven historical fact. Sherlock Holmes, when he was alive, knew where semen was.

Officer Michaels Could smell it out like a rat.

Officer Slater Smell it out. Anything.

Officer Michaels Like the crime scene today, if the man had ejaculated and then punched you in the face, we'd have a real good shot at catching him.

Officer Slater No way.

Officer Michaels Just punched you in the face. No semen.

Officer Slater Yeah, no semen. And that's the only way you can find DNA by the way, if it's in the jizz.

Officer Michaels Semen. It's the best DNA, is in the jizz.

Officer Slater I'm telling you right now, sometimes I just want to make, you know, live in a world of semen.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

It Chapter Two

Confrontation in Truth or Dare Challenge

Richie Tozier Hey, fuckface! You wanna play Truth or Dare? Here's the truth: you're a sloppy bitch! Yeah, that's right! Let's dance! ]-

[To IT/Pennywise as he's about to kill Mike; [w:Die Hard|Yippee-ki-yay, motherfu; IT/Pennywise uses the Deadlights on him]

Pineapple Express

A Humorous Metaphor About Comfort