The Cat and the Canary - A Humorous Take on Spirits and Ice
Miss Lu:
There are spirits all around you.
Wally Campbell:
Well, could you put some in a glass with a little ice? I need it badly.
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The Cat and the Canary - Fear of Empty Houses in Conversation
Cicily:
Don't big empty houses scare you?
Wally Campbell: [[w:Vaudeville|Vaudeville]
Not me, I used to be in ].
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The Cat and the Canary - Reincarnation and Politics in a Spooky Setting
Cicily:
It's awful spooky down here. Do you believe in reincarnation?
Wally Campbell:
Huh?
Cicily:
You know... that dead people come back?
Wally Campbell:
You mean like the Republicans?
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The Cat and the Canary - A Darkly Humorous Take on Deceit
Wally Campbell: [on the deceased]
He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.
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Road to Rio - Confusion Between Baby and Bogie
Scat Sweeney:
Baby?!
Hot Lips Barton:
Baby? Seems more like Bogie!
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Road to Rio - Musicians Reject Conventional Work in Rio
Cardoso:
You phoneys! You'll never work in Rio again!
Hot Lips Barton:
Who wants to work? We're musicians!
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Road to Rio - A Humorous Exchange on Cowardice
Scat Sweeney:
Are you admitting you're a dirty coward?
Hot Lips Barton:
No, a clean one!
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Road to Rio - Confusion and Frustration in Unexpected Moments
Lucia Maria de Andrade:
I don't know what came over me! I found myself saying things, and I didn't know why I was saying them.
Hot Lips Barton:
Look, why don't you just run for Congress and leave us alone?
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Road to Rio - A Playful Exchange of Insults
Scat Sweeney:
Swine!
Hot Lips Barton:
Pig!
Scat Sweeney:
That's the same as swine.
Hot Lips Barton:
All right. Ham!
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Road to Rio - Questioning Mount Baldy's Involvement
Hot Lips Barton: [looking at Tor Johnson]
How did Mount Baldy get into this?
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Road to Rio - Consequences of Ignoring Our Films
Hot Lips Barton: [Knocking the bad guys unconscious with the pattycake routine]
That's what they get for not seeing our pictures!
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Road to Rio - Unpacking a Short Contract Guarantee
Hot Lips Barton:
Look at this contract we signed for five months - two weeks guarantee!
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Road to Rio - Inquiry About Applying Something Unusual
Hot Lips Barton: [Staring at Lucia's very tight gown]
How'd you put that on - with a spraygun?
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Road to Rio - Hot Lips Questions Superman's Legal Intentions
Hot Lips Barton: [appearing in gaudy circus tights]
Do you think Superman will sue?
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Road to Rio - A Sudden Plea for Assistance
Hot Lips Barton: [Hanging off the high wire; Aside to camera]
Help! Help! You know, this picture could end right here.
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Road to Utopia - Cold Cards and Unexpected Destinations
Duke Johnson:
Chester, you'd better face it - the cards say "Alaska!
Chester Hooton:
No wonder - it's a cold deck!
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Road to Utopia - Avoiding Politics in Conversation
Sal Van Hoyden:
Don't be facetious!
Chester Hooton: [confused]
Oh, keep politics out of this!
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Road to Utopia - Questioning Life and Death Perceptions
Chester Hooton:
Am I dead?
Duke Johnson:
I can't tell, you always look that way.
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Road to Utopia - The Value of Experience in Learning
Duke Johnson:
Experience is the best teacher.
Chester Hooton:
Oh, experience is the best teacher, huh?
Duke Johnson:
Naturally, and I'm a Ph.D.
Chester Hooton:
Yeah, a pin-headed dope.
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Road to Utopia - Reflections on Fear and Self-Perception
Duke Johnson:
Can't you suppress it somehow?
Chester Hooton:
Frighten me.
Duke Johnson:
I can't, I haven't got a mirror.
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Road to Utopia - Cold Comparisons Between Ice Types
Chester Hooton:
Everything is cold! My nose is an iceberg.
Duke Johnson:
Iceberg? That's a glacier.
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Road to Utopia - Threat of danger from hoodlums on boat
Chester Hooton:
If those hoodlums ever get off that boat, we'll be smiling ear to ear... with our throats!
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Road to Utopia - Fear of Death, Not Dying
Chester Hooton:
Yeah? Well, I ain't afraid to die. I just hate being killed, that's all.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Assessing the Threat of Unfriendly Killers
Harry Turner:
Those guys mean business. They're killers, murders.
Chester Babcock:
Besides that, they're unfriendly.
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The Road to Hong Kong - A Debate on Loyalty and Gender
Diane:
Mr. Babcock, if you leave now, you'll be running out on your fellow man.
Chester Babcock:
That still leaves my fellow women.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Caution Against Misunderstanding Intelligence
Harry Turner:
You got a mind like a sponge.
Chester Babcock:
Yeah, don't get any ideas about squeezing it, either.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Finding True Friends in Difficult Situations
Indian Neurologist: [about a cobra]
Oh, nothing to worry about. If he should give you a nip, it's very simple. All you do is to get hold of your bowie knife like this, make a cut on here, suck out the poison and spit it away. Very simple.
Chester Babcock:
Yeah, but what if he bites me in a place I can't reach?
Indian Neurologist:
That is when you find out who your real friends are.
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The Road to Hong Kong - A Will's Exclusion Sparks Unequal Cheer
Harry Turner:
Happy landings, buster!
Chester Babcock:
I don't know what you're so happy about. You're not mentioned in my will.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Misadventures in Medical Assistance
Harry Turner:
Don't I always get you the best medical attention available?
Chester Babcock:
Yeah, like that doctor you got me in Bombay last month.
Harry Turner:
How was I going to know he was an elephant doctor?
Chester Babcock:
You should have known by the size of his thermometer.
Harry Turner:
Yes, was a bit large.
Chester Babcock:
When he shook it, I was still on it.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Dividing Time Among Friends
Diane:
There must be some sensible solution to this problem.
Harry Turner:
Well, of course there is. Two fellas, one girl. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you come to my house.
Chester Babcock:
Yeah. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, my house.
Diane:
What about Sunday?
Chester Babcock:
Everybody rests.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Understanding Relationships and Perceptions of Age
Harry Turner:
An hour ago she flipped over me. I don't dig it.
Chester Babcock:
Well, that's understandable. An impressionable young thing falls for an elderly fellow. She probably thought you were a father figure.
Harry Turner:
Father figure?
Chester Babcock:
Yes, then she took another look and found out you had your father's figure.
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The Road to Hong Kong - A Reunion Sparks Confidence in Action
Diane:
Are you sure you've done this sort of thing before?
Chester Babcock:
Well, I MUST have. When do we start?
Diane: [suddenly shouting; She slips him an envelope as she kisses him]
Right now. Darling, it's so wonderful to see you again. You've got it.
Chester Babcock:
I know it.
Diane:
Don't lose it.
Chester Babcock:
Don't worry.
Diane:
I'll see you at the hotel.
Chester Babcock:
Pull the shades and lock the door.
Diane:
One final thing.
Chester Babcock:
Yes?
Diane:
In case I'm late, you go ahead without me.
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The Road to Hong Kong - A Race Against Time and Surveillance
Diane: [whispers]
Do you think we're being watched?
Chester Babcock: [noticing Harry staring at them from the bar]
Definitely.
Diane:
Oh, then we'll have to hurry.
Chester Babcock:
Have we got time?
Diane:
If you work fast.
Chester Babcock:
I'll do my best.
Diane:
Good. Now, I've got the room ready at the hotel.
Chester Babcock:
Good.
Diane:
I've made all the arrangements.
Chester Babcock:
Fine.
Diane:
The shades are all drawn.
Chester Babcock:
Very sensible.
Diane:
And we can lock the door from the inside.
Chester Babcock:
Oh, good. I'd hate to get a crowd until I get the hang of it.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Uncertainty and Action Amidst the Unknown
Harry Turner: [hands Chester a hand mirror]
Who's that?
Chester Babcock: [seeing his reflection]
I don't know, but gimme a stick and I'll kill it.
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The Road to Hong Kong - Skepticism about Danger in Friendship
Harry Turner:
Chester, I give you my solemn word. This time it's not dangerous.
Chester Babcock:
Not dangerous?
Harry Turner:
No.
Chester Babcock:
That's what cha said when you shot me out of a cannon, when you dropped me in a tank with an octopus, when you had me wrestle a gorilla. It's not dangerous! I'm not going'. I'm through. I've had it. So forget it, Charlie!
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The Road to Hong Kong - Suspicion and Trust Among Partners
Chester Babcock: [cracks open a fortune cookie and reads; passing it to Harry]
You are under grave suspicion. Your partner suspects you of dishonesty." Here, it's for you.
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The Ghost Breakers - Unexpected News During a Ghost Encounter
Francisco Mederes:
He wasn't playing. That was the real ghost!
Larry Lawrence:
Now we have something to worry about on our honeymoon.
Mary Carter:
Our what?
Larry Lawrence:
Our honeymoon. Didn't I tell ya?
Mary Carter:
No, but I'd like to hear about it.
Larry Lawrence:
You would?
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The Ghost Breakers - Zombie Metaphor and Political Commentary
Geoff Montgomery:
It's worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of his own. You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.
Larry Lawrence:
You mean like Democrats?
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Road to Singapore - A Pact Against Women
Ace Lannigan:
We've got to agree on something right now. No more women! No women of any kind, size, shape or color.
Josh Mallon V:
Not even midgets!
Ace Lannigan:
Why, if either of us looks at anything in a skirt, the other can clip his ears off and stuff em down his throat.
Josh Mallon V:
And I hope you choke.
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Road to Singapore - A Solution for Unclaimed Lather
Colonna:
HEY! WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH ALL THIS LATHER?
Ace Lannigan:
Keep it for thirty days. If nobody claims it, brother it's yours!
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Road to Singapore - Marriage Perspectives in a Changing World
Josh Mallon V:
If the world was run right, only women'd get married.
Ace Lannigan:
Yeah. Hey, could they do that?
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Road to Singapore - Political Jokes Amidst a Life-and-Death Situation
Ace Lannigan: [wrestling with a just caught marlin]
Hey, he's still alive!
Josh Mallon V:
He won't give up!
Ace Lannigan:
He must be a Republican.
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Road to Singapore - Feeling Trapped in a Fishy Situation
Ace Lannigan:
I need some air.
Josh Mallon V:
The night air is bad for you junior, back in the net.
Ace Lannigan:
Yeah, now I know how a salmon feels.
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Road to Singapore - Platinum Blonde on a White Horse
Ace Lannigan:
Look at that! Just like a platinum blonde riding a white horse through a flock of swans.
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Road to Singapore - A Playful Remark on Facial Hair
Ace Lannigan:
Is that your mustache? Tell me, does your chest ever get jealous of your upper lip? Ah, a might pretty thing. A mighty pretty thing.
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Road to Singapore - Deception and Vulnerability in Relationships
Ace Lannigan:
Your engagement? Why you double-crossin', moonstruck pushover. Gloria hits you with a little billin and cooin and - bang - you're a dead pigeon, huh?
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Road to Singapore - A Moment of Self-Admiration and Ambition
Ace Lannigan:
I just want you to stand there and admire me for a while. I just got an idea that's gonna make us a fortune. I don't know how I do it.
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Road to Bali - Navigating Complications in Relationships
Harold Gridley:
Hey! What are you gonna do with TWO girls?
George Cochran:
That's...um...MY problem....
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Road to Bali - Road to Bali - Dialogue 6
Princess Lala:
Do you always fight over girls?
Harold Gridley: [Looking straight into the camera]
Well, what else can we fight over? We've never had any money. That's for Washington!
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Road to Bali - Gossip Among Friends in Bali
Harold Gridley:
Say, Haggis!
George Cochran:
What is it, MacBaggis?
Harold Gridley:
Have you heard the latest about MacTavish?
George Cochran:
What's he done now?
Harold Gridley:
I heard he's living on the roof!
George Cochran:
Why would he be living on the roof?
Harold Gridley:
Because he heard someone say, "Drinks are on the house!
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Road to Bali - Road to Bali - Dialogue 4
George Cochran:
What's that?
Harold Gridley: [[Errol Flynn]
Oh, that's ]. He can't stand it.
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Road to Bali - Curiosity and Humor About Local Culture
George Cochran:
I wonder what the locals are like?
Princess Lala:
I hope they're not cannibals or headhunters!
Harold Gridley:
I hope they're orange pickers, I want to get out of this tree!
George Cochran:
Oh, stop squawking, you'll fall off when you're ripe!
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Road to Bali - Cultural Dress and Assumptions in Bali
Harold Gridley:
Is that the way all the natives dress on your island?
Male Native:
Nods
Harold Gridley:
Really? George, do you suppose...
George Cochran:
Not a chance.
Harold Gridley:
Stick around folks, he could be wrong you know.
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Road to Bali - Island Paradise and Its Allure
Ken Arok:
You will love Vaatu. It is an island paradise.
Harold Gridley:
Girls, huh?
Ken Arok:
Could it be paradise without girls?
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Road to Bali - Harold's Remark on Como's Nature
Harold Gridley: [to George]
Why, you collapsible Como, you...
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Road to Bali - Reflections on Employment History
Harold Gridley:
Say, I haven't looked for work since I was night watchmen at Vassar.
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Road to Bali - Road to Bali - Harold Gridley
Harold Gridley:
He's gonna sing, folks. Now's the time to go out and get the popcorn.
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