Memorable Quotes from Bob Hope
57 quotesFeeling Trapped in a Fishy Situation
Ace Lannigan
I need some air.
Josh Mallon V
The night air is bad for you junior, back in the net.
Ace Lannigan
Yeah, now I know how a salmon feels.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unpacking a Short Contract Guarantee
Hot Lips Barton
Look at this contract we signed for five months - two weeks guarantee!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fear of Empty Houses in Conversation
Cicily
Don't big empty houses scare you?
Wally Campbell
Not me, I used to be in ].
[[w:Vaudeville|Vaudeville]
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Misadventures in Medical Assistance
Harry Turner
Don't I always get you the best medical attention available?
Chester Babcock
Yeah, like that doctor you got me in Bombay last month.
Harry Turner
How was I going to know he was an elephant doctor?
Chester Babcock
You should have known by the size of his thermometer.
Harry Turner
Yes, was a bit large.
Chester Babcock
When he shook it, I was still on it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Suspicion and Trust Among Partners
Chester Babcock
You are under grave suspicion. Your partner suspects you of dishonesty." Here, it's for you.
[cracks open a fortune cookie and reads; passing it to Harry]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marriage Perspectives in a Changing World
Josh Mallon V
If the world was run right, only women'd get married.
Ace Lannigan
Yeah. Hey, could they do that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange on Cowardice
Scat Sweeney
Are you admitting you're a dirty coward?
Hot Lips Barton
No, a clean one!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Spirits and Ice
Miss Lu
There are spirits all around you.
Wally Campbell
Well, could you put some in a glass with a little ice? I need it badly.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Mount Baldy's Involvement
Hot Lips Barton
How did Mount Baldy get into this?
[looking at Tor Johnson]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Remark on Facial Hair
Ace Lannigan
Is that your mustache? Tell me, does your chest ever get jealous of your upper lip? Ah, a might pretty thing. A mighty pretty thing.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Life and Death Perceptions
Chester Hooton
Am I dead?
Duke Johnson
I can't tell, you always look that way.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Harold's Remark on Como's Nature
Harold Gridley
Why, you collapsible Como, you...
[to George]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reincarnation and Politics in a Spooky Setting
Cicily
It's awful spooky down here. Do you believe in reincarnation?
Wally Campbell
Huh?
Cicily
You know... that dead people come back?
Wally Campbell
You mean like the Republicans?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Road to Bali - Dialogue 4
George Cochran
What's that?
Harold Gridley
Oh, that's ]. He can't stand it.
[[Errol Flynn]
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A Solution for Unclaimed Lather
Colonna
HEY! WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH ALL THIS LATHER?
Ace Lannigan
Keep it for thirty days. If nobody claims it, brother it's yours!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Darkly Humorous Take on Deceit
Wally Campbell
He was so crooked that when he died they had to screw him into the ground.
[on the deceased]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Relationships and Perceptions of Age
Harry Turner
An hour ago she flipped over me. I don't dig it.
Chester Babcock
Well, that's understandable. An impressionable young thing falls for an elderly fellow. She probably thought you were a father figure.
Harry Turner
Father figure?
Chester Babcock
Yes, then she took another look and found out you had your father's figure.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Finding True Friends in Difficult Situations
Indian Neurologist
Oh, nothing to worry about. If he should give you a nip, it's very simple. All you do is to get hold of your bowie knife like this, make a cut on here, suck out the poison and spit it away. Very simple.
[about a cobra]
Chester Babcock
Yeah, but what if he bites me in a place I can't reach?
Indian Neurologist
That is when you find out who your real friends are.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Deception and Vulnerability in Relationships
Ace Lannigan
Your engagement? Why you double-crossin', moonstruck pushover. Gloria hits you with a little billin and cooin and - bang - you're a dead pigeon, huh?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Threat of danger from hoodlums on boat
Chester Hooton
If those hoodlums ever get off that boat, we'll be smiling ear to ear... with our throats!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Pact Against Women
Ace Lannigan
We've got to agree on something right now. No more women! No women of any kind, size, shape or color.
Josh Mallon V
Not even midgets!
Ace Lannigan
Why, if either of us looks at anything in a skirt, the other can clip his ears off and stuff em down his throat.
Josh Mallon V
And I hope you choke.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Sudden Plea for Assistance
Hot Lips Barton
Help! Help! You know, this picture could end right here.
[Hanging off the high wire; Aside to camera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hot Lips Questions Superman's Legal Intentions
Hot Lips Barton
Do you think Superman will sue?
[appearing in gaudy circus tights]
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Zombie Metaphor and Political Commentary
Geoff Montgomery
It's worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of his own. You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.
Larry Lawrence
You mean like Democrats?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Skepticism about Danger in Friendship
Harry Turner
Chester, I give you my solemn word. This time it's not dangerous.
Chester Babcock
Not dangerous?
Harry Turner
No.
Chester Babcock
That's what cha said when you shot me out of a cannon, when you dropped me in a tank with an octopus, when you had me wrestle a gorilla. It's not dangerous! I'm not going'. I'm through. I've had it. So forget it, Charlie!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dividing Time Among Friends
Diane
There must be some sensible solution to this problem.
Harry Turner
Well, of course there is. Two fellas, one girl. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you come to my house.
Chester Babcock
Yeah. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, my house.
Diane
What about Sunday?
Chester Babcock
Everybody rests.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Debate on Loyalty and Gender
Diane
Mr. Babcock, if you leave now, you'll be running out on your fellow man.
Chester Babcock
That still leaves my fellow women.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Road to Bali - Harold Gridley
Harold Gridley
He's gonna sing, folks. Now's the time to go out and get the popcorn.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of Experience in Learning
Duke Johnson
Experience is the best teacher.
Chester Hooton
Oh, experience is the best teacher, huh?
Duke Johnson
Naturally, and I'm a Ph.D.
Chester Hooton
Yeah, a pin-headed dope.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fear of Death, Not Dying
Chester Hooton
Yeah? Well, I ain't afraid to die. I just hate being killed, that's all.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Self-Admiration and Ambition
Ace Lannigan
I just want you to stand there and admire me for a while. I just got an idea that's gonna make us a fortune. I don't know how I do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Political Jokes Amidst a Life-and-Death Situation
Ace Lannigan
Hey, he's still alive!
[wrestling with a just caught marlin]
Josh Mallon V
He won't give up!
Ace Lannigan
He must be a Republican.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected News During a Ghost Encounter
Francisco Mederes
He wasn't playing. That was the real ghost!
Larry Lawrence
Now we have something to worry about on our honeymoon.
Mary Carter
Our what?
Larry Lawrence
Our honeymoon. Didn't I tell ya?
Mary Carter
No, but I'd like to hear about it.
Larry Lawrence
You would?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity and Humor About Local Culture
George Cochran
I wonder what the locals are like?
Princess Lala
I hope they're not cannibals or headhunters!
Harold Gridley
I hope they're orange pickers, I want to get out of this tree!
George Cochran
Oh, stop squawking, you'll fall off when you're ripe!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Will's Exclusion Sparks Unequal Cheer
Harry Turner
Happy landings, buster!
Chester Babcock
I don't know what you're so happy about. You're not mentioned in my will.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Caution Against Misunderstanding Intelligence
Harry Turner
You got a mind like a sponge.
Chester Babcock
Yeah, don't get any ideas about squeezing it, either.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cold Comparisons Between Ice Types
Chester Hooton
Everything is cold! My nose is an iceberg.
Duke Johnson
Iceberg? That's a glacier.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Fear and Self-Perception
Duke Johnson
Can't you suppress it somehow?
Chester Hooton
Frighten me.
Duke Johnson
I can't, I haven't got a mirror.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Reunion Sparks Confidence in Action
Diane
Are you sure you've done this sort of thing before?
Chester Babcock
Well, I MUST have. When do we start?
Diane
Right now. Darling, it's so wonderful to see you again. You've got it.
[suddenly shouting; She slips him an envelope as she kisses him]
Chester Babcock
I know it.
Diane
Don't lose it.
Chester Babcock
Don't worry.
Diane
I'll see you at the hotel.
Chester Babcock
Pull the shades and lock the door.
Diane
One final thing.
Chester Babcock
Yes?
Diane
In case I'm late, you go ahead without me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Musicians Reject Conventional Work in Rio
Cardoso
You phoneys! You'll never work in Rio again!
Hot Lips Barton
Who wants to work? We're musicians!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty and Action Amidst the Unknown
Harry Turner
Who's that?
[hands Chester a hand mirror]
Chester Babcock
I don't know, but gimme a stick and I'll kill it.
[seeing his reflection]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Island Paradise and Its Allure
Ken Arok
You will love Vaatu. It is an island paradise.
Harold Gridley
Girls, huh?
Ken Arok
Could it be paradise without girls?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Ignoring Our Films
Hot Lips Barton
That's what they get for not seeing our pictures!
[Knocking the bad guys unconscious with the pattycake routine]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Avoiding Politics in Conversation
Sal Van Hoyden
Don't be facetious!
Chester Hooton
Oh, keep politics out of this!
[confused]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion and Frustration in Unexpected Moments
Lucia Maria de Andrade
I don't know what came over me! I found myself saying things, and I didn't know why I was saying them.
Hot Lips Barton
Look, why don't you just run for Congress and leave us alone?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Road to Bali - Dialogue 6
Princess Lala
Do you always fight over girls?
Harold Gridley
Well, what else can we fight over? We've never had any money. That's for Washington!
[Looking straight into the camera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Between Baby and Bogie
Scat Sweeney
Baby?!
Hot Lips Barton
Baby? Seems more like Bogie!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inquiry About Applying Something Unusual
Hot Lips Barton
How'd you put that on - with a spraygun?
[Staring at Lucia's very tight gown]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Employment History
Harold Gridley
Say, I haven't looked for work since I was night watchmen at Vassar.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cold Cards and Unexpected Destinations
Duke Johnson
Chester, you'd better face it - the cards say "Alaska!
Chester Hooton
No wonder - it's a cold deck!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gossip Among Friends in Bali
Harold Gridley
Say, Haggis!
George Cochran
What is it, MacBaggis?
Harold Gridley
Have you heard the latest about MacTavish?
George Cochran
What's he done now?
Harold Gridley
I heard he's living on the roof!
George Cochran
Why would he be living on the roof?
Harold Gridley
Because he heard someone say, "Drinks are on the house!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Complications in Relationships
Harold Gridley
Hey! What are you gonna do with TWO girls?
George Cochran
That's...um...MY problem....
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Dress and Assumptions in Bali
Harold Gridley
Is that the way all the natives dress on your island?
Male Native
Nods
Harold Gridley
Really? George, do you suppose...
George Cochran
Not a chance.
Harold Gridley
Stick around folks, he could be wrong you know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Platinum Blonde on a White Horse
Ace Lannigan
Look at that! Just like a platinum blonde riding a white horse through a flock of swans.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Assessing the Threat of Unfriendly Killers
Harry Turner
Those guys mean business. They're killers, murders.
Chester Babcock
Besides that, they're unfriendly.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Race Against Time and Surveillance
Diane
Do you think we're being watched?
[whispers]
Chester Babcock
Definitely.
[noticing Harry staring at them from the bar]
Diane
Oh, then we'll have to hurry.
Chester Babcock
Have we got time?
Diane
If you work fast.
Chester Babcock
I'll do my best.
Diane
Good. Now, I've got the room ready at the hotel.
Chester Babcock
Good.
Diane
I've made all the arrangements.
Chester Babcock
Fine.
Diane
The shades are all drawn.
Chester Babcock
Very sensible.
Diane
And we can lock the door from the inside.
Chester Babcock
Oh, good. I'd hate to get a crowd until I get the hang of it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange of Insults
Scat Sweeney
Swine!
Hot Lips Barton
Pig!
Scat Sweeney
That's the same as swine.
Hot Lips Barton
All right. Ham!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.