Breckin MeyerQuotes

Marcus: The thing is, most people don't know how to make love. They stick it in, move it around till they get off. But what Tantra teaches you is how to deepen, prolong the sexual experience. Bring it to a higher level. If one man in 10 was having the sex I'm having, there'd be no war.

Simon: What's the longest you two ever did it?

Marcus: Fourteen hours.

Simon: Holy shit! How many times you shoot?

Marcus: Not once, man.

Simon: You didn't go once? Not even at the end?

Marcus: You redirect the orgasm inside. How long do your orgasms last? Two, three seconds? I've had orgasms that have lasted up to an hour and a half.

Simon: That's bullshit!

Marcus: Honest to God and I mean Allah.

Tiny: Word.

Marcus: Word.

Simon: Wait. No love. When'd you last get off?

Marcus: I haven't ejaculated in six months. Anyone can do it. It just takes discipline.

Tiny: [[w:Obi-Wan Kenobi|Obi-Wan Kenobi] Bullshit. You're some ] motherfucker.

Simon: You call me old school. I'm for coming and going.

Marcus: Hour and a half.

Tiny: [[w:Marilyn Chambers|Marilyn Chambers] Peep this. This chick's bobbing up and down on my dick like ]...

Singh: She found your dick?

Tiny: Then she moves around the outside. She's painting the tree. It hits her in the eye. And her contact? It's, like, stuck on the end of my dick. Yo, her contact is stuck on the end of my dick!

Marcus: Was it hard or soft?

Tiny: What, my dick?

Singh: The contact lens.

Marcus: Remember if it was colored? That she had two blue eyes and now one blue and one brown?

Tiny: What does it matter?

Marcus: It matters because it happened to me. That was my story. I told that story a year ago, man. The difference is I knew those small details. That and my story was true.

Tiny: Whatever.

Marcus: Whatever"?

Tiny: Whatever.

Marcus: What do you mean?

Tiny: Pull your stinky dinky out of my ass! I was making conversation. Fuck! Give a nigger a break!

Marcus: Nigger"? What nigger, this nigger?

Tiny: I told you my mother's mother's mother was black.

Marcus: [[w:Roots: The Saga of an American Family|Roots] This ain't ]. Show me this Nubian's picture.

Tiny: I don't carry her picture.

Marcus: If you were less black, you'd be clear.

Tiny: She was black as night!

Marcus: Okay, stop! Truce!

Tiny: Shut up! Man, I see black. I know I am. Color's a state of mind, Marcus.

Marcus: You know, you're right.

Singh: [[w:Rhythm Nation|Rhythm Nation] Thank you, ].

Tiny: Fuck you, Vanilla Ice.

Sarah: Hey, can I talk to you for a second, Chris?

Mitt: I'm sorry. Chris is really busy, maybe we could set something up for-- nice jacket-- later in the week. What do you think?

Sarah: Why did you lie about me?

Chris: Look, I don't want to go out with you again, okay? Please stop begging. It's pathetic.

Sarah: Hey, Chris, fuck you!

Chris: Nah.

Trey: But I will.

Mitt: [looks at Trey as Sarah runs off, upset] She's gonna cry, then I'm gonna cry, and we're all gonna cry!

Garfield: [as Happy finds himself surrounded by the dogs, cats and rats; Happy glances around nervously as the animals close in on him] Alright, here's the drill. Cats, scratch like you've never scratched before. Dogs, bite, but don't chew. And rats, see if you can get that pretty necklace around his neck. Canines, felines, and vermines, it's showtime!

Dog: Alright, boys. Dog pile! Hit him low! Hit him high! Hit him in the legs!

Happy: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Garfield: [The animals leave] Thanks, boys. The home team will take it from here. Better split before Animal Control gets here.

Dog #1: Hey, Garfield, take it easy.

Dog #2: See you later, Garfield.

Dog #3: Yo, Garfield, good luck.

Garfield: Odie, would you mind sharing the remote with me, please? Every dog has his day, Happy.

Happy: Nice kitty.

Garfield: [shocks Happy with the shock collar; Odie shocks Happy with the shock collar again] Let's see what's on the news. Let me tell you something, Happy. To you, Odie might be just a dumb, stupid, smelly dog, but to me, he's all that and much more. He's my friend. Odie, try something else. Maybe there's a game on. Strong finish, little buddy.

Jon: [as he and Liz arrive in the storage room after Garfield and Odie shock Happy with the shock collar] Odie? Garfield?

Liz: Odie?

Jon: Odie? Odie?

Happy: [stands up and faces them; now dazed] Be happy.

Jon: [punches Happy in the face, startling Liz as she watches] This is for stealing my dog and my cat.

Garfield: He didn't steal me, I was doing the rescue work.

Jon: [hugs Garfield while Liz hugs Odie] Garfield! Odie! Oh, I missed you guys so much! I'm never gonna let you outta my sight again. Never. You guys are my best friends.

Garfield: You had me at hello.

Walter J. Chapman: This is Walter J. Chapman with breaking news from the Midwest. Abby Shields reporting. What did you got for me, Abby?

Abby Shields: The details are sketchy, but it appears that a deranged man may be the cause of all of the trouble here.

Nermal: A deranged man? What's this?

Abby Shields: In fact, police are bringing the suspect out as we speak.

Walter J. Chapman: [makes a "Cut" gesture] Aah! Good grief. It's my idiot brother.

Nermal: [[Inside Out 2|He's going for a ride in a police car.] Hey! It's Happy Chapman. ]

Abby Shields: But sources tell me that this incident, somehow, involved a dog, and a very, heroic cat.

Arlene: Garfield?

Nermal: Hey, he saved Odie! Now he's a hero!

Arlene: Oh, I didn't realize.

Nermal: Garfield is on TV! He's a hero!

Kyle: Well, we had a few drinks, danced a little, and... y'know.

E.L.: No, we don't know. Why don't you tell us?

E.L.: What the hell is that?! Did you kill a cheetah?

Kyle: [puts them up to his face and sniffs them, much to everyone's disgust] What? No, these are her underwear! She gave them to me! I boinked her!

E.L.: ... "boinked"?

Josh: Well, Kyle, I certainly hope you got all the "boinking" out of your system, because we got a lot of driving to do today, guys.

Nick Schaffer: My grandfather used to say that good things take time, but great things happen all at once.

Travis: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do all on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. Uh, I'd like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver for taking a chance on an unknown kid, and, uh, last but not least, the wonderful crew at McDonald's for spending hours making those Egg McMuffins, without which I might never be tardy.

Amber: [about Tai] She could be a farmer in those clothes.

Tai: Cher, I don't wanna do this anymore. And my buns, they don't feel nothing like steel.