Memorable Quotes from Brian Haley
8 quotesBlame and Frustration Among Friends
Veeko
I worked at Burger King three years. This is worse than that.
Eddie
Don't blame me. We'd be resting easy if Butterfingers here hadn't lost the kid.
Norby
I lost the kid? I lost the kid?! Oh, well, that's news to me.
Eddie
Who putted himself to sleep reading the kid's nursery story?!
Norby
Who left the window open?!
Veeko
That was me.
Eddie
You idiots are why we don't got the kid. As far as I'm concerned, you can drop out and I'll keep the five million myself. Frankly, you don't deserve a penny!
Veeko
You'd stiff us?
Norby
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Don't get hot, Eddie. Don't get hot. We're all just tired from getting torn apart.
Eddie
Oh, like I like to fall off buildings and jump in ditches! That's the breaks. We're dealing with a baby. Babies are obviously more dangerous than we thought.
Norby
It don't figure, Eddie. They're so small.
Eddie
When I boxed, the guys I most feared were those who feared nothing. Babies are like that, they ain't afraid of nothing. Baby tracks.
[they notice Bink's foot tracks]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Controversial Call in Youth Football Game
Official
Personal Foul, number 32, white!
Spike
What?! Are you crazy, what kind of a call is that?!
Jake "Berminator" Berman
That wasn't very nice you big bully!
[Tries to push Spike; Spike pushes him down]
Kevin O'Shea
Hammersmith? If that kid of yours pulls another stunt like that, you're both out of here.
Mike Hammersmith
Hey, come on! I thought you wanted to win!
Kevin O'Shea
Not like that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Planning a Strategy to Reach the Baby
Eddie
Norby! Veeko!
[calls for help]
Veeko
Hey! We're down here!
Norby
Hey, Ed! We better go before I dry!
Veeko
Ed, can you see the baby from up there? Just hang on and we'll come on up. I got an idea.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Risk in a Challenging Situation
Norby
Hey, Eddie, you sure you don't wanna go check to see if they left the money?
Eddie
Oh, that's a good idea. We get the living hell tore out of us by a baby! Three fully grown men versus fifteen pounds of pink flesh with a mouth. Now, what chance have we got of strolling into that alley and coming out with anything less than one and forty years in prison?
Veeko
No way.
Eddie
No, thank you! This is a hexed situation. We walk away while we're still ahead.
Veeko
We took a licking and kept on ticking.
Eddie
We'll go back to banks. Dealing with grownups, I don't want no kiddy stuff.
Norby
We did all right with banks.
Veeko
Or a convenience store once in a while, keeps things interesting.
Eddie
You know, I tell you one thing I learned from all this, I ain't never gonna have any kids of my own.
[to Norby and Veeko]
Norby
Yeah, seeing as you burnt down the only tree in your forest, I wouldn't worry about it.
Eddie
Why don't you shut up? I don't wanna ever hear another word about that rotten, snake-bit baby.
[about Bink]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Work Seriousness vs. Humor in Conversation
Veeko
Hey, Eddie, maybe he went down a rabbit hole.
Eddie
We're serious about our work. You wanna make jokes? Join the circus.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of a Kidnapping Incident
Cop 1
Have you guys seen a baby around here?
Eddie
The park is full of...babies.
Cop 2
Yeah, well, there's been a kidnapping.
Norby
Well, that's a crying shame. It's amazing what people will do for money.
Veeko
Yeah, for five million...
Eddie
If we see anything... Excuse me. If we see anything, we'll be sure to notify...
[Baby Bink turns on the lighter; absolutely moans]
Cop 2
He's got a bad heart.
Eddie
Excuse me. The police. Thank you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Cheerleader in a Football Scene
Mike Hammersmith
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. What's that cheerleader doing with a helmet on?
[Upon seeing Becky emerge from the locker room dressed up in Giant gear]
Kevin O'Shea
That's no cheerleader. That's my niece, Becky. She's pissed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Surprise Reaction to Unexpected News
Veeko
Some people.
[noticing Bink is on Ursala's purse]
Norby
Eddie, how could he get off?
Veeko
I seen him.
Both
What?!
Veeko
He's in the big broad's purse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.