Bud AbbottQuotes

Ted Higgins: I'd like to have a tooth pulled. I want no anesthetic and I don't care how much it hurts.

Dentist's Assistant: Oh my, what a brave man you are! What tooth is it?

Ted Higgins: [turns to Tommy] Show her the tooth.

Mervin Q. Milgrim: I'm getting a lot of silly answers from this guy.

Chick Larkin: Well, grill him.

Mervin Q. Milgrim: What?

Chick Larkin: Grill him.

Mervin Q. Milgrim: I'm not hungry!

Chick Larkin: If we solve this case, the public will be begging for "MUCK AND MIRE'.

Mervin Q. Milgrim: And if the murderer gets us, we'll do plenty of begging, too!

Mervin Q. Milgrim: [nauseous] I gotta go back upstairs and get something...

Chick Larkin: What have you gotta get?

Mervin Q. Milgrim: My stomach...

Chick Larkin: [about Juliet Collins] She's only got a couple of buck teeth.

Mervin Q. Milgrim: Why do I care what she paid for them?

Tubby: What if this stuff changes me into a mouse again and I can't turn back?

Slim: Don't worry,I'll bring you cheese every day.

Tubby: Hey Slim? Slim? I gotta go home. I forgot something.

Slim: What did you forget?

Tubby: I forgot to stay there.

Slim: Now look! You can't make two persons out of one. If there's a monster, there's a monster. If there's a Dr. Jekyll, there's a Dr. Jekyll. But one can't be the other.

Tubby: Now listen Slim. All I know is that I locked up the monster and when I came back, Dr. Jekyll was there. You know I'm no magician.

Chester Wooley: We stop the stage, the bandits are waiting for the stage, and then you show up instead of the stage.

Duke Egan: That's pretty well-staged.

Tom Watson: Nugget Joe, you've got everything in the world to live for. The richest gold mine in Alaska. Why with that kind of money, you can get any kind of girl you want. Why worry about that one girl?

Nugget Joe McDermott: I don't want any girl. I want Rosette.

George Bell: I want to go to sleep! I'm tired.

Tom Watson: Why Mrs. McGillicuddy, how charming you look. I know it's your hair. You've done something different to it.

George Bell: She put it on her head!

Tom Watson: George, you know my wife's an angel?

George Bell: You're lucky. Mine's living!

George Bell: This is the fastest dog team in the whole world.

Tom Watson: What do you mean?

George Bell: Get a load of all my dogs. See the first dog? That's Butch. Then there's George. Then there's Albert. Then there's Gene. Then there's Joe

Tom Watson: What makes them so fast?

George Bell: You see the lead dog? Her name is Gloria.

Tom Watson: [after Mrs. McGillicuddy, the landlady, threatens to get the police and have them arrested for nonpayment of rent] Oh, it's much too cold for you to be flying around on a broom!

Smokey Adams: If you asked a seaman how fast the ship was going, he wouldn't say "Miles" to you. He'd say "Knots" to you.

Pomeroy Watson: Well, nuts to him, too, if that's the way he feels!

Smokey Adams: Did you ever go to school, stupid?

Seaman Pomeroy Watson: Yeah, and I come out the same way.

Grover Mockridge: Go answer the door. It might be Warner.

Wilbur Hoolihan: It won't do no good. We're all signed up with Universal.

Prince Ramo: [from inside his jail cell] Don't worry! I'll get you out!

Peter Johnson: [being locked up in a nearby cell] Who's gonna get YOU out?

The Derelict: I know a secret passage that will take us out.

Harvey Garvey: Swell!

The Derelict: [to Harvey] Shhh!

Harvey Garvey: [to Pete] Shhh!

Peter Johnson: [whispering] Go ahead.

The Derelict: Follow me.

Peter Johnson: Go ahead - follow him.

Harvey Garvey: Okay.

Peter Johnson: [impatiently] Go ahead.

The Derelict: Where are you taking me?

Harvey Garvey: Do I have to especially go now?

Peter Johnson: You just split an infinitive!

Harvey Garvey: [feeling his own rear end] Well, I mean that... Does it show?

Peter Johnson: [laughs] You love her? Oh, come on, you wouldn't get to first base with a beautiful girl like that.

Harvey Garvey: Yes, I would.

Peter Johnson: Did you ever take a good look in the mirror?

Harvey Garvey: No.

Peter Johnson: Why not?

Harvey Garvey: Why should I hurt my own feelings?

Peter Johnson: Never mind!

Peter Johnson: We've got to outsmart Uncle Nimativ. You go in and outwit him.

Harvey Garvey: Why should I go out with him? I'm afraid of that man!

Peter Johnson: Not to go out with him. Go in and outwit him.

Harvey Garvey: Why should I go in and go out with him? I mean, he don't appeal to me!

The Derelict: [to Pete] Gentleman... He called me a gentleman! Thank you.

Peter Johnson: That's all right.

The Derelict: [pointing to Harvey] Those are the first kind words I've heard in years. You see I haven't always been a derelict... like you!

Harvey Garvey: Hey, now, don't call me those kind of bad names.

The Derelict: Would you like to hear my story?

Harvey Garvey: No.

The Derelict: Very well, then I'll tell it to you.

Willoughby: How do you milk this cow?

Duke: No - this is a steer! The steer don't give milk.

Willoughby: No?

Duke: No.

Willoughby: Then where does that steerilized milk come from?

Willoughby: It's all our fault. Duke and I went running to hide from the boss and I let the cow's husband out.

Duke: He means the bull.

Willoughby: Bull nothin it's a fact.

Drexel: [Grabs a big glass paper weight then looks into it] You know I never told you fellas this but I'm quite a fortune teller. I can see into the future. I see two plumbers they're doing pretty good.

Albert Mansfield: More competition.

Drexel: But they're double-crossing a friend of theirs who gave them their start.

Albert Mansfield: That's what I call being ungrateful. I have no use for those kind of people.

Drexel: This friend of theirs is getting mad. Now he wants them to cooperate with him or pay back the money he gave them. He's giving them till six o'clock tonight to get it.

Eddie Harrington: But suppose they can't get it by six o'clock tonight?

Drexel: [Hands the paper weight to Albert and leaves] Then I see two plumbers floating down the river and one of them's a little fat guy.

Eddie Harrington: What's the matter?

Albert Mansfield: The joke is on him.

Eddie Harrington: Why?

Albert Mansfield: I can't swim.

Drexel: How's the plumbing business?

Eddie Harrington: Alright.

Albert Mansfield: We manage to keep our head above water.

Big Frank: Little fat man, your partner's got some information we want. I think maybe you got the information too since you were there when it happened.

Lou Henry: What happened?

Big Frank: When the D.A. was knocked off.

Lou Henry: I was unconscious when it happened.

Big Frank: If it'll help your memory, we can easily render you unconscious again.

Bud Flick: You've got it all wrong, Big Frank. He's just naturally unconscious.

Lou Henry: [Smiles] Thanks, Bud!

Bud Flick: Keep your mouth shut.

Lou Henry: I will not. I breathe through my mouth.

Bud Flick: Well, breathe through your nose.

Lou Henry: Do you breathe through your nose?

Bud Flick: Yes.

Lou Henry: Then you keep your mouth shut!

Mushie: I'll say this for you. You've got nerve.

Bud Flick: Eh. You'll have to look hard to find anybody more nervous than me.

Lou Henry: What are you mad about? Can I help it if it didn't take any brains to fix it?

Bud Flick: If it took any brains, would I need you?

Lou Henry: I don't know.

Harry Lambert: [Pointing to the bull] What are you standing around for? Go on out there and show him who's the boss!

Joe Bascom: HE....KNOWS....WHO'S....BOSS!!

Harry Lambert: Go on out there and face him like a picador, charge him like a matador and beat him like a toreador!

Joe Bascom: And he'll carry me out like a cuspidor.

Joe Bascom: Couldn't Jones make it?

Harry Lambert: Oh, sure, but he'd still be a smith.

Joe Bascom: How can a Jones be a Smith?

Bud Jones: I'm not the least bit happy with that fall!

Lou Hotchkiss: That makes two of us.

Bud Jones: [[idea] What's the ] of teaching midgets to wrestle?

Lou Hotchkiss: They're for those small television sets.

Buzz Kurtis: You can't sleep?

Abercrombie: No.

Buzz Kurtis: [He leaves the room and returns with a phonograph record] I've got just the thing for you. Don't go away. Well, pal, here it is.

Abercrombie: What do you got there?

Buzz Kurtis: [reading the label] Go To Sleep with Dr. Caswell Snide.

Abercrombie: Oh, no! I wanna sleep alone!

Abercrombie: A face like mine is hard to forget.

Buzz Kurtis: How do you know?

Abercrombie: I've been tryin for years!

Bill Gregory: That's my car, hey Slick, who's racing my car?

Slicker Smith: I don't know, I'll ask Herbie... Herbie? Herbie can't drive!

Casey Edwards: Freddie, where did you that gun?

Freddie Phillips: I don't know.

Casey Edwards: Freddie, for the last time! Where did you get that gun?

Freddie Phillips: I don't know.

Casey Edwards: Where did you get that gun?

Freddie Phillips: Hey, that's not fair. You said "for the last time". I answered it.

Casey Edwards: It's Milford. Strickland's secretary.

Freddie Phillips: What's he hangin around here for?

Casey Edwards: He's hang — He's dead, you dope.

Lester: I hereby claim Mars in the name of the United States of America.

Orville: Me too.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then who gets it?

Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I'm saying.

Dexter Broadhurst: You're not saying that.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Excuse me, folks.

Dexter Broadhurst: It's all right. I'm sorry, folks.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: You throw it to Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally. Well, say it that way.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I'm saying.

Dexter Broadhurst: Don't get excited. Now don't get excited.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I throw the ball to first base.

Dexter Broadhurst: Then Who gets it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: He better get it.

Dexter Broadhurst: That's it. All right, now don't get excited. Take it easy.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Hmmph.

Dexter Broadhurst: Hmmph.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is drops the ball, so the guy runs to second.

Dexter Broadhurst: Uh-huh.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - a triple play.

Dexter Broadhurst: Yeah. It could be.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third, and I don't care.

Dexter Broadhurst: What was that?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I said, I don't care.

Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who has it?

Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Okay.

Dexter Broadhurst: Now you've got it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: No, you don't, you throw the ball to first base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then who gets it?

Dexter Broadhurst: Naturally.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Okay.

Dexter Broadhurst: All right.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: You don't. You throw it to Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, that's it. Say it that way.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I said.

Dexter Broadhurst: You did not.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I said I'd throw the ball to Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: You don't. You throw it to Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Naturally.

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it.

Dexter Broadhurst: No. You throw the ball to first base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: You gotta catcher?

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: The catcher's name?

Dexter Broadhurst: Today.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.

Dexter Broadhurst: Now you've got it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's all, St. Louis got a couple of days on their team. That's all.

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I can't help that. All right. What do you want me to do?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Gotta catcher?

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm a good catcher, too, you know.

Dexter Broadhurst: I know that.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I would like to play for the St. Louis team.

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I might arrange that.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I would like to catch. Now I'm being a good catcher, Tomorrow's pitching on the team, and I'm catching.

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now when he bunts the ball - me being a good catcher - I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Dexter Broadhurst: Now, that's the first thing you've said right.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, that's all you have to do.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Is to throw it to first base.

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now who's got it?

Dexter Broadhurst: Why.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Because.

Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, he's center field. Will you pick up your hat, please.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Center field.

Dexter Broadhurst: Pick up your hat. And stop this - Now look, please.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Mr. Broadhurst.

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?

Dexter Broadhurst: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know. Tell me the pitcher's name.

Dexter Broadhurst: Tomorrow.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: You don't want to tell me today?

Dexter Broadhurst: I'm telling you, man.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then go ahead.

Dexter Broadhurst: Tomorrow.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: What time?

Dexter Broadhurst: What time what?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Dexter Broadhurst: Now listen, Who is not pitching, Who is on...

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first.

Dexter Broadhurst: Then why come up here and ask?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I want to know what's the pitcher's name.

Dexter Broadhurst: What's on second.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.

Both: Third base!

Sebastian Dinwiddle: What is the fellow's name on third base?

Dexter Broadhurst: What is the fellow's name on second base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not askin ya who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.

Both: Third base!

Sebastian Dinwiddle: You got a outfield?

Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, sure.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: St. Louis has got a good outfield?

Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, absolutely.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: The left fielder's name?

Dexter Broadhurst: Why.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know. I just thought I'd ask you.

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who is playing first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Stay out of the infield!

Dexter Broadhurst: Don't mention their names out there.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I want to know what's the fellow's name on left field.

Dexter Broadhurst: What is on second.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.

Dexter Broadhurst: Now take it easy, take it easy.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: And the left fielder's name?

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, don't change the players around.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not changing nobody.

Dexter Broadhurst: Now, take it easy.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: What's the guy's name on first base?

Dexter Broadhurst: What's the guy's name on second base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not askin ya who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.

Dexter Broadhurst: He's on third. We're not talking about him.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: How did I get on third base?

Dexter Broadhurst: You mentioned his name.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Dexter Broadhurst: No, who's playing first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Stay offa first, will ya?

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, what do you want me to do?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Now what's the guy's name on third base?

Dexter Broadhurst: What's on second.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not asking ya who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I don't know.

Dexter Broadhurst: He's on third.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: There I go, back on third again.

Dexter Broadhurst: Well, I can't change their names.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Will you please stay on third base, Mr. Broadhurst.

Dexter Broadhurst: Please. Now what is it you want to know?

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, go ahead and tell me!

Dexter Broadhurst: Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: The guy on first.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: The first baseman.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Have you got a first baseman on first?

Dexter Broadhurst: Certainly.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Then who's playing first?

Dexter Broadhurst: Absolutely.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Dexter Broadhurst: Every dollar of it. And why not? The man's entitled to it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who is?

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: So who gets it?

Dexter Broadhurst: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Whose wife?

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes. After all, the man earns it.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Who does?

Dexter Broadhurst: Absolutely.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, no, no, What is on second base.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who's on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I'm trying to find out.

Dexter Broadhurst: Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Funny names?

Dexter Broadhurst: Nicknames. Nicknames.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Not - not as funny as my name - Sebastian Dinwiddie.

Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, yes, yes, yes!

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Funnier than that?

Dexter Broadhurst: Oh, absolutely. Yes. Now, on the St. Louis team we have {{W|Who's on First?|Who's on first}}, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...

Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.

Dexter Broadhurst: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third...

Sebastian Dinwiddle: You know the fellows names?

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, then, who's playin first?

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I mean the fellow's name on first base.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: The fellow playin first base for St. Louis.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: The guy on first base.

Dexter Broadhurst: Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: Well, what are you askin me for?

Dexter Broadhurst: I'm not asking you - I'm telling you. Who is on first.

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm asking you who's on first!

Dexter Broadhurst: That's the man's name!

Sebastian Dinwiddle: That's whose name?

Dexter Broadhurst: Yes.

Dexter Broadhurst: Now it don't look nice chewing gum in that suit!

Sebastian Dinwiddle: I'm chewin it in my mouth.

Buzz Johnson: Mr Livington, what about that raise I've been asking for?

Stanley Livington: I'll talk to my partner if he's in.

Buzz Johnson: Thank you, Sir.

Stanley Livington: He's in.

Stanley Livington: [while in Africa] So if I draw the map I can go home?

Buzz Johnson: What do you want to go home for?

Stanley Livington: I forgot something.

Buzz Johnson: What did you forget?

Stanley Livington: I forgot to stay there.

Buzz Johnson: [sees Harry with a glass of water] Where're you going with the water?

Harry: Oh my tent's on fire!

Buzz Johnson: I can't understand why you have this terrible fear of animals in you. What is it?

Stanley Livington: When I was a little baby I was scared by my piggy bank.

Buzz Johnson: That's nonsense.

Stanley Livington: You wanna hear something worse?

Buzz Johnson: What?

Stanley Livington: I was 15 years old before I ate my first animal cracker.

Buzz Johnson: [[Africa] You mean, you intend to take a trip to ]?

Diana Emerson: Very differently, I'm planning a safari.

Buzz Johnson: [to Stanley] I'm going to make a hero out of you whether you like it or not.

Flash Fulton: This bank's been stuck up.

Weejie Tubby McCoy: What've they got to be stuck up for? They're no better than any other bank.

Wishy: I want to be like the Rangers when I die. I want to die with my boots on.

Doc: Why?

Wishy: I got holes in my socks.

Wishy: Answer the phone.

Doc: It's not ringing.

Wishy: Why wait to the last minute?

Wishy: If I'm the one that gets killed, get twenty-five beautiful girls to walk around me.

Doc: Why?

Wishy: If I don't get up, then you know I'm dead.

Doc: Did you ever go to school, stupid?

Wishy: Yeah and I came out the same way.

Costello: He's gonna make a wonderful husband.

Abbott: You don't even know what a husband is.

Costello: A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.

Abbott: Put that out. There's no smoking in here.

Costello: What makes you think I'm smokin'?

Abbott: You've got a cigar in your mouth!

Costello: I've got shoes on... don't mean I'm walkin'.

Wilbur Grey: Hey Chick, do you know what happens when you meet Dracula in the woods?

Chick Young: I'll bite.

Wilbur Grey: Uh-uh. You gotta stand in line!

Chick Young: Professor Stevens, do you understand women?

Professor Stevens: I don't even try.

Chick Young: I don't get it. Out of all the guys around here, that classy dish has to pick out a guy like you.

Wilbur Grey: What's wrong with that?

Chick Young: Go look at yourself in the mirror sometime.

Wilbur Grey: Why should I hurt my own feelings?

Wilbert: How could my kin folks ever live in a joint like this?

Al Stewart: Probably your forefathers lived here.

Wilbert: I beg your pardon?

Al Stewart: I said probably your forefathers lived here before you.

Wilbert: My four fathers?

Al Stewart: Yes.

Wilbert: I didn't have four fathers.

Al Stewart: Sure, you did.

Wilbert: If I did, only one came home nights.

Al Stewart: What's going on out there?

Wilbert: My in-laws, they're acting like out-laws!

Bud Alexander: I hope he's got his driver's license.

Lou Francis: I hope he's in the car!

Herbie Brown: Why did I join the army, anyway?

Slicker Smith: To defend your native soil.

Herbie Brown: Well, they don't have to feed it to me!

Herbie Brown: What time is it?

Slicker Smith: None of your business!

Slicker Smith: Throw your chest out! Go on! Throw your chest out!

Herbie Brown: I'm not through with it yet!

Slicker Smith: Quiet.

Slicker Smith: [Herbie mumbles something during a drill routine] What did you say?

Herbie Brown: I'm just talking to myself.

Slicker Smith: Well, don't talk so loud!

Herbie Brown: Well, I gotta hear what I have to say.

Slicker Smith: You're 40 years-old and you're in love with this little girl that's 10 years-old. You're four times as old as that girl and you couldn't marry her, could you?

Herbie Brown: Not unless I come from the mountains.

Slicker Smith: All right- you're 40 years-old, you're four times as old as this girl, and you can't marry her, so you wait five years. By that time the little girl's 15 and you're 45. You're only three times as old as that little girl. So you wait 15 years and when the girl is 30, you're at 60. You're only twice as old as that little girl.

Herbie Brown: She's catching up.

Slicker Smith: Yes, yes. Now here's the question. How long do you have to wait until you and that little girl are the same age?

Herbie Brown: Now what kinda question is that? That's ridiculous!

Slicker Smith: Ridiculous or not, answer the question.

Herbie Brown: If I wait for that girl she'll pass me up. She'll wind up older than I am.

Slicker Smith: What are you talking about?

Herbie Brown: She'll have to wait for me!

Slicker Smith: Why should she wait for you?

Herbie Brown: ...I was nice enough to wait for her!