Memorable Quotes from Burnie Burns
4 quotesHumorous Exchange Between Characters
Hagan
You're lucky I'm not taking you in, kid. You should be arrested.
Zach
Your face should be arrested. Cause your face is a whore!
Zach
Ahh!
Hagan
You should really buckle up back there. I'd hate to have to give you a ticket for it.
Zach
Wait, I know you. You're that guy that blew the championship game like 800 years ago! What does everyone call you? Has-Been Halfback? No, it's Half-Ass Hagan!
Zach
Seriously, dude, that hurts! Wait, Hagan? Mindy's name-.
Hagan
That's right. Mindy is my daughter.
Zach
Oh, that's why you're trippin on me. Look, dude I get it. You don't like the idea of someone dating your daughter.
Hagan
You know, kid, I raised my daughter to be a strong, independent woman, who's capable of making her own decisions. That being said, as her father, sometimes I disagree with those decisions.
Zach
Look, don't worry about it. Mindy and I are just friends. I mean, I haven't even banged her yet.
Zach
Ahh! God!
Hagan
I should really get the brakes checked in this car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Friends in a Comedy Scene
Hagan
Hey! You're going the wrong way.
[notices who it is]
Woody
Sorry, Sheriff.
[With a thick hillbilly accent]
Herman
He ain't a Sheriff, Woody. He's a half-ass.
Woody
Bye, Sheriff Half-Ass!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Builds Over Firework Decision
Herman
High-pressure moment. Whatcha gonna do, Hagan?
Hagan
Herman?
Herman
Oooh, this is gonna be a big one,
[Prepares to light the firework with a blowtorch.]
Hagan
Do not light that firework.
Zach
Do it! Light that bastard!
Hagan
Alright, one more word out of you, and I'll-.
Zach
What, you're gonna double-arrest me? Ha-ha-ha!
Hagan
Herman!
[clearly annoyed]
Woody
Uh... Officer Hagan?
Hagan
Not now, Woody! Herman! Do. Not. Light. That.
Herman
Oops. Too slow. Just like always.
Hagan
That's it! Come- What is that?
[reaching for his cuffs; suddenly notices the same light]
Herman
Yeah, you think I'm gonna fall for-. Oh.
[also notices]
Hagan
Oh, shit!
Hagan
That is your fault! You did the one thing I told you not to do!
[to Herman]
Herman
I shot E.T.! I killed E.T.! I didn't mean to do it!
Zach
Guys, guys, guys! Help! Help! Hagan, I promise I won't try to bang your daughter! Third base, tops!
Colonel Emory
What in God's name was that?
Hagan
What the hell was that?!
Herman
That was... Woody's fault.
Woody
My bad.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Property and Authority
Herman
Well, well, look who it is. Woody, prep another one.
Hagan
Stay where you are, Woody.
Herman
No, Woody, prep another one. Look here, Officer. This here is private property.
[stands]
Hagan
Yeah, you only get to say that when it's your private property, Herman. Besides, you're breaking the law!
Herman
Since when is blowing shit up against the law?
Hagan
Since they invented laws!
Herman
Oh, yeah? What do they say about this? Add littering to my list of offenses.
[throws beer can at Hagan, who ducks and the can hits his car.]
Hagan
Look, you can either give me the fireworks, or you can spend the night in a drunk tank. And that goes for you too, Woody!
Woody
I done that before! Someone threw a ball and I fell in a tub of water.
Hagan
No, that's a dunk tank, Woody. The drunk tank is jail.
[confused]
Woody
Oh, I don't wanna do that.
Herman
You want the fireworks? Fine. I'll give you a firework.
Woody
Ooh. The Mama Gigante.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.