Lazer Team - Tension Builds Over Firework Decision
Herman:
High-pressure moment. Whatcha gonna do, Hagan?
Hagan:
Herman?
Herman: [Prepares to light the firework with a blowtorch.]
Oooh, this is gonna be a big one,
Hagan:
Do not light that firework.
Zach:
Do it! Light that bastard!
Hagan:
Alright, one more word out of you, and I'll-.
Zach:
What, you're gonna double-arrest me? Ha-ha-ha!
Hagan: [clearly annoyed]
Herman!
Woody:
Uh... Officer Hagan?
Hagan:
Not now, Woody! Herman! Do. Not. Light. That.
Herman:
Oops. Too slow. Just like always.
Hagan: [reaching for his cuffs; suddenly notices the same light]
That's it! Come- What is that?
Herman: [also notices]
Yeah, you think I'm gonna fall for-. Oh.
Hagan:
Oh, shit!
Hagan: [to Herman]
That is your fault! You did the one thing I told you not to do!
Herman:
I shot E.T.! I killed E.T.! I didn't mean to do it!
Zach:
Guys, guys, guys! Help! Help! Hagan, I promise I won't try to bang your daughter! Third base, tops!
Colonel Emory:
What in God's name was that?
Hagan:
What the hell was that?!
Herman:
That was... Woody's fault.
Woody:
My bad.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lazer Team - Conflict Over Property and Authority
Herman:
Well, well, look who it is. Woody, prep another one.
Hagan:
Stay where you are, Woody.
Herman: [stands]
No, Woody, prep another one. Look here, Officer. This here is private property.
Hagan:
Yeah, you only get to say that when it's your private property, Herman. Besides, you're breaking the law!
Herman:
Since when is blowing shit up against the law?
Hagan:
Since they invented laws!
Herman: [throws beer can at Hagan, who ducks and the can hits his car.]
Oh, yeah? What do they say about this? Add littering to my list of offenses.
Hagan:
Look, you can either give me the fireworks, or you can spend the night in a drunk tank. And that goes for you too, Woody!
Woody:
I done that before! Someone threw a ball and I fell in a tub of water.
Hagan: [confused]
No, that's a dunk tank, Woody. The drunk tank is jail.
Woody:
Oh, I don't wanna do that.
Herman:
You want the fireworks? Fine. I'll give you a firework.
Woody:
Ooh. The Mama Gigante.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lazer Team - Humorous Exchange Between Characters
Hagan:
You're lucky I'm not taking you in, kid. You should be arrested.
Zach:
Your face should be arrested. Cause your face is a whore!
Zach:
Ahh!
Hagan:
You should really buckle up back there. I'd hate to have to give you a ticket for it.
Zach:
Wait, I know you. You're that guy that blew the championship game like 800 years ago! What does everyone call you? Has-Been Halfback? No, it's Half-Ass Hagan!
Zach:
Seriously, dude, that hurts! Wait, Hagan? Mindy's name-.
Hagan:
That's right. Mindy is my daughter.
Zach:
Oh, that's why you're trippin on me. Look, dude I get it. You don't like the idea of someone dating your daughter.
Hagan:
You know, kid, I raised my daughter to be a strong, independent woman, who's capable of making her own decisions. That being said, as her father, sometimes I disagree with those decisions.
Zach:
Look, don't worry about it. Mindy and I are just friends. I mean, I haven't even banged her yet.
Zach:
Ahh! God!
Hagan:
I should really get the brakes checked in this car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lazer Team - Miscommunication Among Friends in a Comedy Scene
Hagan: [notices who it is]
Hey! You're going the wrong way.
Woody: [With a thick hillbilly accent]
Sorry, Sheriff.
Herman:
He ain't a Sheriff, Woody. He's a half-ass.
Woody:
Bye, Sheriff Half-Ass!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.