Charlie Korsmo Quotes

William Lichter You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us.

Cop Lichter? William Lichter? Let's go. Your parents are here to take you home.

William Lichter Oh... no. Oh... my parents? They're here? They must be so mad at me! Have you seen my father? Does he have a weapon of some kind?

Cop Afraid not. Actually, they're more worried about you than anything else. You know, it's not your fault that... Mike Dexter beat you up and forced you to drink alcohol until you passed out.

William Lichter Wh-what?

Cop That's the statement we got from the Dexter kid. He made you drink, took your clothes off.

William Lichter He... he said that?

Cop Unless... if you have another unconvincing side of the story you'd like to tell...

William Lichter No... no, no, no. It's what... yeah. Uh, you know. It's just the funny thing that... he finally came clean, you know? Mike, always picking on me, yeah.

William Lichter OK, we're gonna rendezvous here at 0030 hours, all right?

X-Phile 1 Wait, William. There's gonna be drinking in there.

William Lichter Yeah, so?

X-Phile 2 So what are you gonna do? They're gonna kick you out if you don't drink.

William Lichter Well, I will be drinking.

X-Phile 1 But William, you could get drunk.

X-Phile 2 You could get addicted.

Tess Trueheart Well, what are you waitin for? A nice, safe desk?

Dick Tracy Tess? You're one in a million.

Kid This is amazing, Tracy! What are you waitin for? Come on, let's go! Come on, Metropolitan Bank! Come on, step on it! You know somethin', Tracy? I kind of like that dame.

Kid I don't like dames.

Tess Good. Me neither.

William Lichter Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit A: my eighth grade science project - a working rain forest that Mike threw out a third floor window. It rains here no more. Witness exhibit B: an eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film festival; I saw no third dimension. And of course, how can I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.

Mike Dexter You remember the time that you had to make that really stupid speech, and I kinda sorta tripped you, and everybody started laughing at you in school?

William Lichter OK, yeah. Yeah.

Mike Dexter I'm sorry.

William Lichter Oh, man. Don't worry about it.

Mike Dexter Hey, it's ancient history, right?

William Lichter It's ancient history.

Mike Dexter When was that, anyway?

William Lichter That was this morning at graduation.

Mike Dexter Oh, yeah.