Chris Kattan Quotes

Undercover Brother

Introducing a Unique Secret Weapon

Mr. Feather It's time to release our secret weapon. I call it... Black Man's Kryptonite.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

Games Have Already Begun in Distress

Evelyn Stockard-Price Well, lookie! Looks like the games have already begun.

Eddie Baker Where is he? WHERE'S PRICE?!

Sara Wolfe No! But I am so fucking far from alright and it's not even funny! Someone or something just tried to drown me in a tank of blood with the size of a buick!

Evelyn Stockard-Price Uh, let me give you a little hint. His initials are S.P.

Steven Price (Heard what Evelyn was talking about and sat up from the couch as Pritchett walks past him) Alright! S.P: As in sorry, Petunia. Because I was with Pritchett this whole time.

Eddie Baker Look at this! Huh? What is this?

[to Price.]

Watson Pritchett That? What just happened to you there... that's nothing. You've just been playing around with a ghost. Wait til somebody lets out the Darkness in this place. That's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit. That's... you'll hate that shit.

[turns around]

Sara Wolfe What is this darkness?

Watson Pritchett It! The Thing! The Evil! The rotten core of the bottom of that place! The thing that's gonna kill us all! Death by Corroison: That thing!

Donald W. Blackburn M.D. So, either we spend the night and collect our money, or we try and find a way out of here.

Evelyn Stockard-Price (Smiles) You know me, the more the merrier. I guess somebody better find this game show hostess.

Steven Price Where is she?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

The House's Anger and Lack of Morals

Watson Pritchett You don't... get it... do you? This house is pissed. It has no morals, cuz it's a fucking house!

[walks slowly up to Sarah]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

Skepticism About the House's Haunting

Sara Wolfe Is this house really haunted?

Watson Pritchett It's uh, well, bleh... hah... yeah, it's pretty scary.

[near hysterical]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

Asylum Machine Seals Fate of Inmates

Eddie Baker What happened?

Watson Pritchett Lockdown.

Sara/Jennifer What is that?

Watson Pritchett A machine from an old asylum. It seals everything shut. That's how they burned to death in 31. Dr. Vanacutt threw the switch! If he was gonna die, they're all gonna die!

Melissa Margarett Marr Well no wonder they're still pissed off.

Donald W. Blackburn Let's go into the other room and I'll take care of your hands.

Watson Pritchett The only five of the insane are Vanacutt's staff.

Donald W. Blackburn Why isn't that machine disabled?

Watson Pritchett It was on my dad's things to do list here. But the house did it first.

Eddie Baker Wait, you said that was an accident.

Watson Pritchett I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

Confronting Fear in a Haunted House

Sara/Jennifer So what, we're stuck here forever?

Eddie Baker Oh, so then we'll just stay here til morning.

Watson Pritchett Oh, great. I'm sure we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then. (Drinks Burbon Bottle)

[sarcastic]

Sara/Jennifer What do I feel like this is some sick joke just to scare us out of our wits and with a Hella lot of money?

Evelyn You got that right! (To Steven) Take a bow, you sick fuck! You've out done yourself tonight. You've scared the shit out of even me.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Undercover Brother

Party Atmosphere Among Friends

Mr. Feather Everything is "A party over here!" with you people, isn't it?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

Vengeful House Takes Precedence Over Price

Watson Pritchett Price didn't make the list, the house did... Cause she's a vengeful stupid whore!

[to Eddie; kicks the machinery]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Undercover Brother

Unity and Diversity in Society's Future

Mr. Feather Little by little we're blending and merging until one day we're all going to be one united people, living and working and dancing together like the news, or ], or the people that work at Saturn! And we've gotta stop it before it's too late!

[[w:Ally McBeal|Ally McBeal]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

A Darkly Humorous Reflection on Mortality

Watson Pritchett Jesus, she's dead. She was cute too. God, I'd love to get laid before I die.

Watson Pritchett How you doin tonight?

Watson Pritchett Yeah, I'm alright.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

House on Haunted Hill

Revelation of the Guest List

Sara Wolfe Oh my god! I think how the guest list was made! Look at these names! Head Nurse: Ruth Ann Stockard! Electroshock: Adolphus Jenzen! Franklin Baker! Thomas Stevens Price! Jasper Marr! They're all here!

Eddie Baker Who's all here? I'm missing someone.

Sara Wolfe Everyone who was invited! They were related to the five of the staff members when the place was burned! There was five of us.

Watson Pritchett The five that didn't die?

Eddie Baker Holy shit!

Watson Pritchett Booga booga.

Sara Wolfe Are you saying?

Watson Pritchett Price didn't make the list, the house did! Because she's a vengeful stupid whore!

House on Haunted Hill

Desperation in a Haunted House

Eddie Baker There's gotta be a way out of here! Someway! (Looks at Pritchett) Pritchett!

Watson Pritchett What?

Eddie Baker (Smacks bottle away from Pritchett's hands and the bottle was dropped accidentally smashed on the floor) I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Eddie Baker (Points finger at Pritchett) Watch it!

Sara Wolfe I'm trying to figure out who or what Melissa was taping when she disappeared.

Eddie Baker Right, then where will we be?

Watson Pritchett Out of Scotch, thanks to you, Ass!

Sara Wolfe Hey, I think I got something!

Evelyn Stockard-Price Bravo! Bravo! I know it's not too kind to ask the magician how he did it. Clever minds are too desperate to know. Just what did happen to little Miss Marr?

Steven Price (Turns to face his wife) Asking the wrong guy.

Evelyn Stockard-Price I mean did she staged it all for you and then go hide? Or did you just flat out and kill the little bitch?!

Steven Price I propose you the same question.

Steven Price If I have one, Evelyn. Whom do you think?

Steven Price If you think that's gonna do the trick? Do you, Tulip! I will never give you a loaded gun!

Steven Price Jesus!

Evelyn Stockard-Price (Mockingly) Funky old house, ain't it?

Evelyn Stockard-Price Friends, your hostess is now going to retire for what's left of the night. If you need me, I'll be upstairs in my bedroom. Not if much as anyone as peeps in the keyhole, I'm gonna empty this thing into their fucking head!

Steven Price Oh, come on! I loaded them with blanks. Even if I were gonna... murder my wife, I would rather do it in a abandoned house.

Eddie Baker (Eddie remembered what Sara had mentioned) Here! Take this!

Eddie Baker What good is a million dollars when you're dead?

Sara Wolfe Okay, Let's find a way out of here!

Eddie Baker Right!

Donald W. Blackburn M.D. I'm gonna try and find Miss Marr.

Watson Pritchett And I better find me something to drink.

House on Haunted Hill

The Indifference of the Haunted House

Watson Pritchett The house doesn't care what's fair, who lives or dies. Know why? Cause it's a fucking house!

House on Haunted Hill

Demanding Immediate Payment

Watson Pritchett Sorry to interrupt. God dammit, you give me my god damn check right now! Cuz I want it! So you give it! Now! I'm serious.

Memorable Quotes from Chris Kattan