Christoph Waltz Quotes

Inglourious Basterds

The Nature of Perception and Prejudice

Col. Hans Landa The feature that makes me such an effective hunter of the Jews is, as opposed to most ], I can think like a Jew, where they can only think like a German — more precisely: German soldier. Now, if one were to determine what attribute the German people share with a beast, it would be the cunning and the predatory instinct of a hawk. But if one were to determine what attributes the Jews share with a beast, it would be that of the rat. The Führer and Goebbels's propaganda have said pretty much the same thing, but where our conclusions differ is: I don't consider the comparison an insult. Consider, for a moment, the world a rat lives in. It's a hostile world, indeed. If a rat were to scamper through your front door right now, would you greet it with hostility?

[[W:Wehrmacht|German soldiers]

Perrier LaPadite I suppose I would.

Landa Has a rat ever done anything to you to create this animosity you feel towards them?

LaPadite Rats spread diseases. They bite people.

Landa Rats were the cause of ], but that's some time ago. I propose to you, any disease a rat could spread, a squirrel could equally carry. Would you agree?

[[w:Black Death|the bubonic plague]

LaPadite Oui.

Landa Yet I assume you don't share the same animosity with squirrels that you do with rats, do you?

LaPadite No.

Landa But they're both rodents, are they not? And except for the tail, they even rather look alike, don't they?

LaPadite It's an interesting thought, Herr Colonel.

Landa Ha! However interesting as the thought may be, it makes not one bit of difference to how you feel. If a rat were to walk in here right now, as I'm talking, would you greet it with a saucer of your delicious milk?

LaPadite Probably not.

Landa I didn't think so. You don't like them. You don't really know why you don't like them. All you know is you find them repulsive. Consequently, a German soldier conducts a search of a house suspected of hiding Jews: where does the hawk look? He looks in the barn. He looks in the attic. He looks in the cellar. He looks everywhere he would hide, but there's so many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide. However, the reason the Führer has brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me, because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Django Unchained

Tension in a Confrontation with Authority

Marshal Gill Tatum You in the saloon! You got a hundred rifles aimed at every way outta that buildin'! You got one chance to get out of this alive! You and your nigger come out right now with your hands over your head and I mean right now!

Dr. King Schultz Is this the marshal I have the pleasure of addressing?

Marshal Yes it is. This is U.S. Marshal Gill Tatum.

Schultz Na wunderbar, Marshal! I have relieved myself of all weapons, and just as you have instructed I am ready to step outside with my hands raised above my head! I trust, as a representative of the criminal justice system of the United States of America, I shan't be shot down in the street by either you or your deputies before I've had my day in court!

[Marshal Tatum spits out some tobacco]

Marshal You mean like you did our Sheriff? Shot em down like a dog in the street!

Schultz Yes that's exactly what I mean! Do I have your word as a lawman not to shoot me down like a dog in the street?

Marshal Well... much as we'd all enjoy seein something like that, ain't nobody gonna cheat the hangman in my town.

Schultz Fair enough, Marshal. Here we come! They're a little tense out there, so don't make any quick movements and let me do the talking.

[to Django]

Marshal Come ahead. You unarmed?

Schultz Yes, indeed we are. Marshal Tatum, may I address you and your deputies, and apparently the entire town of Daughtrey, as to the incident that just transpired?

Marshal Go on.

Schultz My name is Dr. King Schultz. Like yourself, Marshal, I'm a servant of the court. The man lying dead in the dirt, who the good people of Daughtrey saw fit to elect as their sheriff, who went by the name of Bill Sharp, is actually a wanted outlaw by the name of Willard Peck, with a price on his head of two hundred dollars. Now that's two hundred dollars, dead or alive.

Marshal The hell you say!

Schultz Well I'm aware this is probably disconcerting news, but I'm willing to wager this man was elected Sheriff sometime in the past two years?

Marshal Yeah.

Django I'll be damned.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Inglourious Basterds

The Nature of Rumors and Truth

Col. Hans Landa Now, according to these papers, all the Jewish families in this area have been accounted for, except the Dreyfuses. Somewhere in the last year it would appear they've vanished, which leads me to the conclusion that they've either made good their escape, or someone is very successfully hiding them. What have you heard about the Dreyfuses, Monsieur LaPadite?

Perrier LaPadite Only rumors.

Landa I love rumors! Facts can be so misleading, but rumors, true or false, are often revealing.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Horrible Bosses 2

Pursuing the American Dream Through Hard Work

Bert Hanson I respect you gentlemen for wanting to roll up your sleeves and build something, stake your claim. Now I came to this country with nothing. And through risk and hard work, I made my own American dream come true.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Inglourious Basterds

A Tense Encounter of Truth and Consequences

Col. Hans Landa Now, my job dictates that I must have my men enter your home and conduct a thorough search before I can officially cross your family's name off my list, and if there are any irregularities to be found, rest assured they will be — that is, unless you have something to tell me that makes the conducting of a search unnecessary. I might add, also, that any information that makes the performance of my duties easier will not be met with punishment. Actually, quite the contrary, it will be met with reward, and that reward will be your family will cease to be harassed in any way by the German military during the rest of our occupation of your country. You are sheltering enemies of the state, are you not?

[as he lights his pipe; long pause, while he stares hard at LaPadite, his smile slowly drops to a more stern look]

Perrier LaPadite Yes.

Landa You're sheltering them underneath your floorboards, aren't you?

LaPadite Yes.

[Tearfully]

Landa Point out to me the areas where they are hiding. Since I haven't heard any disturbance, I assume that while they're listening, they don't speak English.

[LaPadite points. Landa rises and walks to where he pointed, gesturing with his pipe while LaPadite nods to confirm]

LaPadite Yes.

Landa I'm going to switch back to French now. I want you to follow my masquerade. Is that clear?

LaPadite Yes.

Landa Monsieur LaPadite, I thank you for the milk and your hospitality. I do believe our business here is done. ] in] Ah, ladies. I thank you for your time. We shan't be bothering your family any longer. So, Monsieur, Mademoiselle, I bid farewell to you and say; adieu! ] at her, only to lower it] Au revoir, Shosanna!

[In French; Opens the door and lets [[w:Schutzstaffel|SS soldiers; Soldiers shoot up the floorboards with sole survivor Shoshanna running off in distance with Landa pointing his [[w:Walther P38|walther pistol]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Django Unchained

Origins of a Name in German Culture

Django Freeman How you know Brunhilde's first master's was German?

Dr. King Schultz Brunhilde is a German name. If they named her it stands to reason they'd be German.

Django Lots of gals where you from named Brunhilde?

Schultz Brunhilde is the name of a character in the most popular of all the German legends.

Django There's a story bout Brunhilde?

Schultz Yes there is.

Django Do you know it?

Schultz Oh, every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you? Well, ] was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, god of all gods. Anyway her father is really mad at her.

[Django nods; [w:Brynhildr|Brunhilde]

Django What'd she do?

Schultz I can't exactly remember. She disobeys him in some way. So he puts her on top of a mountain.

Django Brunhilde's on a mountain?

Schultz It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. And he puts a fire-breathing dragon there to guard the mountain, and he surrounds her in a circle of hellfire. And there Brunhilde shall remain unless a hero arises brave enough to save her.

Django Does a fella arise?

Schultz Yes Django, as a matter of fact he does. A fella named Sigfried.

Django Does Sigfried save her?

Schultz Quite spectacularly so. He scales the mountain because he's not afraid of it. He slays the dragon because he's not afraid of him. And he walks through hellfire because Brunhilde's worth it.

[nods]

Django I know how he feels.

Schultz I think I'm just starting to realize that. Look, Django, I don't doubt that one day you'll save your lady love, but I can't let you go into Greenville in a good conscience. A slave auction town in Mississippi isn't the place for you to visit, free or not it's just too dangerous. But let me ask you a question: how do you like the bounty hunting business?

Django Kill white folks and they pay you for it? What's not to like?

Schultz I have to admit we make a good team.

Django I thought you was mad at me for killin Big John and Little Raj.

Schultz Yeah, on that occasion you were a tad overzealous, but normally that's a good thing. How'd you like to partner up for the winter?

Django Whatcha mean partner up?

Schultz You work with me through the winter till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties so we make some money this winter and when the snow melts I'll take you to Greenville myself and we'll find where they sent your wife.

Django Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife?

Schultz Frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before, and now that I have I feel vaguely responsible for you. Plus when a German meets a real-life Sigfried that's kind of a big deal. As a German I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Brunhilde.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Carnage

Impulses and Morality in Everyday Life

Alan Cowan Morally, you're supposed to overcome your impulses, but there are times you don't want to overcome them.

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Django Unchained

Identifying a Target in the Field

Dr. King Schultz Who were they?

[entering on horseback]

Django He's the one hightailin it across that field right now.

Schultz You sure that's him?

[aims his rifle]

Django Yeah.

Schultz Positive?

Django I dunno.

Schultz You don't know if you're positive?

Django I dunno what positive means.

Schultz It means you're sure.

Django Yes.

Schultz Yes what?

Django Yes I'm sure that's Ellis Brittle. I'm positive he dead.

[Schultz fires, knocking Ellis to the ground]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Inglourious Basterds

Fate and Perception in History

Lt. Aldo Raine You know, where I'm from—

Col. Hans Landa Yeah, where is that, exactly?

Raine ] — I done my share of bootleggin'. Up there, if you engage in what the federal government calls illegal activity, but what we call a man just trying to earn a living for his family selling moonshine liquor, it behooves oneself to keep his wits. Long story short: we hear a story too good to be true, it ain't.

[[W:Maynardville, Tennessee|Maynardville, Tennessee]

Landa Sitting in your chair, I would probably say the same thing. And 999.999 times out of a million you would be correct. But in the pages of history, every once in a while, fate reaches out and extends its hand. What shall the history books read?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Carnage

Discussion on Drinking and Condition

Alan Cowan Nancy, it's absurd to drink in your condition.

Nancy Cowan What condition?

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Carnage

Ego and Self-Admiration in Carnage

Alan Cowan Keep on stroking your own ego. It's beautiful.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Django Unchained

Recognition of Django's Freedom and Dignity

Dr. King Schultz Mr. Bennett, I must remind you Django is a free man. You cannot treat him like a slave. Now, within the bounds of good taste, he must be treated as an extension of myself.

Spencer Big Daddy Bennett Understood, Schultz. Betina, sugar?

Betina Yes sir?

Big Daddy Django isn't a slave. Django is a free man. You can't treat him like any of the other niggers around here cause he ain't like any of the other niggers around here. You got it?

Betina You want I should treat him like white folks?

[Schultz nods]

Big Daddy No. That's not what I said.

Betina Then I don't know what you want, Big Daddy.

Big Daddy Yes, I can see that. Ah, what's the name of that peckerwood boy from town that works with the glass? His momma worked over at the lumber yard.

[thinks a moment, turning to one of the enslaved house servants]

House Servant Oh, you mean Jerry.

Big Daddy That's the boy's name. Jerry! Betina, you know Jerry. Don't you, sugar?

Betina Yes sir, Big Daddy.

Big Daddy Well, that's it then! Just treat him like you would Jerry.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Inglourious Basterds

Tension Between Captor and Captive

Col. Hans Landa As of this moment, both Omar and Donowitz should be sitting in the very seats we left them in — 0023 and 0024, if my memory serves — explosives still around their ankle, still ready to explode, and your mission — some would call it terrorist plot — as of this moment is still a go.

Lt. Aldo Raine That's a pretty exciting story. What's next, Eliza on Ice?

Landa However, all I have to do is pick up this phone right there, inform the cinema, and your plan's kaput.

Raine If they're still there, and if they're still alive — and that's one big if — there ain't no way you gonna take them boys without setting off them bombs.

Landa I have no doubt. Yes, some Germans will die, and yes, it will ruin the evening, and yes, Goebbels will be very, very, very mad at you for what you've done to his big night. But you won't get Hitler, you won't get Goebbels, you won't get Göring, and you won't get Bormann. And you need all four to end the war. But if I don't pick up this phone right here, you may very well get all four. And if you get all four, you end the war tonight! So, gentlemen, let's discuss the prospect of ending the war tonight. Gentlemen, I have no intention of killing ] and killing ] and killing ] and killing ], not to mention winning the war single-handedly for the Allies, only later to find myself standing before a Jewish tribunal. If you want to win the war tonight, we have to make a deal.

[''Lifts up the Chianti and fills their glasses''; [Adolf Hitler|Hitler; [Joseph Goebbels|Goebbels; [Hermann Göring|Göring; [Martin Bormann|Bormann; places hands on table]

Lieutenant Aldo Raine What kind o deal?

Landa The kind you wouldn't have the authority to make. However, I'm sure this mission of yours has a commanding officer — a general, I'm betting — for ] would be my guess. Oooh, that's a bingo! Is that the way you say it: "that's a bingo"?

[[W:Office of Strategic Services|OSS; ''Raine is speechless''; curiously]

Raine You just say "bingo.

Landa Bingo! How fun.

[gleefully]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Django Unchained

A Discussion on Ethics and Cake

Calvin Candie White cake?

Dr. King Schultz I don't go in for sweets, thank you.

Candie You brooding bout me getting the best of ya, huh?

Schultz Actually, I was thinking of that poor devil you fed to the dogs today, D'Artagnan. And I was wondering what Dumas would make of all this.

Candie Come again?

Schultz ]. He wrote ].

[[w:Alexander Dumas|Alexander Dumas; [w:The Three Musketeers|''The Three Musketeers'']

Candie Yes of course, doctor.

Schultz I figured you must be an admirer. You named your slave after his novel's lead character. If Alexander Dumas had been there today, I wonder what he would have made of it?

Candie You doubt he'd approve, huh?

Schultz Yes. His approval would be a dubious proposition at best.

Candie Soft-hearted Frenchy.

Schultz Alexander Dumas is black.

Horrible Bosses 2

Wealth Comes from Existing Wealth, Not Hard Work

Bert Hanson You honestly think hard work creates wealth? The only thing that creates wealth is wealth. And we have it, you don't.

Carnage

Nostalgia for a Familiar Face

Alan Cowan I saw your friend ] on TV the other day. It made me want to go out and buy a ] poster.

[to Penelope; [Jane Fonda; [Ku Klux Klan]

Inglourious Basterds

Cultural Exchange Between Two Distinct Characters

Lt. Aldo Raine Bon-jorno.

Col. Hans Landa Gentlemen, it's a pleasure; the friends of our cherished star, admired by all of us — this outright jewel of our culture — are naturally going to be under my personal protection for the duration of their stay.

[''In flawless Italian'']

Raine Gratsy.

Landa Gorlomi? Please, am I pronouncing it correctly?

[In Italian]

Raine Sì – er, corretto.

Inglourious Basterds

Surrender and Consequences in Tense Encounter

Col. Hans Landa I'm officially surrendering myself over to you, Lieutenant Raine. We're your prisoners.

Lt. Aldo Raine How bout my knife? Thank you very much, Colonel. Utivich, cuff the Colonel's hands behind his back.

[Landa gives Raine his Bowie knife]

Landa Oh, is that really necessary?

Raine I'm a slave to appearances. Scalp Hermann.

[shoots Hermann with Landa's Walther. To Utivich]

Landa Are you mad? What have you done? I made a deal with your generals for that man's life!

Raine Yeah, they made that deal. but they don't give a fuck about him. They need you.

Landa You'll be shot for this!

Raine Nah, I don't think so. More like chewed out. I've been chewed out before. You know, Utivich and I heard that deal you made with the brass. To end the war tonight? I'd make that deal. How about you, Utivich? You'd make that deal?

Utivich I'd make that deal.

[Scalping Hermann]

Raine I don't blame you. Damn good deal! And that pretty little nest you feathered for yourself. Well, if you're willing to barbecue the whole High Command, I suppose that's worth certain considerations, but I do have one question. When you get your little place on Nantucket Island, I imagine you're gonna want to take off that handsome ] uniform. Ain't ya? That's what I thought. Now that I can't abide. How about you, Utivich? Can you abide it?

[[W:Schutzstaffel|SS; Landa looks at him angrily]

Utivich Not one damn bit, sir.

Raine I mean, if I had my way, you'd wear that god-damn uniform for the rest of your pecker-sucking life. But I'm aware that ain't practical. I mean, at some point you're gonna have to take it off. So I'm gonna give you something you can't take off.

[draws his Bowie knife]

Carnage

Belief in the God of Carnage

Alan Cowan Penelope, I believe in the god of carnage. The god whose rule has been unchallenged since time immemorial.

Carnage

Desire for Escape and Intoxication

Nancy Cowan Let's get out of here, Alan. These people are monsters.

[reaching for the scotch bottle]

Alan Cowan Stop it, Nancy.

Nancy Cowan No, no, no. I want to drink some more. I- I wanna get drunk off my ass! This- this bitch throws my bag against the ceiling, nobody lifts a finger. I wanna be blind drunk.

Alan Cowan You're drunk enough.

Nancy Cowan How can you let her call our son a criminal? We come over here to work things out with them and they, they insult us, they browbeat us, they lecture us about being good citizens of the world! I am glad our son kicked the shit out of your son and I wipe my ass with your human rights!

Michael Longstreet Wow! Get a couple of drinks in her and BAM!, her true self comes out.

Inglourious Basterds

A Question of Mercy and Power

Col. Hans Landa Tell me, Aldo. If I were sitting where you're sitting, would you show me mercy?

Horrible Bosses 2

Empty Words and Hollow Threats

Bert Hanson (last words) Big mouth, nothing behind it!

Memorable Quotes from Christoph Waltz

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