Memorable Quotes from Daniel Stern
20 quotesA Conversation About Brotherhood and Connection
Hare Krishna
You said that your mind is troubled, why don't you check it out, brother?
[Offering Jonah a book]
Jonah
You know, this is such a minor point, I hate to even bring it up but... I have a brother.
Hare Krishna
We're all brothers.
Jonah
No, I mean I have a real brother.
Hare Krishna
We're all real brothers!
Jonah
Well, this real brother used to sleep in the other bed in my room.
Hare Krishna
Look, look, all I'm saying to you is if you want to purify your existence, get into your spiritual self, check it out.
Hare Krishna
Okay, okay, Hare Krishna!
Jonah
Okay, okay, ].
[Softly, as he walks away; [Harry Chapin]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seeking Peace Amidst Personal Turmoil
Phil Berquist
Now let's have some peace and quiet around here, for Christ's sakes! I'm tired! I been under a lot of stress! I lost my wife, I lost my job, and I got some sort of rash from making in the bushes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Phil's Hyperbolic Expression of Hatred
Phil Berquist
If hate were people, I'd be China!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tables Turn in a Dangerous Encounter
Marv
My, how the tables have turned.
Harry
How do you like the ice, kid? Let's go for a little stroll in the park. Give me that bag. Give me it! Hey, these'll look great in the photo album.
[he and Marv laugh, pick up Kevin and force him to walk beside them]
Marv
You may have won the battle, little dude, but you've lost the war.
Harry
You ought not have messed with us, pal. We're dangerous.
[pulls his varnish-covered revolver out of his pocket]
Marv
Harry?
Harry
Shut up.
Marv
Harry.
[watches the pigeons in the trees]
Harry
Shut up! I wanna enjoy this.
Marv
Something's wrong. Let's get out of here.
Harry
Shut up, I said! I never made it to the sixth grade, kid, and it doesn't look like you're gonna either.
[still pointing revolver at Kevin]
Pigeon Lady
Let him go! KEVIN, RUN!
[shows up with a bucket full of birdseed; Harry and Marv look at her; Kevin runs away]
Marv
Shoot her! Shoot her! SHOOT HER!
Harry
I'M TRYING TO SHOOT HER!
[tries to do so, but his fingers are too sticky to get a grip]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Request About Death
Phil Berquist
Please don't tell my kids I died taking a shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Attraction and Life
Phil Berquist
You know, when I was alive, I would've found her attractive.
[Seeing Bonnie for the first time]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Chase Through the Streets of New York
Marv
Over there!
Harry
I don't care if I get the electric chair, I'm killin that kid! Surrender, kid!
Marv
He vanished.
Kevin
I'm down here, you big horses ass!
Marv
Whoa!
Kevin
Nice night for a neck injury.
Marv
Suck brick, kid! No!
[?]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict and Counsel in Rivalry
Mike
They want a fight, we'll give em a fight.
[after discovering that the college kids beat Cyril up]
Cyril
We rednecks are few... college paleface students are many. I counsel peace.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles with Expectations and Understanding
Cyril
I was sure I was going to get that scholarship. My dad of course was sure I wasn't. When I didn't, he was real understanding, you know. He loves to do that. He loves to be understanding when I fail.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Art and Decor: A Misunderstanding
Frederick
I'm not interested in what your interior decorator thinks, okay?
Dusty
I can't commit to anything without consulting her. That's what I have her for, okay?
Frederick
This is degrading. You don't buy paintings to blend in with the sofa!
Dusty
It's not a sofa, it's an ottoman!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing Fear in a Dangerous Situation
Harry
You better say every prayer you ever heard before, kid!
Marv
I hope your parents got ya a tombstone for Christmas! Where'd he go?!
Kevin
I'm up here, and I'm very scared.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection on Personal Growth
Phil Berquist
I've gotta stop being a schmuck.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fear of Wasting Life Together
Mike
The only thing I'm afraid of is wastin the rest of my life with you guys!
Cyril
I thought that was the whole plan. That we were going to waste the rest of our lives together.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters in New York City
Harry
Come to Papa!
Marv
Ha! Round trip to Miami. What's the matter, get on the wrong plane, squirt?
[grabs Kevin's plane ticket]
Harry
Looks like you won't be needin this, kid.
[tears it up]
Marv
American don't fly to the promised land, little buddy.
[they hustle him away]
Harry
Come on. We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy.
Marv
We busted out of the clink and we're doing fine. We're gonna be doing even better, because we're not robbing houses anymore. Now we're robbing toy stores.
[Harry chuckles]
Marv
At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that, we get a couple of phony passports, then it's off to Rio...
Harry
Marv! Marv!
Marv
Huh?
Harry
You want to shut up?
Marv
What's the difference? He's not gonna talk to anybody. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.
Harry
Let's just get him to the subway tunnel. I'll feel a lot better once we get him on ice. I've got a gun in my pocket. You open your mouth, and you'll be spitting gum out through your forehead.
[to Kevin]
Marv
Well, hello.
[trying to be suave again; she punches him in the face and he falls over]
Kevin
He did it!
[indicating Harry]
Harry
Did what?
[she punches Harry, too]
Kevin
Thanks!
Harry
Go get him!
Marv
He went in the park.
Harry
What are you doing, flirting?!
Marv
Over there!
Boy
Don't!
Girl
Give it!
Marv
Hey, Harry. I got him.
Harry
Let me see! That ain't him! Put him down, that ain't him! We should've shot him while we had the chance. I hate pulling a job, knowing that little creep is on the loose.
Marv
What else can he do? He's a kid. Kids are helpless.
Harry
Not this kid.
Marv
But this time he doesn't have a house full of dangerous goodies to get us with. He's in the park. He's all alone. Kids are scared of the park.
Harry
Yeah, grown men come in the park and don't ever leave alive. Good luck, little fella.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation in the City Streets
Officer #2
Oh, my God!
Officer #1
All right, let's go.
Officer #2
On your feet.
Harry
Take it easy.
Officer #1
You guys should have started earlier. The prisoners have already exchanged gifts.
Marv
We missed the presents? He made us hide out in a toy store so we could steal all of the kid's charity money.
Harry
Shut up, Marv!
[angrily kicks Marv]
Marv
AAAH!
[pigeon flies out his jacket]
Harry
Got the right to remain silent, ya know.
Marv
He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.
Harry
SHUT UP, MARV!!! Geez!
[angrily kicks Marv again]
Officer #1
Get em out of here.
Officer #2
All right, let's go.
Marv
Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits! We're the Sticky Bandits! Ow! That's Sticky! That's S...
Harry
Shut it!
Marv
T, uh...
Harry
I.
Marv
I...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Intruders Attempt to Lure Kevin Out
Harry
Merry Christmas, little fella- we know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.
Marv
Yeah, come on, kid. Open up. It's Santa Claus and his elf.
Harry
We're not gonna hurt you.
Marv
No, no. We got some nice presents for you.
Harry
Be a good little fella now and open the door. Owww!
[Kevin shoots Harry in the groin; Harry falls to his knees as he mumbles under his breath]
Marv
What? What? What? What? What happened?
Harry
Get that little----!
Kevin
Hello. Yes! Yes!
[shoots Marv in the head; Marv screams in pain]
Marv
That little jerk is armed!
Harry
That's it! That's it! I'm going in the front! You go down the basement! That smart aleck. Oh, boy. That's it, you little... You little... No, not this time, you little brat. You little creep, where are you?
[Harry gets his hand burnt, screams in agony and then puts his hand in the snow]
Kevin
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Harry
I'll rip his head off! You're dead, kid. Ahhhhhh! Where are you, you little creep?!
[Harry gets his head blowtorched; He runs out, and puts his head in the snow; kicks the door open]
Marv
Harry, I'm coming in!
Kevin
Oh, no! I'm very scared!
Harry
It's too late for you, kid! We're already in the house! We're gonna get you!
[to Kevin]
Kevin
Okay, come and get me!
Harry
Why, you...! Now you're dead!
Marv
I'm gonna kill that kid!
[climbs in through the window and steps barefoot on the ornaments; screams in pain]
Harry
Marv.
Marv
Harry?
Harry
Why the hell'd you take your shoes off?!
Marv
Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?
Kevin
I'm up here, you butt heads! Come and get me! You guys give up, or are you thirsty for more?
[they slip on the toy cars]
Harry
Heads up! Don't worry, Marv. I'll get him for you.
[Marv gets whacked by a paint can]
Marv
Harry!
[Harry gets whacked by a paint can]
Kevin
Yes!
Marv
He's only a kid, Harry. We can take him.
Harry
Ah, shut up, will you? What is it?
Marv
Ooh, you're missing some teeth.
Harry
Where? Where? It's my gold tooth. My gold tooth. I'll kill him. I'll kill him! You bomb me with one more can, kid, and I'll snap off your cojones and boil them in motor oil!
Dispatcher
911, what's your emergency?
Kevin
Help, my house is being robbed. My address is 656 Lincoln Boulevard. My name is Murphy.
[disguising his voice]
Harry
You never know what's up there. There he is!
[trips over the wire]
Marv
I gotcha! I got him, Harry. I got him. Harry, get up! Give me a hand! I got him! Harry, help me! Get up! I got him.
[jumps over the wire and grabs Kevin by the ankle as he tries to run into the attic; screams as a tarantula is on his face]
Harry
What are you doing, Marv?
Marv
Harry, don't move.
Harry
Marv?
Marv
Don't... move.
Harry
Marv, what are you doing? Marv...
[screams in agony from Marv hitting him with the crowbar to try and kill the tarantula]
Marv
Did I get him? Did I get him? Where is it? Where is it?
Harry
Never mind did you get it! How do you like it, huh?! You jerk! Get that kid! Go on! Get that kid! Where'd he go?
[whacks Marv with the crowbar repeatedly]
Marv
Maybe he committed suicide.
Kevin
Down here, you big horse's butt! Come and get me before I call the police!
Marv
Let's get him!
Harry
Wait, wait. That's just what he wants us to do- us to go back downstairs through his fun house so we get all tore up.
Marv
He's gonna call the cops!
Harry
From a treehouse?! Come on.
Marv
Out the window?
Harry
Yeah.
Marv
I'm not going out the window.
Harry
Why, you scared, Marv? Are you afraid? Come on, get out here. Come on. Come on! Keep going. Keep going.
Marv
Let's go back, Harry.
Harry
Shut up. Shut it, Marv!
Kevin
Hey, guys! Check this out.
Harry
Go back! Go back. There he goes! There he is! Get out of the way, you dope!
Marv
There he is!
Kevin
Hey, I'm calling the cops.
Harry
Wait, wait, wait, wait. He wants us to follow him. I got a better idea. Come on. Hiya, pal. We outsmarted you this time. Get over here!
Marv
What are we gonna do to him, Harry?!
Harry
We'll do exactly what he did to us. I'm gonna burn his head with his blowtorch.
Marv
Then we can smash his face with an iron!
Harry
I'd like to slap him right in the face with a paint can, maybe!
Marv
Or shove a nail through his foot!
Harry
The first thing I'm gonna do is bite off every one of those little fingers, one at a time.
[Old Man Marley knocks them both down with a shovel]
Old Man Marley
Come on, let's get you home.
[to Kevin]
Kevin
Wow, this is great.
Officer 1
Nice move. Always leavin the water running. Now we know each and every house that you guys have hit.
Officer 2
Yeah, you know, we've been looking for you two guys for a long time.
Marv
Yeah, well, remember, we're the Wet Bandits. Wet Bandits. That's W-E-T--
Harry
Oh, shut up! Shut up! Get in the car! Hands off the head, pal!
Officer 1
Come on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of an All-Bacon Diet
Phil Berquist
The man ate bacon at every meal... you just can't do that!
[at Curly's impromptu funeral]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Kerosene and Christmas: An Unexpected Encounter
Marv
Harry? You wearing aftershave?
Harry
That's not aftershave, that's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it.
Marv
Now, why would anybody soak a rope in kerosene?
Kevin
Merry Christmas.
[lights a match, Harry and Marv look at him; sets the rope on fire]
Harry
GO UP!
[Marv screams in horror]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Underestimating the Opponent in Home Alone 2
Marv
Where'd he go?!
Kevin
I'm up here! Come and get me!
[on the roof; takes a picture of them]
Marv
Let's kill!
Harry
Hold on, pea-brain. We got busted last time because we underestimated that little bundle of misery.
Marv
This ain't like the last time. This ain't his house. The kid's runnin scared. He ain't got a plan.
Harry
May I do the thinking, please? Thank you. Sonny!
[Marv gestures "go ahead"; calls up to Kevin]
Kevin
Yes?
Harry
Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knockin off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Understand?
Kevin
Mmm-hmm.
Harry
But since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal wit'cha. You throw down your camera, and we won't hurt ya. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?
Kevin
You promise?
Harry
I cross my heart and hope to die.
Kevin
Okay!
Harry
Okay, kid. Give it to me!
[he and Marv snicker; Kevin throws a brick, hitting Marv on the forehead]
Marv
Oh!
[falls down]
Kevin
Direct hit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
New York City: Land of Opportunity
Harry
Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. Smell that?
[takes a deep breath]
Marv
Yeah.
[takes a deep breath]
Harry
You know what that is?
Marv
Fish.
Harry
It's freedom.
Marv
No, it's fish.
Harry
It's freedom, and it's money.
Marv
Okay, okay, it's freedom.
Harry
Come on, let's get out of here before somebody sees us.
[leaves the truck]
Marv
And it's fish.
[follows Harry]
Harry
Yep, one quick score. We get ourselves a couple of phony passports and we hightail it to some foreign country.
Marv
Arizona?
[shoves tape-covered hand into a donation kettle to steal some coins]
Harry
That's very smart, Marv. You bust out of jail to rob 14 cents from a Santy Claus?
Marv
Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname. We're the Sticky Bandits!
Harry
Real cute. Very cute.
[sarcastically]
Marv
Huh?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.