Diane Keaton Quotes

Annie Hall

Expressing a carefree attitude

Annie Hall La-dee-da, la-dee-da.

[repeated line]

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Sleeper

Discussion of a muscular rebel chieftain

Miles Monroe You'd probably feel a lot safer with Mr. White Teeth back there.

Luna Schlosser Who?

Miles Monroe The Rebel Chieftain with the wall-to-wall muscles on his chest.

Luna Schlosser You mean, Erno?

Miles Monroe Yeah, Erno. It's a great name, if you happen to be the star of a vampire movie.

Luna Schlosser He's brilliant.

Miles Monroe Yeah. He couldn't be with us today. He's got to go take his handsome lesson.

Luna Schlosser Are you jealous?

Miles Monroe Jealous? Are kidding, honey? With a body like mine, you don't get jealous.

Luna Schlosser Certainly you don't expect me to tie myself down to one man. My love is a free gift to all the Bolshevik Brothers.

Miles Monroe Do what you want. You're over 21. Little Tramp!

Luna Schlosser We're here on business.

Miles Monroe Free love. I created a Bohemian monster. Next thing you know, she'll wanna have group sex with the ]s.

[[robot]

Luna Schlosser Will you shut up? You're attracting attention.

Miles Monroe Give her a couple of ]s to read, and right away, she's Miss Pseudo-Intellectual, Neo-Fascist, Hegelian, Freudian Monster.

[[book]

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Sleeper

Humor in Academic and Personal Skills

Luna Schlosser Men go crazy over for me. I'm great physically. I got a Ph.D. in oral sex.

Miles Monroe Yeah, they make you take any Spanish with that?

Luna Schlosser What?

Miles Monroe Well, I don't know. I was an English major, myself. You know, ], Pope, I minored in foreplay. It's a two credit course at NYU.

[[Chaucer]

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Love and Death

Contemplating the Void of Existence

Boris Grushenko Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness.

Sonja What did you say?

Boris Grushenko Oh , I was just planning my future.

[sighs]

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Sleeper

Desire for Comfort Amidst Discomfort

Luna Schlosser Please! I wanna go home! I'm getting a headache! I'm hungry! I haven't had a stress pill! I haven't had a bath in seven hours! I'm telling you, I'm not accustomed to this. I need my orb! I want to relax. Look at me! Look at me. I'm shaking!

Miles Monroe Gee, you know you'd be great to take on a camping trip.

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The Godfather

Kay Being Naive

Michael Corleone My father is no different than any powerful man, any man with power, like a president or senator.

Kay Adams Do you know how naive you sound, Michael? Presidents and senators don't have men killed.

Michael Corleone Oh. Who's being naive, Kay?

Father of the Bride

Bailing Out George for Hot Dog Buns

Nina Hello, George.

[coming to bail out George from the city lock-up]

George Why do you look happy to see me in here, Nina?

Nina Happy? No, no, no. I'm not happy George. You think I was happy to tell everyone that I had to come down to the city jail and bail you out for stealing hot dog buns?

George I wasn't stealing...

Nina Ah!

George I was just...

Nina Banks Ah! I'm going to have to ask you not to talk, or I'll have to call Officer What's-his-name over there. You've been more than I can handle, George. Annie's wedding is not a conspiracy against you. It's just a wedding. People have them every day in every country in the world. I know it's going to be expensive, but we don't go to Europe. We don't own fancy cars. I don't own expensive jewelry, so we can afford to have a big wedding.

George Nina...

Nina I'll get you out of here on one condition, Banks: that you agree to the following. Now, repeat after me. "I, George Stanley Banks...

George I, George Stanley Banks...

[Swallowing his pride]

Nina Promise to pull it together and act my age.

George Promise to pull it together and act my age.

Nina I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, unbuttoning my top collar button...

George I don't unbutton my top collar...

Nina Oh, no, you mean this bit here?

[Motions to his collar]

George I will stop hyperventilating, rolling my eyes, and unbuttoning my top collar button.

Nina I will stop making faces in general, and I will certainly stop telling everyone I meet how much this wedding is costing.

George I don't tell everyone how much it costs!

Nina He told you, right?

Officer $250 a head?

George Oh, well thanks.

Nina I will try to remember my daughter's feelings, and how, with every roll of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.

George I love you, Nina.

Nina Just repeat the last bit.

George I will try to remember my daughter's feelings, and how, with every roll of my eyes, I am taking away a piece of her happiness.

Nina I love you too. Let's go home, okay?

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Reds

Louise Bryant's Bold Statement to Mr. Reed

Louise Bryant I'd like to see you with your pants off, Mr. Reed.

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Love and Death

Questioning Divine Image and Personal Appearance

Boris Grushenko You think I was made in God's image? Take a look at me. You think he wears glasses?

[sighs]

Sonja Not with those frames.

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Reds

The Nature of Decency and Belief

Lee Slater Overman Are there no decent, God-fearing Christians among the Bolsheviks?

Louise Bryant Does one have to be God-fearing and Christian to be decent?

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Love and Death

A Request for an Afternoon Meeting

Him Come to my quarters tomorrow at three.

Sonja I can't.

Him Please.

Sonja It is immoral. What time?

Him Who is to say what is moral?

Sonja Morality is subjective.

Him Subjectivity is objective.

Sonja Moral notions imply attributes to substances which exist only in relational duality.

Him Not as an essential extension of ontological existence.

Sonja Could we not talk about sex so much?

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Love and Death

Existential Dilemmas and Moral Choices

Sonya But, if there is no God, then life has no meaning. Why go on living? Why not just commit suicide?

Boris Gruschenko Well, let's not get hysterical. I could be wrong. I'd hate to blow my brains out and then read in the paper that they found something.

Sonja Boris, Let me show you how absurd your position is. Let's say there is no God, and each man is free to do exactly as he chooses. What prevents you from murdering somebody?

Boris Grushenko Murder's immoral.

Sonja Immorality is subjective.

Boris Grushenko Yes, but subjectivity is objective.

Sonja Not in a rational scheme of perception.

Boris Grushenko Perception is irrational. It implies immanence.

Sonja But judgment of any system or a priori relation of phenomena exists in any rational or metaphysical or at least epistemological contradiction to an abstracted empirical concept such as being or to be or to occur in the thing itself or of the thing itself.

Boris Grushenko Yeah, I've said that many times.

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Sleeper

Exploring Discontent in a World of Wonders

Luna Schlosser I absolutely do not want to hear about it, Herald. This world is so full of wonderful things. What makes people suddenly go berserk and hate everything anyway? I mean, why does there have to be an underground? After all, there's the Orb, and there's the telescreen, and there's the Orgasmatron. What more do they want?

Herald Cohen It's hard for us to understand the criminal element. We're artists. We respond only - to ].

[[beauty]

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Love and Death

The Cost of Perception in Reality

Sonja I do believe that this is truly the best of all possible worlds.

Boris Grushenko Well, it's certainly the most expensive.

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Love and Death

Unexpected Betrayal and Miscommunication

Sonja Boris! What happened?

Boris Grushenko I got screwed.

Sonja How?

Boris Grushenko I don't know. This vision came and said I was going to get pardoned, and then they shot me.

Sonja You were my one great love!

Boris Grushenko Oh, thank you very much. I appreciate that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm dead.

Sonja What's it like?

Boris Grushenko What's it like? You know the chicken at Tresky's Restaurant?

Sonja Yeah.

Boris Grushenko It's worse.

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Reds

Prioritizing Passion Over Practicality in Rehearsal

Louise Bryant Would you rather I not smoke during rehearsal?

Eugene O'Neill I'd rather you went up in flames than crush out your cigarette during a monologue about birth.

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Sleeper

Luna's Poetic Success and Greeting Card Sales

Luna Schlosser I am a renowned poet. I sell 20 to 30 ] a week, plus greeting cards.

[[poems]

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Annie Hall

Reflections on Love and Relationships

Annie Hall * Ranked #55 in the ] in American cinema.

[[w:AFI's 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations]

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Love and Death

The Value of Empty Experiences

Sonja Sex without love is an empty experience.

Boris Grushenko Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

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Father of the Bride Part II

Embracing Youthfulness in a Changing Era

Nina Banks Just because we're older doesn't mean we're old. This is the 90s.

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The Godfather

Michael Tells Kay How They Know Johnny Fontane

Kay Adams Michael, you never told me you knew Johnny Fontane!

Michael Corleone Sure, you want to meet him?

Kay Adams Well, yeah! Sure.

Michael Corleone My father helped him with his career.

Kay Adams How did he do that?

Michael Corleone ...Let's listen to the song.

Kay Adams Tell me, Michael. Please.

[after listening to Johnny for a while]

Michael Corleone Well, when Johnny was first starting out, he was signed to a personal services contract with this big-band leader. And as his career got better and better, he wanted to get out of it. But the band leader wouldn't let him. Now, Johnny is my father's godson. So my father went to see this bandleader and offered him $10,000 to let Johnny go, but the bandleader said no. So the next day, my father went back, only this time with Luca Brasi. Within an hour, he had a signed release for a certified check of $1000.

Kay Adams How did he do that?

Michael Corleone My father made him an offer he couldn't refuse.

Kay Adams What was that?

Michael Corleone Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.

Kay Adams ...

Michael Corleone ...That's a true story.

Sleeper

Unconventional Approaches to Intimacy and Connection

Luna Schlosser Do you want to perform sex with me?

Miles Monroe Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don't think I'm up to a performance, but I'll rehearse with you, if you like.

Luna Schlosser Okay. I just thought you might want to; they have a ] here.

[[machine]

Miles Monroe Machine? I'm not getting into that thing. I, I'm strictly a hand operator; you know, I, I... I don't like anything with moving parts that are not my own.

Luna Schlosser It's hard to believe that you haven't had sex for 200 years.

Miles Monroe 204, if you count my marriage.

Love and Death

Accusations of Jejunosity in Conversation

Sonja That is so jejune!

Boris Gruschenko Jejune? You have the temerity to accuse me of quoting to you out of jejunosity? I'm the most june person there is!

Love and Death

Unhappiness and Quarrels in Relationships

Sonja Oh, Boris, I'm so unhappy.

Boris Grushenko Ohh, I wish you weren't.

Sonja Voskovec and I quarrel frequently. I've become a scandal.

Boris Grushenko Poor Sonja.

Sonja For the past weeks, I've visited Seretski in his room.

Boris Grushenko Why? What's in his room? Oh...

Sonja And before Seretski, Aleksei, and before Aleksei, Alegorian, and before Alegorian, Asimov, and...

Boris Grushenko Okay!

Sonja Wait, I'm still on the A's.

Boris Grushenko How many lovers do you have?

Sonja In the mid-town area?

Sleeper

Modern Perspectives on Relationships and Heritage

Luna Schlosser Sex is different today. You see, we don't have any problems. Everybody's frigid.

Miles Monroe Oh, that's incredible. So are the men impotent?

Luna Schlosser Yeah, most of them, except for the ones whose ancestors are Italian.

Miles Monroe Alright, I knew there was something in that pasta.

Reds

Conflict of Love and Self-Interest

Jack Reed Louise, I love you.

Louise Bryant No, you love yourself! Me, you FUCK!

Love and Death

Justifying Violence in Humanitarian Contexts

Sonja Violence is justified in the service of mankind!

Boris Grushenko Who said that?

Sonja ].

[[w:Attila the Hun|Attila the Hun]

Boris Grushenko You're quoting a Hun to me?

Sleeper

Skepticism About Science and Relationships

Luna Schlosser But Miles, don't you see? Meaningful relationships between men and women don't last. That was proven by science. You see, there's a chemical in our bodies that makes it so that we all get on each other's nerves sooner or later.

Miles Monroe Hey, that's science. I don't believe in science. I'm, I'm, you know, science is a, an intellectual dead-end. You know, it's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.

Luna Schlosser Oh, I see. You don't believe in science, and you also don't believe that political systems work, and you don't believe in God, huh?

Miles Monroe Right.

Luna Schlosser So then, what do you believe in?

Miles Monroe Sex and ] - two things that come once in a lifetime... but at least after death, you're not nauseous.

[[death]

Love and Death

A Debate on Duty and Maternal Concern

Sonja Boris, you can't be serious, you're talking about Mother Russia.

Boris She's not my mother. My mother's standing right here, and she's not gonna let her youngest baby get shrapnel in his gums.

Mother He'll go and he'll fight, and I hope they will put him in the front lines.

Boris Thanks a lot, Mom. My mother, folks.

Love and Death

The Paradox of Love and Suffering

Sonja To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness — I hope you're getting this down.

Memorable Quotes from Diane Keaton