Divian Ladwa

Luis: [beat] You know what, you're right. This isn't truth serum. Cause I don't feel anything. That was a lie. I did feel something. This is truth serum!

Uzman: No such thing...!

Sonny Burch: Okay... Okay, okay. I'mma make this really easy for you, Luis...

Luis: Okay.

Sonny Burch: Where... is Scott Lang?

Luis: [flashback starts, showing Scott in his prison cell as Luis joins him] Oh see, that's complicated. Cause when I first met Scott, he was in a bad place. And I'm not talkin about Cellblock D; his wife had just filed for divorce, and I was like: "Damn homie, she dumped you while you are locked up?!" And he was like: "Yeah, you know, I thought I was gonna be with her for ever, but now I'm all alone!" And I was like: "Damn homie, you know what, you gotta chin up, cause you'll find a new partner, you know what? I'm Luis!" And he says: "You know what? I'm Scottie, and we're gonna be best friends"--

Sonny Burch: [interrupts flashback] Okay, hold on, hold on. I like a good story as much as the next person, but what in the hell does this have to do with where Scott Lang is?

Luis: I'm getting there! I'm getting there.

Dave: You put a dime in him, you gotta let the whole song play out.

Kurt: He hit like human jukebox.

Luis: [another flashback begins; [Morrissey; flashback ends] Oh, my abuelita had a jukebox in her restaurant! Yeah, only played ]. And if anybody ever complained, she'd be like: "Oh, ¿no te gusta Moz?" - you know, chicanos, we call him Moz - "then ¡adios!" What can I say, ya know, we relate to his melancholic ballads, ya know?

Sonny Burch: Lang.

Luis: [flashback starts with Scott and Hope in the Pyms' home; flashback switches to Scott and Hope making out in a corridor; [Captain America: Civil War|I'm gonna go thrash an airport with Captain America; flashback switches to Hope talking on her phone on the street; flashback stops momentarily before switching to Scott in his house arrest; flashback stops, then switches to Scott and Hope at the office of Luis' security company; in the flashback, Luis is staring at the Entenmann's Raspberry Danish Twist box on his desk] Right, right, right, right, right, right. So anyway, Scottie gets out of jail, and he starts working for Hank, that's when he met Hope. And Hope's all like: "I want nothing to do with you, look at my hairdo, I'm all business!" And then Scottie's like: "You know what, girl, my heart is all broken, and I'll probably never find love again, but damn if I wanna kiss you!!" But then you fast-forward and they're all like into each other, right? And then Scottie's like: "You know what, I can't tell you this, but ]!" And then she said: "I can't believe you split like that! Smell you later, dummy!" So Scottie was on house arrest, and he wouldn't admit it, but his heart was all like: "Damn, I thought Hope coulda been my new true partner, but I blew it!" But fate brought em back together, and then Hope's heart is all: "I'm worried that I can't trust him, and he's gonna screw up again and ruin everything!" And then my heart is all like: "That fancy raspberry filling represents the company's red, and we're days away from going out of business-- OOOOH!

Kurt: Out of business?!

Dave: Days away?!

Luis: Damn truth serum! Aw, ya know, I was tryin to protect you guys, I swear to God, and ya know, I was tryin to be a good boss, but we're broke, and the Karapetyans are our last hope, and if we don't show up, we're done!

Kurt: That's terrible bossing!

Dave: Damn, bro!!!

Luis: That's on me! That's on me--

Sonny Burch: [already losing his patience] Hey! Enough. I'm gonna ask you one more time. Where is Scott Lang?

Luis: I've been tryin to tell you, he's in a tricky spot, emotionally speaking!

Sonny Burch: [angrily] Emotionally speaking? Well, where is Scott Lang... LITERALLY SPEAKING?!?

Luis: Oh! The woods.

Ghost: The woods??

Kurt: [panicking] BABA YAGA!!!

Ghost: [grabbing Luis] What do you mean, "the woods"?!

Luis: [terrified] The Muir Woods! The second fire road off the Panoramic Highway!

Ghost: [annoyed; leaves] ...For God's sake!

Kurt: [singing, terrified] Baba Yaga, come at night, little children, sleeping tight...