Memorable Quotes from Elliott Gould
33 quotesQuestioning Fairness in Unjust Circumstances
Max Devlin
What the...? That's entrapment! It's not fair!
Barney Satin
Fair? Are you forgetting where you are?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Casual Invitation to Drink
Roger Wade
I tell you what we're gonna do, Marlboro. You're gonna take that goddamn J.C. Penney tie off and we're gonna have an old fashioned man to man drinking party.
Philip Marlowe
Well, that's okay but I'm not taking off the tie.
Roger Wade
What'll you have?
Philip Marlowe
What are you drinking?
Roger Wade
What I'm drinking is called Aquavit.
Philip Marlowe
I'm drinking what you're drinking.
Roger Wade
Well God bless you. I like to hear that. People these days go, "Oh, I want a little of this. Oh, and a little of that and a twist of lemon." Balls!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Moral Dilemmas in Corruption and Choice
Max Devlin
You want me to corrupt the souls of little kids? I've never been too fond of kids. I hate kids. Then again, tricking three innocent kids into signing their souls to you is not a nice thing.
Barney Satin
Neither is Level 4.
Max Devlin
Where do I sign?
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Witty Banter Between Detectives
Det. Green
My, my, you are a pretty asshole.
Philip Marlowe
Yeah, my mother always tells me that.
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Confrontation Between Max and Barney
Barney Satin
You got some kind of death wish, Max?
Max Devlin
No, but you do! You're lucky you're dead or so help me you will be a dead man!
Barney Satin
Watch it. You're getting angry, Max.
Max Devlin
You're damn right I'm angry! Don't you ever pull a stunt like that on me again!
Barney Satin
I was just trying to get your attention.
Max Devlin
Yeah? Well, next time try tapping on the shoulder.
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A Conversation on Loss and Isolation
Philip Marlowe
Nobody cares but me.
Terry Lennox
Well that's you, Marlowe. You'll never learn, you're a born loser.
Philip Marlowe
Yeah, I even lost my cat.
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Desert Challenges After Casino Success
Reuben Tishkoff
You guys are pros. The best. I'm sure you can make it out of the casino. Of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the fucking desert!
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A Conversation on Life and Despair
Roger Wade
Do you ever think about suicide, Marlboro?
Philip Marlowe
Me, I don't believe in it.
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The Consequences of Betrayal and Crime
Marty Augustine
Your friend was a murderer and a thief.
Philip Marlowe
That's a lie. I know he didn't kill her.
Marty Augustine
Let me tell you something else. It's a minor crime, to kill your wife. The major crime is that he stole my money. Your friend stole my money, and the penalty for that is capital punishment.
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Confrontation Over Medical Ethics and Payments
Dr. Verringer
I apologize for this intrusion, Mrs. Wade, but your husband dislikes paying his bills. I'm sorry; in future I must refuse to accept him as a patient.
Philip Marlowe
Well we don't accept you as a doctor, quack.
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Deadline Dilemma in Investigative Reporting
Robert Caulfield
Look, when a reporter tells his assignment editor that he thinks he may be on to something that could be really big, the assignment editor is supposed to say: "You've got 48 hours, kids, and you better come up with something good or it's going to be your neck!" That's what he's supposed to say, I saw it in a movie.
Walter Loughlin
You're not crazy, I'm crazy. I'm crazy for listening and I'm crazy for saying what I'm about to say. I'll give you 24 hours to come up with something. Not 48. I saw the movie too, it was 24.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Authority and Responsibility in Dialogue
Robert Caulfield
You in charge here?
Albain
See that sign there?
Robert Caulfield
Yes.
Albain
Well, read it.
Robert Caulfield
I did.
Albain
Out loud.
Robert Caulfield
A&A Crop Dusting Service.
Albain
You wanna know who I am?
Robert Caulfield
I bet you're one of the A's.
Albain
But which one? I bet you can't answer that question, smart-ass.
Robert Caulfield
The first one.
Albain
Wrong.
Robert Caulfield
Can I have one more guess?
Albain
You got it.
Robert Caulfield
The second one.
Albain
Wrong. I'm both of them. My name is AlBaine. Now, I got a son. You know, the other A was for him but he don't like to fly. He became a lawyer. I think he's a pervert so I took the A away from him. You want to speak to someone in charge, you're speaking to the both of them.
Robert Caulfield
My name is Caulfield.
Albain
Hey, I can't help that.
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Debate on Racial Injustice and Historical Context
Derek Vinyard
If he had, though? Come on, think about it. If that fucking monkey had run some kid over, everybody would have a very different opinion of this whole matter! They'd be focused on ] and not on these officers. But instead, he just attacked a few cops. And so suddenly, it's Hands Across America for this fucking total son of a bitch. I mean, it blows my mind. We're so hung up on this notion that we have some obligation to help this struggling black man, cut him some slack until he can overcome these historical injustices. It's crap. This stuff just perpetuates it and all this liberal nonsense. Everyone's looking the other way while our country rots from the inside out. I mean, Christ, Lincoln freed the slaves, in like; 130 years ago. How long does it take to get your act together?
[[Rodney King]
Murray
Well, Jews have been persecuted for over 5,000 years. Are you saying it's wrong to feel sensitive about anti-Semitism?
Stacey
Oh, forget that. I'm with you. I'm with you all the way, baby. I'm so sick of these liberal hypocrites.
Davina
Oh, here we go again. I love this part. This is great.
Stacey
Well, look at the way how they scapegoated Chief Gates. You tell me to think they would've come down that hard on black Willie Williams? No way. That videotape was a set-up to get rid of Gates!
Davina
Can I please be excused?
[To Doris, illuminatingly]
Doris Vinyard
Yes…
Derek Vinyard
No! No, you cannot. Don't interrupt.
Stacey
Excuse me, I was talking. I listened to you.
Derek Vinyard
Don't interrupt her!
Davina
Who the hell do you think you are?
Derek Vinyard
She's right in the middle of making the point!
Davina
Who the hell do you think you are?
[Storms up out of her chair; This makes Derek very furious.]
Derek Vinyard
Hey! Davina, sit down. No, sit down!
[Storms up too]
Derek Vinyard
No, sit your ass down! No, sit down. Shut your mouth. No. Sit down, shut your mouth and give my girlfriend some respect!
[Just as Davina tries to push him]
Murray
Derek, what are you trying to prove?
[Annoyed]
Derek Vinyard
Murray, stay out of it! Come here! Hey, what do you think you're going?
[Pulls Davina's hair to stop her from leaving]
Doris Vinyard
No!!!!
Murray
Derek, let her go! Derek, let her go!
[As Derek grabs a piece of ham off the plate]
Derek Vinyard
You need to learn some fucking manners, Davina! Shut your fucking mouth!
[Angrily shoves a piece of ham on Davina's mouth]
Danny Vinyard
Derek! Stop!
[Davina chokes on the meat, and tries to muffle with no words.]
Murray
She can't breathe!
Doris Vinyard
Let… her… GO!!!
[Pulls Derek's shoulder]
Derek Vinyard
Are you gonna apologize? Are you?!?
Davina
You're a fucking asshole!
Doris Vinyard
I hate you!
Murray
What are you doing Derek? This is your family.
Derek Vinyard
Right, my family, my family, so you know what? I don't give two shits about you or anybody else or what they think. You're not a part of it and you never will be.
Murray
That has nothing to do with it!
Derek Vinyard
Oh it doesn't? You don't think I see what you're trying to do here? You think I'm gonna sit here and smile while some fucking kike tries to fuck my mother? It's never gonna happen Murray! Fucking forget it! Not on my watch, not while I'm still in this family. I will fucking cut your Shylock nose off and stick it up your ass before I let that happen. Coming here and poison my family's dinner with your Jewish, Nigger-loving, hippie bullshit. Fuck you! Fuck you! Yeah, walk out, asshole, fucking Kabbalah reading motherfucker. Get the fuck out of my house. DO YOU SEE THIS!? THAT MEANS NOT WELCOME!
[Flashes swastika tattoo]
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Coffee and Abandoned Bases in Conversation
Judy Drinkwater
I'll fix you some coffee, then you can jump me.
Robert Caulfield
There's no other one besides White Bluff?
Judy Drinkwater
No, except one abandoned base they used for training during World War II. Jackson. There's nothing there now. Don't you want to jump me?
Robert Caulfield
Of course I do. Where's Jackson?
Judy Drinkwater
About 300 miles directly west. I think I'm going to get angry with you.
Robert Caulfield
Do you have any money on you?
Judy Drinkwater
You want me to pay you?
Robert Caulfield
How much?
Judy Drinkwater
About a hundred. Why don't I just leave it on the dresser in the morning?
Robert Caulfield
Give it to me now.
Judy Drinkwater
In advance? That's the height of conceit.
Robert Caulfield
Please, and your car keys.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contractual Pressures and Time Constraints
Barney Satin
What about my contracts?
Max Devlin
So, this is what that stunt back there was all about?
Barney Satin
Yes. My associates on the counsel are getting a little itchy. Why has not one subject signed their souls yet?
Max Devlin
I don't care! I got until midnight on May 15. That's our deal. Look, I'm trying to get these people so hooked on me that they'll sign anything, but it takes time. If I go too fast, I'm libel to blow the whole deal!
Barney Satin
I like your style, Max. You're a devious fellow.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Plans and Reflections Among Friends
Saul Bloom
When they opened The Flamingo, one day it was closed, the next it was open. End of story. I know, I was there.
Saul Bloom
Kensington Chubb here!
Saul Bloom
Did I say I was walking away? Let's gut the sonovabitch.
Reuben Tishkoff
We'll talk about it when I'm dead.
Roman Nagel
You're analog players in a digital world. You're done.
Yen
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Saul Bloom
(Talking to Willie Bank as Kensington chubb) Well, so far, this establishment is of, Aces!
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A Surprise Invitation to the Grammys
Barney Satin
Mind if I join you?
Max Devlin
What are you doing here?
Barney Satin
I've never been to the Grammys.
Max Devlin
Be my guest.
Barney Satin
Goodie for me and goodie for you too. Congratulations on your engagement. When's the happy day?
Max Devlin
This Saturday, sandwiched between the first and second motos and after that, Stella's concert at the music center. I'll get her signature on her contract tonight, then Nerve's at his champion race on Thursday, and finally Toby's after the wedding.
Barney Satin
It's gonna be real busy for you these next few days. Your wedding is this Saturday... May 15th. You're cutting it real close, aren't you?
Max Devlin
I had no choice in the matter. It was Penny's decision to have the wedding on that day.
Barney Satin
Well, at least you will still save yourself.
Max Devlin
Yeah.
Barney Satin
What's the matter? You don't sound too happy about it.
Max Devlin
Nobody said I had to enjoy this.
Barney Satin
Beats Level 4.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Bathroom Request Amidst Tension
Reuben Tishkoff
Yeah, well I need to use the toilet otherwise I'm gonna shit on your shoes! C'mon Frank...
[to Turk]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over a Unique Baby Kangaroo
Kathleen Smith
Bernie, it's inhuman to do that to a baby kangaroo! It's inhuman!
Bernie Bonnelli
Has anyone ever told you that you're always repeating yourself? This is no ordinary kangaroo... Junior's different. Remember who his father was.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Close Call and an Alibi
Robert Caulfield
Somebody took a shot at me.
Walter Loughlin
When?
Robert Caulfield
Yesterday.
Walter Loughlin
Thank God I've got an alibi.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Miscommunication and Apology
Max Devlin
Oh my God!
Barney Satin
I wish you wouldn't say that.
Max Devlin
I'm sorry!
Barney Satin
I know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reuben's Frustration with Invisibility
Reuben Tishkoff
THIS? You couldn't see this?!
[Meeting a fortune teller, notices Benedict and his goons behind him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Journalistic Integrity and Ambition
Walter Loughlin
Listen to me and listen good. I don't like you, Caulfield. You're ambitious. You think the way to get ahead is to come up with the scoop of the century. ] and ] were good reporters, that's how they did it. Not by telling me they've located ] three times like you did or that brilliant piece of investigative journalism you pulled off by finding an eye witness to the second gunman in the ]. The small fact that the man had been in a mental institution at the time never deterred you, not Scoop Caulfield. Now most reporters are like me. They are plodders. They spend a lot of their time checking little things... like facts. They cover mundane stories like wars and trials and hearings. You never seem to have enough time in your busy schedule to stoop so low as to cover a story. You occupy your time with tips from people who never existed. Driving your car into water and claiming it wasn't your fault. Getting shot at by unseen gunmen. Now I really hate to interrupt your meteoric career with something so plebeian as a legitimate story. However, a train load of propane gas had the bad taste to derail near Galveston and there's a whole town that just might blow up. So it would be just really peachy of you if you would join your film crew that's waiting for you on the plane at this very moment while we speak.
[[Bob Woodward|Woodward; [Carl Bernstein|Bernstein; [w:Patty Hearst|Patty Hearst; [w:John F. Kennedy assassination|Kennedy assassination]
Robert Caulfield
That was some speech.
Loughlin
I thought so.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About a Valuable Bill
Marty Augustine
What's that?
Philip Marlowe
A picture of ].
[[James Madison]
Marty Augustine
It's a $5000 bill.
Philip Marlowe
I know.
Marty Augustine
Where'd you get this?
Philip Marlowe
A box of crackerjacks, came as a prize.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Fundraising Inquiry
Reuben Tishkoff
Are you having some telethon we don't know about?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cost of Dusting a Field
Robert Caulfield
Mr Albaine, how much do you charge to dust a field?
Albain
Twenty five dollars.
Robert Caulfield
I'd like to hire your plane.
Albain
That'll be a hundred dollars.
Robert Caulfield
You said you charged 25?
Albain
Twenty five dollars to dust a field, but you ain't got no field because you ain't no farmer, which means you ain't poor and I think you're a pervert!
Robert Caulfield
Okay, one hundred.
Albain
One hundred and twenty five.
Robert Caulfield
What?
Albain
Because you said yes to a hundred too quick, which means you can afford a hundred and twenty five.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication in a Supermarket Aisle
Philip Marlowe
Excuse me, I don't see any Courry Brand cat food here.
Supermarket clerk
Some what?
Philip Marlowe
Some Courry Brand cat...
Supermarket clerk
Could you spell that?
Philip Marlowe
Courry Brand, C-O-U-R-R...
Supermarket clerk
Oh, we're all out of that. Why don't you get this. All this shit is the same anyways.
Philip Marlowe
You don't happen to have a cat by any chance?
Supermarket clerk
What do I need a cat for, I've got a girl.
Philip Marlowe
Ha, ha. He's got a girl, I got a cat.
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Navigating Connections in Uncertain Times
Philip Marlowe
Listen Harry, in case you lose me in traffic, this is the address where I'm going. You look great.
Harry
Thank you.
Philip Marlowe
I'd straighten your tie a little bit. Harry, I'm proud to have you following me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Power Dynamics in Prison Life
Doris Vinyard
You think you're the only one doin time, Derek? You think you're here all alone? You think I'm not in here with you?
Murray
Derek, what are you trying to prove?!
Lamont
Don't fuck with me, a'ight? I'm the most dangerous man in this prison. You know why? Cause I control the underwear.
[In the prison laundry]
Lamont
Okay, I know your kind, right...bad ass peckerwood with an attitude. Well, let me tell you something: you better watch your ass, cause in the joint, you the nigger, not me.
Seth
My eyes have seen the glory of the trampling at the zooWe have washed ourselves in niggers blood and all the mongrels tooWe're taking down the ZOG machine, Jew by Jew by JewThe white man marches on! ~ white supremacist lyrics for "].
[[w:Battle Hymn of the Republic|Battle Hymn of the Republic]
Bob Sweeney
I think the street would kill you. Your rhetoric and your propaganda aren't gonna save you out there.
[Arguing with Danny Vinyard about his "Mein Kampf" paper]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Past Relationships and Prejudice
Murray
I don't have a personal problem with him!
[About Danny]
Bob Sweeney
Don't insult my intelligence, Murray! You hate this child, and I think I know why.
Murray
So I went out with his mother a few times. That was three years ago... it was nothing.
[Closes the door]
Bob Sweeney
Nothing. Really?
Murray
That paper, Bob--it's a travesty. Arguing for ] as a civil rights hero? You've got to draw the line.
[[Hitler]
Bob Sweeney
You know, Murray, you actually brought this upon yourself. You said the paper could be on any book that related to the struggle for human rights...in plain English. I am not disputing that the child is confused, and harbors some sick ideas, but I am not ready to give up on him yet.
Murray
His brother probably put him up to it.
Bob Sweeney
I guarantee you 100% his brother did not put him up to this.
Murray
Whatever...I find that hard to believe.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Handling Responsibilities After Marriage
Max Devlin
I have to put up with that kid? I don't think I'll be able to handle him now that I'm married to his mom.
[referring to Toby's sudden hostility]
Barney Satin
Yeah? Well, don't worry. I'll put in a call to Agent Hargraves and she will deal with him tonight.
Max Devlin
But I got all their signatures on their contracts and I'm free. Am I?
Barney Satin
Yes. Technically yes, you are free. But by midnight tonight, Toby and the other two souls will belong to me.
Max Devlin
Not until the natural end of their lives. That's what you said when you first instructed me how to carry out this scheme.
Barney Satin
Point of fact: I lied. I need them now. They will take your place at midnight as your replacements.
Max Devlin
Oh, no! Barney, I never would have agreed to this had I known. Toby's a good kid. If you kill him, you'll kill her! Penny will not have the will to live if Toby dies.
Barney Satin
Unfortunately, her soul does not belong to me. Nor it ever will. But then again, you now have your precious life. At least to live out until the natural end of your life before you come back to me... and Hell.
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Consequences of Making a Deal
Max Devlin
What happens to the kids after I get them to sign?
Barney Satin
Nothing. We don't get them until the natural ends of their lives.
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Inquiry about a group discount
Reuben Tishkoff
Did you guys get a group rate or something?
[''After Danny and his crew shows up at his door'']
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