Memorable Quotes from Eric Christmas
3 quotesCustody Dispute Over Dog in Court
Judge Cranfield
By the powers vested in me, I award custody of the dog to Josh Framm. Case closed. Thank God.
Norm Snively
You can't do that! That dog is my dog! I got pictures of my dog!
Judge Cranfield
Will somebody suppress that clown?
Norm Snively
Let me go! I got pictures of my own dog! And kid! kid! Put me down! kid! kid!
Josh Framm
Hey Buddy. You want to play? Yeah! Just like we always do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Between Youth and Aging Desires
Priest
I would be remiss in my duty, if I did not tell you, that the idea of...... intercourse... and the fact of your firm, young... body..... commingling, with the... withered flesh... sagging... breasts... and flabby b-... buttocks... makes me want... to vomit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Dog's Loyalty Amidst Family Conflict
Jackie Framm
That's my son!
Larry Willingham
Water boy! Nice shot.
Norm Snively
I'll take my dog back now.
Josh Framm
He doesn't wanna go with you.
Jackie Framm
What's the problem?
Norm Snively
There's no problem, Mrs. Framm. Your son's had his little fun. Now I think it's time to give me back what is rightfully mine.
Jackie Framm
You know what, Mr. Snively, I believe my son is right. That dog doesn't like you. So the answer is no.
Norm Snively
You don't have any choice, lady. I got papers. I'll see you in court!
[chuckling]
Bailiff
Next case, Snively vs. Framm.
Judge Cranfield
Is this one of your high-profile divorce cases?
Bailiff
No, sir, it's custody.
Judge Cranfield
Oh, custody. Holy Toledo, what is that dog doing in the courthouse?
Bailiff
That's the, uh, child, sir.
Judge Cranfield
That's a pretty ugly kid.
Bailiff
It's a dog.
Judge Cranfield
What?
Bailiff
The case is about custody of a dog.
Judge Cranfield
All right, I'll take it, but we have to do this seriously. I will not have my courtroom turned into some kind of a circus. Who the hell are you?
Norm Snively
Mr. Norman F. Snively, your honor. I'm the plaintiff.
Judge Cranfield
You look like an idiot.
Norm Snively
Why, thank you, sir. You see, I'm a clown by profession. Happy Slappy's the name. Clown and the Hound. And begging to your humblest pardon, I thought it might be helpful to your honor if I appeared here today in the guise most pertinent to the cogent and unequivocal stating of my case.
Judge Cranfield
Whatever, whatever. You go first, clown.
Norm Snively
Well, the fact is, your honor, that dog's my property, and I have papers to prove it.
Judge Cranfield
Well, would you show them to me, please?
Norm Snively
Well, actually, your honor, I had papers to prove it. But that boy, that young hooligan, because of his irresponsible and criminal activity, is responsible for what you see.
Judge Cranfield
Order!
Norm Snively
You see, sir, when I lost my dog for the first time, it broke me up real bad. When I lost him the second time, it darn near killed me. Hell's bells, your honor, all I wanna do is get Old Blue back. So it can be him and me together, just like it always was.
Josh Framm
Why, so you can abuse him some more?
Judge Cranfield
That will be enough, young man.
Norm Snively
I raised that dog from a puppy. I wouldn't harm a hair on his head!
Judge Cranfield
Bailiff, what is that?
Bailiff
The dog, your honor.
Judge Cranfield
Oh. Order! Quiet!
Josh Framm
It's the gavel, sir.
Judge Cranfield
What? Speak up! Bailiff!
Bailiff
You said speak.
Judge Cranfield
Speak! Will somebody please suppress that dog?
Norm Snively & Josh Framm
Shh!
Judge Cranfield
Oh, what a day. What a day. Now then, young man, have you any evidence that this man abused your dog? Did you ever see him hit the dog?
Josh Framm
Well, no.
Judge Cranfield
Then how did you know the dog was abused?
Josh Framm
Because Buddy doesn't like him. Buddy's my friend. I know what he's feeling, so he knows what I'm feeling.
Jackie Framm
He's telling the truth, your honor.
Judge Cranfield
Who's that?
Bailiff
The boy's mother.
Judge Cranfield
Oh, it's all right, you may sp... You may address the court.
Jackie Framm
When we first moved to this town, my son was very unhappy. And then he found Buddy here. And Buddy's given him something to look forward to. Please, please, don't take Buddy away from my son.
Judge Cranfield
Mrs. Framm, as far as this court is concerned, the dog is property unless you have evidence...
Jackie Framm
All of these people did not come here because of a piece of property, your honor. They came here because of Buddy. He's part of this town. He's part of the team, and he's part of our family now, your honor.
Norm Snively
Well, he's part of my family too! He's like a son to me! Aw, shut up!
Arthur Chaney
Why not let the dog choose, your honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with?
Judge Cranfield
Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?
Arthur Chaney
Arthur Chaney, your honor.
Judge Cranfield
Mr. Chaney, do you reali... Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, 56? Huh. I was at that Celtics game where you did the turnaround jumper at the buzzer. I spilled beer all over my wife.
Bailiff
Your honor.
Judge Cranfield
What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Mr. Chaney.
Arthur Chaney
Well, I've been thinking. This dog is what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult in our years. I say let Buddy decide.
Judge Cranfield
Mr. Chaney, during my 40 years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain cockamamie proposals, but this one I like.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.