Memorable Quotes from Gary Cole
12 quotesCasual Greetings in the Workplace
Bill Lumbergh
(repeated lines including variants) Hello, Peter. What's happenin'?
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Urgent Request for Immediate Action
Bill Lumbergh
I'm going to need those ]... ASAP...
[[w:TPS reports|TPS reports]
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Career Choices and Missed Opportunities
Wallace
After everything she told me, and checking on your excellent record in college, I'm wondering why you choose to drive a taxi for a living.
Donald Morton
At my interview with IBM after I graduated college, they asked me what my plans were, and I said, "Probably go to McDonalds for a 12-piece McNugget and two cheeseburgers, and then do my laundry.
Wallace
Did they laugh, at least?
Donald Morton
They smiled and said they'd call me. They didn't.
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Egregious Misunderstanding of the Situation
Reese Bobby
You people are in the wrong on this one! So in the wrong! This is egregious! You hear me? Egregious!
[Getting thrown out of Ricky's school]
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Conflicting Choices and Unexpected Consequences
Richard Levy
Congratulations. You're actually drinking, driving, smoking, leering and groping at the same time. Which on one hand, is just about the coolest thing ever...but on the other hand, maybe isn't so great for the image.
[showing Tad a tabloid cover story]
Cathy Feely
And at which point, Tad. If you are going back to the airport, I will ride with you, and by the Route 73 cloverleaf, I will have given myself to you in ways you've only read about in the drugstore!
[to Tad]
Henry Futch
Sometimes Goliath kicks the shit out of David. It's just nobody bothers to tell that story.
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Weekend Work Expectations in the Office
Bill Lumbergh
(after asking Peter to come in and work on Saturday) Ah, ah, I almost forgot... I'm also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too. We, uhhh, lost some people this week and we sorta need to play catch-up. Thaaaaaanks.
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Request for Cooperation in the Workplace
Bill Lumbergh
...So, if you could do that, that would be great...
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Job Loss Due to Insubordination and Misconduct
Bill Owens
Look, Sy, I got a family. I'm not losing my job over this. I'm letting you go.
[pauses]
Sy Parrish
No!!! Ohhh...
[In a very upset state of mind]
Bill Owens
These log discrepancies would be enough, but you've been spacing out on the job, taking 90-minute lunch breaks, creating scenes in front of the customers... giving away free merchandise.
Sy Parrish
What?
Bill Owens
Free disposable cameras to customers on their birthday? That must have been your bright idea. Sure as shit isn't company policy.
Sy Parrish
You can't do this.
Bill Owens
It's done, Sy. I talked to Sims at district. Now you finish out the week and clear out your locker. And if you do something like fuck up today's prints...
Sy Parrish
I haven't fucked up a customer's prints in 11 years!
[In a stern voice]
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Driving with Fear and a Live Cougar
Reese Bobby
I saw what happened to you in that race. You saw the fear. You need to learn to drive with the fear, and there ain't nothin more goddamn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.
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Casual Exchange Between Friends
Carlos
You called, Edna? You are a vision as always. Ah, Hello, Alex.
Alexander Scott
Hi, Carlos. How was Cuba?
Carlos
Es... adequate.
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Tensions Rise Over Presidential Image and Accountability
White House Chief of Staff Harry Sargent
The president came off looking like a coward on national television.
Frank Horrigan
I thought he came off all right. You're the one that came off looking like a damn coward.
Sargent
This is a just a joke to you?
Horrigan
No, you're a joke to me, Harry! You have no idea what we do around here!
Bill Watts
That's enough, Horrigan!
Sargent
You call me Harry one more time, you'll be busting counterfeiters in Alaska! You keep him away from the president, away from the White House, and you sure as hell better keep him away from me!
Watts
Don't talk to the White House Chief of Staff like that.
Horrigan
I don't work for him.
Watts
No, you work for me. At least you did. You're off my detail.
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The Importance of Winning in Competition
Reese Bobby
If you ain't first, you're last!
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