Hank AzariaQuotes

Stephen Glass: I messed up, I made a huge error. I don't know what to say. If you want me to resign, I will.

Michael Kelly: I want you to tell me what happened.

Stephen Glass: They don't have mini bars at the Omni Shoreham Hotel. I guess I just saw all those little bottles and made an assumption, which I know we're never supposed to do. Those guys were drinking out of a rented refrigerator.

Michael Kelly: That's it?

Stephen Glass: Yeah.

Michael Kelly: The rest of piece is solid?

Stephen Glass: Yeah, of course.

Michael Kelly: [chuckling] Go home Stephen. Your resignation will not be required.

Stephen Glass: Really? You're not mad?

Michael Kelly: Of course not.

Stephen Glass: Thanks for backing me.

Michael Kelly: It's what editors do.

Claude: Oh my stars and strips, Leuben! I cannot believe it is you!

Reuben: This is Polly.

Claude: Hi Polly. I am Claude.

Claude: It's like zee story of zee heeppo.

Reuben Feffer: I'm not familiar with that story.

Claude: Zee heeppopotamoose, he is not born saying, "Cool beans. I am a heeppo." No way, Joesay. So he try to paint zee stripe on him to be like zee zebra, but he fool no one. Then he try to put zee spot on zee skin to be like the leopard, but everyboody know he is a heeppo. So, at certain point, he look himself in zee mirror and he just say, "Hey. I am a heeppopotamoose and zere is nothing I can do about it." As soon as he accepts zis, he live life happy. Happy as a heeppo. You understand zis, Luban?

Reuben Feffer: [long pause] I'm gonna kill you!

Agador: Armand, mustn't you let me be in the show? Are you afraid of my Guatemalan-ness?

Armand: Your what?

Agador: [[Guatemala|Guatemalan; [W:estrogen|estrogen] My ]-ness, my natural heat. You're afraid I'm too primitive to be on the stage with your little ] rockettes, right?

Armand: You're wright. I'm afraid of your heat.

Armand: Why're you giving him drugs? What the (using the other bad word) It's Val. are Pirin tablets?

Agador: [[W:aspirin|aspirin] It's ] with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.

Armand: My God, what a brilliant idea!

Agador: I know.

Azrael: [after a cellphone falls on his head; meowing furiously] You moron!

Gargamel: [gasps; as Azrael gets off him; [Rise of the Guardians|the Dark Ages] How dare you call me that?! I have bungled nothing! Well, Paris is over, my friend. We're back here in ]. I suggest you get used to it.

Azrael: [meowing whining] I want room service!

Gargamel: [sarcastically] Aw, you want room service? Then why don't you yell out the window?!

Azrael: [meowing angrily and hissing; shows claws as Gargamel gives him a warning] You asked for it!

Gargamel: [gasps; as Azrael gets angry at Gargamel for calling him pussy foot, he attacks him and Gargamel screams; He falls to the ground, cutting to the [[w:Sony Pictures Animation|Columbia Pictures Releasing; [w: Motion Picture Association of America|MPAA rating] Don't you show your claws at me unless you are prepared to use them, Mr. Pussy foot! Pussy foot! Pussy foot! Pussy foot!! Stop it! Not the face! Not the face! ] logo ending the movie with the

Gargamel: [falling from the sky] No no no no no! Stop, stop! Help me, Wanda! Help, Help me, Wanda!

Azrael: [meowing; as he walks on the fountain Gargamel grabs him] So long, sucker!

Gargamel: [grabs Azrael; he falls in the portal and the last mid-credits show them falling back to Gargamel’s tower starting the rest of the credits] And where do you think you're going?! You're coming with me!

Smurfette: Isn't this fun?

Gargamel: [frightened] Decidedly not!

Hackus: [to Gargamel; Gargamel gives a thumbs-up, while screaming in fright] Best ride ever! Smurfette's fun, huh?!

Smurfette: [after Gargamel cuts her hair] When my Papa gets here, you're gonna be sorry!

Gargamel: Your Papa is not coming, because your real Papa is already here.

Vexy: Yeah!

Gargamel: Now, you can either be a good girl and give me the formula, or you can spend the rest of your sad, pathetic existence being harvested in my new superpowered Smurfalator! Your call entirely, really. Up to you.

Vexy: Father? It's feeding time.

Hackus: [wearily] Hackus dizzy.

Gargamel: [feeds Vexy and Hackus drops of Smurf essence] Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Apparently, I have to keep you alive. I hope you both appreciate what a tremendous burden this is upon me. All right, mind your manners.

Vexy: Thank you.

Gargamel: [pause; Hackus burps] If you were real Smurfs, I'd be taking essence from you. I didn't hear a "thank you". Close enough.

Gargamel: [he and Azrael walk around New York, searching for the Smurfs; Azrael meows; spots a businessman talking on the phone and approaches him] We must find this Smurf thief. Ah, stop your complaining. If I were a Smurf, where would I go? You there, you there! Fancy pants! Have you seen any little blue men?

Businessman: [on the phone] Absolutely, what price are we talking about?

Gargamel: You're selling them?

Woman: [on the phone] Have you looked in the drawer, sweetie?

Gargamel: [to the woman] Wait, what drawer?

Woman: [on the phone] In the kitchen, Lily.

Gargamel: Who is this Lily?

Man: [on the phone] Are you kidding? She's like the hottest girl in my apartment.

Gargamel: [stops the man] Please, please. Please, young woodsman. What does the temperature of this Lily have to do with the finding of Smurfs?

Man: [to Gargamel; walks away] Take your meds, man.

Gargamel: [confused; shouts; spots a peddlar; to the peddlar] What? I, I... IS EVERYONE IN THIS REALM COMPLETELY INSANE?! Oh, thank the gods. A local wizard. Excellent. Eh pardon me, wise sir? By any chance, have you seen any little blue men?

Peddlar: [laughs maniacally and walks away] They're everywhere!

Gargamel: I knew it. I knew it! I told you we were close, Azrael!

Azrael: [unenthusiastically] I know.

Gargamel: [impressed; climbs into the port-a-potty with Azrael] Oh. Yes. It's a bit small, but it should do nicely! Oh, it's even got its own cauldron!

Gargamel: [the port-a-potty shakes and thumping sounds can be heard] What died in here? OPEN, OPEN, OPEN, OPEN, OPEN, OPEN!

Gargamel: [choking; coughs in disgust] Somebody's been working a dark and terrible magic in there!

Grouchy: Knock yourself out, Gargamel!

Gutsy: You have had that coming for about thirty years!

Gargamel: [as a Anjelou card flew by from the bumper and he grabs it] SMURFS!!!!!!!!

Gargamel: Come to papa, Papa!

Gargamel: [getting his net caught in a tree] Let go! Cursed nature!

Gargamel: [repeated line] Azrael? Are you dead?

Alan Marciano: Can I help you?

Vincent: Are you Alan Marciano?

Alan Marciano: Yeah. And who the fuck are you?

Vincent: Lieutenant Vincent Hanna, LAPD.

Alan Marciano: LA? This is Las Vegas! You don't have jurisdiction here!

Vincent: Las Vegas PD takes you into custody. You are extradited to Newark on a New Jersey warrant for smuggling cigarettes up from North Carolina three years ago, or you go to work for us. Cut and dried. That...is...it.