Memorable Quotes from Hugh Grant
67 quotesConflict Among Allies in Dungeons & Dragons
Szass Tam
I sense your impatience.
[speaks Thayan]
Sofina
Szass Tam...?
Szass Tam
But you have always been the disciple I rely on most. Doff your cowl. You needn't hide your sigils from me.
[speaks English]
Sofina
I'd rather be flensed and flayed than spend another hour with Forge Fitzwilliam.
[takes her hood off as her cloak turns red]
Szass Tam
The man is insufferable. But we never would've come this far without his "charm". The living have befouled this world long enough. Take solace in knowing that your work here is nearly complete.
Forge
There you are. With your hood off, I notice. Probably best to keep that on. You know, you Red Wizards of Thay are not as popular as you should be outside of Thay. And of course, you're about to be considerably less popular. B-but far, far be it from me ever to tell you what to do. Uh, Caldwell and Piradost have just arrived. I was gonna give them... Awful, isn't it? I really have to do something about these chairs. They're, uh...
[sees Sofina; chuckles; as Sofina stands up, the chair scrapes loudly on the ground; Doric disguised as a fly flies by him, he unknowingly shoos her away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Quest for True Religion
Mr. Reed
So when I started studying theology, the last thing I wanted to do was find…the Wendy’s of religions. I was just writing a research paper for a college class, and I was content with dabbling. So, some McNuggets here, BK Whopper over there, whatever fit the mood. As I studied the genres, McD, BK, InNOut, i.e., Mormonism, Scientology, Islam, Buddhism, as I got closer to God through genre and rigorous study, as I worked on my personal relationship with Heavenly Father, and I think strengthened it, do you know what I found? The more you know, the less you know. And by the time I was 50, I was malnourished from the fast food of religion I’d been packing into my brain for the best part of a decade. Every sect, cult, creed, denomination all claimed to be the one, true doctrine, and yet none seemed true when held under the microscope. So I wondered what else was out there. I promise you, the last thing I wanted to do was find the one true religion. But unfortunately, I did.
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The Fear of Belief and Existence
Mr. Reed
It is all terrifying, isn’t it? I’m sorry. It is. It is all…Scary. I’m scared. I’m scared just saying it out loud, really. If God is real, and he watches when we masturbate, and he has such a fragile ego that he only helps us when we beg him and shower him with praise, and he hates gay people for being what he made them to be, well, that’s terrifying. If there’s no God and we’re just horny, microscopic ants floating on a rock through space with no divine purpose and no hope to achieve eternal life, well… that’s terrifying too. “Either the church is true or it is a fraud. It is the church and kingdom of God, or it is nothing.” Do you agree with that? Would it help if I told you this is ], the 15th President of your church. Do you agree with Gordon?
[[Gordon B. Hinckley]
Sister Paxton
Yes.
Sister Barnes
Mmhmm.
Mr. Reed
Thought you might. So either it is all true or none of it’s true, yes?
Sister Paxton
Yes.
Sister Barnes
Mmhmm.
Mr. Reed
Okay. Then I want you to choose which door to go through based on your faith.
Sister Barnes
Are…are you asking us for us to deliberate our belief in the church? Is that a factor which will correspond to us going home?
Mr. Reed
I’m asking you to choose between belief and disbelief. My own claim is that all 10,000 verifiable religions that exist in the world today are as artificial as the symbolic church you are currently standing in. It is farce. There is nothing holy here. Your religious text is mere ornament… …as hollow and as capitalistic as these ridiculous games.
[tosses The Book of Mormon]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anxiety Before a Performance
Alex Fletcher
Way Back Into Love, take one.
[start of Way Back Into Love Demo Version]
Sophie Fisher
I-uh-I'm getting really nervous.
Alex Fletcher
You'll be fine, just use your normal, nice voice that I've heard... so much over the last three days.
Sophie Fisher
It's like, ugh, my throat's closing up. It's, like, anaphylactic.
[cough]
Alex Fletcher
It's fine, it's just a three-minute song.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Relationships and Self-Perception
Charles
Why am I always at, uh, weddings, and never actually getting married, Matt?
Matthew
It's probably cause you're a bit scruffy. Or it could also be cause you haven't met the right girl.
Charles
Ah, but you see, is that it? Maybe I have met the right girls. Maybe I meet the right girls all the time. Maybe it's me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Actor's Frustration with a Bear
Phoenix Buchanan
Exit bear, pursued by an actor... ugh!
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A Wake-Up Moment Between Characters
Sophie Fisher
OW!
[hits her head on piano]
Alex Fletcher
Yes, I think she's up now.
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Fear of a Mother’s Influence
George Wade
Your mother is terrifying. I thought she was going to cut me up and feed me to the poor.
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Song's Purpose: Connection with Humanity
Alex Fletcher
Just a little bit louder, cause this song is intended for humans, m'kay?
[Recording their song demo, Sophie practically whisper-sings her lines.]
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Art Comparison Reveals Unique Perspectives
David
So, you can see the difference between this Tintoretto and the earlier Byzantine painting we looked at? What would you say is the most significant difference?
Ray
Me? I'd say the frame's bigger here.
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Self-Interest and Partnership in Business
Fletcher
He wants to ruin him, but I am here to do you a favor. And it's not like you're not getting something for your money. You could even turn that script into a feature film, Raymond. We could make it together. We could be partners. I have learned off you lot. You got to look after number one, and now it's my turn. The sun is not going up for me, Ray. It's going down.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Re-potting the Ficus Idea
Alex Fletcher
We could even re-pot the ficus.
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Desperate Measures in a Time Crisis
Edgin
She's caught in a Time Stop! Counter it, Simon!
[turns around to see Holga frozen in time]
Simon
I can't! Sofina's too powerful!
[he runs off]
Edgin
Take the tablet. Keep Kira safe.
[he tries to run away but slips on a golden chalice, turns to Forge; throws the Tablet of Reawakening to Forge]
Forge
You have my word.
[catches the Tablet of Reawakening; runs off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Action and Reputation in The Gentlemen
Ray
You're wrong, Fletcher. That's not how Michael works.
Fletcher
Yeah, I know. I know. I was just having a bit of fun. Every movie needs a bit of action, doesn't it? And it's not like Michael doesn't have a reputation.
Ray
Had a reputation. He's been gentrified.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Queen and the Cowboy Caesar
Fletcher
I think the time has come for me to introduce you to our queen. A Cockney Cleopatra to Mickey's cowboy Caesar. The only weak link, in his otherwise impregnable armor, is his devotion, his passion, some would say his obsession, with his beauteous lady wife.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Balance of Lyrics and Melody
Alex Fletcher
It doesn't have to be perfect. Just spit it out. They're just lyrics.
Sophie Fisher
Just lyrics"?
Alex Fletcher
Lyrics are important. They're just not as important as melody.
Sophie Fisher
I really don't think you get it.
Alex Fletcher
Oh. You look angry. Click your pen.
Sophie Fisher
A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex.
Alex Fletcher
I so get that.
Sophie Fisher
But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It's the combination of the 2 that makes it magical.
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A Tense Exchange Between Fletcher and Raymond
Fletcher
Can I come with you?
Raymond
No, but you can go smoke the exhaust pipe in the back of your hearse.
Fletcher
I might come anyway. You'll just hear me scratching about in the dark, wanking into a hanky.
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Understanding Iterations and Disturbing Claims
Mr. Reed
I’m talking to you about iterations. I need you to have a very basic understanding of iterating, because I’m going to make a very disturbing claim tonight. It will make your stomachs sink a little and your hearts beat faster. It will make you sick. It may even… I’m very sorry… make you want to… to die.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding About Parenthood and Aliens
Alex Fletcher
They're aliens, clearly, I have no children.
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The Importance of Focus and Understanding
Sophie Fisher
I mean we're so close. We're just not there yet. We have to stay focused and stay... you know completely understanding of what we're trying to say.
[while over-watering the same plant]
Alex Fletcher
Ok, you may now start killing the next one.
[walks over and takes the plant away from her]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Spirituality in Youth
Chris Riley
She seems like a very spiritual kid.
Alex Fletcher
Yes, it's very nice to see a young woman exploring religion.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected News of a Baby Arrival
Alex Fletcher
She's going to have a baby!
[Hails taxi]
Sophie Fisher
Hey! What if that were true?
[Taxi continues driving away]
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Fame and Detachment from Reality
Martin Tweed
That's weird, one can become quite detached from reality when one's famous.
Sally Kendoo
That sounds so cool.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mickey Pearson: A Journey of Contrasts
Fletcher
Enter our protagonist. He's good looking. He's gorgeous. He's golden age. He's a proper handsome cunt. His name is Mickey Pearson. Unique background has our Mickey. American born, Rhodes scholar. So he's born clever, but poor. Now that's quite a leap from a trailer park in Americana to the thousand year-old university in old Angleterre, where he studies the dark art of horticulture. But he never finished his education, never went home, because he found his vocation. A naughty vocation. He's a bad boy. He starts dealing the dirty wonder weed to his rich, British, upper-class uni pals, and realizes he's rather good at it. But now the plot begins to thicken. He has reached a crossroads in his life. The middle class and the middle age, they've got to him. They've corrupted his appetite for the horrors. He's gone soft. He wanted to cash in his chips, and get out of the game, and he seems to have found the perfect customer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange About Worry
Alex Fletcher
You look like a worried little doggy.
Sophie Fisher
Ruff.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creative Chaos in a Shared Space
Alex Fletcher
What are you doing, you madwoman, you're wrecking my apartment!
[Sophie moves a chair]
Sophie Fisher
Well, I can't write sitting all the way across the room.
Alex Fletcher
No, go back to your corner!
Sophie Fisher
...Fine, all right.
Alex Fletcher
I'm blocked. How am I supposed to get out?
Sophie Fisher
Go out the other side.
Alex Fletcher
But... but... I've never been out the other side.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Wish for Aunt Lucy's Birthday Present
Phoenix Buchanan
They do say that at Madame Kozlova's all your dreams come true. So, if you had one wish tonight what would it be?
Paddington
Oh that's easy. I'd like to get my Aunt Lucy a birthday present.
Crowd
Awwwwww!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Impact of Few Syllables
Alex Fletcher
The few syllables you got out were absolutely devastating.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misplaced Trust and Hidden Intentions
Sister Paxton
You returned the bike key to the wrong coat pocket. We thought this was a mistake you made...But now I know it wasn’t.
Mr. Reed
Why?
Sister Paxton
You gave the bike lock to one of your prophets, instructed them to lock the final cellar door with it.
Mr. Reed
But why, why, why? Why did I do that?
sister Paxton
Because you wanted me to know the only reason I’m standing here right now is because it is exactly where you want me to be standing. I’m not here because I chose to be. I’m here because you made me choose to be.
Mr. Reed
Oh.
Sister Paxton
Because you want me to believe the one, true religion is…control.
Mr. Reed
That is exactly right. Religion is just a system of control…
Sister Paxton
It’s okay. I’ll help you.
[to one of the women in a cage]
Mr. Reed
No, you see, that’s what’s so interesting. They don’t want your help. They… they are exactly where they chose to be.
[chuckles]
Sister Paxton
But you killed that woman.
Mr. Reed
I disagree. She… She chose to eat a poisoned pie because of her profound faith. It is called drinking the… anyone? KoolAid. It is true… that I keep these ladies a little chilly, and a little peckish, for which I am very sorry. Sorry, ladies. But only for the same reason that your church goes to Haiti to give out Bibles after a hurricane. It’s easier to control someone who has lost…everything.
Sister Paxton
Why do you do this?
Mr. Reed
The question is, why do you all let me? You are here because the ideas of others have influenced every single decision you’ve made since the day you were born, and I’ve been able to predict every decision you would make tonight because of that. You have allowed them to dictate every decision of your life. They decide who you worship, where you worship, what you worship.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Return to Wealth
Phoenix Buchanan
We're rich again.
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Exploring Monotheism and Religious Perspectives
Mr. Reed
You are, are you not, monotheistic?
sister Barnes
We believe in Heavenly Father, yes.
Mr. Reed
Okay. There are three major monotheistic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. I call them, “The Big Three.” Judaism, i.e. “The Original Edition.” Christianity, i.e. “The Most Popular Edition,” and Islam, “The Newer, Second Most Popular Edition.” May I see your Book of Mormon, please? I’ll give it back.
Mr. Reed
Thank you. And finally, after 800 years, this! Mormonism, i.e. “The zany regional spinoff edition.” These are all iterations of the same source material. These texts share many of the same characters and histories albeit presented with different meanings and perspectives. So no, I will not accept… …that you stand there and tell me that you’ve never heard "] by ], when I know that you have heard "]" by ].
[chuckles; [w:The Air That I Breathe|The Air That I Breathe; [w:The Hollies|The Hollies; [w:Creep (Radiohead song)|Creep; [w:Radiohead|Radiohead]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration and Surrender in Humorous Context
Alex Fletcher
I've given up! I've given up! My face is in the butter!
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Confronting Truths and Past Relationships
Forge
Knock-knock! I wanted to make sure you were alright.
[sits next to Kira]
Kira
I knew I'd see him again one day. I just hoped it would be different.
Forge
Well, you have to understand when he lost your mother, he sorta lost himself.
Kira
Why would he lie about the tablet?
Forge
Maybe he was ashamed to admit how much he'd given up for so little.
Kira
I should probably go speak to him. What?
[Forge gives a look]
Forge
Well, he's gone, my dear. He's gone. I gave him the Tablet of Riches and...he left.
Kira
Holga too?
[looks sad]
Forge
I'm sorry. And I want you to know that even he isn't there for you, I always will be.
Kira
I know.
[smiles]
Forge
The fact that you see good in me makes me believe that there might just be some on there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Awkward Questions in Conversation
Mr. Reed
I want to ask an awkward, uh, an icky question, an insensitive question that I think will add depth to our conversation very quickly before the sun goes down and we’re done for the evening. But only if you’re comfortable with that.
Sister Barnes
Well, we won’t know if we’re comfortable until you ask, so…
Mr. Reed
Fair point.
Sister Barnes
Maybe you just ask?
Mr. Reed
Okay.
[clicks tongue]
Sister Paxton
If you don’t ask, I’m gonna leave here wondering what we missed out on.
Mr. Reed
Very well. My question is this. Um… Now I feel it’s been built up to. Uh… Should I request a drum roll? I’m going to request a drum roll. A drum roll please, ladies!
[sighs]
Mr. Reed
Keep going! Keep going! Keep going! More! More! More! Now, I… I… I… my question is, how do you feel about ]? How do you… how do you feel about the concept of a man having multiple wives?
[laughs; [w:polygamy|polygamy]
Sister Paxton
I mean, it’s… it’s not for me, um…
Sister Barnes
Are you asking from a biblical perspective?
Mr. Reed
Uh, Mormonism has a controversial history with the misogynist practice of men claiming multiple wives. But I am fascinated by the idea of ], which was used to erase this behavior from the church in 1890. I just think that’s worthy of conversation.
[[w:Second Manifesto|Modern Revelation]
Sister Barnes
Yeah? Uh…
Mr. Reed
And what I mean by that is that we’re discussing a church that decided that a controversial practice was a stain on its reputation, and an actual hindrance to recruiting new members, and so it used revelation, word of God told unto the prophet to banish a provocative religious pillar that seemed unsavory in contemporary times.
Sister Barnes
Yeah, I know that, um, it may be difficult to understand, um, but, uh, polygamy was a spiritual mission needed at the time in order to grow the ranks of our membership in the wake of much hardship and bloodshed. Um… a man having plural wives meant more… more babies to help the community grow.
Mr. Reed
Hmm.
Sister Paxton
It’s, yeah, it’s sketchy for sure, to our modern brains.
Sister Barnes
And it was…it was removed from the church not just because it was grotesque or controversial, but just because it wasn’t necessary anymore.
Mr. Reed
You see, I worry, and…forgive my loud language, uh, I worry that ] used the concept of polygamy to legitimize his affairs with other women. I worry that Joseph’s wife, ], was upset when he slept with ], their sixteen year old maid. I worry that he formulated a plan to use revelation for consequence-free sex in the aftermath of that indiscretion and others like it. You know, “With great power comes great responsibility.”
[[w:Joseph Smith|Joseph Smith; [w:Emma Smith|Emma Smith; [w:Fanny Alger|Fanny Alger]
Sister Paxton
Spiderman.
Mr. Reed
].
[[Voltaire]
Sister Paxton
Right.
Mr. Reed
I guess what I would pose to the room is my concern that polygamy has no spiritual bearing whatsoever. That is somewhat of a distortion, I think… The church’s own history corroborates and implies this...cynical brainwashing tactic. Is that true?
Sister Barnes
I… I… I’m sorry, I… I’m not sure where you’re getting this.
Mr. Reed
If revelation by God is filtered through man and man is flawed and man sins and man lies, then how do we know any of it’s true?
Sister Paxton
We know it’s true because of how it makes us feel.
Mr. Reed
Bingo! That’s exactly right! That’s exactly right. Couldn’t agree more. It’s our personal relationship with God which matters.
[chuckles]
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Cultural References and Tensions in Dialogue
Raymond
Who are you talking about know?
Fletcher
I talk Raymondo of Dry Eye. Oh Dry Eye, what is he? Chinese, Japanese, Pekingese, get on your fucking knees. Dirty dragon filth. Yellow is the colour, gambling is the game
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Marriage Status and Uncertainty in Relationships
Alex Fletcher
Are you single?
Rhonda Fisher
I've been married 16 years, but nothing's set in stone, right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Quest for Truth and Understanding
Mr. Reed
Why would you do that?
Sister Paxton
Because I want to know the truth, and because the only way out is through.
Mr. Reed
]?
[[Robert Frost]
[[Swamp Thing]
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A Game Proposal Declined
Fletcher
Play a game with me, Ray.
Raymond
No.
Fletcher
Oh, please.
Raymond
I said no.
Fletcher
Play a fucking game with me, Ray.
Raymond
...right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Misguided Attempt at Romance
Charles
Sorry.. look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of ] in fact, eh, while he was still with ], eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on...
[[w:David Cassidy|David Cassidy; [The Partridge Family]
Carrie
That was very romantic.
Charles
Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right.
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Assistance Requested for Stuck Door
Sister Paxton
So… so we just, uh, need your help with the door. Um…It’s…it’s a little tricky.
Mr. Reed
I’m sorry?
Sister Paxton
I think your door is a bit stuck out there.
Mr. Reed
The door won’t open.
Sister Paxton
The front door.
Mr. Reed
Yeah, the front door won’t open again.
Sister Paxton
It opened when we came in.
[chuckles nervously]
Mr. Reed
Yeah.
Sister Paxton
Maybe if you unlock it, it will open?
Mr. Reed
No, no, I… I… I understand what you’re asking me, but, uh, the deadbolts are on a timer. I got carried away with our conversation, I didn’t realize the brace had been set. I should have pulled the pin when you came in, but I forgot. So if you are now regrettably ready to leave, you’ll have to exit through the back of my house.
Sister Paxton
Uh, where?
Mr. Reed
Just through here.
Sister Barnes
Well, can you just unlock the front one, please? We would like to go that way. Just so we don’t get turned around and confused when we get outside.
Mr. Reed
Yeah, it won’t open again ’til morning.
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Commentary on a 80's music event
Alex Fletcher
Anybody see Battle of the 80's Has-Beens last night? That Debbie Gibson can take a punch.
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Cab Ride and Waiting in Bright Orange
Alex Fletcher
Theoretically, I could pick you up because I will be taking a cab.
Sophie Fisher
I could be standing outside at 9:40 in bright orange clothes, so you wouldn't miss me...
Alex Fletcher
Oh, good, you'll get some road work done while you wait, then.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Comparison of Cole Porter’s Style
Alex Fletcher
You're Cole Porter in panties. Of course, having said that, Cole Porter probably did wear panties.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Appreciation for a Unique Home Feature
Alex Fletcher
I like your roof. It's good that it's upstairs.
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Witnessing the Unexplained: A Critical Choice
Mr. Reed
There will be before you saw a woman die and come back to life, and there will be after. Books will be written about it. So choose your words very carefully when I ask, what did you witness? Tell me. Tell me what you saw.
Sister Paxton
How did she…
Mr. Reed
I don’t know… And if you didn’t see something transcendental, you absolutely must tell me.
Sister Paxton
I don’t know.
Mr. Reed
‘Cause if I’m wrong, I need to hear it. That’s why you’re here.
Sister Barnes
It’s a contrived experiment. We are your prisoners! It doesn’t make sense…
Mr. Reed
Oh, pooh! We’re all prisoners together.
Sister Barnes
…for us to have an opinion!
Mr. Reed
You must know by now that any of us can leave whenever we want, but why would we want, after what we’ve seen?
Sister Paxton
I saw it. I saw it. I heard her describe what she experienced on the other side.
Mr. Reed
Great! What did you hear?
Sister Paxton
She said there was a conductor.
Mr. Reed
Yes. Yeah.
Sister Paxton
Did she mean angel? She had a feeling of disassociation, a feeling that something wasn’t real.
Mr. Reed
That’s it. So now you know.
Sister Paxton
Now, we know?
Mr. Reed
Yeah, now, you know.
Sister Paxton
Know?
Mr. Reed
I can show you God. If you’re willing to die. It… it can be painless. It can be temporary. Like the Prophet, you can be brought back. It doesn’t have to be frightening at all. I’ll tell you… I’ll tell you what’s frightening. Not knowing is frightening! Where do we come from? What are we doing here? What’s our purpose? The terror of those questions is why religions exist. I can answer those questions for you. I can give you a comfort no religion in the world is capable of giving you.
Sister Barnes
It all makes sense now. I’ve been asking myself all night, how is he gonna make killing us our idea?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Realization and Choice
Charles
There I was, standing there in the church, and for the first time in my whole life I realised I totally and utterly loved one person. And it wasn't the person next to me in the veil. It's the person standing opposite me now... in the rain.
Carrie
Is it still raining? I hadn't noticed.
Charles
Let me ask you one thing. Do you think - after we've dried off, after we've spent lots more time together - you might agree not to marry me? And do you think not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider doing for the rest of your life?...Do you ?
Carrie
I do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comment on Apartment Size
George Wade
I can't believe how small this apartment is, it's actually shocking! It's a very good thing your parents went to the movies, we'd never have squeezed in! You realize, I can actually move from one side of this apartment to the other in 6 seconds. Watch this, 1....
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Negotiating Life and Death in High Stakes
Forge
You'd think you'd be able to distinguish between your own daughter and a 300-year old wizard. Don't worry, Kira's safe. Unlike me, she had no idea you were coming. I don't think she knows how tenacious you've become, huh? Look, Ed, uh... I'm really sorry for the way things turned out. But I think if you were truly honest, you'd have to admit I can give Kira a better life. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that she's with the father she deserves. Now I'm in a pickle because...I don't wanna see you die. Which is why I'm gonna leave the room. What?
[laughing as he walks into the room to find Edgin wrapped in tentacles by Sofina; sits down; as he's about to leave, Edgin tries to something from behind a tentacle; uses a handkerchief to remove a tentacle from Edgin's mouth]
Edgin
If you're gonna kill us, at least let us die with dignity.
[gasps for a breath]
Forge
How do you mean?
Edgin
Put us in the High Sun Games. Give us a fighting chance.
Forge
That's not a chance. It's not a chance at all. I mean, even if you were to somehow survive the tournament, Sofina's gonna... Uh... I-it would be much, much better for you to die here than go to the Games.
[Sofina glares at him]
Sofina
No. They defeated your men and mine. Let them fight in the arena. They deserve that much.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenges of Conversation in Relationships
Gareth
I've got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.
Charles
Uh-huh.
Gareth
Totally. I mean they can't think of a single thing to say to each other. That's it: panic! Then suddenly it-it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock.
Charles
Which is?
Gareth
He'll ask her to marry him.
Charles
Brilliant! Brilliant!
Gareth
Suddenly they've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives.
Charles
Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.
Gareth
The definitive icebreaker.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Love and Commitment
Charles
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to drag you from your delicious desserts. There are just one or two little things I feel I should say, as best man. This is only the second time I've been a best man. I hope I did OK that time. The couple in question are at least still talking to me. Unfortunately, they're not actually talking to each other. The divorce came through a couple of months ago. But I'm assured it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Paula knew Piers had slept with her sister before I mentioned it in the speech. The fact that he'd slept with her mother came as a surprise, but I think was incidental to the nightmare of recrimination and violence that became their two-day marriage. Anyway, enough of that. My job today is to talk about Angus. There are no skeletons in his cupboard. Or so I thought. I'll come on to that in a minute. I would just like to say this. I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes this kind of commitment that Angus and Laura have made today. I know I couldn't do it and I think it's wonderful they can. So, back to Angus and those sheep.
[pause; pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Differences in Social Interactions
Charles
Do you think there really are people who can just go up and say, "Hi, babe. Name's Charles. This is your lucky night?
Matthew
Well, if there are, they're not English.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Beliefs and Perceptions of Reality
Sister Barnes
Not to be completely weird, but can your wife please just step in the room, say hello and walk us to the back of the house? I’m not trying to be silly, I promise, I’m really not, but there are rules we follow, and we were upfront with them.
Mr. Reed
I will ask. Can I ask you a question first? Do you…still believe that my wife is in the next room? Despite all the evidence to the contrary, the scented candle, the absence of an oven with blueberry pie? Or have you been politely indulging a lie? If you still believe that she’s in there, I’ll go ask, but it’s something I want you to think about and maybe think about in the context of your beliefs. Do you believe in God because somebody told you at an impressionable age that God is real, despite having doubts as you got older, despite…seeing evidence to the contrary your whole lives? When your father lost control of his body, did you think it was God’s plan to ruin his life? Or did you go on believing something that you know is not true just to give you comfort because you were afraid of what it might mean if it was all a lie? I put the scented candle on the table because I wanted you to think about the things that you believe just because somebody asked you to believe them.
[turns back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Perceptions and Personal Choices
Mr. Reed
I am self aware enough to know how this might look. Older man, two young women in his house, but I assure you, you are welcome to leave through…through the back. You saw my house from the outside, right?
Sister Barnes
Mmhmm.
Mr. Reed
Right! So, you know it’s a tiny footprint. The back of the house is just there. Yeah. Anyway, I will leave you space to make your decision freely. Yeah. To clarify, I am trying…have been trying very hard to make it a point not to pressure you, so you shouldn’t even feel the need to fabricate a story about someone from your ward calling you to leave. It’s… perfectly fine. Leave when you want.
Sister Barnes
It wasn’t an excuse, they do need us back.
Mr. Reed
No, I know, but you’re saying you took a call with someone from your ward.
Sister Paxton
Yeah, a moment ago. But when you came inside, I asked if you were okay with the metal in the walls and ceilings.
Sister Paxton
What do you mean?
Mr. Reed
I mean that the metal obstructs cell phone signals, so I do know you didn’t take a call. But… Just to be clear, so you’re comfortable, it is totally fine for you to leave on your own accord. You never need to feel like you have to…make excuses or… or tell me little…little… little white lies.
[chuckles]
Sister Barnes
So which door takes us outside?
Mr. Reed
Pff. Well… do you have a preference?
[chuckles]
Sister Barnes
Wh… why would I have a preference?
Sister Paxton
Should we have a preference?
Mr. Reed
That is a fair question.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Fashion Choices
Alex Fletcher
Girls, tell me something... Are these pants too tight?
[while performing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between Characters Over Word Choice
Alex Fletcher
I've been sleeping with a clown above... my...bed... "Clown" is not right. What is that word?
[singing; he continues, obviously derailed; in a normal speaking voice]
Sophie Fisher
It's "cloud".
Alex Fletcher
Well, write more clearly, how can you expect me to read-
Sophie Fisher
Why would you put a clown in your bed?
Alex Fletcher
Let me tell you, it would not be the first time.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Uncomfortable Situations and Expectations
Sister Barnes
I think that you can tell that we’re regrettably uncomfortable with this situation here tonight.
Mr. Reed
I’m sorry, but didn’t you just say a moment ago that you saw the outside of my house? So then you clearly saw…that the back of my house overhangs a hill, so you would know that you have to go down…in order to go out.
Sister Barnes
I think it would be best for you and for all of us if you could help us go home because the Stake President, he knows where we are. And the Ward Missionaries know. And they’ll be expecting us.
sister Paxton
And there were witnesses, weren’t there, Sister Barnes? On our way here, we passed a police officer?
Mr. Reed
Whoa! The police? I promise you, you’re getting way, way, way, way too worked up.
[chuckles]
Sister Barnes
Right. But I think that we’re scared because you lied to us earlier.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection and Authenticity in Relationships
Martin Tweed
Jessica, you make me feel like being a better person and I'm not a better person. I'm me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Thoughtful Decision-Making
Mr. Reed
Do you want me to help? You asked me earlier if you should have a preference between the doors. I think you should. I think it’s something you should consider very carefully, and then make the right decision. Do you want me to help you?
sister Barnes
Yes.
Mr. Reed
Okay. Then, please… come and stand here. Both of you come. Just here. That’s it. It’s a simple choice. But it should not be made simply. I need you to reflect very, very deeply and then make a sincere decision.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Transaction Over a Last Copy
Sophie Fisher
I bought it... the last copy.
[talking about Alex's solo album]
Alex Fletcher
Right, well, I insist on paying you back immediately. $9.99 right? Do you have a penny?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Talent and Expression in Unexpected Places
Alex Fletcher
I think you are way too talented and gifted...and unusual to let anyone keep you from standing.
Sophie Fisher
That's wonderfully sensitive... especially from a man who wears such tight pants.
Alex Fletcher
It forces all the blood to my heart.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wedding Discomforts Explained by Charles
Charles
It is dangerous! You know, there's nothing more off-putting in a wedding than a priest with an enormous erection, yech!
[Carrie asks Charles's opinion on her wedding dress]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Unlikely Encounter with an Ex
Alex Fletcher
People wait their whole lives to see an ex when things are going really good. It NEVER happens. You could make relationship history!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Insight and Personal Reflection
Alex Fletcher
I have great insight. I'd use it on myself only I don't have any problems.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Journey to Safety
Kira
A-a trip?
Forge
Yes. Something urgent has come up, but if we leave now, we'll be safe.
Kira
Safe from what?
Forge
What is this?
[looks at unconscious guards]
Edgin
This is an ambush. On the boat you were gonna use to escape from Neverwinter.
Kira
Dad...?
Edgin
Hi, honey. Hey, Forge, why don't you tell her what this is?
[holds the Tablet of Reawakening]
Forge
I don't know.
[shrugs]
Edgin
It's the Tablet of Reawakening, Kira. It's the reason why I left you.
Holga
Your dad's been telling you the truth, bug. It's Uncle Forge who's been feeding you lies.
Forge
It's rubbish. It's just rubbish.
[laughs nervously]
Edgin
Come with me, Kira. We'll go home, bring back Mom. We can be a family again.
Forge
You're not taking my money. Put down the tablet and get off my ship. All of you. Now!
[pulls out a knife and points at Kira]
Edgin
Okay, okay, okay.
Kira
What are you doing?!
[panicked]
Forge
It's alright. Shush, my darling, be quiet.
Edgin
It's going down. Just don't hurt her.
[puts the tablet down]
Forge
See that, Kira? Your father knows me. He knows I'm prepared to do terrible things to get what I want, even to those I care about most. In the end, that's all that separates the beggar...
[referring to Edgin; Holga spots a potato]
Holga
Nobody hurts my bug.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Cost of Artistic Expression
Sophie Fisher
Are you OK?
Alex Fletcher
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's just my Pop! hip. It comes from years of doing our patented dance move. My God, I've suffered for my art.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of Religious Beliefs and Popularity
Mr. Reed
Iterations. Over time. Diluting the message. Obscuring the original. Judaism is the OG monotheistic religion. It should, by a wide margin, have the most number of practicing members. And yet, it makes up only 0.2% of the world’s population. Why is that? Why is the original less popular than the iteration? Is it any less true than the others?
Sister Barnes
Are we talking about religion or board games or music?
Mr. Reed
Yes. It has the fewest members because it doesn’t advertise. It doesn’t have people like you, knocking on doors, selling people a better life, a better board game, a better song. You ever think about that? How missionaries are really just salespeople for an organization? The product you’re selling is an idea. You knock on my door and you sell, maybe I buy, maybe I don’t buy. Those are the rules of engagement when I invite you into my house. We are negotiating a transaction of ideologies. And what I’m trying to say to you tonight is that I have an idea which I would like to sell to you. My argument is that the holy texts which we revere are just mythological iterations of stories which ancient people have been telling each other for centuries. They’re not true or real in any literal sense. They are merely a conduit to a more ancient truth. The story of a savior… who was born to a virgin, who could perform miracles and was supernaturally resurrected, was a very popular story for at least a thousand years before ] was born.
[pause; [Jesus]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Departure Amidst Success
Jessica
How are the numbers?
[after Martin receives a fax showing American Dreamz as the top rated show]
Martin Tweed
Incredible. Absolutely incredible.
[chuckles]
Jessica
Congratulations.
Jessica
I'm leaving you.
Jessica
Did you hear what I said? I'm leaving you.
Martin Tweed
Yeah, I heard. Yeah, Yeah
[still staring at the fax]
Jessica
I'm not kidding.
Martin Tweed
I know. Look, I think it's an excellent decision on your part.
[turns and walks toward her]
Jessica
You do?
Martin Tweed
You're a fantastic person and the last year's been really great. You're beautiful. The sex has been wonderful. You're kind and supportive. You wait for me with dinner when I work late: you're amazing. And it's driving me out of my fucking mind.
Martin Tweed
You know, with numbers like this, this should be the happiest day of my life and instead i have to worry about whether I make you happy all the time!
Martin Tweed
Jessica, sweetheart, you make me feel like being a better person. And I'm not a better person. I'm me.
Jessica
I feel sorry for you.
[teary-eyed as she walks away]
Martin Tweed
Don't. I certainly don't. In fact, I envy myself deeply.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.