Jack Black Quotes

King Kong

Ambition and Exploitation in King Kong's World

Carl Denham We'll give him more than chains. He's always been king of his world!! But we'll teach him fear. We're millionaires, boys! I'll share it with all of you. In a few months, his name will be up in lights on Broadway! Kong: The Eighth Wonder of the World!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Facing the Truth in Deception

Carl Denham Dammit, Preston, all you had to do was look her in the eye and lie!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Transience of Defeat

Carl Denham Defeat is always momentary.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

Creativity is Essential for Survival

Steve Creativity in this world is key to survival.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Margot at the Wedding

Confrontation and Claims of Violence

Malcolm I wanna punch that guy in the nose.

Pauline You've never hit anyone.

Malcolm I have too!

Pauline Who?

Malcolm Lots of people. You don't know them. They're not around cause I punched them.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

The Process of Minecraft: Mine and Craft

Steve First we mine, then we craft. Let's Minecraft!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Be Kind Rewind

Unexpected Lines in a Movie Scene

Jerry Listen to me. I need to you say the line. I need you to say "I will piss on the bones of your ancestors"...

[Alma is providing the voices for "The Lion King"]

Mike No, no! That's not in the movie!

Jerry This is the next Lion King. This is Part II.

[interrupts]

Alma Roar! I will piss on the bones of your ancestors!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

Introduction of the Character Steve

Steve I… am Steve.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Expertise in Investor Management

Carl Denham Don't worry, Preston, I've had a lot of practice at this. I'm real good at scaring away the investors.

[after escaping angry studio executives]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Orange County

A Bold Call for Change

Lance Brumder Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Be Kind Rewind

Misunderstanding the Ghostbusters Theme Song

Jerry When you're walkin down the street... and you see a little ghost... whatcha gonna do about - Ghostbusters?

[sung, poorly, to the tune of the Ghostbusters theme song]

Mike What? What is that?

Jerry That's the Ghostbusters theme song.

Mike No.

Jerry I'm pretty sure it is.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Celebrating the Hero of the Story

Carl Denham And now, we have in the auditorium tonight... a surprise guest. The real-life hero of this story. The man who hunted down the mighty Kong! The man who risked all to win the freedom of a helpless female. A big hand for Mr. Bruce Baxter!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Year One

Discovery of Wheels and Imagination

Zed What are these big, round things for?

[''pointing to wheels'']

Cain They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.

Oh I feel like a bird!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

A Battle for Survival in Minecraft

Steve Crap! Chungus.

General Chungus I'm really sorry, but I have to unalive you and stuff.

Garrett They want me to fight the chicken?

Steve It’s a fight to the death, kid!

Henry Whoa, is he some kind of king?

Steve No, that's a legend.

Malgosha You'll never be happy. Deep down you know. To hope, to dream, to create, is to suffer.

Steve You're right. It is harder to create than to destroy. That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce.

Steve You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken? I did, and you're about to find out.

Garrett Pssh.

Steve Uh-ohh! You hear that? That’s the sound of Sizza-LEENG! Smell that smell? La-la-la-lava. Ch-ch-ch-chicken. Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell. Ooooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell. Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack. Ooooh, super spicy, it's a lava attaaaack!

[Flips a switch, cooking a live chicken in lava; Singing]

Garrett I have a small business too, but one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mars Attacks!

A Human's Defiance Against Aliens

Billy Glenn Norris DIE, YOU ALIEN SHITHEAD! Uh-oh. I surrender!

[''Prepares to shoot, but a Martian notices him''; ''Drops his gun and holds up a flag''; ''The Martian disintegrates him with a ray gun'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

Crafting Basics Explained by Steve

Steve This is a crafting table. Here's how it works. You place these elements in different patterns, and kaboom! You got yourself a sweet blade!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

Endless Possibilities in a Creative World

Steve Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make. Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Margot at the Wedding

Emotional Turmoil and Herbal Remedies

Malcolm I have the emotional version of whatever bad feng shui would be I don't know. You tell me. You understand this shit.

Pauline Did you drink your teas?

Malcolm Yeah, I drank my fucking teas.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

Steve's Encounter with a Chicken Jockey

Steve Chicken jockey!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

A Minecraft Movie

Villagers: Chill, Trading Bread Lovers

Steve Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers, they are just chill guys, they like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread. They love crushin loaf.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Uncharted Island Discovery Changes Film Direction

Zelman What location, Carl?! You're supposed to be shooting on the back lot!

[learning that Carl has hired a ship to get to a location for his picture]

Carl Denham Yes, I understand that, but fellas, we're not making that film anymore. And I'll tell you why. The story has changed. The script has been rewritten. Life... intervened. I've come into possession of a map. The sole surviving record of an uncharted island. A place that was thought to exist only in myth. Until now...

Zelman Whoa, Carl, slow down.

Sleazy Studio Guy Is he asking for more money?

Thuggish Studio Guy He's asking us to fund a wild goose chase.

Carl Denham Where we're going is the only place on Earth where the geese chase us! I'm talking about a primitive world, never before seen by man. The ruins of an entire civilization. The most spectacular thing you've ever seen. That's where I'll shoot my picture. So... any questions?

[After a moment's silence]

Sleazy Studio Guy Will there be action?

Carl Denham Yes.

Thuggish Studio Guy Will there be mystery and drama?

Carl Denham Yes.

Sleazy Studio Guy Will there be... romance?

Carl Denham Yes.

Thuggish Studio Guy Will there be danger, terror and suspense?

Carl Denham Yes!

Sleazy Studio Guy Will the island natives be friendly or hostile?

Carl Denham Well, that depends.

Thuggish Studio Guy Depends on what?

Carl Denham On which side they're on, and whether or not they might turn out to be... bloodthirsty savages. Any other questions?

[after a long pause]

Zelman Are you sure this new picture will make a lot of money at the box office?

Carl Denham Yes! Now, if there's nothing else...

Sleazy Studio Guy Just one more question... if you don't mind my asking?

[raises his hand]

Carl Denham Go ahead.

[After a moment's silence]

Sleazy Studio Guy Will there be breasts?

Carl Denham Breasts?!

[incredulous]

Sleazy Studio Guy You know what I mean! Jigglies. Jiblonkas. Bazooms. You see, in my experience, people only go to these films to observe the undressed form of the native girls.

Carl Denham What are you, an idiot? You think they asked ] if he would waste his time on nude shots? No! They respected the filmmaker! They showed some class! Not that you'd know what that means, you cheap lowlife! Is there anything I can do to make it up to you guys?

[[w:Cecil B. DeMille|DeMille; Zelman gives the thuggish studio guy an angry look]

Zelman Actually, there is. Would you step outside for a moment, Carl?

Carl Denham Gimme that!

[leaves the room and points to a glass of water]

Preston You won't like it. It's non-alcoholic.

Carl Denham Preston, you have a lot to learn about the motion picture business.

[emptying the water into a plant pot; he presses the glass against the door and listens intently]

Zelman Don't write him off, fellas. He's hot-headed, sure. But up to now, Carl Denham's made some interesting pictures; he's had a lot of... near success.

Thuggish Studio Guy He's a preening self-promoter... an ambitious no-talent! The guy has "loser" written all over him.

Zelman Look, I understand your disappointment –

Thuggish Studio Guy He's washed up. It's all over town!

Sleazy Studio Guy He can't direct. He doesn't have the smarts.

Thuggish Studio Guy This jumped-up little jerk's gonna bankrupt us!

Zelman The animal footage has value?

Sleazy Studio Guy Sure! Universal is desperate for stock footage!

Thuggish Studio Guy Then sell it! Scrap the picture! We gotta retrieve something from this debacle.

Zelman Get him back in.

[sighs]

Zelman's Assistant Mister... Denham?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Margot at the Wedding

Betrayal of Trust Among Friends

Pauline Margot told Claude something I expressly told her in confidence, and he told Ingrid. I'm stunned that she put me in this position. It's so fucking infuriating!

Malcolm Well, it's one of those things...

Pauline Don't say anything, OK? You know what, just be there for me, silently.

Malcolm OK.

Pauline Why do I have to be so careful around her, but everyone is allowed to make fun of me?

Malcolm I don't think...

Pauline Malcolm, what did I just say? I just need you to take my side. I don't need you to make it better. Ingrid's really upset. Fuck, I can't believe she put me in this position! I didn't tell you before because I didn't want you to feel like you had to marry me. I found out right before our seminar that I'm pregnant.

Malcolm Uh-huh.

Pauline Well? Does that sound good to you?

Malcolm I'm still digesting Margot telling Claude. What a fucking nutjob. Sorry. I think I'm really happy.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The School of Rock

Dewey Finn Takes Charge in Class

Dewey Finn Okay, Miss Dumbum ain't your teacher today, I am. And I have a headache, and the runs.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The School of Rock

Concern about facial appearance

Dewey Finn Dude, is my face okay? I think you melted it off!

[during end credits; to Zack, with his face contorted, after he performs a "face-melter" on his guitar; laughs]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Defending Creative Freedom Against Legal Threats

Carl Denham What are they going to do, sue me? They can get in line! I'm not gonna let em kill my film!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

The Beast and Beauty's Profound Encounter

Carl Denham And lo, the Beast looked upon the face of Beauty, and Beauty stayed his hand. And from that day forward, he was as one dead.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

The World's Demand for Spectacle

Carl Denham The whole world will pay to see this.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Year One

Choice and Perspective on Virginity

Oh I'm a virgin by choice.

Zed Ha! Not *your* choice!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Reflections on Life Before Drowning

Carl Denham Just as you go down for the third and final time, as your head disappears beneath the waves, and your lungs fill with water, do you know what happens in those last precious seconds before you drown? Your whole life passes before your eyes... and if you've lived as a true American, you get to watch it all in color.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

The Allure of Mystery and Adventure

Carl Denham There's still some mystery left in this world, and we can all have a piece of it. For the price of an admission ticket.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Tropic Thunder

Language Skills in Unconventional Preparation

Jeff Portnoy So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?

Kirk Lazarus No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.

Portnoy How the hell do you know Chinese?

Lazarus Land of Silk and Money with ]. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.

[[w:Gong Li|Gong Li]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Margot at the Wedding

Bracelets and Apologies Amidst Wedding Preparations

Malcolm Paul apologizes for not coming. She's still getting the house ready.

Margot I'm sorry it was such short notice.

Malcolm I don't care. Paul's frantic, but I don't give a shit. Oh, and Ingrid wants me to tell you that she made us all bracelets.

Ingrid No, I said we should wait.

Malcolm I thought you asked me to tell them. Anyways, I got Knicks colors.

Ingrid They're not Knicks colors!

Margot It's beautiful, Ingrid.

Ingrid Where's your dad and Josh?

Claude They might come later.

Margot Josh's spring break is next week, and then Jim teaches through Friday. Then he opens the house in Vermont on the weekend.

Malcolm It means a lot to Pauline that you came.

Margot Good.

Malcolm Holy Jesus! Watch it, dicksack! God! If you're wondering about the mustache...

[swerving to avoid a car]

Margot No, I wasn't.

Malcolm I had a full beard for a while, and then when I shaved it I left this part for last, you know, to see how it looked. And... it's meant to be funny.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The School of Rock

Celebration of Success and Anticipation

Dewey Finn Yes! We did it! Gimme some of that, yeah, that's it. I will see you cats on the flip-flop later!

[watching the clock, waiting for the end of the day]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

Confrontation with Satan in Tenacious D

Jables and KG Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Satan Yes you are fucked, shit out of luck, now I'm complete and my cock you will suck! This world will be mine, and you're first in line, you bought me the Pick and now you shall both die!

JB and Kage Now it's time to blow this fucker down!

JB Come on, Kage, now it's time to blow doors down!

Kage We'll bend you over, then we'll take you to brown town!

JB and Kage Now we've got to blow this fucker down!

Kage He's gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down!

JB Come on, Kage, cause it's time to blow doors down!

Kage Oooh, we'll piledrive ya, it's time for the smackdown!

JB Hey Antichrister, Beelzeboss! We know your weakness, our Rock-it Sauce! We rock the Casbah, and blow your mind, we will defeat you, for all mankind! You hold the Sceptre, we hold the Key, you are the Devil, we are the D!

JB and Kage We are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, we are the D, WE ARE THE D!

JB Nooo!!!

[JB's guitar deflects the lightning, and it hits to Satan's horns]

Satan Ow! Fuck, my fucking horn! Oh no!

[JB holds his horn; and shocked]

JB From whence you came, you shall remain, until you are complete again!

Satan Noooooo! Fuck you, Kage, and fuck you, Jables! I'LL GET YOU, TENACIOUS D!!!!!

[holds on to the ground, avoiding the portal]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The School of Rock

Embracing Passion and Dignity in Performance

Dewey Finn Now you played hard in here, people, and I am proud of every last stinking one of you. So let's just give this everything we got. We may fall on our faces, but if we do, we will fall with dignity! With a guitar in our hands, and rock in our hearts! And in the words of AC/DC: "We roll tonight to the guitar bite, and for those about to rock, I salute you.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Year One

Distraction from Serious Conversation

Zed I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Margot at the Wedding

Power Dynamics in Gender and Control

Malcolm I have this theory. I think, historically, women have been held back in so many ways that when they get power like they do behind the wheel, they can't help but abuse it. It's akin to ]'s ] theory about prison guards and prisoners switching roles.

[[Hannah Arendt; [Adolf Eichmann|Eichmann]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Margot at the Wedding

Family Memories and Uncomfortable Truths

Pauline I was dating that guy Horace back then. Do you remember him?

Margot Was that the guy who liked to rough you up?

Pauline No, that was our dad.

Margot Our dad used to strip down to his skivvies and beat us with a belt.

Malcolm That man had a sexual screw loose.

Pauline That's awful, that stuff that happens to kids. Malcolm was fondled by a male babysitter.

Malcolm Just use that information however you want.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The School of Rock

Realizing Talent in Music Class

Dewey Finn I heard you in music class. You guys can really play. Why didn't anyone tell me?!

[angrily]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Year One

Questions About Life and Knowledge

Zed I might know everything. Ask me something!

Oh Where does the sun go at night?

Zed Pass. Next question.

Oh Where do babies come from?

Zed Pass. Next question.

Oh There's a snake on my foot.

[''noticing a snake'']

Zed In the form of a question!

Oh There's a snake on my foot?

[''scared'']

Zed Correct!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

King Kong

Monsters and Their Place in Film

Carl Denham Sorry, fellas, but you're gonna have to do better than that. Monsters belong in B-movies.

Year One

A Humorous Exchange on Trust and Friendship

Zed You could be my right-hand man.

Oh I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

King Kong

Character Conversation on Size and Expectations

Carl Denham ]'s a size four.

[[w:Fay Wray|Fay]

Preston Yes, she is, but she's doing a ] with ].

[[w:King Kong (1933 film)|picture; [w:RKO Pictures|RKO]

Carl Denham ], huh? I might've known.

[bitter and defeated; [w:Merian C. Cooper|Cooper]

A Minecraft Movie

Warning Against Deceptive Appearances

Steve Don't fall for it, Gar-Gar! That baby's got the heart of a demon!

Margot at the Wedding

Collaboration and Competition in Creative Relationships

Margot He's doing the interview with me in town on Friday. Did I tell you he and I are collaborating on a screenplay? An adaptation of one of Dick's novels.

Pauline No. I didn't even know you knew he was up here.

Malcolm Is he even a good writer? Why do people care about him?

[while drawing with Claude and Ingrid]

Pauline You're competitive with everyone. It doesn't even matter if they do the same thing as you. He's competitive with ].

[[Bono]

Malcolm It's true. I don't subscribe to the credo that there's enough room for everyone to be successful. I think there are only a few spots available, and people like Dick Koosman and Bono are taking them up.

[continues drawing a picture of a man and woman having sex]

Margot Malcolm, what would ever make you think that's something to draw right now?

Malcolm Sorry. I wasn't thinking about it. Sorry Margot.

[looks around at what Claude and Ingrid are drawing; crumples up his paper]

A Minecraft Movie

Understanding Iron Golems in Minecraft

Steve Relax, That is an iron golem, don't worry about them, they are friendly, up until you start messing with the villagers, don't ever do that!

King Kong

The Eighth Wonder of the World Revealed

Carl Denham Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to tell you a very strange story. A story so strange that no one will believe it. But, ladies and gentlemen, seeing is believing. And we, my friends and I, have brought back the living proof of our story. The story of our adventure, in which 17 of our party suffered horrible deaths. But their sacrifices were not in vain. Their lives were lost in pursuit of a savage beast. A monstrous aberration of nature. But unlike other wild animals, even the meanest brute can be tamed. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, as you will see, the beast was no match for the charms of a young girl. A girl from New York who melted his heart, bringing to mind that old Arabian proverb: "And lo, the Beast looked upon the face of Beauty, and Beauty stayed his hand. And from that day forward, he was as one dead". And now ladies and gentlemen, before I tell you the story of our voyage, I'm going to show you the greatest thing your eyes have ever beheld. He was more than just a god. He was a king in the world he knew, but he comes to you now a captive... a show to gratify your curiosity. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World! Don't be alarmed! It's perfectly safe! These chains are made of chrome steel. They are strong enough to hold a battleship!

[The curtain rises to reveal Kong, sitting on the stage, miserable, his limbs cuffed with gigantic chains. The audience gasps]

Mars Attacks!

A Dismissive Farewell from Billy Glenn Norris

Billy Glenn Norris So long, retard.

[''About to get on the bus to leave for the Army, to his brother, Richie'']

A Minecraft Movie

Igniting Possibilities with Flint and Steel

Steve Flint and steel!

Margot at the Wedding

Realizing Personal Significance in the World

Malcolm I haven't had that thing yet, where you realize that you're not the most important person in the world.

The School of Rock

Critique of Teaching and Gym Education

Dewey Finn (variation of ] quote and earlier quoted verbatim in ]) Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.

[[George Bernard Shaw; [Annie Hall]

A Minecraft Movie

Steve's Reflection on Growth and Loss

Steve My name is Steve. And as a child, I yearned for the mines. But it didn't really work out. So, I did a terrible thing...I grew up. Yep, that's me. Same shirt, same pants. The only thing missing was my soul.

The School of Rock

Continuation of Music Class Lecture

Dewey Finn We will continue our lecture on the Man when we return. Have a good music class.

The Jackal

High-Tech Weaponry Discussion

Ian Lamont Motherfucking motherfucker... that motherfucker is state of the art! Dude, I knew it was going to be big. I didn't know it was going to be the fuckin prototype cannon. It's a fuckin motrol... Damn! Some hairy looking rounds.

[seeing the new gun that The Jackal is about to test]

The Jackal Made from depleted uranium. Go through anything. Once they get inside they just spall.

Ian Lamont Hell yeah. They spall, yeah. They get in there and they just... That rocks. Look at the friggin lens on that thing...

[imitates spalling noise]

The Jackal Don't touch that.

Ian Lamont It's got like a 2000 mile zoom lens. That thing is kick ass. Dude, is this thing a prototype, or what? I bet you it cost you a shitload. That rocks. Man, you rock. Do you know what I'm saying? Rooooock! Fuckin thing kicks ass. Oh, yeah. Bring on the spall, baby. I can't wait to see the shit...

[the Jackal turns on the remote targeting computer, and brings up a visual of the target]

The Jackal Lamont. Close your mouth.

[annoyed]

Ian Lamont Smooth action, yeah?

The Jackal Ready?

Ian Lamont YEAH! Spall! Well... it took out the target.

[the tree hit by the bullet topples, knocking the pumpkin off its stand]

The Jackal No, it's off... by at least three millimeters.

Ian Lamont No, dude. That's precision craftsmanship. It ain't off no three millimeters.

The Jackal So, Lamont... tell me how you sight in this thing automatically.

Ian Lamont Uh, punch in the windage and the elevation you want and hit Enter.

The Jackal So you just kinda guesstimate it, huh?

Ian Lamont Basically guesstimation. Whoa! Okay, I give up!

[the Jackal inputs the settings, and the gun points right at Lamont]

The Jackal Well... I guess the automatic sighting works.

Ian Lamont Yeah, I thought I was about to sprawl!

The Jackal Well, Lamont, we're gonna have to speed-test it now.

Ian Lamont Yep, speed-test.

The Jackal So... run.

Ian Lamont What do you mean?

[confused]

The Jackal I mean run. Now. Run to your right!

[icily; Lamont's expression suddenly becomes one of terror, as he runs across the muddy clearing]

The Jackal Get up... Get up! Alright, good, stop there! Just stop there! Turn around! Hold out that pack of cigarettes! Don't be afraid!

[to himself; louder; Lamont keeps running; Lamont turns; seeing Lamont is petrified]

The Jackal Stay very still! Stand still!

[Lamont is shaking, part elements, part terror]

The Jackal Told you it was off. Move over by the car! Quick, before you pass out!

[sees a moaning Lamont, without his left arm; Lamont does so, and as The Jackal prepares to fire, Lamont tries to shield himself by the car with his right arm, but it's too late. The car is hit a spray of bullets, as well as Lamont, and the car explodes]

The School of Rock

Teaching Rock 'n' Roll to the World

Dewey Finn The School of Rock. And we shall teach rock ‘n’ roll to the world.

The School of Rock

Music as a Means of Liberation

Dewey Finn Dude, I service society by rocking. I’m out there on the front lines liberating people with my music. Rocking ain’t no walk in the supermarket, lady.

King Kong

Touching the Beast: A Moment of Awe

Carl Denham Observe if you will... ...I am touching the beast! I am actually laying my hands on the 25-foot gorilla!

[carefully puts his hand on Kong's arm. The audience gasps; Kong's hand twitches slightly, spooking Carl, causing him to jump. The audience laughs.]

A Minecraft Movie

The Cost of Greed in a Pixelated World

Steve There was no joy or creativity at all. Just a mindless lust for gold.

[About the Nether]

Be Kind Rewind

Regrets of Waiting for Love

Jerry How come you never got married Mr. Fletcher?

Elroy Fletcher Well, the common story is, the girl that you was gonna ask, you waited too long to ask. She went on to marry somebody else. And then you can't find anybody that compared to her. So what happens?... You get old.

Memorable Quotes from Jack Black