Harriet the Spy - An Onion and a Squash Encounter
Janie:
She made an onion.
Harriet:
Tell me about it.
Janie:
You, my dear, are a great big squash.
Harriet:
I'd like to squash her.
Janie:
I've got something better. Come here.
Janie:
Smell this.
Harriet:
Ugh! What is this?
Janie:
You like it? Wait, I mean you hate it.
Harriet:
It's like something just crawled up my nose and then died.
Janie:
Excellent. It's a sulfur-based alkaloid. I want it to chemically fuse with combustibles.
Harriet:
And, in English, that would mean...
Janie:
Stink bomb.
Harriet:
Stink bomb
Janie:
We tape it to the school air ducts, attach it to a timer, and five minutes before the school play starts..... BOOOOOSH! Empty Auditorium.
Janie's mom:
Hey.... what are you girls doing?
Janie:
Nothing.
Harriet:
Nothing.
Janie's mom:
Are you getting ready for your big stage debut.
Harriet:
Actually, Mrs. Gibbs. Janie and I were discussing about the school play. Right, Janie?
Janie:
Yeah, we're really looking forward to it.
Janie's mom:
Good. Good. That's good. (Spotted something in front of her) Uh, Janie, what is this supposed to be?
Janie:
No, mom! Don't touch it!
Janie's mom:
Oh, WHAT?! Janie!
Janie:
It's an experiment with mold!
Janie's mother:
Oh! Janie! That's where my Veronica's Closet bra went to... huh? You know, I'm sick to death of this mad scientist baloney! Look at this! Look at this! Girl, we got to talk. I don't know what I'm gonna do with you, but we need to talk!
Harriet:
Some of Janie's experiments really creep me out. I wonder if she'll grow up to be a-billion IQ genius, or a total nutcase.
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