Jane Fonda Quotes

Nine to Five

Accidental Poisoning Explained by Judy Bernly

Judy Bernly Mr. Hart, Violet didn't mean to kill you, she just accidently put rat poison in your coffee!

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Barbarella

Exploring the Unknown of Tau Ceti

Barbarella Why would anybody want to invent a ]?

[[weapon]

President How should I know?

Barbarella I mean, the ] has been pacified for centuries… sir.

[[universe]

President What we know of it. The trouble is, we don't know anything about Tau Ceti or its inhabitants.

Barbarella You mean they could still be living in a primitive state of neurotic irresponsibility?

President Precisely.

Barbarella Something must be done!

President Yes. And you are the girl who must do it.

Barbarella Why me?!

President Barbarella! I have no armies, or ]… and I can't spare the Presidential Band. Besides, you're a five-star, double-rated astronavigatrix. Your mission, then.

[[police]

President Find Durand Durand, and use all of your incomparable talents to preserve the security of the ].

[[stars]

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They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Debate Over Lillian's Health in Marathon

Rocky Graver The doctor's decision is: Lillian Kramer stays on in the marathon! The doctor's assured me Lillian just has a slight sinus headache.

Gloria Beatty Headache. For all that quack knows she's... she's got a brain tumor.

Robert Syverton No, I don't think so. Only I'm not exactly sure, but I think it's different with a brain tumor. Different symptoms.

Gloria Beatty Yeah? How do you know?

Robert Syverton I saw it in a movie. ] and ]. That's what she died of. Anita Louise. A brain tumor. But it was different. Everything just suddenly got dim for her one day until finally she couldn't see at all. She couldn't even see Richard Cromwell when she kissed him goodbye.

[[w:Anita Louise|Anita Louise; [w:Richard Cromwell|Richard Cromwell]

Gloria Beatty Yeah? And well then she just died?

Robert Syverton Kind of. She just drifted off listening to her favorite tune. And then she was dead.

Gloria Beatty No pain or anything? They probably lied.

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Barbarella

Secret Password Reveal in Barbarella

Dildano Our rendezvous point will be at 1600 hours. And our password will be… "]".

[[w:Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch|Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch]

Barbarella You mean, the secret password is "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch"?

Dildano Exactly.

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Nine to Five

Judy's Experience with Marijuana at a Party

Judy Bernly You know, I smoked a marijuana cigarette at a party once. I could never figure out what the big deal was.

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Barbarella

The Origin of Many Complications

Barbarella A good many ]tic situations begin with screaming.

[[drama]

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Barbarella

A Poetic Reflection on Mortality

Barbarella This is really much too poetic a way to die!

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Barbarella

Confrontation Over the Positronic Ray

Durand Durand I speak of the ]… the ] of pure evil!

[[dignity; [nobility]

Barbarella What have you done with the positronic ray?

Durand Durand Oh, so that's it.

Barbarella What does it do?

Durand Durand All persons and objects in its path are de-minimalized to the fourth level.

Barbarella You mean—

Durand Durand That's right. Replaced in the fourth dimension, irretrievably.

Durand Durand Whoever succeeds in killing her will be put immediately to a horrible death. Hence my prudence.

Durand Durand I find horrible the idea that one could do to me, that which I do to others.

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They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

A Darkly Humorous Exchange About Pain

Nurse Can I get you something for your feet?

Gloria Beatty How about a saw.

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Barbarella

Confrontation Between Barbarella and the Great Tyrant

Great Tyrant So, my Pretty-Pretty, we meet again.

Barbarella You! The little one-eyed wench!

Great Tyrant You have a good memory, Pretty-Pretty. Yes, sometimes I like to go among my people. Be like them. Ordinary. "]", as you would call it. So… I'm your little one-eyed wench. I'm also the Great Tyrant.

[[Evil]

Barbarella Well! That's nice.

Great Tyrant It amuses me immensely! Now I suppose you're interested in the whereabouts and welfare of a certain party, yes?

Barbarella W— yes, I am! I'm here on the orders of the President of the Republic of Earth. I'm here to find Durand-Durand.

Great Tyrant I'm not talking about him! I'm speaking of the angel!

Barbarella Pygar?

Great Tyrant Yes, Pygar. He has escaped the labyrinth. ]. He has destroyed twelve of my black guards. Crime. And he dares to deprive me of a ] unique in Sogo — an Earthling. Crime! Crime!

[[Crime; [pleasure]

Barbarella Where is Pygar?

Great Tyrant You want your fine-feathered friend?

Great Tyrant There he is.

Barbarella Pygar!

Great Tyrant Amusing, isn't it, Pretty-Pretty? Don't you feel like playing?

Barbarella De-crucify the angel!

Great Tyrant What?

Barbarella De-crucify him or I'll melt your face!

Great Tyrant So it was a trick, was it? You should have saved your tricks for… for…

Concierge For the ], Your Majesty?

[[birds]

Great Tyrant Yes! Yes, the birds! The birds! Give her to the birds!

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Barbarella

Confusion Over Political Identity and Password

Dildano The password — quickly!

Barbarella I don't understand!

Dildano Are you not a political prisoner?

Barbarella I don't think so.

Dildano Then you're not one of us.

Barbarella I'm from Earth.

Dildano Earth! Planet of the ]s! W-w-will you join our cause?

[[revolution]

Barbarella What cause? Who are you?

Dildano I-I'm Dildano, head of the revolutionary forces. This is our headquarters.

Barbarella I suppose you realize you've saved my life.

Dildano A life without cause is a life without effect.

Barbarella Well, I-I'm sure I could get you a substantial recompense from my government.

Dildano Earth woman. Shall I tell you what I would like?

Barbarella I think I know.

Dildano No! No, not like that! Like on Earth, on-on-on Ea— on Earth! The pill! I-I-I have the pill!

Barbarella But… uh… Couldn't we do it your way? I don't want to change your ]s.

[[tradition]

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They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Comparing Human Struggles to Animal Lives

Sailor If you think about it, cattle ain't got it much worse than us.

Gloria Beatty They got it better. There's always somebody feeding them.

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Barbarella

Old-Fashioned Ways Have Their Merits

Mark Hand And now, Barbarella… don't you agree with me? That in some things, the old-fashioned ways are best after all?

Barbarella What? Oh, that. Yes, I must admit it was rather… interesting. Still, I see what they mean by saying it's distracting.

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The Electric Horseman

Apology for Late Arrival at Press Conference

Hallie Mr. Steele, why were you 45 minutes late to the press conference?

Sonny Well, I'd like to apologize for that. I was giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a bottle of tequila. And, we lost her too.

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Barbarella

Barbarella - Dialogue 2

President Barbarella?

Barbarella Mr. President!

President Love.

Barbarella Love.

Barbarella Just a moment — I'll slip something on.

President Don't trouble yourself. This is an affair of state.

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Nine to Five

Setting Boundaries in a Work Environment

Judy Bernly Hit the road, buster! This is where you get off!

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They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Disillusionment with Dreams and Reality

Robert Syverton I used to love to look at he ocean, walk by it, just sit and listen to it. Now I don't care if I ever see it again.

[standing outside looking at the ocean]

Gloria Beatty That, or anything else.

Robert Syverton What are you gonna do know? Try in the movies again?

Gloria Beatty No. I'd never make it. And maybe it wouldn't make no difference, even if I did. Maybe it's just the whole damn world is like central casting: They got it all rigged before you ever show up.

Robert Syverton I know what you mean. I know just what you mean.

Gloria Beatty Do you?

Robert Syverton What are you gonna do?

Gloria Beatty I'm gonna get off this merry-go-round. I'm so sick of all sticky things.

Robert Syverton What thing?

Gloria Beatty Life. And don't give me no sunshine lectures!

Robert Syverton I wasn't going to.

Gloria Beatty Then what were you looking at me that way for?

Robert Syverton I wasn't, I was just tryin to see you face.

Gloria Beatty Well keep looking. And stick around for the end.

Gloria Beatty Help me! Oh please, please!

Robert Syverton Tell me when.

[He takes the gun]

Gloria Beatty I'm ready.

Robert Syverton Now?

[He holds the gun to her temple]

Gloria Beatty Now.

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Barbarella

Barbarella - Dialogue 17

Dildano The time is right! The Queen is in her Chamber of Dreams.

Barbarella What about the key?

Dildano Ah, the key.

Dildano There is the secret key.

Dildano Where?

Dildano It's invisible, of course. Only an invisible key can open an invisible wall.

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Nine to Five

Judy Bernly's Unexpected Revelation

Judy Bernly As a matter of fact, I smoke pot!

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Barbarella

Contrasting Perceptions of Earth Beings

Barbarella I'm from the ] Earth. My name is Barbarella.

[[planet]

Pygar But you're soft and warm! We're told that Earth beings are cold.

Barbarella Not all of us.

[slyly smiling]

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Barbarella

The Start of Dramatic Situations

Barbarella That's screaming! A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.

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Nine to Five

Judy Bernly's Strong Critique of Hart

Judy Bernly You're foul, Hart. A wart on the nose of humanity, and I'm gonna blast it off!

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The Electric Horseman

A Question of Past Connections

Man Hey! Hey, Hallie! Hallie Martin! We met in New York, remember?

Hallie Did we like each other?

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They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Contemplating the Value of Victory

Robert Syverton Suppose we did win? What would you do with it?

Gloria Beatty What, what, what?

Robert Syverton The money.

Gloria Beatty Maybe I'd buy some good rat poison.

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Barbarella

Concerns About the Chamber of Ultimate Solution

Barbarella Pygar, come. Tell me what that means.

Pygar Chamber… of Ultimate… Solution".

Barbarella I don't like the sound of that.

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Barbarella

The Mathmos Protects Itself from Innocence

Barbarella Where are we?

Great Tyrant In the Mathmos, and alive!

Barbarella I can see that, but why?

Great Tyrant It seems the Mathmos has created this bubble to protect itself from your innocence.

Great Tyrant You are so good, you made the Mathmos vomit.

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Barbarella

A Grateful Offer and Unexpected Proposal

Barbarella I'm so grateful for what you've done, I hardly know how to begin to thank you. I'm positive I can get you some sort of recompense from my ]. I mean, if— if there's anything you need, or that I can do, please tell me.

[[government]

Mark Hand Well, you could let me… make love to you.

Barbarella Make love", did you say?

Mark Hand Yes!

Barbarella What do you mean? You don't even know my psychocardiogram!

Mark Hand Eh?

Barbarella Well, on Earth, for centuries, people haven't made love unless their psychocardiogram readings were in perfect confluence.

Barbarella Do you have any pills?

Mark Hand Pills?!

Barbarella Oh, never mind. I have some here.

Mark Hand Uh, b-b-uh… what is this pill?

Barbarella It's an exaltation transference pellet, of course.

Mark Hand Hmm. I know nothing of this.

Barbarella I see. Well, on Earth, when our psychocardiogram readings are in perfect confluence, and we wish to "make love", as you call it, we take an exaltation transference pellet, and remain like this — here, let me show you…

Barbarella … for one minute, or until full rapport is achieved.

Mark Hand Ah! I don't care for that!

Mark Hand This! This is what I mean. This! The bed.

Barbarella That?! But nobody's done that for centuries! I mean, nobody except the very poor, who can't afford the pills and the psychocardiogram readings.

Mark Hand Why not?

Barbarella Cause it was proved to be distracting and a ] to maximum efficiency! And… and because it was pointless to continue it when other substitutes for ego support and self-esteem were made available.

[[danger]

The Electric Horseman

Tensions and Humor in a Stolen Horse Situation

Hallie I'm just trying to be pleasant. You get so worked up about everything.

Sonny What have I got to be worked up about? I've only got a stolen horse; everybody except the Coast Guard is after me; I've got nothing but miles of open country to cross; and now I'm carrying a crazy woman around, wearing shoes from Bloomingbirds who thinks she's seen a rattlesnake round up.

The Electric Horseman

Confronting the Consequences of Theft

Hallie You ride off with somebody else's $12,000,000 horse, did you think we wouldn't notice?

Barbarella

Malfunction of the Excessive Machine

Concierge I don't believe it! Wretched, wretched girl! What have you done to my Excessive Machine?! You've undone it! You've undone me! Look! The energy cables are shrinking! You've turned them into faggots! You've— you've burned out the Excessive Machine! You've blown all its fuses!

Barbarella My goodness!

[sighing]

The Electric Horseman

Misunderstanding at the Rodeo

Hallie I've been to the rodeo, twice.

Sonny Did you stay for the rattlesnake round up?

Hallie Yes, I stayed. Right until the end. I saw the whole thing.

Sonny They don't have one. How're you going to round up a rattlesnake?

Nine to Five

Comparing Products with a Cautionary Note

Judy Bernly It looks just like Skinny & Sweet. Except for the little skull and crossbones on the label.

The Electric Horseman

Respecting Different Perspectives on Publicity

Hallie Okay, I respect your position. I don't understand it, but I respect it. A lot of famous people hated publicity: Albert Schweizer. Franco... Albert Schweizer.

Barbarella

Secret Keys and Military Ambitions

Dildano She sleeps alone in a room above the Mathmos, surrounded by a wall of impenetrable energy, to which she alone has the secret key. There exists, however, a second secret key, which my agents have located, and is now in my possession. You want to discover the whereabouts of Durand Durand. I want to capture the Black Queen. You follow my meaning.

Barbarella If you really do have the second secret key… why haven't you used it already?

Dildano Ah!

Dildano Ah. Ah — ah! Because our forces have not as yet been strong enough! The capture of the Black Queen, ah… has to be associated with a military… coup! Hmm. With your weaponry and spacecraft, this can be brought about. With the Black Queen in your control, you can get her to divulge the whereabouts of Durand Durand!

Barbarella Yes, I see.

Dildano Good.

Klute

Power Dynamics in Professional Relationships

Frank Ligourin I was just finishing up some work here. I used to be a photographer, you know... before I got into publishing.

Bree Daniels He knows you're a pimp, Frankie. He knows you were my pimp.

Frank Ligourin Excuse me... Bree, would you mind waiting outside? I always respected Bree. I want to make something clear: you know, I don't go to a woman. A woman comes to me. Her choice.

[annoyed; she leaves]

The Electric Horseman

Struggles with Sleep and Daily Hardships

Sonny You've had a hard day. Why don't you scrunch down in the bag?

Hallie Oh, I wish it were that easy. I don't sleep.

Sonny Ever? How old are you?

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

Conditions of Payment in Competition

Gloria Beatty What is this?

Rocky Graver Tabs on you and Robert.

Gloria Beatty You're charging me this?

Rocky Graver Only if you win. If you don't win, you don't pay. I'm not out to cheat anybody.

Gloria Beatty Oh, Jesus!

Barbarella

An Invitation to Play in Barbarella

Great Tyrant Hello, Pretty-Pretty.

Barbarella Hello.

[uneasily]

Barbarella Thank you very much.

Great Tyrant Do you want to come and play with me? For someone like you I charge nothing.

Great Tyrant You're very pretty, Pretty-Pretty.

Barbarella My name isn't Pretty-Pretty, it's Barbarella.

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

The Balance of Entertainment and Exploitation

Rocky Graver I have a little notion, kids. Something that could help the show. Something that could benefit all of us and, in particular, could benefit the two of you. And at the same time give the folks out there something to get worked up about.

Gloria Beatty What are you gonna do? Put us in cages and have them throw peanuts at us?

Rocky Graver No, all kidding aside...

Gloria Beatty Who's kidding?

Barbarella

Confrontation Between Barbarella and the Great Tyrant

Barbarella Wake up, Your Majesty! You must wake up!

Great Tyrant Vade retro, Earth girl! I know you don't really exist. {{hnote|'Vade retro is Latin for get thee behind or go away', as in Vade retro me, Satana ('get away from me, Satan').}}

Barbarella That may be, Your Majesty, but we'd better stick to what we see.

The Electric Horseman

Debate Over Carrying Responsibilities

Sonny I ain't carrying it. And you can't carry it.

Hallie The hell I can't. I've carried this stuff a lot of times.

Sonny Where? Up the escalator at Bloomingtons, or Bloomingbirds or wherever the hell it is?

Hallie Bloomingdales!

Klute

Exploring Identity and Hypocrisy in Klute

Bree Daniel What's your bag, Klute? What do you like? Are you a talker? A button freak? Maybe you like to get your chest walked around with high heeled shoes. Or make em watch you tinkle. Or maybe you get off wearing women's clothes. Goddamned hypocrite squares!

John Klute Okay...

Bree Daniels I hope this doesn't make my cold any worse.

The Electric Horseman

Breakfast's Importance Highlighted in Conversation

Hallie They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Sonny I know. I'm the one who said it.

Nine to Five

Personal Freedom and Choices in Relationships

Judy Bernly And if I wanna have an affair, or play sex games, or do M&M's, you can't stop me!

Memorable Quotes from Jane Fonda

find it. watch it.