Jane FondaQuotes

Man: Hey! Hey, Hallie! Hallie Martin! We met in New York, remember?

Hallie: Did we like each other?

Hallie: Mr. Steele, why were you 45 minutes late to the press conference?

Sonny: Well, I'd like to apologize for that. I was giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a bottle of tequila. And, we lost her too.

Hallie: They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

Sonny: I know. I'm the one who said it.

Hallie: I'm just trying to be pleasant. You get so worked up about everything.

Sonny: What have I got to be worked up about? I've only got a stolen horse; everybody except the Coast Guard is after me; I've got nothing but miles of open country to cross; and now I'm carrying a crazy woman around, wearing shoes from Bloomingbirds who thinks she's seen a rattlesnake round up.

Hallie: I've been to the rodeo, twice.

Sonny: Did you stay for the rattlesnake round up?

Hallie: Yes, I stayed. Right until the end. I saw the whole thing.

Sonny: They don't have one. How're you going to round up a rattlesnake?

Sonny: I ain't carrying it. And you can't carry it.

Hallie: The hell I can't. I've carried this stuff a lot of times.

Sonny: Where? Up the escalator at Bloomingtons, or Bloomingbirds or wherever the hell it is?

Hallie: Bloomingdales!

Sonny: You've had a hard day. Why don't you scrunch down in the bag?

Hallie: Oh, I wish it were that easy. I don't sleep.

Sonny: Ever? How old are you?

Hallie: Okay, I respect your position. I don't understand it, but I respect it. A lot of famous people hated publicity: Albert Schweizer. Franco... Albert Schweizer.

Hallie: You ride off with somebody else's $12,000,000 horse, did you think we wouldn't notice?

Frank Ligourin: I was just finishing up some work here. I used to be a photographer, you know... before I got into publishing.

Bree Daniels: He knows you're a pimp, Frankie. He knows you were my pimp.

Frank Ligourin: [annoyed; she leaves] Excuse me... Bree, would you mind waiting outside? I always respected Bree. I want to make something clear: you know, I don't go to a woman. A woman comes to me. Her choice.

Bree Daniel: What's your bag, Klute? What do you like? Are you a talker? A button freak? Maybe you like to get your chest walked around with high heeled shoes. Or make em watch you tinkle. Or maybe you get off wearing women's clothes. Goddamned hypocrite squares!

John Klute: Okay...

Bree Daniels: I hope this doesn't make my cold any worse.

Judy Bernly: Hit the road, buster! This is where you get off!

Judy Bernly: As a matter of fact, I smoke pot!

Judy Bernly: And if I wanna have an affair, or play sex games, or do M&M's, you can't stop me!

Judy Bernly: It looks just like Skinny & Sweet. Except for the little skull and crossbones on the label.

Judy Bernly: Mr. Hart, Violet didn't mean to kill you, she just accidently put rat poison in your coffee!

Judy Bernly: You know, I smoked a marijuana cigarette at a party once. I could never figure out what the big deal was.

Judy Bernly: You're foul, Hart. A wart on the nose of humanity, and I'm gonna blast it off!

Barbarella: Where are we?

Great Tyrant: In the Mathmos, and alive!

Barbarella: I can see that, but why?

Great Tyrant: It seems the Mathmos has created this bubble to protect itself from your innocence.

Great Tyrant: You are so good, you made the Mathmos vomit.

Barbarella: Wake up, Your Majesty! You must wake up!

Great Tyrant: Vade retro, Earth girl! I know you don't really exist. {{hnote|'Vade retro is Latin for get thee behind or go away', as in Vade retro me, Satana ('get away from me, Satan').}}

Barbarella: That may be, Your Majesty, but we'd better stick to what we see.

Durand Durand: [[dignity; [nobility] I speak of the ]… the ] of pure evil!

Barbarella: What have you done with the positronic ray?

Durand Durand: Oh, so that's it.

Barbarella: What does it do?

Durand Durand: All persons and objects in its path are de-minimalized to the fourth level.

Barbarella: You mean—

Durand Durand: That's right. Replaced in the fourth dimension, irretrievably.

Durand Durand: Whoever succeeds in killing her will be put immediately to a horrible death. Hence my prudence.

Durand Durand: I find horrible the idea that one could do to me, that which I do to others.

Concierge: I don't believe it! Wretched, wretched girl! What have you done to my Excessive Machine?! You've undone it! You've undone me! Look! The energy cables are shrinking! You've turned them into faggots! You've— you've burned out the Excessive Machine! You've blown all its fuses!

Barbarella: [sighing] My goodness!

Dildano: The time is right! The Queen is in her Chamber of Dreams.

Barbarella: What about the key?

Dildano: Ah, the key.

Dildano: There is the secret key.

Dildano: Where?

Dildano: It's invisible, of course. Only an invisible key can open an invisible wall.

Dildano: [[w:Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch|Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch] Our rendezvous point will be at 1600 hours. And our password will be… "]".

Barbarella: You mean, the secret password is "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch"?

Dildano: Exactly.

Dildano: She sleeps alone in a room above the Mathmos, surrounded by a wall of impenetrable energy, to which she alone has the secret key. There exists, however, a second secret key, which my agents have located, and is now in my possession. You want to discover the whereabouts of Durand Durand. I want to capture the Black Queen. You follow my meaning.

Barbarella: If you really do have the second secret key… why haven't you used it already?

Dildano: Ah!

Dildano: Ah. Ah — ah! Because our forces have not as yet been strong enough! The capture of the Black Queen, ah… has to be associated with a military… coup! Hmm. With your weaponry and spacecraft, this can be brought about. With the Black Queen in your control, you can get her to divulge the whereabouts of Durand Durand!

Barbarella: Yes, I see.

Dildano: Good.

Dildano: The password — quickly!

Barbarella: I don't understand!

Dildano: Are you not a political prisoner?

Barbarella: I don't think so.

Dildano: Then you're not one of us.

Barbarella: I'm from Earth.

Dildano: [[revolution] Earth! Planet of the ]s! W-w-will you join our cause?

Barbarella: What cause? Who are you?

Dildano: I-I'm Dildano, head of the revolutionary forces. This is our headquarters.

Barbarella: I suppose you realize you've saved my life.

Dildano: A life without cause is a life without effect.

Barbarella: Well, I-I'm sure I could get you a substantial recompense from my government.

Dildano: Earth woman. Shall I tell you what I would like?

Barbarella: I think I know.

Dildano: No! No, not like that! Like on Earth, on-on-on Ea— on Earth! The pill! I-I-I have the pill!

Barbarella: [[tradition] But… uh… Couldn't we do it your way? I don't want to change your ]s.

Barbarella: This is really much too poetic a way to die!

Great Tyrant: So, my Pretty-Pretty, we meet again.

Barbarella: You! The little one-eyed wench!

Great Tyrant: [[Evil] You have a good memory, Pretty-Pretty. Yes, sometimes I like to go among my people. Be like them. Ordinary. "]", as you would call it. So… I'm your little one-eyed wench. I'm also the Great Tyrant.

Barbarella: Well! That's nice.

Great Tyrant: It amuses me immensely! Now I suppose you're interested in the whereabouts and welfare of a certain party, yes?

Barbarella: W— yes, I am! I'm here on the orders of the President of the Republic of Earth. I'm here to find Durand-Durand.

Great Tyrant: I'm not talking about him! I'm speaking of the angel!

Barbarella: Pygar?

Great Tyrant: [[Crime; [pleasure] Yes, Pygar. He has escaped the labyrinth. ]. He has destroyed twelve of my black guards. Crime. And he dares to deprive me of a ] unique in Sogo — an Earthling. Crime! Crime!

Barbarella: Where is Pygar?

Great Tyrant: You want your fine-feathered friend?

Great Tyrant: There he is.

Barbarella: Pygar!

Great Tyrant: Amusing, isn't it, Pretty-Pretty? Don't you feel like playing?

Barbarella: De-crucify the angel!

Great Tyrant: What?

Barbarella: De-crucify him or I'll melt your face!

Great Tyrant: So it was a trick, was it? You should have saved your tricks for… for…

Concierge: [[birds] For the ], Your Majesty?

Great Tyrant: Yes! Yes, the birds! The birds! Give her to the birds!

Barbarella: Pygar, come. Tell me what that means.

Pygar: Chamber… of Ultimate… Solution".

Barbarella: I don't like the sound of that.

Barbarella: That's screaming! A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.

Great Tyrant: Hello, Pretty-Pretty.

Barbarella: [uneasily] Hello.

Barbarella: Thank you very much.

Great Tyrant: Do you want to come and play with me? For someone like you I charge nothing.

Great Tyrant: You're very pretty, Pretty-Pretty.

Barbarella: My name isn't Pretty-Pretty, it's Barbarella.

Barbarella: [[planet] I'm from the ] Earth. My name is Barbarella.

Pygar: But you're soft and warm! We're told that Earth beings are cold.

Barbarella: [slyly smiling] Not all of us.

Mark Hand: And now, Barbarella… don't you agree with me? That in some things, the old-fashioned ways are best after all?

Barbarella: What? Oh, that. Yes, I must admit it was rather… interesting. Still, I see what they mean by saying it's distracting.

Barbarella: [[government] I'm so grateful for what you've done, I hardly know how to begin to thank you. I'm positive I can get you some sort of recompense from my ]. I mean, if— if there's anything you need, or that I can do, please tell me.

Mark Hand: Well, you could let me… make love to you.

Barbarella: Make love", did you say?

Mark Hand: Yes!

Barbarella: What do you mean? You don't even know my psychocardiogram!

Mark Hand: Eh?

Barbarella: Well, on Earth, for centuries, people haven't made love unless their psychocardiogram readings were in perfect confluence.

Barbarella: Do you have any pills?

Mark Hand: Pills?!

Barbarella: Oh, never mind. I have some here.

Mark Hand: Uh, b-b-uh… what is this pill?

Barbarella: It's an exaltation transference pellet, of course.

Mark Hand: Hmm. I know nothing of this.

Barbarella: I see. Well, on Earth, when our psychocardiogram readings are in perfect confluence, and we wish to "make love", as you call it, we take an exaltation transference pellet, and remain like this — here, let me show you…

Barbarella: … for one minute, or until full rapport is achieved.

Mark Hand: Ah! I don't care for that!

Mark Hand: This! This is what I mean. This! The bed.

Barbarella: That?! But nobody's done that for centuries! I mean, nobody except the very poor, who can't afford the pills and the psychocardiogram readings.

Mark Hand: Why not?

Barbarella: [[danger] Cause it was proved to be distracting and a ] to maximum efficiency! And… and because it was pointless to continue it when other substitutes for ego support and self-esteem were made available.

Barbarella: [[weapon] Why would anybody want to invent a ]?

President: How should I know?

Barbarella: [[universe] I mean, the ] has been pacified for centuries… sir.

President: What we know of it. The trouble is, we don't know anything about Tau Ceti or its inhabitants.

Barbarella: You mean they could still be living in a primitive state of neurotic irresponsibility?

President: Precisely.

Barbarella: Something must be done!

President: Yes. And you are the girl who must do it.

Barbarella: Why me?!

President: [[police] Barbarella! I have no armies, or ]… and I can't spare the Presidential Band. Besides, you're a five-star, double-rated astronavigatrix. Your mission, then.

President: [[stars] Find Durand Durand, and use all of your incomparable talents to preserve the security of the ].

President: Barbarella?

Barbarella: Mr. President!

President: Love.

Barbarella: Love.

Barbarella: Just a moment — I'll slip something on.

President: Don't trouble yourself. This is an affair of state.

Barbarella: [[drama] A good many ]tic situations begin with screaming.

Robert Syverton: [standing outside looking at the ocean] I used to love to look at he ocean, walk by it, just sit and listen to it. Now I don't care if I ever see it again.

Gloria Beatty: That, or anything else.

Robert Syverton: What are you gonna do know? Try in the movies again?

Gloria Beatty: No. I'd never make it. And maybe it wouldn't make no difference, even if I did. Maybe it's just the whole damn world is like central casting: They got it all rigged before you ever show up.

Robert Syverton: I know what you mean. I know just what you mean.

Gloria Beatty: Do you?

Robert Syverton: What are you gonna do?

Gloria Beatty: I'm gonna get off this merry-go-round. I'm so sick of all sticky things.

Robert Syverton: What thing?

Gloria Beatty: Life. And don't give me no sunshine lectures!

Robert Syverton: I wasn't going to.

Gloria Beatty: Then what were you looking at me that way for?

Robert Syverton: I wasn't, I was just tryin to see you face.

Gloria Beatty: Well keep looking. And stick around for the end.

Gloria Beatty: Help me! Oh please, please!

Robert Syverton: [He takes the gun] Tell me when.

Gloria Beatty: I'm ready.

Robert Syverton: [He holds the gun to her temple] Now?

Gloria Beatty: Now.

Gloria Beatty: What is this?

Rocky Graver: Tabs on you and Robert.

Gloria Beatty: You're charging me this?

Rocky Graver: Only if you win. If you don't win, you don't pay. I'm not out to cheat anybody.

Gloria Beatty: Oh, Jesus!

Rocky Graver: The doctor's decision is: Lillian Kramer stays on in the marathon! The doctor's assured me Lillian just has a slight sinus headache.

Gloria Beatty: Headache. For all that quack knows she's... she's got a brain tumor.

Robert Syverton: No, I don't think so. Only I'm not exactly sure, but I think it's different with a brain tumor. Different symptoms.

Gloria Beatty: Yeah? How do you know?

Robert Syverton: [[w:Anita Louise|Anita Louise; [w:Richard Cromwell|Richard Cromwell] I saw it in a movie. ] and ]. That's what she died of. Anita Louise. A brain tumor. But it was different. Everything just suddenly got dim for her one day until finally she couldn't see at all. She couldn't even see Richard Cromwell when she kissed him goodbye.

Gloria Beatty: Yeah? And well then she just died?

Robert Syverton: Kind of. She just drifted off listening to her favorite tune. And then she was dead.

Gloria Beatty: No pain or anything? They probably lied.

Nurse: Can I get you something for your feet?

Gloria Beatty: How about a saw.

Robert Syverton: Suppose we did win? What would you do with it?

Gloria Beatty: What, what, what?

Robert Syverton: The money.

Gloria Beatty: Maybe I'd buy some good rat poison.

Sailor: If you think about it, cattle ain't got it much worse than us.

Gloria Beatty: They got it better. There's always somebody feeding them.

Rocky Graver: I have a little notion, kids. Something that could help the show. Something that could benefit all of us and, in particular, could benefit the two of you. And at the same time give the folks out there something to get worked up about.

Gloria Beatty: What are you gonna do? Put us in cages and have them throw peanuts at us?

Rocky Graver: No, all kidding aside...

Gloria Beatty: Who's kidding?