Memorable Quotes from Jason Bateman
8 quotesMinivan Debate Among Friends
Josh
Mary, why do you even have a minivan? You don't have kids.
Mary
I buy in bulk!
Josh Parker
Can this thing handle snow?
Mary
Oh, please. It's a Kia. It's what God would drive.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstood Compliments in a Diabolical Exchange
Sandy Patterson
You're diabolical.
Diana
Thanks.
Sandy Patterson
That's not a compliment.
Diana
I know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Confessions at the Office Party
Mary
Because I don't know what's gonna happen in there. Last year, I filed a sexual harassment complaint against myself.
[grabs Josh's arm to stop him from leaving the mini-van]
Josh
Against yourself. Mmm-hmm.
Mary
Andrew, in the copy room, he was changing the toner. And I pretended to drop something on the ground so that I could bend over and graze his butt with my nose. And I did.
Josh
That doesn't seem that bad.
Mary
And then I said, "If you don't fuck me, buster, I will ruin you.
Josh Parker
Hmm. That's harassment.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship and Identity Theft Concerns
Sandy Patterson
Friends don't steal friends identities, do they?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication Misunderstandings Between Friends
Sandy Patterson
I said no jewelry.
Diana
Oh, were you serious?
Sandy Patterson
Yeah.
Diana
You've got to work on your tone.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Future Game Nights and Friendships
Gary
I do hope you keep me in mind for any future game nights.
[Max and Annie are hosting a game night and have kept it from Gary]
Max
Oh, you bet.
Gary
I've always enjoyed the camaraderie of good friends competing in games of chance and skill.
Annie
Yeah. Yeah, well, we'll do that, but tonight, it's just the two of us.
Gary
Three bags of Tostito's Scoops, I notice.
Max
There was a special on these tonight. Three for one.
Gary
Three for one?
Max
Yep.
Gary
How can that be profitable for Frito Lay?
Max
These corporations, I don't know what they're doing.
Gary
Well, you two enjoy each other. It's often we don't appreciate what we have until it's gone.
Max
I think that's it.
[Max and Annie wait, until they suddenly realize the conversation is over]
Annie
Okay. Bye-bye!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embarrassment in Unlikely Confrontation
Josh Parker
You do not want to die at the hands of Lululemon here. It'd be real embarrassing. You're a large guy, and she's made of nothing but salad and Smartwater.
[to the Russian thug whom Carol has pinned against the pool table]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Ethics of Offering Free Medication
Ray
We at Embrey Publicity would like to offer you the AllHeart symbol. Now you would be among a very select group of corporate giants to bear this logo on your product. And what this would say to the public is that your company, Pharmatopsis, had made a radical contribution to helping our world. And here is all you'd have to do to qualify: Your new TB drug, micadin, we would like you to give that product away, for free.
Businessman
Did you say free?
Ray
I did — only to those who really need it. Only to those who without it would otherwise die.
Businessman
Alright. As a concept "free" is kind of up there with "lethal side effects—
Businessman 2
Mandatory product recall.
Businessman
Get indicted, going to jail —
Businessman 2
Get out, work at IHOP the rest of your career—
Ray
Understandable reactions — a radical concept — but it is the brand that represents a fairer and better world. The brand that everyone is talking about. ...Anyway — we can save the world. Someone's just got to go first. What do you say?
CEO
Are you a crackpot?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.