Memorable Quotes from Jeff Garlin
6 quotesChallenges in Selling Healthy Foods to Kids
Jim
We're killing it.
Charlie
Hey, come on Jim, we had one bad test and it's a hard nut to crack. Any fool can sell chocolatey chocolate balls and cotton candy-flavored cereal to kids, man.
Jim
Cotton candy. That's not bad. Hey guys, look, I'm sorry, but it was a dog. Kids just don't want to eat vegetables for breakfast. Who knew?
[takes out his notebook and a pen and writes something down]
Charlie
It's exactly what I told you six months ago when you put us on this project.
Jim
You did? Well, it's not just Veggie-O's. We're shutting down the whole health division.
Phil
That's like 300 people.
[appalled]
Jim
Yeah, it's just not a business we want to be in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chaos vs. Organization in Childcare
Charlie
Today, we need some organization and planned activities.
[to Phil]
Phil
No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Absence Causes Confusion Among Characters
Charlie
What's going on?
Phil
Your worst nightmare.
Charlie
What?
Phil
Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.
Actor
He got a callback for a potato chip commercial.
Charlie
These snack foods are killing us!
Phil
Yeah, I know...
Charlie
Marvin!
[looks around for a replacement for Mr. Broccoli, his eyes land on Marvin, a nerdy outcast who's pilfering through the mail]
Marvin
Yeah?
Phil
Marvin? The guy who smells the mail?
[to Charlie]
Charlie
Yes, look; we need a guy who can wear a broccoli suit, not a normal person. Marvin, my man! My friend Marvin! Hey man, what's going on today? Listen, we need a favor: We're having a little focus group in there and the guy who's supposed to wear the broccoli suit left, so you can put the suit on and cover for us.
[quietly to Phil; loudly]
Marvin
No...I just can't do the broccoli, cause it's just not me. Sorry... Hey, can I be the carrot, though?
[notices the guy in the carrot suit]
Charlie
Yeah...Yeah, you can be the carrot! Let him try the carrot on!
Actor
No!
Charlie
You're gonna be the broccoli!
Actor
I don't wanna be the bush!
Charlie
It's not a bush, it's a stalk of broccoli! It's a strong stalk of broccoli!
Actor
I'm pretty strong...
[considering]
Charlie
Yeah, you can make that work! Let's go in here and you go switch this suit on and get the broccoli! Trust me on this thing, let's go!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mr. Broccoli Celebrates Healthy Eating with Kids
Mr. Broccoli
B-R-O-CC-O-L-I! I am the broccoli, and don't know why! C-A-RR-O and a T! Carrots are healthy for you and me! Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go carrot! Go carrot! Go carrot...
[claps twice; starts shouting and dancing while The Message by Grand-Master Flash plays]
Marvin
No, I don't wanna....
[timid]
Mr. Broccoli
Hello, boys and girls! Zowie, do we have a special treat for you today!
Marvin
Hey! We have a brand-new cereal! You're the first kids- Help!
[reading off of flashcards that he's holding in his hand; drops the flashcards; tries to bend over to get his cards; falls over onto his face; struggling to get up off the floor]
Mr. Broccoli
It's super yummy and LOADED... with all sorts of stuff that's good for you! And do you know what we call it? VEGGIE-OOOOOOOOOS!!!
[decides to stand in for Marvin; pretends to blow smoke off the barrel of some finger guns]
Kid
THIS CEREAL SUCKS!!
Phil
They're turning on us...
Charlie
Give it a chance, let them get it in their mouths...They gotta taste it.
Kid
TAKE THAT!
[throwing a bowl of Veggie-Os at the one-way mirror]
Marvin
HELP ME, CHARLIE!!!
Mr. Broccoli
Not in the Face! SAVE YOURSELF, CARROT!!!
Charlie
Call security now - OH, SH - OH! HEY! STOP THAT!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Safety in Parenting Adventures
Phil
Let's get safety gate crazy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Transformation into a Kumquat
Phil
When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.