Jeff GarlinQuotes

Charlie: [to Phil] Today, we need some organization and planned activities.

Phil: No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.

Jim: We're killing it.

Charlie: Hey, come on Jim, we had one bad test and it's a hard nut to crack. Any fool can sell chocolatey chocolate balls and cotton candy-flavored cereal to kids, man.

Jim: [takes out his notebook and a pen and writes something down] Cotton candy. That's not bad. Hey guys, look, I'm sorry, but it was a dog. Kids just don't want to eat vegetables for breakfast. Who knew?

Charlie: It's exactly what I told you six months ago when you put us on this project.

Jim: You did? Well, it's not just Veggie-O's. We're shutting down the whole health division.

Phil: [appalled] That's like 300 people.

Jim: Yeah, it's just not a business we want to be in.

Mr. Broccoli: [claps twice; starts shouting and dancing while The Message by Grand-Master Flash plays] B-R-O-CC-O-L-I! I am the broccoli, and don't know why! C-A-RR-O and a T! Carrots are healthy for you and me! Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go carrot! Go carrot! Go carrot...

Marvin: [timid] No, I don't wanna....

Mr. Broccoli: Hello, boys and girls! Zowie, do we have a special treat for you today!

Marvin: [reading off of flashcards that he's holding in his hand; drops the flashcards; tries to bend over to get his cards; falls over onto his face; struggling to get up off the floor] Hey! We have a brand-new cereal! You're the first kids- Help!

Mr. Broccoli: [decides to stand in for Marvin; pretends to blow smoke off the barrel of some finger guns] It's super yummy and LOADED... with all sorts of stuff that's good for you! And do you know what we call it? VEGGIE-OOOOOOOOOS!!!

Kid: THIS CEREAL SUCKS!!

Phil: They're turning on us...

Charlie: Give it a chance, let them get it in their mouths...They gotta taste it.

Kid: [throwing a bowl of Veggie-Os at the one-way mirror] TAKE THAT!

Marvin: HELP ME, CHARLIE!!!

Mr. Broccoli: Not in the Face! SAVE YOURSELF, CARROT!!!

Charlie: Call security now - OH, SH - OH! HEY! STOP THAT!

Charlie: What's going on?

Phil: Your worst nightmare.

Charlie: What?

Phil: Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.

Actor: He got a callback for a potato chip commercial.

Charlie: These snack foods are killing us!

Phil: Yeah, I know...

Charlie: [looks around for a replacement for Mr. Broccoli, his eyes land on Marvin, a nerdy outcast who's pilfering through the mail] Marvin!

Marvin: Yeah?

Phil: [to Charlie] Marvin? The guy who smells the mail?

Charlie: [quietly to Phil; loudly] Yes, look; we need a guy who can wear a broccoli suit, not a normal person. Marvin, my man! My friend Marvin! Hey man, what's going on today? Listen, we need a favor: We're having a little focus group in there and the guy who's supposed to wear the broccoli suit left, so you can put the suit on and cover for us.

Marvin: [notices the guy in the carrot suit] No...I just can't do the broccoli, cause it's just not me. Sorry... Hey, can I be the carrot, though?

Charlie: Yeah...Yeah, you can be the carrot! Let him try the carrot on!

Actor: No!

Charlie: You're gonna be the broccoli!

Actor: I don't wanna be the bush!

Charlie: It's not a bush, it's a stalk of broccoli! It's a strong stalk of broccoli!

Actor: [considering] I'm pretty strong...

Charlie: Yeah, you can make that work! Let's go in here and you go switch this suit on and get the broccoli! Trust me on this thing, let's go!

Phil: Let's get safety gate crazy.

Phil: When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!