Jeff Lester

FBI Agent: Commander Pavel Chekov, Starfleet, United Federation of Planets." Alright Commander, is there anything that you want to tell us?

Chekov: Like what?

FBI Agent: Like who you really are, and what you're doing here, and what these–these things are.

Chekov: I am Pavel Chekov, a commander in Starfleet, United Federation of Planets. Service number 656-5827B.

FBI Agent: Alright, let's take it from the top.

Chekov: The top of what?

FBI Agent: Name.

Chekov: My name?

FBI Agent: [sarcastically] No, my name!

Chekov: I do not know your name!

FBI Agent: You play games with me mister, and you're through!

Chekov: I am? May I go now?

FBI Agent: [leans over and whispers to a colleague] What do you think?

Agent: He's a Russkie.

FBI Agent: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, of course he's a Russkie, but he's a retard or something.

Agent: We better call Washington.

Chekov: [rises from his chair, grabs the Klingon phaser from the table and points it at the agents] Don't move.

FBI Agent: Okay, make nice: give us the ray gun.

Chekov: I warn you: if you don't lie on the floor I will have to stun you.

FBI Agent: Go ahead: stun me.

Chekov: [tries to fire the phaser but it malfunctions; he looks at it and chuckles; tosses the phaser to the FBI Agent, turns and runs away] I'm very sorry, but— Must be the radiation.