Memorable Quotes from Jennifer Coolidge
21 quotesA Bold Proposal Over Drinks
Finch
So, ah, would you object if I said you were quite striking?
Stifler's Mom
Mister Finch, are you trying to seduce me?
Finch
Yes ma'am, I am.
Finch
You have anything to drink?
Stifler's Mom
I believe the kegs are upstairs.
Finch
That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor...the good stuff.
Stifler's Mom
I've got some Scotch.
Finch
Single malt?
Stifler's Mom
Aged 18 years. The way I like it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Classy Style Inspiration from Paulette
Paulette
Or something really classy-like white leather! I'll call the guy who did my car seats!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Absurdity and Humor in Epic Movie Dialogue
Willy
Who wants to chew my gumballs?
Peter
Monobrow! Monobrow! King wants a monobrow!
Peter
(as Superman) You shot me in the freaking eye! That really hurts! Why would you do that?! That was so unnecessary! You bastard!
Kanye West look-alike
(while Lucy is viewing the camera from Mr. Tumnus) The White Bitch doesn't care about black people.
Samuel L. Jackson look-alike
Shit, bitch, I'm always yelling! I'm Samuel god damn Jackson!
Borat look-alike
Jagshemash! My name-a Borat. You did it! You made moviefilm have happy ending! (the water wheel runs over the orphans) Not!
White Bitch
I hate those fucking kids.
Paris Hilton look-alike
I'm so hot. (yells as she gets crushed by Susan, who was thrown off the plane)
White Bitch
(trying to read) The... keeds... have... esca-puh-duh.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of a Fast Food Location
White Bitch
Behold, my White Castle. (she points to a White Castle restaurant across from them)
Edward
White Castle? I think I've been there before.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disappointment in Losing a Competition
Fiona
Where are your prizes? Winners get prizes.
Gabriella
We didn't win, Mom. Some girl stole it from us.
Fiona
I am very, very, very, very upset about this.
Brianna
You don't look upset.
Fiona
Oh, it's the Botox. I can't show emotion for another hour and a half.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Festive Comparison to the Fourth of July
Paulette
Oh My God! You look like the Fourth of July! It makes me want a hot dog real bad!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Plot Similarity in Epic Movie Dialogue
White Bitch
This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where only I and my followers will live.
Bink
Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much the plot of ].
[[w:Superman Returns|Superman Returns]
White Bitch
Pretty much, yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Paulette's Enthusiasm for Legislative Action
Paulette
Who's ready to discharge?! Or petition a bill...or whatever!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Flexibility of Language and Meaning
Paulette
Take this sentence. The dragon enters blank. If any adverb fits into that sentence, it makes sense.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Confidence and Personal Appeal
Fiona
I'm a very appealing person.
[to Rhonda, biting her freshly manicured nail]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with a Hairbrush
Stifler's Mom
I once caught Steven sticking my hairbrush up his ass. It wasn't the handle side either.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Passions for Model Trains Explored in Dialogue
Leonard Crabbe
I'm a model train enthusiast.
Amber Cole
Oh! That's great!
Leonard Crabbe
Yes... sort of a whole layout in my basement. Very much a big passion for me, tis.
Amber Cole
Yeah. Thank God for model trains.
Leonard Crabbe
Oh, absolutely.
Amber Cole
You know, if they didn't have the model train, they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Collaboration Creates a Shared Understanding
Amber Cole
We work together very well. It's almost as like we have one brain that we share between us.
[referring to her working relationship with Wally Fenton]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tattoo Mix-Up Leads to Humorous Confusion
Edward
I even got a tattoo with your name on it! (takes off his shirt, exposing what appears to be ]'s tattoo)
[[w:50 Cent|50 Cent]
White Bitch
That looks more like 50 Cent's tattoo, you idiot!
Edward
Shit! They did the wrong one!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Harsh Truth About Self-Perception
Fiona
Sweetheart, now that you're old enough, there's something I've always wanted to tell you and I think you're ready to hear it: you're not very pretty and you're not very bright. I'm so glad we had that talk.
[to Sam]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Paulette's Beagle Named After Grandma's Stripper Name
Paulette
Her Beagle's name is Dolly Madison, which was my grandma's stripper name!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Prom Plans and Driving Expectations
Ms. Suggs
Tell me something, Anthony. Are you a senior citizen?
Anthony
No, ma'am.
Ms. Suggs
Good. Then why're you driving 15 miles an hour in a 25-mile zone? C'mon, speed it up. That's right. That is right. Boy. Change lanes. Now, I want you to take a right up here. Celia's calling.
[Anthony speeds up the minivan; Anthony does so; Anthony turns right. Just then, his cell phone vibrates]
Anthony
It's my girlfriend. Probably wants to talk prom plans. Tonight's the prom. Well, I'll just ignore that.
Ms. Suggs
Seems like she's very anxious to talk to you.
Anthony
No, no, no, I'm driving. I would never answer the phone when I'm driving. No, no matter what circumstance.
Ms. Suggs
But, y'know, proms don't happen every day.
Anthony
That's true. You sure? It'll just be like super quick. It's not...
Ms. Suggs
What's important to you is important to me.
Anthony
Hey, Celia. I can't really talk right now, but...
[answers his phone]
Ms. Suggs
Put! The phone! Down!
Anthony
What?
[turns to Miss Suggs]
Ms. Suggs
Put that mobile device down, NOW! HEY, EYES ON THE ROAD!
[in a demanding tone]
Anthony
AAAH!! NO, NO!!!
[nearly hits another car and swerves off the road; hits several parking meters while screaming]
Ms. Suggs
YOU'RE GONNA KILL US!! AAAAH!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHAT ARE YOU-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU FOOL?!
[Anthony pulls back into the DMV and stops]
Anthony
You tricked me!
[angrily]
Ms. Suggs
Get outta this car. You get out of this car!
[stamps "FAIL" on the clipboard]
Anthony
You're EVIL!
Ms. Suggs
You prom creep!
Ben
I don't think he passed.
Ms. Suggs
Get out! GET OUT!
[Anthony swings open the door, only to get a literal door prize from a passing Impala. The door slides right to the Coopers]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Support Across States in Unity
Congresswoman
You have the full support of the Sunshine State!
[looking over her new hairdo]
Paulette
Thank you Ohio!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Bend and Snap Goes Awry
Paulette
Ooh... the bend and snap! I did that last night naked.
Serena
You didn't.
Paulette
I busted a window.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Attention from the Hottie Cop
Steve
What's up?
Hottie Cop
Do you know you were doing 50?
Doug
Hottie cop likes you. Think she pulls over just anybody? Make a move.
[whispers to Steve]
Steve
What's up?
Hottie Cop
Just giving you an $80 ticket.
Doug
She is so into you
[whispers to Steve]
Hottie Cop
I want you to do me a favor.
Steve
What ever you say, "T.J. Hooker".
Hottie Cop
(laughs) Please obey all posted speed limits. Have a good night
Steve
It's already been good, now that you have served and protected me.
Doug
Way to go brother! You got her badge number and you got a date to meet her at the Municipal State Court. Up top. Very nice! Yeah!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Eclectic Views on Relationships and Dog Ownership
Scott Donlan
She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig.
Sherri Ann Cabot
Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say oh but he's so much older than you and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.
Stefan Vanderhoof
If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.
Christy Cummings
We started this magazine, "American Bitch". It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.