Memorable Quotes from Jesse Eisenberg
48 quotesPeople's willingness to help when needed
Tex
I think you'll find people will do a lot of things for you. If you ever just want to put down the beer bottle and let them.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing death with a smile and peace
Mike Howell
If I die, I'm going to do it stoned and smiling in my bed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Illusion of Innocent Power
Lex Luthor
Do you know the oldest lie in America, Senator? It's that power can be innocent. Good luck!
[''She turns and walks away'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Company Representation and Location
Eduardo Saverin
I don't want that guy representing himself as a part of this company.
[About Sean Parker]
Mark Zuckerberg
You gotta move out here, Wardo; this is where its all happening.
Eduardo Saverin
Did you hear what I just said?
Mark Zuckerberg
The connections, the energy--
Eduardo Saverin
Mark, you gotta--
Mark Zuckerberg
I'm afraid if you don't come out here, you're gonna get left behind. I want... I need you out here. Please don't tell him {Sean} I said that.
[Interrupting; Embarrassed]
Eduardo Saverin
What did you just say?
Mark Zuckerberg
It's moving faster than any of us ever imagined it would. It's moving fast.
Eduardo Saverin
What did you mean?
Mark Zuckerberg
And Sean thinks we have...
Eduardo Saverin
Sean's not a part of this company.
[Interrupting]
Mark Zuckerberg
We have over 300,000 members Wardo...
Eduardo Saverin
I'm aware of that.
Mark Zuckerberg
...and we're in 160 schools, including five in Europe.
Eduardo Saverin
I'm aware of that! MARK, I'M THE CFO!!
[Getting angry]
Mark Zuckerberg
We need more programmers, and we need more money, and he's set up the Thiel meeting. He set up meetings all over town.
Eduardo Saverin
He set up other meetings?
Mark Zuckerberg
Yes.
Eduardo Saverin
Without me knowing anything about it?
Mark Zuckerberg
You were in New York!
[Irritated]
Eduardo Saverin
I'M IN NEW YORK, RIDING SUBWAYS 14 HOURS A DAY, TRYING TO FIND ADVERTISERS!!
[Angry again]
Mark Zuckerberg
Yeah, and how's it going so far?!
Eduardo Saverin
What did you mean, "get left behind"?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expectations versus Reality in Relationships
Columbus
Don't worry. He grows on you.
[about Tallahassee]
Wichita
Really?
Columbus
No, it gets worse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wrestling Team Dynamics and Personal Choices
Bo
You trying out for the wrestling team Jimmy?
Jimmy
Oh no, I don't, I don't wrestle.
Bo
I'd think all that male to male contact would be right up your alley!
Jimmy
Is that the appeal for you? Haven't you been team captain for two years now?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Financial Contributions
Gretchen
Eighteen thousand dollars?
Eduardo Saverin
Yes.
Gretchen
In addition to the one thousand dollars you'd already put up.
Eduardo Saverin
Yes.
Gretchen
A total of nineteen thousand dollars, now.
Eduardo Saverin
Yes.
Mark Zuckerberg
Hang on.
Mark Zuckerberg
I'm just checking your math on that. Yes, I got the same thing.
[sarcastic pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lex Luthor's Provocative Statement to Junebug
Lex Luthor
You are going to be on the hot seat in there, Junebug!
[''To June before testifying before a Congressional hearing'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ownership and Responsibility in Innovation
Mark Zuckerberg
A guy who makes a nice chair doesn't owe money to everyone who has ever built a chair.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misconceptions About Safe Havens in Zombieland
Columbus
You know there's a place untouched by all this crap?
Tallahassee
Back east, yeah?
Columbus
Yeah. Yeah. You heard the same thing?
Tallahassee
Out west, we hear it's back east. Back east, they hear it's out west. It's all just nonsense. You know, you're like a penguin on the North Pole who hears the South Pole is really nice this time of the year.
Columbus
There are no penguins on the North Pole.
Tallahassee
You wanna feel how hard I can punch?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Joy of Fairy Flight
Jimmy
You know the best thing about being a fairy? You get to fly.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Essence of Innovation and Ownership
Mark Zuckerberg
You know, you really don't need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Dog Discovery
Bo
What the fuck was that?
Jimmy
My dog.
Bo
What kinda dog do you have?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nostalgia for Humanity in a Zombie Apocalypse
Columbus
I used to avoid people like they were zombies before they were zombies. Now that they are all now zombies, I kinda miss people.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Survival Rules in a Post-Apocalyptic World
Columbus
Oh, America. I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland. It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shitstorm. And why am I alive when everyone around me has turned to meat? It's because of my list of rules. Rule #1 for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first ones to go were the fatties. Poor fat bastard. But as the infection spread and the chaos grew, it wasn't enough to just be fast on your feet. You had to get a gun, and learn how to use it. Which leads me to my second rule: The Double Tap. In those moments where you're not quite sure if the undead are really "dead", don't get all stingy with your bullets. I mean, one more clean shot to the head... ...and this lady could have avoided becoming a human Happy Meal. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. It wasn't long before the zombies began to get clever. When you're at your most vulnerable, somehow, they could just smell it.
[voiceover; the cameraman picks up the camera, and the White House is revealed to be destroyed; a zombie jumps up, attacks cameraman, and eats him; notices camera; zombie belches; the whole world is shown with local fires; overweight man gets taken down and eaten by a zombie; woman shoots zombie in chest, and the zombie falls over; zombie wakes up, and attacks]
Guy
Can't a guy take a dumper in peace?
[sees zombie, and screams; gets killed]
Columbus
Don't let them catch you with your pants down. Rule #3: Beware of Bathrooms. As zombies began to outnumber humans, well, that's when you had to cut all emotional ties. If the girls in your neighborhood are now fucked up little monsters, well, maybe it's time to stop driving carpool. You had to focus on your own survival. Which leads to rule #4. Pretty basic. Fasten your seatbelts. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
[voiceover; a woman frantically pulls out her keys, and starts car; zombie girls fall off and growl; truck horn blares, and woman looks up as her van is stopped, but she flies through her windshield; she hits the pavement, leaving a streak of blood]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Comparison of a Blocking Influence
Columbus
You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like developed in a secret government lab!
[to Tallahassee]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Columbus's Final Thoughts on Safety and Sunscreen
Columbus
So until next time, remember: Cardio, seat belts, and this really has nothing to do with anything, but a little sunscreen never hurt anybody. I'm Columbus, Ohio from Zombieland, saying good night.
[last lines; Tallahassee hits the zombie with the car door]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Burden of Unnatural Attraction
Jimmy
It's part of the curse, I'm appealing, I have this unnatural sexual allure.
Bo
Yeah, yeah, you do, I know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Oldest Lie in America
Lex Luthor
] ] Hmm. You and your hearings. Galloping through the streets to warn us. One if by land, two if by air. Hmm. Do you know the oldest lie in America, June? Can I call you June?
[''To June over announcing blocking his license to mineral access''; [w:Paul Revere|The redcapes are coming.; [w:Red tape|The redcapes are coming.; ''Sits on table near her and starts drumming table underside''; ''June stops his drumming'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Perks of Life in Zombieland
Wichita
Oooh, Free Parking! Which, coincidentally, is the best thing about living in Zombieland.
Columbus
You want to know the best thing about Z-land? No Facebook status updates. You know, "Rob Curtis is gearing up for Friday." Who cares?
Talahassee
The best part is no more flushing. Epic.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Drunkenness and the Importance of Rules
Tex
You were way too drunk. There are rules.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Arrival and Timing
Christy Lee
When did you get back?
Eduardo Saverin
You scared me. I need you to knock.
Christy Lee
When did you get back?
[Sternly]
Eduardo Saverin
I got back this afternoon.
Christy Lee
And when were you going to call me?
Eduardo Saverin
Chris, it was kind of a rough trip and I was tired and...
Christy Lee
Or answer one of my 47 texts? Did you know I sent 47 texts?
Eduardo Saverin
I did, and I thought that was incredibly normal behavior.
Christy Lee
Are you mocking me?
Eduardo Saverin
I brought you a present.
Christy Lee
Why does your status say "single" on your Facebook page?
Eduardo Saverin
What?
Christy Lee
Why does your relationship status say "single" on your Facebook page?!
Eduardo Saverin
I was single when I set up the page.
Christy Lee
And you somehow never bothered to change it?
Eduardo Saverin
I –
Christy Lee
What?
[looks at him sternly]
Eduardo Saverin
I don't know how.
Christy Lee
Do I look stupid to you?
Eduardo Saverin
No. Calm down.
Christy Lee
You're asking me to believe that the CFO of Facebook doesn't know how to change his relationship status on Facebook?!
Eduardo Saverin
It's a little embarrassing, so you should take it as a sign of trust that I would tell you that.
Christy Lee
Go to hell.
Eduardo Saverin
Take it easy.
Christy Lee
No! You didn't change it so you could screw those Silicon Valley sluts every time you got to see Mark!
Eduardo Saverin
It's not even remotely true, and I can promise you that the Silicon Valley sluts don't care what anyone's relationship status is on Facebook. Please open your present.
[his cell phone rings]
Christy Lee
Your phone does work. It's Mark.
Eduardo Saverin
This is gonna be tricky. Please open your present. It's a silk scarf.
Christy Lee
Have you ever seen me wear a scarf?
Eduardo Saverin
This will be your first. Yeah?
[answering his cell phone]
Mark Zuckerberg
You froze our account?
Eduardo Saverin
I did.
Mark Zuckerberg
You froze the account!
Eduardo Saverin
I had to get your attention, Mark.
Mark Zuckerberg
Do you realize that you jeopardized the entire company? Do you realize that your actions could have permanently destroyed everything I've been working on?
Eduardo Saverin
We have been working on!
Mark Zuckerberg
Without money, the site can't function. Okay, let me tell you the difference between Facebook and everyone else: we don't crash, ever! If those servers are down for even a day, our entire reputation is irreversibly destroyed! Users are fickle, Friendster has proved that. Even a few people leaving would reverberate through the entire userbase. The users are interconnected, that is the whole point. College kids are online because their friends are online, and if one domino goes, the other dominoes go, don't you get that?! I am not going back to the Caribbean Night at AEPi!
[speaking frantically, almost hysterical]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of God and Power
Lex Luthor
See, what we call God depends upon our tribe, Clark Joe, cause God is tribal; God takes sides! No man in the sky intervened when I was a boy to deliver me from daddy's fist and abominations. I figured out way back if God is all-powerful, He cannot be all-good. And if He is all-good, then He cannot be all-powerful. And neither can you be.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Fear: Clowns and Breaking Rules
Columbus
Oh, God. Look at this fucking clown. Of course...it had to be a clown! No, wait. It had to be a clown. And it had to be Wichita up there to make me realize that some rules... ...are meant to be broken. Time to nut up or shut up. Fuck this clown.
[voiceover, face to face with a zombie clown; the words "RULE #17: DON'T BE A HERO" appear, with the word "DON'T" falling down, and turning into "RULE #17: BE A HERO"]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Simple Exchange of Names
William Hundert
Excuse me?
Louis Masoudi
Huh? What me?
William Hundert
Yes, sir. What is your name?
Louis Masoudi
Uh, Louis.
William Hundert
Just Louis?
Louis Masoudi
Louis Masoudi, sir.
William Hundert
Mr. Masoudi, could you define the word "path" for me?
Louis Masoudi
Well, there are several definitions, I suppose.
William Hundert
Would "a route along which someone or something moves" be among them?
Louis Masoudi
Yeah. Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. I'm s-sorry, sir.
William Hundert
Follow the path, Mr. Masoudi. Walk where the great men before you have walked.
Louis Masoudi
Yes, sir. It's, uh - It's better for the grass.
William Hundert
It's better for you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
One-upping Stories in Zombieland
Columbus
Are you one of these guys that tries to one-up everybody else's story?
Tallahassee
No. I knew ] way worse at that than me.
[[w:Cliff Clavin|a guy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Erica Albright's Character and Appearance
Mark Zuckerberg
Erica Albright's a bitch. Do you think that's because her family changed their name from Albrecht, or do you think that's because all BU girls are bitches? For the record, she may look like a 34C, but she's getting all kinds of help from our friends at Victoria's Secret. She's a 34B as in barely anything there. False Advertising.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with a Comedy Legend
Bill Murray
Is that how you say hello where you come from?
[after Columbus shoots him]
Columbus
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't believe I shot Bill Murray.
[realizing]
Tallahassee
Mr. Murray?
Bill Murray
I'm just Bill, I think, now.
Tallahassee
Bill?
Bill Murray
Yeah?
Tallahassee
I don't think we're gonna be able to stitch this.
[pokes at Bill's wound]
Bill Murray
Ah. That's still tender.
Tallahassee
You think you might pull through?
Bill Murray
No.
Columbus
If it means anything now, I am so sorry. It was just instinctive.
Bill Murray
It was my bad. I was never a very good practical joker.
Little Rock
So do you have any regrets?
Bill Murray
], maybe.
[[w:Garfield: The Movie|Garfield; gives a long exhale, like a death rattle...then inhales and does another one before he dies]
Wichita
I'm sorry, he just gets me...but it's very sad.
[suddenly starts snorting and laughing softly, everyone looks at her]
Columbus
Yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation on Attention and Deservingness
Gage
Mr. Zuckerberg, do I have your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg
No.
[stares out the window]
Gage
Do you think I deserve it?
Mark Zuckerberg
What?
[looks at the lawyer]
Gage
Do you think I deserve your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg
I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.
Gage
Okay – no. You don't think I deserve your attention.
Mark Zuckerberg
I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try, but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention – you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. Did I adequately answer your condescending question?
[pauses]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Truth in Creation Myths
Mark Zuckerberg
I'm not a bad guy.
Marylin Delpy
I know that. When there's emotional testimony, I assume that 85% of it is exaggeration.
Mark Zuckerberg
And the other 15?
Marylin Delpy
Perjury. Creation myths need a Devil.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship and Betrayal in Business Ventures
Mark Zuckerberg
I went to my friend for the money because that's who I wanted to be partners with. Eduardo was the president of the Harvard Investors Association, and he was also my best friend.
Gage
Your best friend is suing you for $600 million.
Mark Zuckerberg
I didn't know that, tell me more.
[Sarcastically]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reassurance Amidst Uncertainty
Mike Howell
Hey Phoebe! Phoebe? Hey Phoebe. I just wanted to say that I love you and that everything is going to be okay. I mean, not perfect, obviously, but better. Like, we'll probably have to get a new house. And also cars. But I'm coming to get you and this will all be over. Soon-ish.
[[over intercom]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Amidst Zombie Chaos
Columbus
Hey, for fuck's sake, enough already! We are being chased by ravenous freaks. Like we don't have enough problems. "Oh, they stole my Hummer. Oh, we have trust issues." Well get over it! We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I Spy or some shit for two hours like four normal-ass Americans? Fuck me.
Tallahassee
Whoa.
Columbus
I know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange on Courage and Attraction
Columbus
You think so?
Wichita
Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy but I could hit that.
Wichita
Or at least give you the intentional walk to first.
Columbus
So until next time
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Trust and Loyalty in Business
Eduardo Saverin
You don't think it's strange that he {Sean} was followed by private detectives?
Mark Zuckerberg
Who came up with nothing.
Eduardo Saverin
Enough to get him out of the company. The drugs, the girls.
Mark Zuckerberg
We don't know any of that's true.
Eduardo Saverin
You can read about it.
Mark Zuckerberg
I can read about you torturing birds. Since when did you--
Eduardo Saverin
OK, DON'T FISH EAT OTHER FISH?! THE MARLINS AND THE TROUT?!!
[Livid]
Dustin Moskovitz
What's he talking about?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing Life After Loss
Ellie
So it's over right? Joanie's dead, so we're okay now.
Jimmy
That's subjective, we still have to back to our pathetic pre-cursed lives.
Ellie
I'm personally okay with that.
Jimmy
You're not in high school.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Meeting of Influential Figures
Clark Kent
Mr. Wayne! Mr. Wayne! Clark Kent, Daily Planet.
Bruce Wayne
Oh, my foundation has already issued a statement in support of– books.
Clark Kent
Sir?
Bruce Wayne
Wow! Pretty girl – bad habit. Don't quote me, alright?
[''Gazing at Diana Prince'']
Clark Kent
What's your position on the bat vigilante in Gotham?
Bruce Wayne
Daily Planet"– Wait, do I own this one? Or was that the other guy?
Clark Kent
Civil liberties are being trampled on in your city; good people living in fear.
Bruce Wayne
Don't believe everything you hear, son.
Clark Kent
I've seen it, Mr. Wayne. He thinks he's above the law.
Bruce Wayne
The Daily Planet criticizing those who think they're above the law is a little hypocritical, wouldn't you say? Considering every time your hero saves a cat out of a tree, you write a puff-piece editorial about an alien who – if he wanted to, could burn the whole place down. There wouldn't be a damn thing we can do to stop it.
Clark Kent
Most of the world doesn't share your opinion, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne
Maybe it's that Gotham City in me. We just have a bad history with ].
[[w:Joker (comics)|freaks dressed like clowns]
Lex Luthor
Boys! Mmm, Bruce Wayne meets Clark Kent. Ah, I love it! I love bringing people together! How are we? Hi, hello.
[Shakes Bruce's hand]
Bruce Wayne
Lex.
Lex Luthor
Lex. It is a pleasure– Ow! Wow! That is a good grip! You should not pick a fight with this person!
[''Shakes Clark's hand'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Amidst Chaos and Frustration
Jimmy
Can you be still for a second?
Becky
You try flipping your car down a mountain and then staying FUCKING STILL!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication Breakdown Among Friends
Eduardo Saverin
Mark. Mark!
Sean Parker
He's wired in.
Eduardo Saverin
I'm sorry?
Sean Parker
He's wired in.
Eduardo Saverin
Is he?
Sean Parker
Yes.
Eduardo Saverin
How bout now? Still "wired in"?!
Sean Parker
Call security.
Eduardo Saverin
You issued 24 million new shares of stock?!
Mark Zuckerberg
You-- You were told that if new investors came along--
Eduardo Saverin
How much were your shares diluted? How much were his?
[Points to Sean]
Gretchen
What was Mr. Zuckerberg's ownership share diluted down to?
Eduardo Saverin
It wasn't.
Gretchen
What was Mr. Moskovitz's ownership share diluted down to?
Eduardo Saverin
It wasn't.
Gretchen
What was Sean Parker's ownership share diluted down to?
Eduardo Saverin
It wasn't.
Gretchen
What was Peter Thiel's ownership share diluted down to?
Eduardo Saverin
It wasn't.
Gretchen
And what was your ownership share diluted down to?
Eduardo Saverin
.03 percent.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Character Descriptions in Cursed Movie Scene
Ellie
She may have changed back into her human form. Her name's Joanie, she's this hyper, skinny publicist.
Police Officer
Any other descriptions?
Jimmy
Yeah, she's.. what 5'7?
Ellie
She's got a bony ass...and fat thighs...and bad skin...
Joanie
Liar!!!
[flips her off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Responsibility in Business Decisions
Mark Zuckerberg
You signed the papers.
Eduardo Saverin
You set me up.
[In the verge of tears]
Mark Zuckerberg
You're gonna blame me because you were the business head of the company and you made a bad business deal with your own company?
Eduardo Saverin
This is gonna be like I'm not a part of Facebook!
Sean Parker
It won't be like you're not a part of Facebook. You're not a part of Facebook.
Eduardo Saverin
My name's on the masthead.
Sean Parker
You might wanna check again.
Eduardo Saverin
This because I froze the account?!
Sean Parker
Did you think we were going to let you parade around in your ridiculous suits pretending you were running this company?
Eduardo Saverin
I'M SORRY! MY PRADA'S AT THE CLEANERS, , along with my hoodie and my "fuck you" flip-flops! You pretentious douchebag!
[snaps, turns to Sean; turns back to Mark]
Sean Parker
Security's here, you'll be leaving now.
Eduardo Saverin
I'm not signing those papers.
Sean Parker
We will get the signature.
Eduardo Saverin
Tell me this isn't about me getting into the Phoenix!
Eduardo Saverin
You...! You did it, I knew you did it! You planted the story about the chicken!
Mark Zuckerberg
I didn't plant the story about the chicken.
Sean Parker
What's he talking about?
Eduardo Saverin
You had me accused of animal cruelty!
Sean Parker
Seriously, what the hell's the chicken?
Eduardo Saverin
And I'll bet what you hated the most was that they identified me as a co-founder of Facebook, which I am. You better lawyer up, asshole! Because I'm not just coming back for 30%, I'm coming back for everything.
Sean Parker
Get him out of here.
Eduardo Saverin
It's okay, I'm going.
Sean Parker
Hang on! Almost forgot. Here's your $19,000. I wouldn't cash it, though. I drew it on the account you froze.
[Pulls out a check]
Eduardo Saverin
I like standing next to you, Sean. It makes me look so tough.
[smirking]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perspective on Good and Evil
Lex Luthor
You don't think Dad would mind, do you? If I just... changed one thing in this room? Because that should be upside-down. We know better now, don't we? The devils don't come from hell beneath us. No. No, they come from the sky.
[''To June''; ''Points to painting'']
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Childhood Memories and Awkward Conversations
Walt Berkman
It's like... we were pals then... we'd do things together... we'd look at the knight armor at the Met. The scary fish at the Natural History Museum. I was always afraid of the squid and whale fighting. I can only look at it with my hands in front of my face.
Jeffrey
She could probably move her pussy muscles just the right way so you blow your load in like seconds.
Frank Berkman
Across the park? Is that still Brooklyn?
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Struggling with Identity and a Curse
Jimmy
No, I'm not gay, I'm cursed!
Bo
I know it must feel like that sometimes...
Jimmy
No, I'm cursed by the Mark of the Beast!
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The Complexity of Knowledge and Power
Lex Luthor
Me? Ah. Okay. Nicky. Uh... you're embarrassing me. Um... speech, speech. Blah, blah, blah. Uh... open bar. The end. Uh... the word "]" comes from ]. Meaning a lover of humanity. It was coined about 2,500 years ago. Gods and men. ] went with us. And he ruined ] plan to destroy mankind, and for that, he was given a thunderbolt, boom! But on a serious note, the Library of Metropolis. But at one time, Dad could not buy them. No. My father could not afford books growing up. He had to root through the garbage for yesterday's newspaper. ], and I am... No. Uh, um... no. What am I? I... what was I saying? No. The bittersweet pain among men is having knowledge with no power, because... because that is paradoxical! And, um... Thank you for coming. Please drink! Drink!
[''Nicky announces Lex's presence at benefit gala''; ''Gets on stage''; ''Diana turns to look at Bruce''; ''Bruce walks away''; [wikt:philanthropist|philanthropist; [w:Greek language|the Greek; ''Alfred gives Bruce instructions of direction''; [w:Prometheus|Prometheus; [w:Zeus|Zeus'; ''Diane stares unimpressed''; [w:Scientia potentia est|Books are knowledge and knowledge is power; ''sheepishly chuckles''; ''sheepishly chuckles''; ''Benefit gala guests start applauding'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Illusion of Magical Thinking
Lex Luthor
A little ] before lunch? No bourbon?! Kentucky girl like yourself?! Hmm. My dad always said that Kentucky mash was the secret to health. Hmm. This was his room. I kept it just the same. Hmm. "Maybe one day Dad'll come back if I just keep everything the same". Hmm-mm. That is silly. The magical thinking of orphan boys.
[''To June entering his quarters''; [w:bourbon|bourbon; ''June subtlety declines'']
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Navigating Unlikely Alliances in Zombieland
Columbus
You know, Tallahassee and Columbus are, both uh...east.
Tallahassee
So?
Columbus
So, Tallahassee, you wanna stick together? At least - at least for a while?
Tallahassee
Here's the deal, Columbus. Uh, I'm not easy to get along with, and I'm sensing you're a bit of a bitch, so, uh, I'll get this relationship to about Texarkana.
Columbus
Really? Yeah. You'll take me as far as Texarkana.
Tallahassee
You're a peppy little spit fuck, aren't you?
Columbus
You might wanna buckle up, you know for safety.
Tallahassee
I can tell already, you are gonna get on my nerves.
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Facebook's Global Reach and Personal Rivalries
Marylin Delpy
What are you doing?
Mark Zuckerberg
Checking in to see how it's going in Bosnia.
Marylin Delpy
Bosnia. They don't have roads, but they have Facebook. You must really hate the Winklevosses.
[pause]
Mark Zuckerberg
I don't hate anybody. The "Winklevii" aren't suing me for intellectual property theft. They're suing me because for the first time in their lives, things didn't go exactly the way they were supposed to for them.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.