Memorable Quotes from John Cleese
12 quotesMisunderstanding About the Poor
Robin Hood
The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled. Have you met them at all?
Randall
Who?
Robin Hood
The poor.
Randall
The poor?
Robin Hood
Oh, you must meet them. I'm sure you'll like them. Of course they haven't got two pennies to rub together but that's because they're poor!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Robin Hood's Promises to the Poor
Robin Hood
Oh yes, and believe you me, the poor are going to be, well not just absolutely thrilled, but also considerably less poor. Aren't they Redgrave?
Robin Hood
You see- what did he say?
Marion
He says yeah, what with Christmas coming up and all.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Poor Decisions Revealed
Pluto
What happened?
James
Obviously, you did something stupid.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Daughter's Journey to Self-Discovery
Alex
I'm so sorry Daddy, that I didn't tell you. I didn't think you'd approve and I didn't wanna disappoint you. I know how you wanted me to be a neurosurgeon, but I've discovered a whole new way to help people... that makes me feel so... alive.
Mr. Munday
Whatever makes you happy.
Alex
I am so relieved! It's been killing me, you not knowing all these years. I- Daddy... Natalie, Dylan and I are a team. And we just took on 12 sailors. You can't even imagine the positions we get ourselves into. Daddy, I wish you could watch us work. You'd be so proud. I'm gonna take a shower because I am covered in- Well, you can only imagine what. And then when I get back, I am gonna give you... a full blow-by-blow.
Mr. Munday
Ferret?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of Humanity and Change
Professor Barnhardt
There must be alternatives. You must have some technology that could solve our problem.
Klaatu
Your problem is not technology. The problem is you. You lack the will to change.
Professor Barnhardt
Then help us change.
Klaatu
I can not change your nature. You treat the world as you treat each other.
Professor Barnhardt
But every civilization reaches a crisis point eventually.
Klaatu
Most of them don't make it.
Professor Barnhardt
Yours did. How?
Klaatu
Our Sun was dying. We had to evolve in order to survive.
Professor Barnhardt
So it was only when your world was threatened with destruction that you became what you are now.
Klaatu
Yes.
Professor Barnhardt
Well that is where we are. You say we are on the brink of destruction and you are right. But it is only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve. This is our moment. Don't take it from us, we are close to an answer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marksman Excuses and Firing Range Preferences
Q
Forgive my mentioning it, 007, but a perfect marksman isn't really supposed to shoot his own boss.
James Bond
Check the replay. You'll find he's dead and ].
[[Monty Python and the Holy Grail#The Black Knight|she's only got a flesh wound]
Q
There's always an excuse, isn't there, 00-Zero?
Bond
Give me the old firing range any day, quartermaster.
Q
Yes, well it's called the future, so get used to it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bond Faces a New Challenge
R
Now, I daresay, 007, that you've met your match with this machine.
James Bond
Yeah? New model, improved specs?
[Putting on some nearby shades, that are really x-ray glasses]
R
I thought you were on the Inactive roster; some kind of injury?
James Bond
Yes, well, we'll see about that. So...
R
As I was saying, the very latest in interception countermeasures. Titanium armor, a multi-tasking heads-up display, and six beverage cup holders. All in all, rather stocked.
Q
Fully loaded," I think is the term.
R
I think–
Q
You're not here to think, you're here to do what I tell you. Now, go put on the coat and demonstrate it for 007.
R
But of course. Now, watch closely, please, 007. The right arm goes in the right sleeve, thus, and the left arm in the left sleeve, thus. Now, note closely, please: pockets, poppers, and zipper. Take the lower part of the zipper, and insert it into the–
[Puts on the snow jacket]
Q
Oh, pull the tag!
[Q and Bond give a look to each other; Pulls a tag on the front of the jacket]
R
Oh! But you said–! Oooh! Q! Ooof!
[An inflatable self-closing ball inflates out of the back of the jacket, then wraps around R. He falls and rolls around blindly, stuck in the ball]
James Bond
He seems well-suited for the job. Now, you're not retiring anytime soon...are you?
[Q chuckles and goes to a nearby platform]
Q
Now, pay attention 007. I've always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.
Bond
And the second?
Q
Always have an escape plan.
[presses button and the platform lowers itself, and Q, into the floor]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Old Relics vs. Cutting-Edge Technology
James Bond
So, this is where they keep the old relics, eh?
[Looking in Q's lab]
Q
I'll have you know, this is where our most cutting-edge technology is developed.
Bond
Hmm, point taken.
[Activates the knife in the briefcase used in [[From Russia With Love]
Q
Must you touch everything?
Bond
Does this still work?
[Notices the jet-pack from [[Thunderball]
Q
Now, look–
Bond
So, where is this "cutting-edge" stuff?
Q
I'm trying to get to it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Burden of Hope and Self-Awareness
Brian Stimpson
It's not the despair, Laura. I can stand the despair. It's the hope!
Brian Stimpson
The first step to knowing who we are is knowing where we are and when we are.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Time and Gadgets
Q
A new watch, this is your 20th, I believe.
[hands Bond a watch]
James Bond
How time flies.
Q
Yes, well, 007, why don't you establish a record by actually returning this one... Your new transportation.
[Presses a button on his remote]
Bond
... Maybe you've been down here too long.
Q
The ultimate in British engineering.
[Walks onto the platform. His image distorts around whatever is on the platform]
Bond
You must be joking!
Q
As I learned from my predecessor, Bond, ]. Aston Martin calls it the ], we call it "The Vanish.
[[Goldfinger|I never joke about my work; [w:Aston Martin Vanquish|Vanquish; Presses a button on his remote, exposing a new sportscar]
Bond
Oh, very good.
Q
Adaptive camouflage. Tiny cameras on all sides project the image they see onto a light-emitting polymer skin on the opposite side. See, to the casual eye, it's as good as invisible. Plus, all the usual refinements: ejector seat, torpedoes, target-seeking shotguns to shoot down mobile objects. Why don't you acquaint yourself with the manual? You should be able to shoot through that in a couple of hours.
[Reaches into the car, pulls out a big manual, handing it to Bond; Bond tosses the manual in the air. The activated target-seeking shotguns promptly blast it to pieces]
Bond
Just took a few seconds, Q.
Q
Wish I could make you vanish.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bond Faces Consequences of His Actions
Bond
I suppose we all have to pay the piper sometime, right, Q?
Q
Oh, pipe down, 007.
Bond
Was it something I said?
Q
No. Something you destroyed: My fishing boat for my retirement, away from you. Now, I want to introduce you to the young fellow I'm grooming to follow me.
[points to advanced (and heavily damaged) skiff Bond earlier used; opens pool table. A platform arises, showing a man working on a BMW coupe. Bond and Q walk toward it]
Man
Oh...
[looks at Q and Bond; man has lab gown stuck on the car door; he looks around in confusion. Bond opens it, freeing the lab coat]
Bond
Helps if you open the door.
Man
Hmm. And you might be?
Q
This is 007!
Bond
If you're Q, does that make him R?
R
Ah yes, the legendary 007 wit, or at least half of it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Length of a Robber's Experience
Robin Hood
And how long have you been a robber?
Strutter
Four foot one.
Robin Hood
Good lord! Jolly good. Four foot one? Well that-that-that is-is- a long time, isn't it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.