John Michael Higgins Quotes

Coach Keith How do you spell fired up'?

Cheerleaders F! U!

Shawn Colfax Not really...

Nick Brady Uh-uh.

Evan (walks in with his beard braided and his hair tied into a ponytail) Marty. Sorry I am late. Come on let's go!

Marty (disgustedly drops his phone) What...is that!?

Evan I am making lemonade out of lemons. Pick up your phone and let's go! (They walk into a meeting live on television. Rita looks in genuine disgust)

Dr. Edgar Vance How about ]? You know who that is. Who's in ] right now?

Blade An asshole.

Marty Rita when Evan shows... Sorry sir I will be with you in just one moment... Gah! Evan?!

Evan In case you ask I am going through adult puberty. This is temporary...why did you summon me? What is so important?

Marty What is so important?! I have a letter of intent here about Congressman Long's bill! You remember that? And now he wants you to sign this in person Evan!

Evan I can't do it.

Marty No you can't do it looking like that. You have to go shave!

Evan I cannot shave Marty. If I shave it just grows back.

Marty That's what happens when you shave...and then you shave AGAIN!!

Evan You have no idea...

Terry Bohner There had been abuse in my family, but it was mostly musical in nature.

Terry Bohner No, ladies and gentlemen, we don't ride around on broomsticks and wear pointy hats. Well, we don't ride on broomsticks.

Terry Bohner This is not an occult science. This is not one of those crazy systems of divination and astrology. That stuff's hooey, and you've got to have a screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Our beliefs are fairly commonplace and simple to understand. Humankind is simply materialized color operating on the 49th vibration. You would make that conclusion walking down the street or going to the store.

Scott Donlan She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig.

Sherri Ann Cabot Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say oh but he's so much older than you and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.

Stefan Vanderhoof If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing.

Christy Cummings We started this magazine, "American Bitch". It's a focus on the issues of the lesbian pure bred dog owner.

Principal Wally Snur Well, it's been another great year here at JAMS. With summer around the corner, it's time to say goodbye not only to another school year, but also to one of our own. Amy Squirrel. After six short years, Amy is transferring out of the district.

Sandy Speech, speech!

Amy Wally, thank you for those kind words, and thank you all. My decision that I made myself to leave was super difficult, but when the superintendent personally asks you to work at one of the worst schools in the state, well, you say, "Yes." And, boy, I am looking forward to bringing my brand of zany energy to those underprivileged students at Malcolm X High School.

Amy Thank you.

Scott Hey, Elizabeth. Listen, since Amy's transferring, I was thinking, maybe the two of us could start over.

Scott Oh, hey there. Scott Delacorte. And you are?

Elizabeth Leaving.