Sling Blade - Simple Thoughts on Everyday Needs
Vaughan Cunningham:
You seem like a thinker, you know. You seem to always be deep in thought. Okay, tell me something. What are you thinking right now?
Karl Childers:
I was thinking um, I'm gonna take some of these potaters home with me.
Vaughan:
Oh. How about before that?
Karl:
Let me think, mmm. Before that I was thinking I could use me another six or eight cans of that potted meat if you got any extra, mmm.
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Bad Santa - Misunderstandings About Health and Behavior
Marcus:
It won't happen again. I can promise you that. Willie here has low blood sugar. That's all.
Willie:
That's right. I forgot to take my pill.
Bob Chipeska:
It's not just the swearing. Forgive me for prying, but did one of you, um, fornicate...
Willie:
Fornicate?
Bob Chipeska:
Yes, with a heavy-set woman in the big-and-tall dressing room?
Willie:
Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But as far back as I can remember, I've never fornicated anybody.
Bob Chipeska:
Yes... Well, even still, I think it's best for all parties considered if we...
Marcus:
If we what?
Bob Chipeska:
Well, I have somebody else interested in the position.
Willie:
Before you do something stupid, you might want to think about this shit.
Bob Chipeska:
What are you talking about?
Willie:
I'm talking about firing a little black midget. A small, colored, African-American small person. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your face all over goddamn USA Today, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about 150 of these little motherfuckers all over the sidewalk out there. Holding picket signs and using bullhorns and shit like that. Screaming and hollering your name out. Unfair practices, get me?
Bob Chipeska:
Oh no, this is not a handicapped thing. I have nothing against you people.
Willie:
You people? Did you hear that Marcus? He said "you people".
Marcus:
Who the hell is "us people"?
Bob Chipeska:
No...he said...I...you don't under-- what? No, no. Um, I think it's best if we just forget we had this conversation.
Willie:
Good thinking. And don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Let's get the hell out of here, Marcus.
Willie:
You're pathetic.
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Bad Santa - Adult and Child Worlds Acknowledged
Gin: [smoking a cigarette in his office]
Fuck stick"?
Bob Chipeska:
Yeah, I know it's odd, but as our security manager, I want you to be well aware of this. His little friend promised he won't say it in front of the children, which is fine. There is an adult's world and a child's world, and that's OK. I'm no censor.
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Bad Santa - Conflict Over Santa's Replacement
Bob Chipeska:
Harrison, will you let me explain, please? Financially--
Fired Santa:
Well, you get what you paid for, Chipeska. Five Christmases I've been here, and no what. Now you flip me for some stranger who'll do it for peanuts and happens to work with a real midget. Well, let me tell you something, though: nobody cares! Nobody comes for the elf. Santa's main attraction. I do Burl Ives songs. Does this schmoe even play guitar?
Bob Chipeska:
Look, Harrison, it's not about the money or the midget. Believe me, if it was-- I don't think they like midget. I think you're supposed to call them--
Fired Santa: [Walks away as Willie and Marcus enters the store, then yells to them]
Oh, just forget it! Hacks!
Bob Chipeska: [to Marcus and Willie]
Hi. Bob Chipeska. Welcome. Great photo and resumè, by the way.
Marcus:
Thanks. You know, we've been at this for a long time and all, so we like to think we do a good job.
Bob Chipeska:
I'm so glad you two can come at such a short notice. You two are perfect for this job, truly.
Bob Chipeska:
So, I don't want his unpleasantness affect your performance in any way.
Marcus:
Oh, no, we--
Willie:
Performance?
Bob Chipeska:
Yes. Your performance. You know, the...
Willie:
Performance, like, sexual?
Bob Chipeska:
Excuse me?
Marcus:
Willie.
Willie:
Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear? Is that what you're saying to me?
Bob Chipeska:
I'm sorry, your gear?
Marcus:
Willie...
Willie:
My fuck stick!
Marcus:
Willie, take a seat. You know how your blood sugar is.
Bob Chipeska:
He's not going to say "fuck stick" in front of the children, is he?
Marcus:
No! It was just a joke. An adult joke for us adults. It's a joke. Just a joke.
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