Jon LovitzQuotes

Becker: What? I don't know nothin'. I didn't see nothin'. I ain't say nothin'.

Sgt. Wes Luger: Nothing, the word is nothing, not nothin'. There's an i-n-g on the end of it. Nothing.

Becker: Ok, nothing. Nothiiing. Nothiiiiiiiiiiing. Ok, you happy?

Sgt. Wes Luger: That's better.

Becker: Do you sleep in the nude?

Miss Destiny Demeanor: Only when I'm naked

News Reporter: Arthur Belt, the rising politician who drafted the bill...

Arthur Belt: [Winchell shuts off the TV] Wait! They were talking about me!

Winchell: Relax, Arthur, pretty soon you'll be hearing your name so much even YOU will be sick of it.

Arthur Belt: I highly doubt it.

Clark: This car is so radical. Looks just like K.I.T.T. from the show Knight Rider.

Mel: [Mel activates the car with his watch] It is K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. Watch this.

K.I.T.T: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm K.I.T.T.

Richie: [to Mel] Who are you?

Mel: Oh, I'm just once of those nerds who grew up...to make billions.

Gus: [to Nelson] Hey. Are you the kid who got farted on earlier?

Mel: Yes. This is my son Nelson. He's become quite the fart magnet for the neighborhood bullies.

Nelson: I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.

Clark: When I was your age, Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.

Nelson: His son just did that to me last week!

Mel: Now, Richie, do you have any kids?

Richie: Never had a date.

Mel: Clark?

Clark: Never spoke to a girl.

Mel: [Pauses a bit, realizing that what Clark said was weird] Gu... Gus?

Gus: Uh, my wife and I are kind of working on it.

Mel: If you build it, nerds will come.

Mel: Keep it under a billion, that's all I got... on me hahaha.

Mel: Howie, you're a pp.

Benny: You know what I say? She gets a share, but not a full share.

Tommy: I'd go for that. Yeah.

Denny: Yeah, what if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third?

Benny: What are you? Nuts? Then she'd be getting more than us!

Denny: How do you figure?

Benny: Where are you gonna get four fourths and a third? Can't you add?

Denny: I don't do fractions, all right?

Ray: What the hell are you gonna do with a flower shop?

Benny: Burn it down.

Ray: What do you mean, "burn it down"? You're still burning stuff down for insurance?

Benny: I burn everything. That's how I sent two kids through college.

Randy Pear: Bev, Bev, wake... Come on. Wake up. Wake up. Bev, wake up. Wake up. Third Reich's here. Come on. Get down. You wanna have a nice life. Okay, okay. Think. Think. SS in the parking lot.

Randy Pear: [[w:David Copperfield|David Copperfield] You drink these up, then we're gonna return the Nazi-mobile. And then we'll get the van fixed and we'll go back to Vegas and see ]! Yay!

Randy Pear: I do NOT want to work at Home Depot!

Randy Pear: [[Hitler; the bikers continue to attack the car and force it off the road, causing it to crash into a Veterans' gathering. Randy's philtrum collides with the wheel and smears itself with its paint, making it look like Randy has Hitler's mustache, much to the shock of the veterans] Are you insane?! This is ]'s car!

Randy Pear: [to the biker; his tongue slips; he tries to laugh it off, but the biker whistles behind her, and several other bikers appear, ready to attack] Hi! I really like you dike- bike.

Randy Pear: They're always pissed, honey. They're Nazis, it's like it's their job.

Scotty Brennen: See that girl over there in the red? Say "hi" to her and she's yours. She'll have her legs around you so tight you'll be begging for mercy.

Josh: Well, I'll stay away from her, then.