Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead - Miscommunication Among Siblings About the Kids
Sue Ellen: [asking about her brothers and sister]
Where are the kids?
Kenny: [Throws the can of [[w:Reckitt|Easy-Off]
Zach's at Cynthia's, Melissa's upstairs, and Walter's asleep. ] into the oven and shuts the door]
Sue Ellen:
What's wrong with you?
Kenny: [pulls the gloves off and throws them on the counter]
Nothing is wrong with me.
Sue Ellen: [opens the fridge and takes out a can of [[w:Diet Coke|Diet Coke]
Did you burn something?
Kenny: [annoyed]
Yeah, well, maybe if you'd called and told me you were gonna be, like... three-and-a-half hours late, I could've planned my dinner better.
Sue Ellen:
I had to work late, OK?
Kenny:
You still shoulda called. I sat and I waited. I went ahead and I fed the kids. I worked all day on that casserole.
Sue Ellen:
Sorry.
Kenny:
You haven't even said how nice the house looks. You're off at the office all day doing interesting office things. I'm stuck here. Cooking and cleaning and mowing, helping Melissa with her fastball, being a role model for Zach, spending quality time with Walter, doin your party shit! You've got the car and you don't even take me anywhere anymore. And when was the last time we went out to dinner together, huh? Y'know what? I'm sick and tired of not bein appreciated.
Sue Ellen:
I appreciate you.
Kenny: [storms into the living room and starts whisking the couch]
Eat shit!
Sue Ellen: [[w:The Oprah Winfrey Show|Oprah Winfrey]
I don't believe this! I get to get up at 5:30 every morning so I can beat rush hour traffic and go sit behind a desk for eight hours and miss ] every day on my summer vacation. And then, I get to drive home in gridlock in a VOLVO with no air conditioning just so I can take care of you guys and put food on the damn table! It's a rat race and it sucks, Kenny. So what do you want, a medal?... Oh come on, you don't have to do all this. I mean, I never asked you to whisk the couch.
Kenny: [stopping, wistfully]
Well, it needed it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead - Thermostat Tensions Between Siblings
Sue Ellen:
Did you turn the air conditioner on?
Kenny:
Yeah, well I was hot.
Sue Ellen:
Look I'm stuck with the bills, I would like to keep that thermostat at seventy-six, okay?
Kenny:
Wow, you take these things so personally.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead - A Witty Exchange on Intelligence
Sue Ellen:
Kenny, why don't you save your last three brain cells, you might need them.
Kenny:
I won't!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead - Summer Struggles and Unconventional Solutions
Kenny:
This place is a crock. We're never gonna make it through the summer. Man, I'm gonna hole up at Lizard's.
Sue Ellen:
Oh, that's real brotherly of you, Kenny. Always taking the easy way out. Don't you have any pride?
Kenny:
No.
Melissa:
I got an idea. When our food runs out, we can eat Elvis.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead - Measuring for Uncertainty in New Experiences
Kenny:
Sure she's gonna fit?
Sue Ellen:
How should I know? I've never done this before.
Kenny:
Well, neither have I.
Zach:
I think we should measure her first.
Melissa:
Let's hack off her head!
Walter: [in agreement with Melissa]
Yeah!
Sue Ellen:
Uh, alright, go get that, uh, metal tape measure thing out of the garage.
Kenny:
Would you stop ordering us around, you're not the babysitter.
Sue Ellen:
That's right Kenny, the babysitter is dead. Now just do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead - Misunderstandings About a Babysitter's Condition
Zach:
We told you to talk to her. We didn't want you to send her to the glue factory.
Sue Ellen:
I didn't kill her, Zach. She died in her sleep.
Melissa:
Probably choked on her whistle.
Walter:
She doesn't look dead.
Zach: [[w: MacGyver (1985 TV series)|MacGyver]
That's cause it just happened. So, you can't really tell, like on ].
Kenny:
Um... what should we do with her body?
Sue Ellen:
Call an ambulance, call the cops, I don't know. Well, I mean they're gonna come and get her and they're gonna ask us a lotta questions...
Kenny:
They'll probably blame us.
Sue Ellen:
They'll definitely call Mom.
Melissa:
SHE'LL blame us.
Kenny:
Yeah, she'll hop the next flight home and then she'll be in our faces.
Sue Ellen:
I don't want Mom to come home.
Zach:
I don't either.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead - A Farewell to Mom's Extended Absence
Friend:
Isn't your mom like leaving for months?
Kenny:
Oh, you're right. BYE MOM, HAVE A BLAST!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.