Kel Mitchell Quotes

Good Burger

Greeting at Good Burger Drive-Thru

Ed Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?

[first, repeated, and last line]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Celebrating Our Shared Identity as Dudes

Ed I'm a dude. He's a dude. She's a dude. We're all dudes, hey!

[repeated line, always sung]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

A Lighthearted Offer of a Ride

Kurt Can I give you a lift, Ed?

Ed Gee, I don't know dude. I weigh about 150.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mystery Men

Understanding the Electro-Nuclear-Magnet Concept

Invisible Boy So, this is basically a huge electromagnet.

Dr. Heller Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mystery Men

Courage in Choosing to Retreat

Blue Raja Sphinx, what do we do?

Sphinx Sometimes, the true hero is the one with the courage to run away.

Bowler I like the way this man thinks!

Invisible Boy Let's run.

Shoveler We can't run.

Bowler Oh, yes! Oh, yes — it's been established that we can run.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Unexpected Job Responsibilities at Good Burger

Ed But I don't do deliveries, sir.

Mr. Baily Well, you're doing them for now. I fired O'Malley.

Ed Why?

Mr. Baily Because the boy showed up for work without his pants!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Introducing Ed to the Group

Kurt Hey check it, boys. Right back there. It's the reject.

[laughs along with his friends]

Dex Hey check it, Ed. It's the Mondo idiot.

[sarcastically]

Ed Oh, well, nice to meet you Mondo Idiot. I'm Ed.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Misunderstandings in Friendships and Intentions

Ed I think he likes me.

[about Kurt]

Dex Ed! That diphthong doesn't like you, he just wants to use you!

Ed Well, that's not natural.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Kurt Offers Ed a Job at Mondo Burger

Kurt I want you to come work for me at Mondo Burger. You make your sauce for Kurt.

Ed Who's Kurt?

Kurt I'm Kurt!

Ed I'm Ed.

Kurt I'm aware!

Ed You said you were Kurt.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

A Gift Between Friends

Dex What is this?

[Ed gives him a yo-yo]

Ed It's a yo-yo. I bought it with the 13 dollars you gave me. It lights up and flickers and everything, just like the one your dad gave you.

Dex Why'd you get this for me?

Ed Cause we're buds!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Debate Over Traffic Sign Interpretation

Dex That was a stop sign!

Ed Uh...no?

Dex Aw, man!

[whines]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Mystery Men

Naming the Team in Mystery Men

Invisible Boy So what's the name of this team? How about the Super Squad?

Tony P How about the Six Dead Guys in Their Stupid Costumes? No, no, no — the Magnificent Dead Guys. How about that?

Tony C How about the Legendary Superfreaks?

Tony P Way too positive. They totalled our car.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Unexpected Car Repair Costs Surprise Dexter

Mr. Wheat Ah, Mr. Reed. Hard at work as usual.

[arrives at Good Burger]

Dex I'm having my lunch.

Mr. Wheat Well, I just got my car from the body shop and I've got to admit: It is new. Here's the receipt.

[gives him the receipt]

Dex 2500 dollars? No! The estimate was only for 1900.

[eyes widen]

Mr. Wheat Well, that, my young brother, is why they call it an estimate. Close to, kind of, could be. And I'll meet you in about 2 and a half monthy to get me my money. Now you have a good day at work. I'm going to have lunch at Mondo Burger. Home of the big booty burger.

[chuckles; leaves]

Ed Mind if I sit here?

[sits with Dex during lunch]

Dex Yes, I do mind.

[still angry]

Ed Thanks.

Dex Wh-Wh-What are you doing?

Ed Eating my lunch.

Dex I told you not to sit here. I don't like you. Can you get that through your head?

Ed I can try. Nope.

[pokes his head with his fries]

Dex I'm gonna have to spell this out to you. I don't wanna sit by you. I don't wanna see you. I don't wanna smell you. I don't wanna hang out with you. I don't even wanna use words with the letter "U"!

Ed Look! I'm Grape Nose Boy! Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...

[with 2 grapes up his nose]

Dex Stop that.

Ed Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...

Dex Would you stop?

Ed Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...

Dexter That ain't funny!

[then laughs]

Ed Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity Bloobity...Made ya laugh!

Dex So...Oh, I give up.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Optimistic Plans for Good Burger's Success

Dex If we put this sauce on all the Good Burgers, then everyone will want to eat here! We'll knock Mondo Burger right off the map!

Ed WHEE! That's great!

Mr. Baily Ed, get in that kitchen and start making sauce!

[excited]

Ed Yippy skippy! It shall be done!

[stands up; runs to the kitchen]

Mr. Baily Gimme another French fry! Good Burger's back in business!

[as the employees continue clamoring with laughter]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Job Request at Good Burger

Ed Hey, Mr. Baily! This guy needs a job. Can he have one?

Mr. Baily No!

Dex See ya.

Ed Wait, wait, wait! C'mon, Mr. Baily, he really needs one. He can do fries.

Mr. Baily Otis does fries.

Ed Yeah, but look at him. How much longer could he possibly live?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Secret Sauce Recipe Discussion

Deedee Ed! There must be 50 customers out there! It's unbelievable! What do you put in that sauce?

Ed Well, you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup- Um, look, Dex, I like you as a friend and all, but it might...

[Dex, freaking out, tackles him to the ground]

Dex No! Listen to me carefully.

Ed Okay.

Dex Do not tell anyone the recipe to your sauce.

Ed Oh. Well, first you start off with a little lemon juice...

Dex Stop it! Stop talking!

Ed Oh.

Dex Never tell anyone the ingredients of your sauce.

Ed Why?

Dex You want to save Good Burger, don't you?

Ed Oh, yeah. Good Burger's my life.

Dex Well, then, you got to keep your sauce recipe a secret. All right?

Ed Okay.

Dex All right.

Ed Um, Dex?

Dex Hmm?

Ed You're squishing my pancreas.

Dex Sorry.

[gets up]

Ed Thanks.

[also gets up]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Good Burger

Misunderstanding a Simple Burger Order

Customer Excuse me! Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it!

[motioning to Ed]

Ed That's what I gave you.

Customer No, you gave me a bun. Just a bun. Look, there's no meat in here.

Ed But you said you wanted nothing on it.

Customer Yes, but I expected a meat patty!

Ed Dude, a meat patty is something. You said nothing. Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?

Fizz Uh, something?

Ed I win!

[raises arm in the air]

Customer All right, that rips it! I am reporting your name to the manager!

Ed The manager already knows my name.

Customer Oh, I'll see you in Hell.

[storms out]

Ed Okay, see ya there!

Good Burger

Customer Requests Good Burgers at Good Burger

Ed Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?

Construction Worker Well, it's about time. Can I get two Good Burgers?

Ed Sorry, dude. I have to go get them. Customers aren't allowed in the back.

Construction Worker Just give me two Good Burgers!

[irritated]

Ed Dude, I can't just give you two Good Burgers, you have to pay for em!

Construction Worker Forget it! Forget it! I've had it up to here with Good Burger! I can't wait for Mondo Burger to open.

[leaves]

Good Burger

Unexpected Connections in a Casual Conversation

Dex Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from somewhere?

Ed Ever been to Australia?

Dex No.

Ed Me neither.

Dex I've could've sworn I've seen you someplace before.

Ed Hey, I know! Maybe I'm someone famous! You know, like a baseball player or a pretty nurse!

Dex What? Man, what in the world are you talking about?

Ed Okay, okay. I give up. Who am I?

Dex Man, I don't know who you are. Or where I know you from. Or why you think you're an attractive nurse, but I am sure I don't wanna know you any longer. Now, please go away, I've had a very bad day.

Ed What's wrong? Were you bitten by a sheep?

Dex What?

[confused]

Ed Did you lose your trousers?

Dex Look, you're an unusually bad guesser, so I'll tell you. I need to come up with 1,900 dollars to fix some stranger's car, another 800 to fix my mother's car, and I just got fired. Man, I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger. I mean, he yelled at me, then he insulted me. He made fun of me.

[looks downcast]

Ed Boy, you must really suck.

Dex See right about now I'd slap you in your head, but I'm not sure if your brain would understand the concept of pain.

Ed Hey! Wanna see my belly button?

[oblivious]

Mystery Men

Concerns About Frakulation in Team Dynamics

Invisible Boy But I don't want to get frakulated!

The Bowler Psycho-frakulated.

Invisible Boy We still get frakulated!

Good Burger

A Casual Invitation Among Friends

Dex Stuff. Ha, ha, ha.

Ed Hey, Dex. Want to hang out tonight?

[rolling on his skates]

Dex I don't know, but - Hey Ed, you better be careful. You!

[before he realizes that Ed is the one who was a roller-blading and delivery blades right in front of Dex which caused his accident, when Ed accidentally pushed Otis over, and breaks his pelvis; angrily points at Ed]

Ed Me?

[turns around and looked at Dexter]

Dex Now I know where I saw you before. You're the roller-blading nut that caused my accident!

Ed Uh...no?

Dex You're the reason why I owe 1,900 bucks! You're the reason my mom found out I was driving without a license! And you cost me a fortune! You wrecked my summer, man. You ruined my life.

Ed So, you don't want to hang out tonight?

Dex No. I don't want to hang out with you...ever.

Otis Do you think you can get me to a hospital? I think I broke my butt.

[to Dexter]

Dex Come on, Otis. Get out of the way.

[to Otis; to Ed]

Good Burger

Misunderstanding Compliments in the Workplace

Roxanne You are so hot.

Ed Oh, well, I often sweat at work.

Good Burger

Fatherhood and Memory in Everyday Life

Dex You know...I don't even remember what my dad looks like.

Ed I don't remember what my dad looks like, either, but at least I get to see him every day.

Good Burger

A Lesson in Fast Food Hospitality

Ed Cool! I'll teach him everything I know!

[after Dexter gets the job at Good Burger]

Mr. Baily Oh, help me.

[groans]

Memorable Quotes from Kel Mitchell