Kenneth Nelson Quotes

Michael Donald, you are a real card-carrying cunt.

Michael What's so fucking funny?

Harold Life. Life's a goddamn laugh riot.

Michael You must never call anyone called Michael, Mickey. Those of us who are named Michael get very nervous about it.

Donald Well, am I stunning?

Michael You're absolutely stunning. You look like shit, but I'm absolutely stunned.

Michael It's not always like it happens in plays. Not all faggots bump themselves off at the end of the story.

Michael Show me a happy homosexual and I'll show you a gay corpse.

Michael You're stoned and you're late. You were supposed to arrive at this location at eight thirty dash nine o'clock.

Harold What I am, Michael, is a 32 year-old, ugly, pock marked Jew fairy, and if it takes me a little while to pull myself together, and if I smoke a little grass before I get up the nerve to show my face to the world, it's nobody's god-damned business but my own. And how are you this evening?

Michael Believe it or not, there was a time in my life when I didn't go around announcing I was a faggot.

Donald Well, that must have been before speech replaced sign language!

Michael Ah, life is such a grand design - spring, summer, fall, winter, death. Whoever could have thought it up?

Donald No one we know, that's for sure.

Michael Do you know what it means to be in the closet?

Emory Don't, Michael. It won't help to explain what it means.

Michael He already knows what it means. He knows very, very well what a closet queen is. Don't you, Alan?

Alan Michael, if you're insinuating that I'm homosexual, I can only say that you're mistaken.

Michael Am I? What about Justin Stuart? What about Justin Stuart? You were in love with him. That's what about him. And that's who you're gonna call.

Alan Justin and I were very good friends. That's all.

Michael According to Justin, the friendship was quite passionate.

Alan What do you mean?

Michael I mean that you slept with him in college... several times.

Alan That's not true.

Michael Several times. Once is youth. Twice, a phase maybe. Several times, you like it.

Michael There's one thing to be said about masturbation: you certainly don't have to look your best.

Michael What's more boring than a queen doing a ] imitation?

Donald A queen doing a ] imitation.

Michael Forgive him, father, for he know not what he do.

Harold Michael, you don't know what side of the fence you're on. Say something pro-religion, you're against it. Deny god, you're against that. One might say you have some problem in that area. You can't live with it, and you can't live without it. You hang on to that great insurance policy called the Church.

Michael That's right, I believe in God. And if it turns out there isn't one, okay, nothing's lost. But if it turns out there really is, I'm covered. Right, I'm one of those truly rotten Catholics who gets drunk, sins all night, and then goes to mass the next morning.

Michael What is he - a psychiatrist or a hairdresser?

Donald Actually he's both. He shrinks my head and then combs me out.

Michael Hank and Larry are lovers. Not just roommates, bedmates. Lovers... No man has a roommate after he's 30 years old. If they're not lovers, they're sisters.

Hank Yes, Alan. Larry is my lover.

Alan But you're married.

Michael I think you said the wrong thing. Don't you just love that quaint little idea? If a man is married, he's automatically heterosexual. Alan, Hank swings both ways... but with a decided preference.

Michael I just didn't think I could survive another hangover, that's all. Didn't think I could get through one more morning-after ick attack. Icks. Anxiety. Guilt. From that split second when your eyes pop open, and you say, "My God, what did I do last night?" And then suddenly, zap. Total recall. And then that struggle to survive until lunchtime, when you have a double bloody mary. That is, if you've waited till lunch. And then you're half pissed and useless for the rest of the afternoon. So you hang on till cocktail time. And by then, you're ready for what the evening holds, which hopefully is another party, where the whole goddamn cycle starts all over again. Yeah, well, I've been on that merry-go-round long enough. And I either had to get off or die of centrifugal force.

Harold And they're minding their own business.

Michael And you mind yours Harold! I'm warning you!

Harold Are you now? You warning me? Me? I'm Harold. I'm the one person you don't warn, Michael, because you and I are a match. And we tread very softly with each other, because we both play each other's game too well. I know this game, you're playing. I know it very well, and I play it very well. You play it very well too, but you know what? I'm the only one who's better at it than you are. I can beat you at it, so don't push me. I'm warning you.

Michael Oh Harold, he's beautiful.

Harold Yeah, beautiful. He has unnatural natural beauty. Not that that means anything.

Michael It doesn't mean everything.

Harold Keep telling yourself that as your hair drops out in handfuls.

Michael Faggots are worse than women about their age. They think their lives are over at 30. Physical beauty is not all that goddamn important.

Harold Of course not, how could it be? It's only in the eye of the beholder. And it's only skin deep.

Michael Only skin deep.

Harold Only skin deep. And it's transitory too. It's terribly transitory. Oh, yes. It's too bad about this poor boy's face. It's tragic. He's absolutely cursed. How could his beauty ever compare with my soul? And although I've never seen my soul, I understand from my mother's rabbi that it's a knockout. I, however, cannot seem to locate it for a gander. And if I could... I'd sell it in a flash... for some skin-deep, transitory, meaningless beauty.

Donald Did he ever tell you why he was crying on the phone? What it was he had to tell you?

Michael No. It must have been that he'd left Fran. Or maybe it was something else, and he changed his mind.

Donald Uh, maybe so. I wonder why he left her.

Michael As my father said to me when he died in my arms... "I don't understand any of it. I never did." Turn the lights off when you leave.

Michael I feel like Old Man River. I'm tired of living and I'm scared of dying.