Kevin DurandQuotes

Oshima: I'm, uh, going to have to wand you.

Big Momma: [wand squeaking] Wand me? Well, wand on. Find what you're looking for? Tha-That's underwire.

Oshima: Yeah.

Big Momma: Keeping these fun bags off the floor is a full-time job.

Bobby: [after being called out by Jack] Anyone else getting that pre-rape feeling?

Red: [grinning] I do.

Gabriel: (after he is spared by Michael) I wouldn't have shown you such mercy.

Michael: That is why you failed Him.

Michael: I knew HE'd send you, Gabriel. You were always so eager to please Him.

Gabriel: Unlike you... the rebellious son. (looking to Michael's back) Your wings. They would have helped you now.

Michael: To not feel that burden is a dream.

Gabriel: You think you can defy Him and not pay the price?

Michael: The child lives... It doesn't matter what happens to me.

Gabriel: Yours is a fools sacrifice, Michael. You can help them run but they won't escape.

Michael: I'm not running anymore.

Black Knight Ghost: On your knees, knave.

Fred: Can't you see we're talking?

Black Knight Ghost: [repeated Fred line at the high school clubhouse] Talking is for wimps.

Fred: You can't fool me with that macho façade. You're just afraid to show your sensitive side.

Black Knight Ghost: [faking remorse] Oh, you've touched my inner child... AND HE'S REALLY MAD!

Fred: Yo, Metalhead!

Black Knight Ghost: Yes?

Fred: [The Black Knight Ghost repeatedly strikes out at the shield Fred is holding, dazing him; He faints] Bring it! He brought it.

Ben Wade: I suppose it's too much to ask for a little quiet.

Tucker: [singing] The way I figured it is I'd be asleep in my own bed right now if it weren't for you. So if I got to be up, well, then, you're damn well gonna be up with me, too, Ben Wade. They're gonna hang me in the mornin', Before the night is done... Hang me in the mornin'... I'll never see the sun...

Byron McElroy: We're taking you to Contention. Putting you on the 3:10 to Yuma day after tomorrow.

Tucker: You shouldn't have told him that!

Ben Wade: Relax, friend. Now if we get separated, I know where to meet up.

Proximus Caesar: What a wonderful day!

Apes: What a wonderful day!

Proximus Caesar: Are we thankful for the words of Caesar?

Apes: We are thankful!

Proximus Caesar: Do we bend our heads?

Apes: We bend!

Proximus Caesar: Say his words.

Apes: Apes together strong!

Proximus Caesar: SAY HIS WORDS!

Apes: APES TOGETHER STRONG!

Proximus Caesar: WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY!

Proximus Caesar: Noa... You showed so much promise. You are going to stand, so that you can bend for your king, before you die!

Proximus Caesar: Noa, a kingdom for apes. Humans can never be trusted. Where there are two that can speak, there must be more. Mae has come here to claim the tools inside my vault. Tools that make humans strong and make them dangerous. That is why I must have them first. Yeah? They do not understand that this is our time. This is my kingdom! I must destroy their kind, unless we want to live in cages again.

Proximus Caesar: [[evolution] Mae, you are familiar with the concept of ]? That is the human label, yeah? The advancement that I crave requires time. Vast amounts of time that I do not have. Unfortunately, I am but a mortal ape. So this is why I need to get the knowledge inside that vault. I believe it will deliver instant evolution. Hm. Noa. You don't undertand. In their time, humans were capable of many great things, yes? They could level mountains. They could speak across oceans. They could fly, Noa. Like eagles fly! But now, we will learn. Apes will learn. I will learn, from what is inside that vault.

Proximus Caesar: Maybe stronger tomorrow.

Proximus Caesar: What a wonderful day!

Joey: [''To Abigail trapped in elevator''] We want to talk.

Abigail: Please, please let me out. I'm scared.

Joey: Cut the shit. You're really good at pretending to be a little girl. Quick question, who's inside the cage right now?

Abigail: [''Does [[w:curtsy|a curtsy] Thank you. I've had a few centuries of experience.

Joey: Tell us how to get out of here, and we'll let you go.

Abigail: No.

Sammy: [''Lunges forward with Joey thwarting her''] Hey, what's gonna happen to me?! Am I gonna turn into a vampire?!

Abigail: Maybe.

Sammy: Oh, my God! She said "maybe"!

Peter: [''Consoling Sammy''] It's okay.

Frank: Listen little lady, or ma'am, whatever. We're very sorry, okay? We didn't know who you were. We thought you were a regular 12-year old-girl.

Abigail: You were gonna beat me and torture me when you thought I was just a regular 12-year old-girl.

Frank: Yeah, well... like I say, we're very sorry. We would never have taken you if we knew who your father was.

Abigail: [''All crew look at Frank in dismay''] You did work for him, didn't you? Haven't you wondered why I brought you here?

Peter: You brought us here?

Abigail: [''Brings hand to forehead''] Jesus Christ. There was never any money. I planned all of this. Lambert works for me.

Sammy: What are you talking about?

Abigail: Don't you know, Jessie?

Sammy: What did you just call me?

Abigail: [[w:Hedge fund|Hedge funds; [w:Offshore bank|private offshore accounts] Jessica Hurney. You started your career siphoning money from your affluent parents bank accounts. ] came next, then ], and eventually much bigger fish. One in particular.

Sammy: I can give it back.

Abigail: [''Peter looks guilty''; [w:Morphine#Addiction|Uncle Sam's morphine] Terrence Lacroix. Muscle for the Montreal Broussard family. Did it bore you snapping necks for pay? Enduring endless taunts from your colleagues about your stunted intellect? Is that why you stole from your whole crew who just happened to be a tiny subsidiary of our whole empire? How long did the money last, you weak, disloyal inebriate? Former Detective Adam Barrett. You thought you could infiltrate our New York arm under deep cover. But you liked the life a little too much, didn't you? The power you had when you were free of rules and regulations. It became an addiction. How empty did you feel when you finally arrested our three lieutenants you'd worked so hard to get close to? And how empty did you feel after I ripped up their bodies in the hotel penthouse because of you? You changed your name, you left town, and you never saw your family again. But it wasn't for their safety, was it, Detective Barrett? Finally, we have the tragic Ana Lucia Cruz. Former army medic drummed out of service for shooting up ].

Ana: I was injured in the field.

Abigail: You tried to take care of your son, before abandoning him to his fuckup of a father

Ana: Shut up.

Abigail: You became an underground doctor for some very shady people. But one day, you were just too high to do your job, and instead of removing a bullet, you nicked an artery, and someone very important to my father's business bled out. But you and Detective Barrett have something in common. You never went back for your son.

Ana: Shut the fuck up! And what do you tell yourself, huh? That you want to be your daddy's little errand girl? No, he did lose interest in you. That wasn't a lie. How many of your father's enemies you're gonna have to kill until he loves you again?

Adam: If this is about revenge, why didn't you just kill us? Why'd you bring us here?

Ana: Because it isn't. This is just a game to her.

Adam: Bullshit. She was screaming at the house and Dad triggered the alarm.

Ana: That wasn't even her father. That wasn't Lazaar. And for what, because you're fucking bored?! For your fucking entertainment?!

Abigail: What can I say? I like playing with my food. You're the same as all the other meat sacks I've brought here over the years. Nothing different about any of you. Nothing special. Just something to help me pass the time.

Ana: Quick question. Who's inside a cage right now?

Abigail: If you let me out, I'll let two of you live.

Terrence: [''Jessica slaps him''] Oh. Which two? What?!

Abigail: It's a surprise.

Adam: Fuck this. Let's just kill her now.

Abigail: [''Ana and Terrence both draw pistols at each other''] You tried that, Frank. If you would like to open this door and try again, please do. My offer just expired. Now I'll only let one of you live, whoever lets me out.

Adam: She's fucking lying, you moron. You touch that door, you're as dead as the rest of us.

Terrence: Maybe it's worth a try.

Ana: We have her Peter. That's why we did this, so we can trade her for our lives.

Abigail: That will never happen. Joey was right. No matter how many of you I kill, my father doesn't love me, and he's not gonna trade me for anything. So go on, Peter, let me out. Go on.

Ana: Peter, if you touch that door, I will shoot you.

Terrence: [''Reaches for latch with Ana shooting him in the torso''; ''Repeatedly''] I'm sorry, guys. Ah! You shot me!

Ana: I barely grazed you. Now give me your gun so I can patch you up.

Terrence: You're sure crazy.

Ana: I prefer "impatient". Frank, help me out. Sammy, watch her.

Jessica: Fuck that shit. Hm-mm.

Ana: Sammy.

Jessica: I'm not staying down here... with that. Fuck that shit, Joey.

Adam: [''Ana, Terrence and Jessica walk away''] I got this.

Frank: [''Being helped downstairs by Peter after Abigail impaled a stake through his leg''; ''Collapses in chair and pointing to Joey''; ''Joey grabs stake and Frank spits out repeatedly''; ''Joey pulls out stake''] Ah, Jesus, Mary and motherfucking son of a bitch! Oh, fuck! If you fucking say; "I told you so"! Oh, shit. Wait...! Oh, motherfucker!

Joey: Why didn't she kill you?

Frank: [''Joey presses on Frank's wound''] She is fucking with us! Oh, fuck!

Joey: I'm guessing none of the weapons worked.

Frank: [''Sammy presses finger to lips for silence''] Well, the stake worked on my fucking leg, and she used the crucifix on Peter like a fucking pincushion and the garlic did fuck all!

Joey: [''Holds up syringe''] Well, I have one thing we know does work. When we jabbed her with this, she was out, out. If we can corner her, it's nighty-night.

Frank: The sleeping beauty act was bullshit!

Joey: No, it wasn't. I checked her pulse and her breathing was slow and steady. We split up. Whoever finds her first, alerts me through the comms. and I come running with the syringe.

Frank: That's great that you're the only one with a weapon that works.

Joey: Listen, you sit here and bleed, or you trust me.

Peter: Sammy?

Sammy: Yeah.

Frank: Fuck.

Sammy: [''After Abigail revealed her vampire side''] What the fuck is that thing?!

Joey: We kidnapped a fucking vampire.

Sammy: A ballerina vampire!

Peter: Someone has been messing with us ever since we got here, right?! It's got to be, uh, some kind of trick!

Joey: Shh, we got to get out of here, there's got to be another way!

Frank: [''To Sammy''] No, I checked all the other doors. This is some kind of magnetically sealed locks and these shutters are two inches thick. You think you can hack the locks?

Sammy: With what internet?

Frank: I don't know, you can't do it manually?

Sammy: Well, even if I could, I don't have any equipment! You know, there's got to be a control room or something!

Joey: Okay. What do we know about vampires?

Peter: That they're not real.

Sammy: [[w:Anne Rice|an Anne Rice; [w:True Blood|a True Blood; [w:Twilight (novel series)|You know Twilight] What are we talking about, like ] or ]? ]? Very different kind of vampires.

Joey: Okay, we know they feed off blood.

Sammy: We're really doing right this now?

Joey: They can turn other people into vampires.

Sammy: Oh, okay. Fuck it. Um, they can turn into bats and stuff like that.

Frank: Mind control, they make you do shit.

Joey: They don't have a reflection.

Peter: [''Covers ears with hands''] Not listening to this!

Joey: Okay, how do we kill a vampire?

Frank: Garlic.

Joey: A stake through the heart.

Frank: [[w:Crucifix|Crucifixes] ].

Joey: Holy water.

Frank: Oh, you're a fucking priest now?

Sammy: Daylight is a big one.

Frank: [''mockingly glances at wrist watch''] Oh, that's a good one, but it's, hmm... 3:30 in the fucking morning!

Peter: [''Repeatedly''] Shut up! Shut the fuck up!

Frank: [''Lunges at Peter grabbing him by neck''] Hey dum-dum, we got a real fucking situation here. So I don't give a shit what you think. Either you're helping or you're 270 pounds of dead weight. Which is it?!

Peter: [''Pulls away Frank's hand''] Helping. Just don't do that again.

Frank: There's pool cues in the game room. Go sharpen them into stakes.

Peter: [''Walks away''] Okay.

Frank: [''To Sammy''; [w:garlic|garlic] You, go check the kitchen for ].

Sammy: Alone?

Frank: Yes, alone.

Sammy: [''Walks away''] Yep.

Joey: What are you thinking?

Frank: I say we tool up and kill her.

Joey: That's a mistake. You said it yourself. This girl is smart. She's been manipulating us from the start. We don't know if any of this stuff is gonna work. And even if it does, killing her would be the stupidest thing we could do.

Frank: And why is that?

Joey: Because we lose the only bargaining chip we have.

Frank: Well, what do you suggest?

Joey: We trade her to Lazaar for our lives.

Frank: No. I'm not betting our lives on your fucking hunch.

Joey: I'm telling you, she's gonna see you coming.

Frank: No! Debate is over! Decision made! Okay?!

Sammy: [''Holds up a netted bundle, but the bag does not have garlic.''] I got em!

Frank: Sammy, those are fucking onions!

Sammy: Well, I don't cook! I don't know!

Frank: [''Walks off''] All right. Let's go kill us a fucking... vampire!

Joey: [''Frank turns to her''] Good luck. Oh, I'm not going. I already told you why. And if you put your hand around my neck, you'll lose it.

Frank: [''Holds a hand''; ''To Peter and Sammy''] I'm not going to touch you. Go put your feet up. You two, on me. Let's hit the kitchen first. Fucking onions.

Joey: [''Frank walks away to front door with Joey and others following''; ''Grabs Frank''] Whoa. Hey. What happened? Hey! You can't just leave without telling us what's going on!

Frank: What's going on"? What's going on is that we are fucked! That little girl is Kristof Lazaar's daughter.

Rickles: Shit!

Sammy: Who's Kristof Lazaar?

Frank: Who's Lazaar?!

Dean: Bruh, that's an urban legend, man. Calm down.

Frank: [''drops his bag''] No, dude. He's not a fucking urban legend. He's very fucking real, believe me. Nobody even knows how big his fucking empire is.

Sammy: So he's, like a crime boss?

Rickles: He controls a lot more than just crime.

Joey: Is Lambert fucking insane? He just put a death mark on all of us. Including himself.

Sammy: What if we just, like, you know, like, give her back and say sorry?

Frank: [''Sarcastically''] Oh, yeah. "Here's your daughter Mr. Fucking Antichrist! We're really sorry! Hope she's not too traumatized! Let's play a round of golf sometime"!

Sammy: Fuck you, Frank.

Peter: This isn't the time for sarcasm, okay?

Lambert: For those of you that don't know, I go by "Lambert". You all came highly recommended. And so far, those recommendations are paying off.

Peter: [''Setting handcuffs on Abigail on a bed''] All right, sweet dreams. Okay.

Lambert: [[w:Human sexual activity|the grab-ass] You know the rules. No real names, no backstories and keep ] to a minimum. It's a 24-hour job and the hard part is already over. Now you babysit. But the only one that sees the girl is this one. So she hears only one voice. The rest of you... get comfortable. Questions?

Joey: Yeah. Who's the girl?

Lambert: You don't need to know her name.

Joey: I don't care about her name. Whose kid is she?

Frank: The fuck's that matter to you?

Lambert: A very wealthy man. Who's about to become $50 million poorer. Look, you're safe here and to be completely certain that you can't be tracked, I'm going to collect your cell phones.

Dean: Nobody's tracking me.

Frank: I'm not taking any chances. Give them over.

Lambert: In the bag.

Sammy: [''Tooling on her phone''; ''Lambert grabs it and Sammy pulls it back''; ''Lambert snatches it away''] One second, I gotta send this real quick. Thank you, just-

Peter: [''Deposits phone in bag''] Thank you.

Lambert: Keep the doors and the girl isolated. Anything else I can do for you before I leave you to it?

Peter: Uh, how come we can't use our real names?

Frank: So if any of you fucks get caught, we can't rat out the others.

Dean: Yeah, dumbass.

Peter: You asked the same questions in the van.

Lambert: [''Points to each crew individually''; [w:Rat Pack|Frank. Dean. Sammy. Peter. Joey and...] You want names? Fine. ]

Rickles: Damn. The man got his pulse of pop culture.

Lambert: [[w:Don Rickles|Don fucking Rickles] And you're ]. You happy?

Rickles: Not really.

Dean: Who the fuck is Don Rickles?