Kevin G. SchmidtQuotes

Simon: Alvin, you promised Theodore we'd hang out. We are watching Meerkat Manor tonight. No pretty girls.

Alvin: Dude, I can't swing it today, bro.

Simon: That's what you say every day, Alvin. Need I remind you it's your day to do the laundry?

Ryan: You better listen to your daddy, Alvin. You don't want to get grounded. OH!

Simon: [gets hit by a dodgeball & thrown into the wall] Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?!

Boy 1: You're out, man!

Boy 2: Ha!

Simon: [in pain; passes out] Right in the pancreas...

Theodore: [in pain as he slides down the wall; passes out] Call...the...nurse...

Coach: Out! Out! You're out.

Alvin: [still in the game, dodging balls like his life depends on it] Come on, Alvin, remember your five D's: Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!

Coach: Move!

Ryan: [catches a ball] You're next, furball!

Alvin: [imitating Travis Bickle from "Taxi Driver"; notices that his teammate just got eliminated and he's the only one left on his team] You talkin to me? You talkin to me? I'm the only one here, so... you must be talkin to me!

Ryan: [scoffs and throws the dodgeball he's holding at Alvin, but unbeknownst to him, Alvin catches it and slides across the floor of the court] Yeah! Got him! Did you see that?

Alvin: [slides to a stop and holds up the dodgeball] Oh, boo-yah!

Xander: Unbelievable, he caught it! You're out, man.

Alvin: [throws the dodgeball aside; dusts off his paws as he walks off the court] And the fat lady, she's a-singing!

Ryan: [impressed] Dude's got hands.

Xander: I think they're paws, actually.

Ryan: [to Alvin] Whatever. We can definitely use him on the team. Hey, furball! How would you like a spot on the football team?

Alvin: [turns around and looks up to Ryan and Xander, seeming interested] Football? Moi?

Ryan: [he and Xander crouch down to look at Alvin] I gotta say, you're good. I'm gonna let you hang out with us at lunch. That is, if you wanna be on the team.

Alvin: Hmm, interesting proposition...

Theodore: Alvin?

Alvin: Let me get back to you on that.

Ryan: [gets up and walks out of the gym with Xander] This is a one-time offer. Don't take too long to think it over.

Alvin: [makes a sound about halfway between a scoff and a laugh; puts his arms around Simon and Theodore] Right. Like I would ditch my brothers just to become the first chipmunk ever to play on an actual varsity football team. Fat chance!

Alvin: So, I'm on Jay-Z's yacht, right? And I say, "Jay, where's Beyonce?" And he says, "She's holding a plate full of cheese balls, turn around." And guess what? She was!

Simon: P.S., Dave left me in charge. Stayin up til ten, every night. Oh, yeah.

Theodore: [places a tater tot on the end of a fork and stomps on the part that pokes the food, sending the tater tot flying into the air, which he catches in his mouth] Hey girls, look what I can do!

Girls: Aw!

Becca: You are Theodore-able!

Theodore: Thank you!

Emily: You're so cute!

Ryan: [walks by, "accidentally on purpose" knocking Alvin's food tray onto the floor] Oops! Oh, I am so sorry!

Alvin: [looks over the edge of the table to inspect the damage, then stands back up and shrugs/smiles disarmingly] It's cool, no harm done.

Ryan: Not yet. Girls, please? Private conference. Thank you!

Ryan: [places his tray on the table and looks the Chipmunks straight in the eye] Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls...are you thinking about them?

Alvin: Well, I am now...

Ryan: [tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they run out of the cafeteria] That's it. You're DEAD!

The Chipmunks: Run!!!

Ryan: Xander, come on! Get back here, you dirty rats!

Alvin: Hang ten, bros!

Simon: Scatter!

Ryan: Go, go! That way! Over there!

Alvin: [comes up with an idea to distract Ryan; runs up the stairs, Ryan hot on his trail] Oh, Ryan! Hey, slowpokes! Catch me if you can!

Ryan: You're dead, furball!

Alvin: [jumps out of the way right as Ryan and Xander lunge at him; gives Ryan a wedgie] Not! It's wedgie time!

Ryan: Oh, my butt!!

Theodore: [His eyes land on a large foot with talons, belonging to a giant eagle statue; runs away] Oh, boy. Uh, eagle. AH! Eagle! Eagle!

Ryan: [sees Theodore and Simon] Get them!

Theodore: AH! Bully! Bully!

Ryan: [catches Simon] This way, this way! Gotcha!

Simon: Guys, wait, wait! Timeout!

Ryan: [he and Xander take Simon into a stall.] It's swirlie time!

Simon: [Xander flushes the toilet and Ryan holds Simon by the tail.; Ryan lowers Simon into the toilet, lifts him out, and Simon coughs and sputters.] Come on, come on, guys, this is so 1980s-- --AAH! Please! Please! Oh man! Ugh, come on!

Ryan: That-That's a good look for you.

Simon: Oh, thank-- YAAH!

Simon: Can't swim! Help!

Alvin: Grab on, Simon!

Simon: [grabs Alvin's tail and pulls himself out of the toilet; shakes himself off] Thanks.

Alvin: Are you okay?

Simon: Well, uh... considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm uh... pretty good.

Alvin: [walks out of the bathroom and into the corridor, and Simon follows him, realizing what Alvin was going to do] I'll be right back.

Simon: Alvin? Alvin! We're not going to solve anything with violence.

Ryan: It's the fatty ratty.

Theodore: Cut it out!

Ryan: This rat has serious junk in the trunk.

Theodore: Hey!

Xander: Yeah, little fatty.

Theodore: Stop it!

Ryan: He jiggles when I poke him.

Ryan: MOMMY!

Theodore: [lowers the bottom of his sweatshirt, covering his tail] Simon, does this make my butt look smaller?

Simon: Theodore, your butt looks fine. Those guys are just jerks.

Dr. Rubin: Gentlemen?

Dr. Rubin: You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.

Simon: That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.

Dr. Rubin: I should suspend all three of you.

Alvin: Please do.

Dr. Rubin: Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.

Simon: That's awful!

Dr. Rubin: I know, but there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition. And the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.

Simon: And you want us to perform?

Alvin: Because I didn't think you were a fan.

Dr. Rubin: [reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks' faces over a heart on her left arm] Why don't you sleep on it?

Alvin: Wait a minute, what is that?

Simon: Wait wait wait wait wait...

Theodore: That's us!

Alvin: I look skinny.

Dr. Rubin: [shocked that they noticed; laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk; Alvin smiles nervously.] Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could— I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your CDs. I even went to see you last year in Denver, that's where I got this. It was my birthday, and I was like, "Ooh, the Chipmunks!" So, what do you say, will you represent our school?

Alvin: ...honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.

Theodore: Come on, Alvin. What do you say? One for all and three for one!

Simon: Well, put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!

Alvin: [unenthusiastically] Yay.

Dr. Rubin: [pretends to screech like an eagle] Go Eagles!

Theodore: [hides and looks around nervously] Eagles?! Where?!

Alvin: [sniffs] So this is a classroom. I love the smell of zit cream in the morning.

Alvin: [to the female students] Hello, ladies!

Valentina: Is that...

Valentina, Becca and Emily: the CHIPMUNKS?!

One of the girls: [excitedly] I love you, Alvin!

Theodore: Hi, I'm Theodore. Hi, I'm Theodore. Hi, I'm-

Simon: [covers Theodore's mouth, cutting him off] Yes, he's Theodore, in case you missed it. And I am Simon.

Girls: Aw!

Alvin: The name's Seville. Alvin Seville.

Girls: Aw!

Alvin: [takes Becca's hand; kisses and strokes her finger] Enchanté...'...mademoiselle.

Becca: [flirtatiously] Awww...

Ryan: [face radiating with jealousy as he watches the Chipmunks hit on the girls] Somebody's gonna have to knock those guys down to size.

Xander: Well, that should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only eight inches tall.