Kevin G. Schmidt

Simon: Alvin, you promised Theodore we'd hang out. We are watching Meerkat Manor tonight. No pretty girls.

Alvin: Dude, I can't swing it today, bro.

Simon: That's what you say every day, Alvin. Need I remind you it's your day to do the laundry?

Ryan: You better listen to your daddy, Alvin. You don't want to get grounded. OH!

Simon: [gets hit by a dodgeball & thrown into the wall] Glasses! Glasses! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?!

Boy 1: You're out, man!

Boy 2: Ha!

Simon: [in pain; passes out] Right in the pancreas...

Theodore: [in pain as he slides down the wall; passes out] Call...the...nurse...

Coach: Out! Out! You're out.

Alvin: [still in the game, dodging balls like his life depends on it] Come on, Alvin, remember your five D's: Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!

Coach: Move!

Ryan: [catches a ball] You're next, furball!

Alvin: [imitating Travis Bickle from "Taxi Driver"; notices that his teammate just got eliminated and he's the only one left on his team] You talkin to me? You talkin to me? I'm the only one here, so... you must be talkin to me!

Ryan: [scoffs and throws the dodgeball he's holding at Alvin, but unbeknownst to him, Alvin catches it and slides across the floor of the court] Yeah! Got him! Did you see that?

Alvin: [slides to a stop and holds up the dodgeball] Oh, boo-yah!

Xander: Unbelievable, he caught it! You're out, man.

Alvin: [throws the dodgeball aside; dusts off his paws as he walks off the court] And the fat lady, she's a-singing!

Ryan: [impressed] Dude's got hands.

Xander: I think they're paws, actually.

Ryan: [to Alvin] Whatever. We can definitely use him on the team. Hey, furball! How would you like a spot on the football team?

Alvin: [turns around and looks up to Ryan and Xander, seeming interested] Football? Moi?

Ryan: [he and Xander crouch down to look at Alvin] I gotta say, you're good. I'm gonna let you hang out with us at lunch. That is, if you wanna be on the team.

Alvin: Hmm, interesting proposition...

Theodore: Alvin?

Alvin: Let me get back to you on that.

Ryan: [gets up and walks out of the gym with Xander] This is a one-time offer. Don't take too long to think it over.

Alvin: [makes a sound about halfway between a scoff and a laugh; puts his arms around Simon and Theodore] Right. Like I would ditch my brothers just to become the first chipmunk ever to play on an actual varsity football team. Fat chance!