Memorable Quotes from Kevin Pollak
8 quotesBalancing Multiple Careers and Time Management
Lorne Daniels
A third career.....Where do u find the time?
[after seeing Jamal in the team mascot's costume]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Damitry and Murphy
Damitry
Alright, Murphy, if you're not coming out, then we're coming in after you.
Murphy
You don't want any of me!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Thanking Santa for His Hospitality
Mother Nature
Santa? Santa? Are you with us?
Scott
Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, I am.
Mother Nature
Well, on behalf of Father Time, and the entire Council of Legendary Figures, I'd like to thank you for being such a gracious host.
Tooth Fairy
Hear, hear.
Easter Bunny
What a lovely place.
Cupid
Hear, hear.
Mother Nature
And without further ado, let's convene the year-end holiday conference. Tooth Fairy.
[bangs gavel]
Tooth Fairy
Thank you, Mother Nature. Fellow Council members, I'd like to, again, propose a new name for myself.
Cupid
Come on!
Mother Nature
Good heavens!
Tooth Fairy
In the past, you have rejected "Tooth Man", "Tooth Guy" and "Tooth".
Cupid
Because they stunk.
Tooth Fairy
Today, I'd like to submit..."Captain Floss".
Cupid
Nice!
Tooth Fairy
Plaque Man".
Easter Bunny
D'oh!
Tooth Fairy
And "Roy".
Cupid
Roy". No. No kid's gonna put a tooth under a pillow for a man named Roy.
[laughs ironically]
Tooth Fairy
This from someone in a diaper, and shoots arrows in people's butts.
Scott
Wait a minute. I got it. I got it. I got it. Now, how about this? "]
[[w:The Terminator|The Molinator.]
Tooth Fairy
The Molinator. I like it. Thank you, Santa. Can we vote right now on The Molinator?
[raises his hand]
Mother Nature
All in favor of a name change for Tooth Fairy? All right. And all opposed? Easter Bunny? Sandman?
[Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy raise their hands; she and Father time raise their hands, and Cupid raises his hand; Easter Bunny flashes two thumbs down]
Sandman
What? W-What happened? Was I asleep again?
[snorts]
Mother Nature
Name change for the Tooth Fairy; Yes, or no?
Sandman
No. I'm sorry.
Mother Nature
All right. Next item on the agenda. Santa, status report.
Scott
Okay. Well, first off, welcome, you all, to the North Pole. It's great to have you here. Uh, as you know, this is our big time of year, so things are busy as usual. There's a little speed bump in the road, uh, this year. Well, you all know Charlie.
Easter Bunny
Oh! I love Charlie.
Father Time
Great kid.
Mother Nature
Good boy.
Sandman
Sweet kid.
Tooth Fairy
Good teeth.
Scott
Well, Charlie...got himself on the naughty list.
Tooth Fairy
What?
[shocked]
Mother Nature
Oh, my.
[shocked]
Scott
I'm struggling a little bit with the timing, cause it's-- I gotta be up here at the North Pole, and I've also gotta try to take care of Charlie, and--
Sandman
That's every parent's dilemma: How to balance work and children. Most people lose sleep over that than anything else.
Easter Bunny
Oh, tell me about it. I have 33,000 offspring. All in private school.
Scott
Well, to top it off, I have to get married by Christmas Eve.
Easter Bunny
Hmm?
Scott
Otherwise, I stop being Santa Claus.
Easter Bunny
WHAT?!
Mother Nature
No!
Scott
The de-Santafication process has already begun.
Easter Bunny
Wait a minute. You do look thinner, and... your beard is shorter! Am I right?
[hops to Santa]
Everyone
You're right. You're right.
Scott
Apparently, it's called the Mrs. Clause.
Mother Nature
Don't mess with me, Santa. I'm Pre-El Niño.
Scott
No, I'm not messing with anybody. What I'm saying is, I have to find a wife in--
Father Time
27 days, 20 hours and 17 minutes.
Easter Bunny
Wow.
Father Time
It's what I do.
[chuckles]
Scott
Wait a minute. Cupid. Cupid, come over here.
Cupid
What do you need, pal?
Scott
Why don't you just shoot me with one of your darts, then I'll fall in love?
Cupid
All right. First of all, they're not darts, they're arrows. Second of all, no can do.
Scott
Why not?
Cupid
Cause the arrows have no effect on us. Believe me, if they did, I would have shot myself, met a nice girl, left the business years ago, alright? Enough with the questions.
Easter Bunny
Y-You can't stop being Santa Claus.
Scott
I don't wanna stop being Santa Claus.
Easter Bunny
Kids are 86% happier since you've taken the job.
Tooth Fairy
He's absolutely right.
Scott
This is all I wanna do. What am I gonna do?
Father Time
Well, y-y-- you can't be in two places at once.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters in a High-Stakes Scenario
Verbal
It didn't make sense that I'd be there. I mean, these guys were hardcore hijackers. But, there I was. At that point, I wasn't scared. I knew I hadn't done anything they could do me for. Besides, it was fun. I got to make like I was notorious.
[voiceover; suspects walk inside the police lineup; the lineup lights turn on]
Cop
All right, you all know the drill: When your number is called, step forward and repeat the phrase you've been given, understand? Number one, step forward.
Hockney
Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
[sighs; deadpan]
Cop
Number two, step forward.
McManus
GIMME THE FUCKIN KEYS, YOU COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER!! AAAAAARGH!!
Cop
Knock it off, get back. Number three, step forward.
Fenster
Hand me the keys, you cocksucker.
Cop
In English, please?
Fenster
Excuse me?
Cop
In English.
Fenster
Hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker. What the fuck?
Cop
Number four, step forward.
Verbal
It was bullshit. The whole rap was a setup.
[voiceover]
Keaton
Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
Verbal
It was all the cops fault. You don't put guys like that into a room together.
[voiceover]
Cop
Number five, step forward.
Verbal
Who knows what can happen?
[voiceover]
Verbal
Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introduction of Verbal Kint
Keaton
His name is Verbal. Verbal Kint.
McManus
Verbal?
Keaton
Yeah.
Verbal
Roger, really. People say I talk too much.
Hockney
Yeah, I was just about to tell you to shut up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Between Cop and Hockney Escalates
Cop
I can put you in Queens on the night of the hijacking.
Hockney
Really? I live in Queens! Did you put that together yourself, Einstein? Got a team of monkeys working around the clock on this?
Cop
You know what happens if you do another turn in the joint?
Hockney
Uh... I fuck your father in the shower and then have a snack? Are you going to charge me, dickhead?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Conversation About a Distasteful Experience
Fenster
I had a finger up my asshole tonight.
Hockney
Is it Friday already?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity and Recognition in Tense Confrontation
Strausz
Do you know who I am? Do you people know who the fuck I am?
Hockney
We do now, jerk-off!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.