Memorable Quotes from Kieran Culkin
4 quotesThe Burden of Responsibility and Ignorance
Buster
What did she die of?
[digging grave of botched abortion victim]
Dr. Wilbur Larch
She died of secrecy. She died of... ignorance. Homer, did you expect to be responsible for their children, you have to give them the right to decide whether or not to have children. Wouldn't you agree?
Homer Wells
I'm not excepting people to be responsible enough to control themselves to begin with.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Repetitive Request for Kevin's Item
Peter
This Kevin's? Give this to Kevin.
Kate
Give this... Give this to Kevin.
[tries to pass it to Frank, who waves her off; she passes it to Leslie instead]
Leslie
Give this to Kevin.
Tracy
Give this to Kevin.
Linnie
Kevin.
Buzz
Give this to Kevin.
Rod
Give this to Kevin.
Sondra
Give this to Kevin.
Megan
Give this to Kevin.
Jeff
Give this to Kevin.
Brooke
Give this to Kevin.
Fuller
Here you go, Kevin. Kevin's not here.
[notices elderly couple standing next to him instead of Kevin; passes bag up the line]
Brooke
Kevin's not here.
Jeff
Kevin's not here.
Megan
Kevin's not here.
Sondra
Kevin's not here.
Rod
Kevin's not here.
[passes bag to Linnie, skipping Buzz]
Linnie
Kevin's not here.
Tracy
Kevin's not here.
Leslie
Kevin's not here.
[passes bag to Kate, skipping Frank]
Kate
Kevin's not here.
[gives bag to Peter]
Peter
What?!
[incredulously]
Kate
KEVIN!!!!!!!!!
[laughs, but immediately gasps in shock, then screams at the top of her lungs in alarm; faints]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Apology for Immature Pranks
Buzz
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'd like to apologize for whatever displeasure I might've caused you.
Kevin
What?
Buzz
My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Frank
Immature or not, it was pretty gol-dern hilarious.
Buzz
I'd also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I'm sorry.
Kate
Oh, Buzz, that was very nice. Kevin, do you have something to say?
[the whole family claps their hands and stops, waiting for Kevin to say something]
Buzz
Beat that, you little trout-sniffer.
Kevin
I'm not sorry! I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me! And since he gets away with everything, I let him have it! And since you're all so stupid to believe his lies, I don't care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?
Kate
Kevin!
Peter
Kevin, you walk out of here, you sleep on the third floor.
Fuller
Yeah, with me.
Kevin
So what else is new?
Frank
You'd better not wreck my trip, you little sourpuss! Your dad's paying good money for it!
Kevin
Oh, I wouldn't want to spoil your fun, Mr. Cheapskate!
Buzz
What a troubled young man.
Kevin
They're all a bunch of jerks.
Kate
Hi. You know, Kevin, the last time we all tried to take a trip, we had a problem that started just like this.
Kevin
Yeah, with me getting dumped on.
Kate
I don't care for your choice of words. That's not what happened last time, and it's not what's happening this time. Buzz apologized to you.
Kevin
Yeah, then he called me a trout-sniffer. He didn't mean what he said. He was just sucking up to you.
Kate
Okay, why don't you just sit up here for a while and think things over? When you're ready to apologize to Buzz and the rest of the family, you can come down.
Kevin
I'm not apologizing to Buzz! I'd rather kiss a toilet seat!
Kate
Then you can stay up here for the rest of the night.
Kevin
Fine. I don't wanna be down there anyway. I can't trust anybody in this family. And do you know what? If I had my own money, I'd go on my own vacation, alone, without any of you guys. And I'd have the most fun in my whole life.
Kate
Well, you got your wish last year. Maybe you'll get it again this year.
Kevin
I hope so!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Unusual Baby Names
Matty Banks
How would you like to go through life with the name Cooper Banks-Mackenzie? The kid's going to sound like a law firm.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.