Memorable Quotes from Lawrence Monoson
2 quotesConfusion Over a Broken Relationship
Ted
You broke up with "B.J. Betty"?
Jimmy
So to speak. And would you lay off her? She's alright!
Ted
I'll say she's alright. That girl wanted to be treated right! You should have treated her right!
Jimmy
I did! I treated her right! I treated her right, that's what's driving me so crazy. I mean first she would tell me to call because she had something else she needed to do. Then she wouldn't even take my calls! I mean, can you figure that? What the hell happened?
Ted
Let me put this into the old computer.
Jimmy
No, Ted, I'm serious about this.
Ted
Hey, the computer didn't lie.
[Imitates using a computer, pauses, then smiles]
Jimmy
What?
Ted
It says... it says you're dead.
Jimmy
What? Dead?
Ted
Lousy, you know. A moron.
[limps his wrist]
Jimmy
Oh! Don't hold back on me, Doc, give it to me straight!
Ted
I did not say it; the computer did!
Jimmy
Yeah, well there is no computer!
Ted
Aha! And there's no Betty, either.
Jimmy
And I'm dead?
Ted
Like I said, the computer don't lie.
Jimmy
Man, I'm beat...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Love and Rejection
Jimmy
Ted, I think... I think when we get to town, I should call Betty.
Ted
Jimbo, calling Betty is definitely a dumb thing to do. Look, first rule of love: never get rejected by the same girl twice, I mean that's useless. If you want to make a fool out of yourself, always do it with someone new.
Jimmy
I don't know anyone new.
Ted
Well, love is a great way to meet them.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.