Leonard Frey Quotes

Michael What's so fucking funny?

Harold Life. Life's a goddamn laugh riot.

Harold I keep my grass in the medicine cabinet in the Band Aid box. Somebody told me it's the safest place. If the cops arrive, you can always lock yourself in the bathroom and flush it down the john.

Hank Very cagey.

Harold Makes more sense to where I was keeping it: in the oregano jar in the spice rack. I kept forgetting it and accidentally turning my hateful mother on with a salad. But I think she liked it. No matter what meal she comes over for, even if it was breakfast, she says "Let's have a salad!

Hodel The world is changing, Papa.

Fyedka I'm a pleasant fellow - charming, honest, ambitious, quite bright, and very modest.

Hodel We only have one Rabbi, and he only has one son. Why shouldn't I want the best?

Motel If the rich could hire others to die for them, we, the poor, would all make a nice living.

Motel Even a poor tailor is entitled to some happiness!

Motel You'll all chatter yourselves away into the grave.

Michael You're stoned and you're late. You were supposed to arrive at this location at eight thirty dash nine o'clock.

Harold What I am, Michael, is a 32 year-old, ugly, pock marked Jew fairy, and if it takes me a little while to pull myself together, and if I smoke a little grass before I get up the nerve to show my face to the world, it's nobody's god-damned business but my own. And how are you this evening?

Harold Beware the hostile fag. When he's sober, he's dangerous. When he drinks, he's lethal.

Harold Your lips are turning blue. You look like you've been rimming a snowman.

Harold You're a sad and pathetic man. You're a homosexual and you don't want to be, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Not all the prayers to your god, not all the analysis you can buy in all the years you've go left to live. You may one day be able to know a heterosexual life if you want it desperately enough. If you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate. But you'll always be homosexual as well. Always Michael. Always. Until the day you die.

Michael Forgive him, father, for he know not what he do.

Harold Michael, you don't know what side of the fence you're on. Say something pro-religion, you're against it. Deny god, you're against that. One might say you have some problem in that area. You can't live with it, and you can't live without it. You hang on to that great insurance policy called the Church.

Michael That's right, I believe in God. And if it turns out there isn't one, okay, nothing's lost. But if it turns out there really is, I'm covered. Right, I'm one of those truly rotten Catholics who gets drunk, sins all night, and then goes to mass the next morning.

Harold And they're minding their own business.

Michael And you mind yours Harold! I'm warning you!

Harold Are you now? You warning me? Me? I'm Harold. I'm the one person you don't warn, Michael, because you and I are a match. And we tread very softly with each other, because we both play each other's game too well. I know this game, you're playing. I know it very well, and I play it very well. You play it very well too, but you know what? I'm the only one who's better at it than you are. I can beat you at it, so don't push me. I'm warning you.

Harold Who is she? Who was she? Who does she hope to be?

Michael Oh Harold, he's beautiful.

Harold Yeah, beautiful. He has unnatural natural beauty. Not that that means anything.

Michael It doesn't mean everything.

Harold Keep telling yourself that as your hair drops out in handfuls.

Michael Faggots are worse than women about their age. They think their lives are over at 30. Physical beauty is not all that goddamn important.

Harold Of course not, how could it be? It's only in the eye of the beholder. And it's only skin deep.

Michael Only skin deep.

Harold Only skin deep. And it's transitory too. It's terribly transitory. Oh, yes. It's too bad about this poor boy's face. It's tragic. He's absolutely cursed. How could his beauty ever compare with my soul? And although I've never seen my soul, I understand from my mother's rabbi that it's a knockout. I, however, cannot seem to locate it for a gander. And if I could... I'd sell it in a flash... for some skin-deep, transitory, meaningless beauty.